A/N

THANKS YOU TIMES A MILLION BAJILLION TO HORO-EMPTINESS. Horo, you are a god. Everyone should go read his stories and favorite him and send him messages with bunny emoticons *endorsessssss*

The chapter is finally out! I finally tied it into the beginning of the story (somehow). So yeahhhhhh. Mmmkay I'll try to update sooner next time I'M SORRY okay thats enough typing bye bye

"Left!"

"No, right!"

"I wanna go straight!"

My request is met with a simultaneous "NO."

Weaving through hallways, Szayel, Kon, and I had managed to avoid any more gunshots or evil baby-eating gangsters from hell. It was probably luck, but Kon deduced it was his "mad skills."

I feel my heart flutter or some poetic shit like that when I see the staircase leading to the first floor, the gateway to freedom from this mess. We're close, so close! My luck is turning around, I can feel it! Fuck yeah!

Nah, just kidding. My luck fucking sucks. Right as we approach the stairs, angry voices and pounding footsteps coming from downstairs alert us that this staircase is no longer a safe escape route.

"Quick, this way!" Kon orders, spinning Szayel and I around and sprinting forward, only to pale when he sees more guys coming in from two other directions. Turning, he drags us down the only free corridor, barking instructions to us along the way.

"Listen kiddies, I have a task for you." Pulling his bag from over his shoulder, he tosses it to me. "I'll take care of things here, but you two need to get out. I'm gonna make a call so the big kids can play, alright? Make sure those stay safe." Kon pointed to the bag again, giving me an uncharacteristically serious expression as he emphasized the importance of defending the bag. "Can you do that for me?"

Nodding nervously, we continue to run as Kon spins around and whips out his phone as he dashes down a separate corridor. I shoulder the bag and glance to Szayel, who I know isn't as athletic as I am. Or as athletic as anyone, really. Poor kid's a wimp. He's got arms like noodles. The squiggly, rubbery, yummy cooked noodles, not the stiff raw ones that break easily. Well, I guess his arms would probably break easily, but that's not the point right now.

"You okay?" I ask, a small line of worry creasing between my eyebrows as I watch him struggle for breath. It's not like me to be concerned for people, especially narcissistic pricks like Szayel, but after everything that we've been through… I dunno. Doesn't that make us, like, blood brothers or some shit?

"I'm fine," he manages to spit out, even though it's obvious he's not.

I have no time to suggest an alternative route of escape (right now, I'm all for jumping out a window) as we pass an intersection and see a trio of armed thugs that immediately notice us and give chase.

A small growl rumbles in my throat when I realize that they're gaining on us. I slowed my pace to stay with Szayel, but at this rate, they're going to get both of us. It makes me angry that I have to run instead of turning and serving them up a plate of Grimmjow's special knuckle-sandwich, but they've got guns and I've got a bag full of drugs. I might be spontaneous and sorta reckless, but I do have a shred of common sense.

A plan quickly forms in my head. "Szayel, split up!" I yell, roughly shoving him in the other direction as I spin on my heel and take off down the opposite corridor. It's not the brightest idea, but it's obvious that we don't matter to these people; it's only the drugs that they want. Szayel and I, maybe even Kon, are all just collateral damage. The three chase me and leave Szayel alone like I planned, but that still leaves me with the problem of escaping alive and loaded with drugs. Woo, grab the confetti. Party for me.

My eyes widen and I prepare to eat bullets when two of the thugs raise their guns and take aim. There aren't any corners to turn, no open classrooms.

I'm saying my goodbyes when I hear some thuds and angry shouts behind me. Turning back, I see Tensa with some massive gun, dancing around two of them like a goddamn ballerina and shooting periodically. I notice small, dart-like objects sticking out of their bodies in a few places and realize that Tensa is using a tranquilizer gun when they both fall to the floor in a heap. He gives me a serious look and takes aim at the third man, who's still chasing me. We're much farther from Tensa by now, but I gained some distance because of the distraction.

Scrambling to make a sharp turn down another hall, my brain starts crying when I hear the heavy beat of footsteps still on my heel. This last fucker was probably too far away for Tensa to hit. Damn. I can feel my lungs start to burn from exertion as I sprint past more classrooms. He's gaining on me, and he's gaining fast.

Maybe I can do that cool psychological thing where I start talking to him and convince him to reconsider his life choices, then run away before he starts getting emotional? …Nah, I'm not sympathetic enough for any of that crap.

I can feel my lungs about to burst when I see it. Shining. Sparkling. Like angels descended through the windows and made all these loud, squeaky trumpet sounds before casting sunbeams across it.

