It's been a really long time since I've written and shared…so enjoy!

I intend to write a few mysteries for them to solve so please stick with it. Also I have already rated this M because I know how I write and I can't help but write smut. Pssst- chapter 2 has smut! :D

-Obviously I own nothing.

"Ladies!" A megaphone echoed to life within the gym. "If I wanted to waste my time and tease my upchuck reflux I would have followed the football team's example and thrown all of you into a spiral of shame by making you join the glee club for a week of dance routines, unheard of show tunes, and a cheesy theme of the week like honesty or trust or how losing can be fun if you have friends! Instead I want winners and winners aren't whiners!"

Sue Sylvester glared over the brim of the megaphone taking a quick inventory of her championship squad. The slightest twitch of her lowering brow made the cheerleaders scramble. Every girl ducked her head faster than the previous girl as they took their place in formation. Sue couldn't stop herself as her upper lip curled with satisfaction. "Practice tomorrow morning at 7am. Don't be late. Make sure you bring your running sneakers."

She heard a few groans from deep in the ranks. Sue whipped around to face the group to see who dared to complain about the price of winning, but the noises had quickly evaporated. All the girls nodded enthusiastically as if running as the sun rose over the horizon was greatest way to spend their time. "Good. That's a much better attitude. Now get out of my sight before I decide that we should do a midnight scavenger hunt across Ohio again."

The girls quickly broke away from Sue's sight and headed for their bags, but Sue continued her train of thought out loud, "Poor Marybeth never did make it back to McKinley…maybe the next time I will have the girls look for wherever that girl decided to hide or if she died. If she was smart she would have left the state or remained still for the past four months. Never thought the girl had the chops to make it on this squad."

Sue didn't let the thought bother her for much longer. The smell of success lingered in the air. She walked towards the doors of the gym. Her fingers twitched in anticipation of her diary. Almost half way out of the gymnasium she spotted a football player talking to one of her cheerios. Not an unusual sight, but her eyes narrowed in on the energy drink in the boy's hand.

"Disgusting," She shook her head right before she slapped the can away from his face. The sugary and unhealthy drink flew from his lips and hit the wall with a small thud. Liquid spilled in a small pool. Instantly the boy straightened and looked past the girl he was trying to flirt with to see who had attacked his drink. Sue cocked only one eyebrow at him. Quickly the boy muttered an apology before he ran off.

It was going to be a good day.

Sue walked down the halls of McKinley High with the same smug smirk she always wore. Children moved briskly out of her path. The students knew that despite the head coach of the cheerleader's Cheshire cat smile that she could be set on a path of destruction at any moment. It was a known statistic that it was impossible to make it to the second half of sophomore year without experiencing a N.S.D.E. (Near Sylvester Death Experience). Even the teachers in the lounge made a habit to stay clear of the coach. Even more pleasing was the fact that the cleft-chinned Spanish teacher glee club adviser was nowhere in sight. Nothing ruined a cup of coffee like seeing the poster-boy for greasy unkempt manes of hair like Will Schuster. Her mood could not have been better. It was so good that Sue even restrained from asking that poor poor woman named Emily or Emaya or Emmylou or whatever her name was, if she knew the fastest way to the colonial reenactment council of Ohio dressed in her ridiculous blouse and skirt.

"See ya Amelia!" Sue barked as she left the lounge with her perfect coffee.

Upon arriving at her office, Sue confidently turned the knob of her office expecting all in her world to be perfect.

But as life would have it, Sue dropped her coffee. Its black contents spilled all over the floor in a growing pool of liquid. One word slipped from her lips.

"Horror!"

On any other day no one would have batted an eye at the knowledge that two of Sue Sylvester's top cheerleaders would be sitting in her office, but today was different. It had not been a good day at McKinley High School. Shortly after the first bell of the day, a guttural yell reverberated throughout the halls and shook the desks. The yell was immediately followed by the sound of thrown objects hitting walls.

So students couldn't help but gawk as their eyes lingered to try and catch a glimpse of the meeting between Santana Lopez, Brittany Pierce, and Coach Sylvester.

Santana knew what it looked like. Or at least she could imagine what her peers were whispering about along the hallways and through texts under desks. They would be speculating as to what the two cheerleaders could have possibly done to have angered Sue this early in the morning.

