Disclaimer: I disclaim everything contained below. Seriously.

Caught in a loop

Louise stared through the smoke screen her latest explosive spell casting had wrought. She could see a shape in the dust cloud. It was humanoid, that much she could see. Her shoulders slumped in defeat.

It was probably just an unlucky student caught up in her blast. When the smoke cleared however, she found that it was in fact not an unlucky student. Instead, standing tall in the middle of the circle of scorched earth and grass was a brute of a man. The man was of average height, but appeared to be very well muscled, if his bare torso was any indication. He was naked from the waist up, for whatever reason. The only things he wore above his baggy pants were a golden necklace with a blue gem in the middle, as well as two golden bracelets and two golden rings around his upper arms. His fairly long hair, long for a male anyway, was dark as coal and spiked in every which direction. His gaze was strangely blank as he stared at her, then slowly at everyone else around him.

Inevitably the jeering began. The man frowned. Louise heaved a resigned sigh. Professor Colbert reminded her that she had yet to complete the ritual. And then everything went down to hell in a single impossible clusterfuck.

The strange man that was supposed to be her familiar raised his arms to his waist, as if he was lifting something heavy and screamed. If possible, his muscles grew even more. His hair started changing color. Gales of incredibly strong wind started blowing outwards from his position. An aura of yellow-greenish light became visible around him, faint at first then growing in intensity with every passing second. By the time he was done, the power he emitted had actually created a crater beneath him. Louise faintly noted that he was not falling in it, but rather floated in the air. Great. She had summoned some sort of insane muscle-wizard. And then the man, whose hair was now a brilliant blond smiled. It was not a nice smile.

He raised his hand, and the world turned green for a second. Then the green light traveled inwards and into his hand. It gathered there, turning from the dull green tint it had been before into a blindingly bright one. The man curled his fingers around it, and then pointed his closed fist towards the onlookers. Professor Colbert was in front of her in a second, his staff raised to protect. The man uncurled his fingers and the light traveled towards them. Then it expanded. The size of the… whatever it was easily dwarfed the entire castle, swallowing the court along with the students gathered in it in less than a second.

For a very short time Louise felt pain, and then she knew no more. Where once the Tristain academy of magic stood, was now only a single enormous crater.

Louise opened her eyes. She was in her room. The sun had just started shining through her window. There was a bird perched just outside of the window, chirping merrily.

Louise was not a morning person. But after a dream like that she didn't know if she would ever be able to sleep again. Slowly she stood up and started getting ready for the school day. Nightmare or not, the Valieres didn't skip school just because they'd rather crawl inside their closet and start telling themselves that no overly muscled, insane wizards were about to blow them up.

Later that day, when the time for the annual springtime familiar summoning came, Louise did not start boasting about summoning something incredible, like she did in her dream when Kirche goaded her. Instead, the chant she had spent months to complete changed. This time she chose to replace the "powerful" with loyal.

There was an explosion. Louise found herself silently wishing for her spell to have simply failed, like many times before.

Unfortunately, her wish did not come true. She once again recognized a humanoid shape in the dust cloud. In the back of her mind the pink haired mage noted that her knees started trembling.

When the smoke cleared, she once again beheld a brute of a man that she had summoned. This time however, the man was huge. She couldn't tell if he was as muscled as the one from her dream, as he wore some sort of blue mantle, or cloak. His attire somehow made Louise think of a uniform, though she had never before seen anything quite like it. The man was blond, also like the one from her dream. However instead of wild spikes a shiny bald head with a single strand of blond hair growing just above his forehead glistened in the sun. An equally blond mustache covered his upper lip from view.

The giant looked around, confusion clearly showing on his face. His blue eyes settled finally on Louise, who had frozen in shock. And who could blame her? Just like in her dream, in which she and all of the academy had perished in a giant green fireball caused by her human familiar, she had once again summoned a human. Just like in her dream, which she by the way still remembered as if it happened just a few hours ago, the man was blond. To top it all off, she had a sense of déjà vu the whole day as everyone seemed to be acting exactly like they had in her dream up until the point when she directly interacted with them, forcing the events to change. Hell, even the weather was just like in her dream.

