Sorry about taking so long to update. I've been working like crazy.

I hope you enjoy!

Vann

Clare ground her teeth at the sight of her ex-boyfriend's parents and gripped tightly to Eli's arm. Eli noticed her tension immediately and rubbed her back soothingly with one hand, holding securely to her arm for support. He knew how difficult it was for Clare to be exposed and vulnerable to people, but she couldn't stay hidden from the world forever.

CeCe locked arms with Bullfrog and smiled at Clare, forcing a cheerful disposition in the less-than-comfortable situation. The air in the room felt somehow thicker with the four of them awkwardly huddled into the psychiatric ward room. Clare wanted nothing more than to disappear into the bleached sheets of her hospital bed as she felt the eyes of CeCe and Bullfrog boring into her.

"Hi, baby." CeCe whispered, clutching tightly to Bullfrog for support. "How's our girl doing?"

Clare breathed out shakily and bit down on her lip, blinking back her tears of weakness before offering an insincere smile to the older woman. "Just fine, CeCe. H-how are you?"

Clare acted as if the setting was absolutely normal, like it was not an out-of-the-ordinary situation, and like it hadn't been almost a year since she'd even seen the older couple. Her inability to acknowledge her whereabouts when other people were present was off-putting Eli.

CeCe nodded slightly before taking a seat at the edge of the bed. "We're all okay too…"

Bullfrog cleared his throat and motioned to his son, and then to the door. "Eli, let's give CeCe and Clare a minute alone."

Eli looked crossly at his father and shook his head. "No, we just got here and I'm not leaving Clare's side. Are you crazy?" He spat before moving closer to the girl in the bed and putting his hand gently on her shoulder. Bullfrog shot his son a mischievous grin and shook his head. He wrapped his arms around Eli's torso, constricting his son's arms, and dragged him up from the bed.

"What the-"

Bullfrog put one of his hands over Eli's mouth mask and smiled feebly at Clare as he dragged Eli in the direction of the door. Eli thrashed in his father's grip but failed to obtain freedom. "You girls have a nice talk. We'll be in the cafeteria… Is the food here any good?" Bullfrog joked.

Clare shrugged at Bullfrog and smiled slightly at his behavior. She was nervous about talking to CeCe, but almost felt that it might be good to talk to another woman about what happened. She hadn't opened up to anyone about her attack, not even the police who questioned her. She'd given them general explanations, but hadn't elaborated on how she felt.

The older woman gripped onto her hand and offered it a supportivesqueeze as Bullfrog carried a belligerent Eli out of the room. As he was being escorted out, Eli stared into Clare's eyes, and she met his briefly, the look so intense between them that no words needed to be uttered.

Clare knew that it would be okay.

For a few minutes after the boys left, Clare and CeCe made small talk, neither woman not wanting to delve in the real issues at hand. CeCe recapped to Clare her encounter with an angry man at the supermarket earlier in the day, and Clare briefly told CeCe about Greg, the hard-ass therapist who owed her a smoothie. As the filler conversations died out, Clare tugged absent-mindedly at one of her dirty curls and swallowed the feelings of awkwardness and dread in her stomach.

It was quiet for a moment, both women avoiding each other's eyes before CeCe softly whispered, "Let me tell you about my senior year of high school."

Clare met her gaze and nodded, her heartbeat thumping so powerfully in her chest that she would have passed out if it weren't for the pillow propped beneath her middle-back.

CeCe grabbed Clare's hand, and the younger woman had a feeling that it wasn't for her, but for CeCe, to give her the strength she needed to tell her own story.

"I had this… boyfriend. His name was Francis, but everyone called him Brick… We met at a Metallica concert one night. I was pretty trashed, but he took me home… He made sure I got there safely, carried me in, the whole knight-in-shining-armor act." CeCe glanced up at Clare and flashed a half-smile that was filled with regret. Clare offered up a nod and tried not to vomit.

She knew where this story was going. It seemed to Clare that herself, CeCe and Imogen were all statistics in their own ways. Each were a dreaded "one-in-four" that middle school sex-ed had so carelessly skirted over during curriculum. They were three of many women victimized by family, friends, ex-boyfriends, current boyfriends, even strangers on the street.

"I really thought he was a good guy." CeCe croaked out, blinking furiously and looking out the window of Clare's room, trying to find her words, yet trying not to choke on her bitter memories. "He took me to a party about 2 months after we met. We had a few shots, and he carried me up to a bedroom…" CeCe looked at Clare, dead in the eyes, as a single tear dripped out from her lower lid, and splashed down on the sheet. "I told him no, over and over again… I was a virgin." She spat the last word bitterly and clenched her jaw. Her face was contorted into a look of pain and disgust. "He just left me there, at the party… I had to take a cab home… in ripped clothes… I wanted to die, Clare… I really did."