There's an open door, and babe, it beckons.

Looking back over my shoulder, I see that my pursuer hasn't turned the corner yet. If I can… just… make it… to…

I nearly cry out in joy when I stumble into the room, quickly shutting the door behind me (but stealthily so the crazy fucker can't hear it).

Score! After hunching over and panting for a few moments, I punch the air in victory. Slipping the bag off of my shoulder, I slump to the ground and wipe some of the sweat from my forehead. A small shiver passes through my barely-clad body. Why is it so cold in here? Where the hell am I?

Standing, I adjust the hem of my briefs and examine the room. My eyes narrow. It kind of reminds me of… Hey! This is a Bio room! My incredibly intelligent brain of amazingness puts together the pieces quickly. This must be the room that Szayel and Kon came to, so it makes sense that it wasn't locked.

A curious, mischievous smile envelops my mouth. What would Szayel need here? Pacing around the room, I see huge-ass refrigerator thingies. Looks pretty sketchy for a biology classroom. This is more demon-lunch-room-where-they-serve-the-souls-of-fai ling-students stuff, in my opinion.

The massive metal containers make clinking noises when I tap the doors. Hmm. Fascinating.

With a shrug, I reach for the handle of one and pull, only to reveal…

…that it's locked.

I tug again, then again, and continue to struggle with the little demon spawn until my palms are red.

"Shit, won't budge…" I mutter to myself as I massage my hands. Szayel sure likes to keep his things locked up tight. LIKE HIS EMOTIONS HAHAHA—

…That was really out of nowhere. Maybe I'm finally going insane? Whatever.

Huffing in annoyance, I walk around the room and scope it out more. There's a single laptop opened on a table in the front of the room. Hmm… It has fancy buttons on the screen!

A small "ooooh" escapes me as I plaster myself to the device, eyes darting over the strange numbers and meters on the screen. By each little data center is a few buttons. They're small and boring. Meh.

But then… all of a sudden… I see it.

Big. Rounded. Bold. Gorgeous. And bright, firetruck red. It's the most perfect button I've seen in my life, like the huge panic buttons in movies that simply beg to be pressed. Of course, pressing mentioned buttons often releases unforeseeable amounts of pain and agony, but… it was just so inviting.

My life flashes before my eyes as I lift my pallid, pale, soft, limber, lean, long, determined, dainty, manly, delicate, strong finger. My breath hitches in my throat and I debate the meaning of life, if this was all worth it, what it all means. The wind ruffles my silky azure hair, representing the ruffled feathers of my very being. The tension builds as I approach the "select" button, my heart nearly stopping as—

…Fuck this. It's really not dramatic at all. I clicked the goddamn button unceremoniously because I'm a curious douchebag.

Multiple things happened at once. I'll give it to you in a list so you assclowns can process it.

Huge, fugly, alien-mutant humanoid things escape from every single one of the metal freezers.

My pursuer breaks in.

I trip over the central power cord and cause some sort of internal power short because I'm a wizard.

Someone knocks over the bag of drugs and fills the air with the fumes.

I feel someone steal my underwear.

Someone has stolen my underwear.

Holy shit I'm naked.

The freezers are open and I'm naked.

Goddamn, my junk is a popsicle.

In the brief time that the light was on, I discover that the mutants look like some strange combination of chimpanzees, starfish, and geckos. I am seriously going to cry.

My only instinct is to scramble to my feet and grab as many of the little plastic bags as I can, shoving them into the duffle bag and tucking it under me arm before scrambling the fuck out of there.

I hear a few outbursts and death cries as I break out of the door, naked, cold, and probably looking like a crack junkie with the way I'm covered in powder and have huge, paranoid eyes.

Stumbling down the hall and hacking as I try to cough the hallucinogens out of my throat, I sling the bag over my shoulder and run. The mutants escape the room soon after me, hot on my tail and probably high as fuck.

Just in case anyone was wondering: freaks of nature created by Szayel and strange drugs from Madagascar are not a good combination.

Well, we seem to have caught up to the first scene of the story. Stories are just so much cooler when they start en media res.

I guess that doesn't really matter, though, seeing as I'm probably about to die a sad, naked, ridiculous death, and at the hands of Szayel's scientific creations, no less.

Tell my family I love them. Tell Ulquiorra that he would look great in spandex. Tell Nnoitra to suck a dick.

When the world fucks you over, there's only one thing to say.

Dear world,

Fuck you too, world. Fuck you too.

Hugs and kisses,

Grimmjow Jaegerjaques