But the truth was so far from any speculation that Santana would have been tempted to laugh if it wouldn't have risked Sue literally ripping her head from her shoulders. Her dark eyes roamed over the destroyed office, the smashed glass of her window, the chairs lopsided on the ground missing legs, and finally settled on the real reason Santana was sitting here in Sue's office – one, Brittany S. Pierce.

Again, Santana had to repress a smile, but it was much harder than before.

Only last week, Santana had driven Britt back to her house after a double header in the afternoon: Glee practice followed by Cheerios. All the two girls wanted to do was spend some time together and blow off some steam in the fantastical way ever. Mind blowing sex.

But Santana's mother had come home early from her afternoon brunch at the club and insisted on spending the entire day following around the household maid to make sure she was doing her job correctly. As a result, her mother and the maid continued to walk in and out of rooms including Santana's despite her loud and angry protests. They continued bicker and fight in both Spanish and English slamming doors and knocking over baskets of laundry.

"Don't worry, San, we can get our cuddle on later. Sleep over my house tonight." Brittany had whispered low behind her girlfriend's ear after the third time Santana's mother had burst into the room. The blonde's foot slid up and down Santana's leg for a few moments instantly calming the fiery Latina. "Besides Scooby-Doo miniseries on right now!"

Little did Santana know that allowing her girlfriend watch a few episodes of those meddling kids would wind her up in Sue's office.

"I mean I understand that they are homeless and by solving mysteries they never have to get real jobs, have a house, or have any real talents, but why a dog? I mean Lord Tubbington could easily solve all these mysteries in a matter of minutes!"

"Britt, I'm pretty sure the only mystery Tubbs can solve is how much cheese he can eat before he slips into a coma."

"Santana! How many times do I have to tell you that he doesn't like to be called Tubbs!" Brittany lifted the cat and stroked its backside. "Besides you know that he can hear you."

"Fine I won't call him Tubbs, but it still doesn't change the fact that the only thing he'd be good at is laying around hoping the bad guy trips on him."

"Not true! And I'll prove it! Lord Tubbington's the sneakiest and slyest cat around."

"Still not convinced." Santana had purred into her girlfriend's ear and slid her body closer to the blonde. She had wanted to forget about the cat and try to get some sweet lady kisses in before Britt had to go home, but the blonde leaped from the bed. Ever since Santana had taught her how to turn on the computer, Brittany would occasionally dabble on Paint.

In a matter of minutes, Brittany had produced a piece of paper which ironically looked exactly like the one Sue was now slapping on her desk for both girls to see.

"So it's come to my attention that besides being lesbians, cheerleaders, glee clubbers, protecting sweet Porcelain from bullies, blogging online, being student council president, and constantly linked by your pinkies that you now run a private investigation mystery solving side hustle." Sue leaned back in her chair. Her eyes narrowed as she tapped her spread fingers together. "I admit that when I first saw this eye sore of an advertisement that I was tempted to take them all down as an effrontery to good tastes and my eyes. But you managed to strategically place them over all the sign-ups for glee club so I left them alone. And now I see that like always I did the right thing."

Santana risked one glance to the blonde sitting on the only other chair not broken in Sue's office. Brittany couldn't contain her excitement as Sue produced one of her many flyers. Her blue eyes met Santana's and an irrepressible smile which Santana felt compelled to return. Whatever made her girlfriend happy.

"So what coach? Obviously they haven't bothered you before. Why did you need to call us in here? They're hardly harming anyone."

Santana looked back at the poster. After winning her presidential campaign on the premise of unicorns, topless days, and candy, Britt had really taken to colors.

LORD TUBBINGTON'S PRIVATE EYE

WILL SOLVE ANY MYSTERY

CONTACT BRITTANY S. PIERCE

NO MYSTERY TOO SMALL OR TOO LARGE OR TOO MEDIUM

After the initial one on the computer, Brittany ran out of colored ink in her printer from trying to print out all the coupons she could to Breadsticks. Britt had been working on a birthday present for Santana for a million dates to Breadsticks, but she couldn't tell her girlfriend why she no longer had any ink. So she convinced Santana to help her color in the posters. They had gone through a 64-pack of crayons by the end of the night before Brittany was convinced they had enough posters for the school.