Faintly the petite mage heard Professor Colbert reminding her to complete the ritual. In the same tone he had done in her dream! On unbending legs she awkwardly traveled forward until she was in front of the huge man. She had to crane her neck almost as far as it could go to meet his curious and confused gaze. At least he wasn't frowning.

Not trusting herself to speak to the intimidating figure, she beckoned for him to bend down to her level. Strangely enough the man complied. He even smiled at her. Louise decided that she liked this man a lot more than the one in her dream. Sure, he might not be able to level entire landscapes, but then again, chances still were that he could do that just as well as the other guy. Taking a deep breath to calm herself, with a shaking voice Louise began her chant.

"P-pentagon of the F-five Elemental Powers, g-grant your blessings upon this creature and b-bind it as my familiar." As an afterthought she added a quiet "Please.". She then proceeded to plant a kiss on the giant's mouth.

"Young Lady!" The man exclaimed, scandalized. Apparently he wasn't expecting that.

Major Alex Louis Armstrong turned out to be a very nice man. Louise was fascinated by his story of origin. The fear she still felt, though not as strong as during their first meeting, surprisingly helped her to keep her scathing comments and selfish demands to herself. It wouldn't be an exaggeration to say that the fear aided her in viewing her familiar with an open mind.

The days passed, and as she learned more about Major Armstrong, Louise found herself relaxing in his presence. Though he had plenty of quirks that were entirely too strange to be called even remotely normal, Alex was everything and more she could have wished for in a familiar.

When Guiche challenged Alex to a duel because of hurt pride and ego that the young mage had allegedly suffered at the hands of the friendly giant, Louise's heart skipped a bit in fear. Would she lose her familiar, just because Guiche had to go and date two girls at once and Alex unknowingly pointed it out?

Her fears were in vain as it turned out. When the students gathered in the Vestri Court to witness a beatdown of a 'commoner', they were in for one hell of a surprise. When Major Armstrong told her he was an alchemist, she assumed he meant the obscure art some of the wizards, not as gifted with willpower as the rest of them, practiced. Oh, how wrong she was.

Alex simply demolished Guiche and his Valkyres. With one touch of his gauntlet clad fists, the constructs turned into crumpled pieces of metal and actually shot forth to decimate their former brethren. Louise then found out, that Alex was in fact just as well muscled (if not more so) as the guy from her dream. In an impressive feat of flexing, his muscles actually tore the upper half of his clothes apart. Apparently the state alchemist suffered from some sort of strange case of nymphomania. He then proceeded to punch his hands into the ground, which in a fascinating lightshow of lightning-like electricity formed into a statue of himself. The statue was at least three times his own size, towering in the Vestri Court in all of it's Muscled Glory. (Louise felt it deserved the capital letters) It seemed that Louise would have to worry not only about her familiar remaining dressed, but also about him being something of a closet narcist.

A day later Louise found Guiche, who did not suffer any injuries during the duel, as Alex was too busy erecting the statue, exercising furiously in the fields outside of the academy. He was not exercising his magic, mind you. Instead he opted for some heavy lifting and running. When questioned about his strange behavior, he only answered that Mr. Armstrong had shown him the true way a man should live.

When Foquet showed up with her giant golem, Louise was not surprised to see her familiar holding his own against it and even pushing it back. What she was surprised about, was the stray giant boulder that broke off from the golem after she tried to cast a fireball at it and in an arc toppled with slow motion (at least in her eyes) sailed at her and crushed her tiny form beneath it. The last thing she heard before she knew no more was the desperate cry of her familiar screaming at her to move.

Louise opened her eyes. She was in her room. The sun had just started shining through her window. There was a bird perched just outside of the window, chirping merrily.

Louise grabbed her pillow and screamed into it, since she was obviously going insane.

AN: Well, in my opinion someone had to do this sooner or later. Don't expect regular updates, plot or seriousness. What you can expect is randomness, crack and complete OOCness. Thy hath been warned.