Clare closed her eyes and shook her head furiously. It killed her to think that Eli's mom had been through the same kind of pain as her, that she'd had the same thoughts about wanting to die. She didn't wish that on anyone.

I-It still bothers me, and I'm sure it always will... I never told anyone until I met Bullfrog. And now you know too... But it used to eat me up inside. " CeCe grabbed Clare's chin and pulled it up to look at her. "I know what you're thinking, baby. That it's your fault, that you should have fought more, that you must have done something wrong… It's never your fault. Nobody has the right to do that to you. Nobody… I know that it feels like life isn't worth living now, but it is, I promise you, it is."

Clare bit her lip to fight her emotions, but it was to no avail. Her heart broke more with every second that she stared into the equally devastated eyes of CeCe Goldsworthy. She clutched onto CeCe and buried her head in her neck, letting her weak cries wrack her body. For the first time, she wasn't leaning on another person. They were leaning on each other.

A few minutes passed before CeCe pulled away from the hug and said, "You can tell me, Clare. Tell me what happened."

Clare knew that she needed this type of closure. She needed to let the words out that were clouding her head, the words that described her devastation, her violation and the hurt that led her to do the unthinkable. She took a moment to gather her composure before she spoke.

"Jake had a friend over that night. I-I didn't know him, so I stayed in my room and went to sleep early… I knew they were drinking and stuff, but Jake made me promise that I wouldn't tell my mom or Glen. He-He said that I'm his sister, and I'm supposed to have his back. I didn't tell them, CeCe. Looking back, I should have." Clare's hands were shaking as she continued; composure was a virtue that she no longer possessed. "I woke up a few hours later to the door opening. The next thing I knew, hands were over my mouth and… they were all over my body. I tried so hard to scream, but I could hardly breathe…" Clare wrapped her arms around her torso and pulled her knees up to her chest. "Jake c-called me a whore… They fought over who would go first, like it was a card game or something fun for them… Jake won." She croaked out the last word and buried her face in her hands. "It hurt so, so much. Like I was being ripped apart… They just laughed at me. They laughed at my pain, acted like raping me was just the funniest thing ever… I'll never understand why they laughed so much… But the next morning, they pretended like nothing happened. I locked myself in my room for 3 days, CeCe. I was too afraid to come out. And the next time I saw Jake, he just smiled at me and said, 'Feeling better, sis?'" Clare looked miserably up at CeCe. "The second he said that, I started planning my s-suicide. I knew I couldn't tell anyone, I couldn't live with him; I couldn't get over what happened… He ruined my life, and I didn't want to live with the consequences of his actions."

CeCe grabbed Clare's shoulder and pulled her in for a tight hug, "I'm so sorry that happened to you, babygirl. I wish I could fix your pain…" CeCe cried as she held the hysterical girl close to her. Her tears mingled with Clare's frizzy curls and Clare's swam down her pink cheeks and soaked CeCe's disheveled blouse. "He's going to pay, Clare. And your life will get better… You can stay with us. Bullfrog and Eli will get our guest room all ready for you. We'll take care of you, you will graduate, go to university, and your life will be amazing. Just please, please don't give up? Please." CeCe hugged tighter and ran her manicured nails softly over Clare's back. "We still love you, no matter what happened, Clare. Eli loves you so much. H-He can't survive losing someone else… Just let us take care of you, please? We need to know that you're safe."

Clare wiped her face frantically, the skin around her eyes burning with the raw tears that never seemed to stop. She felt so profoundly guilty that CeCe was offering up their home to her, a complete basket-case, because the older woman was afraid that her son could not handle if Clare decided to end her life.

"CeCe… you don't have to do that. I don't need your pity. Eli will be fine, no matter what happens to me. I know that's why you're saying these things, for Eli, but I can't accept your offer. I-I can't be a burden to all of you, especially after I abandoned Eli when he was… sick." Her voice broke again and she tried to mask the pain that she was feeling. The guiltiness and desolation was all too much.

"It's not a burden. Bullfrog and I understand why you left Eli, we really do. He was scaring us too… But Clare, we forgave you a long time ago for what happened. So did Eli." CeCe reached up and tucked one of Clare's curls behind her ear and lifted her chin up to make eye contact. "He loves you so much. We all do. We just want to help you and show you that life is going to be better. No matter what happened between you and Eli, we care about you and will do anything to help you live again. We won't take no for an answer… You'll stay with us for as long as you need. We won't let anything bad happen to you, I promise."

