It's not that she wants to retire or anything, that would be ludicrous, not to mention the fact that her fathers, best friends, agent and manager would all kill her if she did. She can only imagine what the headlines would read: Broadway starlet and Tony award nominee Rachel Berry unexpectedly quits acting to do… what exactly? Sell Insurance? Maybe work in that coffee shop off ninth that she practically gives her whole pay check to?

There's no chance in hell and that's the problem. There is simply nowhere else that she can see herself except in front of bright lights on stage losing herself in another role, another character. Another chance to really experience life through the eyes of a young girl feeling love's burgeoning touch for the first time or a wronged witch in search of revenge and respect.

Maybe if she spent less time losing herself in characters and more time focusing on her own empty shell of a life, well, she wouldn't be here. Tired, burnt out and lonely beyond all compare. Sure she's got an amazing support system; her dads are perfect really and she doesn't know what she would do without Kurt and Mercedes in her life but something's missing. Or someone to be exact and before she starts catering to some fictional character she needs to focus a little more on herself first.

Pushing away her depressing thoughts Rachel enters one of her favourite vegan restaurants and scans the seating area for Kurt and Mercedes. Spying them she heads over to their table and greets them with typical diva flair.

"'Cedes, Kurt. How are we today?"

"Looking good Berry."

"Yeah Rach, I'm loving this new look you've got going on. Is that Chanel?" Mercedes leans forward to get a better look at the glossy handbag currently resting on the table between them. "Rachel it's gorgeous!"

"Isn't it? I got to keep it as a thank you gift after the Vogue spread." Kurt and Mercedes both ooh and aah as they inspect the bag.

"It's flawless. Without flaw even."

"Easy there snagglepuss." Mercedes chuckles and signals to the waiter that they are ready to begin. As she waits for him to reach their table she assesses Rachel. "You okay Rach? You look a bit down."

"I'm fine. A little tired these days but you've seen what my schedule looks like."

"Tell me about it. I still get nightmares from the damn thing." Kurt smiles at this and then looks at Rachel as well.

"You do look a little worn. You sure you're okay hon?" Rachel nods slowly and then relents with a deep sigh.

"I should be right? I mean my career is doing well, I've got a wonderful life and I live in one of the most amazing places in the world. I mean I should be shouting from the rooftops how happy I am." Mercedes and Kurt nod in commiseration and honestly it's not helping.

"Maybe you need a vacation." Mercedes says and Kurt perks up in agreement as she powers on. "I mean you've been working nonstop for the past year and a half with auditions and rehearsals and the whole PR circuit, not to mention the play itself. Take some time off. Fly to some exotic island and relax for a week or two."

"I guess. I just- do you guys ever get lonely?" with the way her two friends are looking at her Rachel feels a little foolish asking them. Of course they don't. Kurt has Blaine and as they've just recently celebrated their five year anniversary, she hardly thinks that they have any opportunity to feel lonely. Mercedes just went on a date with a ridiculously handsome exec that she met at her record company so, again, loneliness is not an option.

"Rach-"

"It's not-I know why I'm lonely so don't even say it Kurt." Kurt holds up his hands in defeat and allows her to continue. "I work too hard and I'm too picky but honestly can you blame me? Nowadays the only people that approach me only want me because my name is on some stupid billboard in Times Square and 'wouldn't it be great to say that you banged Rachel Berry?' It's- It's exhausting is what it is."

"So what are you going to do?"

Glancing around at the busy restaurant Rachel sighs again and thinks about the empty apartment, save her little bull terrier Melchior, and the dinner for one that awaits her there.

"What I always do I guess. Power through."

After lunch with Kurt and Mercedes who try their best to cheer her up Rachel decides to head back to the apartment. Today has been a taxing day at best and she wants nothing more than to curl up in bed with her best bud Malchi and leave her concerns for another day.

As she enters the lobby of her building she spies the burly and usually stoic doorman having a conversation with someone. It's the first time that she's seen him do anything other than nod stiffly when she enters and so it catches her off guard for a minute. She could have sworn that she saw him eating a doughnut. Either way she's glad someone's enjoying their day.

There are worse ways to end her day than this Santana thinks as she sneaks up to the doorman of her building with a doughnut and coffee in hand. Mr Sullivan, or Sully as she liked to call him, has been working at her parents' apartment complex since she was a teenager with a bad attitude and a penchant for reckless behaviour. At six feet three inches with bushy eyebrows and a shiny pale head he is an imposing figure at the entrance of Fermera Towers.

Where her parents were too preoccupied with their own affairs to pay her any mind Sully had taken up the slack, acting as her mentor of sorts, a shoulder to cry on when she was young and confused and a strict disciplinarian when she needed it. They had been through a lot together and if nothing else she could always count on him to brighten her day. His obvious sweet tooth usually helped to smooth their interactions from time to time.

"Sully."

"Miss Lopez." Barely glancing up at her Sully rearranged the papers on his desk and resumed his perusal of the building's security feed.

"When are you gonna let me help you with that stick problem you've got going on there? It's so far up your ass you've got to be spitting out wood chips on the regular." Her smile is saccharine sweet as she offers him the doughnut.