This particular poster had Lord Tubbington riding a unicorn through the middle of the print with a magnifying glass and a Sherlock Holmes hat. Obviously it had been one of the ones Brittany had drawn.

"You misunderstand me, Lopez. I have no problem with your little side venture. In fact, I wish to hire you and Pierce's services."

"And Lord Tubbington?" Brittany finally spoke up. Her eyes sparkling.

"I was going to ask about the name. Who's Lord Tubbington?"

"Brittany's private pussy detector." Santana said with a confident smirk and even shot a wink towards her coach. "I mean detective."

"Lopez!"

"See I told you no one would know what we were talking about if I called it that!" Brittany gave a look to which Santana rolled her eyes and shrugged. "Lord Tubbington is only the greatest cat and he happens to be a master at crimes and mysteries."

Brittany leaned forward before continuing in a hushed voice, "He's a rehabilitated criminal and he's earning my trust by giving back to the community and my constituents. I can't have Lord Tubbington's past crimes reflect poorly on me to my voters."

"I see." Sylvester leaned back and made eye contact with Santana. The brunette only shrugged and smiled behind Brittany's back. "Well in that case I would like to tell you my case and you can decide if you and your feline are up to the challenge."

Britt nodded and pulled out a notepad and pencil already furiously scribbling notes.

"All you need to know is that my 1989 Ohio championship trophy is missing. It was here yesterday and now it's not. And one of your glee friends did it." Sue's voice had picked up intensity and fury until she stood towering and pointing her finger towards the choir room. Slowly she lowered her finger and sat back down. "You need to find the culprit and my trophy. And I will pay you."

"Life supply of Lucky Charms!" Brittany blurted out before Santana could even open her mouth. "And we will need a key to get into the locker rooms."

"Britt…" Santana whispered trying to get the blonde's attention.

"The key we will need right away in order to conduct investigations while no students are around, but we get to keep it even after the case. Sometimes I get lost and the janitor locks me in. The charms you can give to us after we've completed the job." Brittany finished with a satisfied smile.

After a few moments, Sue reached into her desk and withdrew a small ring of keys and handed them to Brittany. "You drive a hard bargain, Pierce. But I expect results. Figgins wouldn't let me handle it my way. Apparently corporeal punishment is considered assault in the public school system now. So you, your cat, and Lopez are my only other option."

"We won't let you down!" Brittany stood up took the keys and shook hands with the great Coach Sylvester.

The two cheerleaders left Sue's office without speaking but once they were in the hall, Santana grabbed Brittany's hand and dragged her around the corner. No one was around since everyone was already in class and Sue had called their teacher to excuse the two girls for their special meeting.

"Britt, you can't be serious. This is the great dragon we are talking about. If we mess this up we'll be hauling every cheerio's fat ass on the bottom of the pyramid."

"San, I don't know why you're so worried. We can do this! Besides Lord Tubbington steals my stuff all time. He'll know where all the best hiding places are."

"B, you know I love you, but LT doesn't hide much at McKinley. Normally he stuffs things under your bed or behind the sofa."

"You don't think we can do it? You think Scooby-Doo is better than Lord Tubbington." Brittany dropped her voice. Disappointment filled her eyes and she pulled her hand out from Santana's grasp.

Santana only smiled and shook her head before she reached for Brittany's face. Cupping her chin, Santana raised herself on her toes to kiss Brittany lightly on the lips. "If anyone can find Sue's trophy, it's definitely you. And if you don't mind, I'd like to help."

Brittany's mood instantly reversed at the feel of her girlfriend's soft lush lips brushing against hers. "Of course you're helping! Lord Tubbington loves when you come along!"

"He doesn't."

"He does!"

"Fine, we're not arguing over your cat's feelings even if he's always staring at me."

"You're the best, San." Brittany this time returned the kiss leaning down into her girlfriend. Her body shifted against Santana's as she slid the smaller brunette up against the lockers. Santana let out a soft moan as she felt the back of her head hit the metal. He body arched up into Brittany till their hips rubbed together. Long slender fingers slid up Santana's tan skin till they ran through her hair and their kiss lengthened.

"Ladies!" The two teenagers jerked away from each other. "This is not the way to find my trophy! Get back to class before I give you two an extra practice this afternoon!"

"Yes, Coach Sylvester." They both said at the same time. They looked at each other and started to giggle as they linked pinkies before walking towards their class.