That promise alone loosened the anxious knot that was permanently dwelling in Clare's stomach. "Y-you can't promise that."

"You underestimate the Goldsworthy family." CeCe grinned. "I know it's hard for you, but please trust us. Eli alone would give anything to make you happy again. We aren't doing this for Eli, or charity, okay? We're doing this for you."

Clare nodded and took a much-needed deep breath. A battle was raging in her heart, tugging her between two sides of negative emotions. The one side was apprehension, the worry about moving in with the Goldsworthy's, the fear that her issues would send Eli spiraling into psychosis or depression, and the doubt that it would even make a difference; she was but a lost cause. The other side was just terror; the extreme fright that, in denying CeCe's offer, she would be living on the streets, struggling to survive, struggling to forget about the attack that so savagely ruined her life, while having absolutely no one to lean on. The horrible feelings that intricately formed the foundation for her suicide attempt were directly influencing all of her decision making after the fact. She wished it could be different, but Clare knew that the rest of her life could be completely controlled by that night. The only thing she could comfortably do was accept help from CeCe, and know that she did in fact, have people in her life that wouldn't let her down as her own family had.

Clare nodded shyly at the other woman and resisted the urge to pick at her own skin, or pull out her hair. Emotions were coiled so tightly in her, she felt as if she'd explode without some kind of physical release.

"I need to use the bathroom. S-sorry." She muttered, delicately inching her legs off of the bed. Her feet hit the cold tiles roughly and she moaned in pain. CeCe wrapped an arm around her waist and eased her up. Clare felt embarrassed, but didn't fight the other woman. She needed the help, and she would accept it, not just for her sake, but for Eli's and CeCe's also. She had a feeling that CeCe needed to help her, to keep her alive, so she could feel like something good came out of her own attack, all of those years ago. They walked slowly over to the restroom, and as Clare shut the door behind her, she let out a tired sigh. Using the bathroom was the only time she was truly alone, it was the only privilege she was allowed in the psychiatric ward, and she relished every moment of it. The walls were plain; there was no mirror and no embellishments of any kind, just a toilet, a basin and a loose roll of toilet paper.

Solitude.

Swiftly, she grabbed a chunk of the hair at the lower, back of her scalp and ripped. Thick strands of her hair wrapped around her knuckles and danced to the floor as pain shot all over her scalp. She grabbed another chunk, relishing in the pain and control, and threw it in the toilet. One final tug, she thought, as she ripped out an entire fist-full. Her eyes watered at the stinging pain.

It calmed her and, as she disposed of the rest of her hair, she flushed the toilet and adjusted her curls, so that no one would notice the missing patch. She opened the door and noticed that CeCe was gone, and Eli was waiting for her on the other side.

"Hey."

He offered up an awkward wave before wrapping his arms around her delicate shoulders. She breathed deeply of his scent and draped her arms around his waist. His finger played with her hair and she loved the feeling. She hugged him tighter and no words needed to be exchanged between the two. His arms made her feel safe.

"Clare?" His voice sounded frantic, but Clare didn't move to end the embrace.

He pulled away from the hug and held his hand up in front of her. Crimson coated his gloved fingers and a look of horror shone in his eyes.

Clare reached around and touched her neck. She felt wetness and pulled her hand away, looking curiously at the blood that seeped down her index and middle finger.

"I thought you stopped!" He yelled, rushing into the bathroom and grabbing a wad of toilet paper before soaking it in water. He ran back to the room and washed her wounds gently, inspecting the missing patch of hair and the raw, bleeding skin.

Clare walked over to the bed and plopped down on the mattress before Eli could finish his cleaning.

"I didn't stop... I don't know how to stop." She murmured.

Eli plopped down next to her and scrutinized her. She expected him to yell at her, to call a nurse or to storm out. Instead, he planted a chaste kiss on her cheek and smirked sadly up at her. "We'll work on it, okay?"

"Okay." She whimpered and sunk into her bed. "Eli, I haven't been sleeping much. I don't feel safe."

Eli moved closer to her, so that her head was resting on his chest. He didn't care if her blood was staining his shirt; he just held her closer and ran a hand hesitantly through her hair. "Is this okay?" He asked.

She snuggled into his side. "Can you please hold me? When you're with me, I don't feel scared. Please?"

Eli nodded and ran his fingers through her hair until her breathing regulated and her chest fell up and down with graceful motions.

As she slept, Eli went through the same routine that he'd grown accustomed to in the past almost 4 days.

He wept and wept and wept, for everything that she'd lost.

I know, this story is kind of crappy right now. Slow and crappy. I have a really good plan for it in my head, I just need to get through a few more rough chapters. Lol

Vann