"Least you could do since you're the reason I've got it. That for me?" snagging the donut from her hand he takes a huge bite and then reaches for the coffee.

"Uh uh. The doughnut's yours, the coffee's mine. I had a long shift and I need all the help I can get." She takes a sip of coffee and hears the elevator go up without her. "Shit. I'm not taking the fucking stairs."

"Just wait for the darn thing and stop swearing."

"I'm just so tired." She's whining now but Sully never seems to mind. Work is killing her these days and all that she wants is to curl up on her couch with a hot meal and a warm blanket.

"Don't work yourself too hard Santana."

"You first."

Patting Sully on the head she smirks and heads to wait for her ride up. As she waits for the elevator to descend she ponders her life as it is today. She had a lot to thank Sully for and they both knew it. Without his input she would have been on her way to a life of frequent jail visits or, if her parents had any hope, military camp in Bumfuck, Ohio. Fortunately, Sully had stepped in and taken all of the then pent up teenage angst and put it to good use.

Because of him she had gotten her shit together and applied to Columbia undergrad and then on to Columbia Med. There she had excelled beyond her parents wildest dreams and as a reward they offered her an apartment, rent free. It wasn't too bad all things considered. She had a wonderful and fulfilling job working as a resident at New York General. She had decent friends, Mike a dance instructor and Quinn a literature major on her way to becoming a publisher or editor or some such shit and Sam, her med school buddy and the biggest freaking nerd she knew.

Almost simultaneously her phone beeps signalling an incoming message just as the elevator dings to announce its arrival. A smile grows on her face as she realizes that her phone is alerting her to a new tweet from one of her favourite celebrities Rachel Berry.

Quinn can't understand Santana's crush on the Broadway ingénue and teases her about her fangirling every chance that she gets. Whatever. Rachel Berry is ridiculously talented and so fricken cute with her overenthusiastic tweeting (really how many exclamation marks does she need?) and her fierce love of animals, horses in particular. Seriously if Santana ever had the opportunity to meet her she'd probably die on the spot. Not that she's a punk or anything but hey if she has a type it's Rachel Berry.

Before reading the tweet she sees that she has a text from Mike informing her that he and Quinn are on their way with some takeout. He asks if Sam's there with a 'frowny' face added to the end and Santana rolls her eyes in disgust. Sam and Quinn had had the ridiculously stupid idea to try a friends-with-benefits scenario that went sour fast when Quinn realized that Sam was more into her than she could ever be into him. It's not like Santana didn't warn them about how stupid that idea was or anything. Now they're not even speaking to each other and Sam wants to know whose side she's taking.

Look she likes the guy, big fishy lips, blond floppy hair and all but honestly she's known Quinn since she was six and had been skipping her ballet class to go learn hip hop dancing on the side. That was how she'd met Mike. Quinn had been in her ballet class and as soon as she realized what Santana was up to she'd blackmailed her into letting her join in on their fun. God she was such a bitch, even then.

When she arrives at her apartment she hears a dog barking in the apartment next door. If it weren't for the dog she'd never believe that the apartment was occupied. She's seen the occupant of said apartment once, an obviously gay pale guy about her age with a penchant for tight pants and singing show tunes at the top of his lungs when she's trying to get some sleep. She's also pretty sure that she never wants to see him again if that's the case.

As she's about to enter she hears the elevator ding and sees Quinn and Mike approach. They're giggling in that weird Quinn and Mike way that they've been doing recently and honestly it just irritates the hell out of her, she doesn't know why. Giggly bastards.

"Ren, Stimpy, so nice of you to take your sweet time. What'd you get me?"

Mike rolls his eyes at her and then opens the bag to show her.

"Thai to go, what do you know? You gonna let us in?"

"I don't know, you gonna hand over that takeout?" Quinn huffs as though she's had enough and really she can go take a cool seat in fuckville. Santana just came off of a twenty eight hour shift at the hospital, she's tired, she's cranky and these two twits just won't stop giggling. Oh shit, the tweet.

Scrambling for her phone she doesn't notice Mike and Quinn smirk at her.

"Another tweet from your lady love?" Quinn says and there's barely a pause before Santana's flipping them the bird.

"Shut up okay. I'm a fan that's all."

"Pssht yeah right. I mean it's not like you stalk her twitter, her facebook, go to all of her shows and currently have your dvr set to catch the Tonys or anything."

"Fuck off. Look I don't say anything when Chang over here goes batshit insane whenever one of those stupid comic books comes out." Mike's gasp of outrage is almost worth stopping her spiel for but she's on a roll and honestly she's sick and tired of them ragging on her comparatively casual interest in Rachel Berry. "And God forbid I say anything bad about any of those old literature freaks that have you soaking your panties on the regular."

"Uh huh, yeah sure and what happens if Rachel Berry doesn't win the Tony for Best Actress?" Mike smiles victoriously as he awaits her response. She'll let them have this one because Rachel Berry deserves that Tony period.

"I'll find the voting panel, cut their balls off, stitch them back on and cut them off again. Now stop wasting my time and give me my damn food."

As she enters her apartment she's sure she hears the sound of a door clicking shut but is soon distracted yet again by the unread tweet.

RachelBerryStar - Gloomy day today. Oh well, the sun'll come out tomorrow :)