SHERLOCK

WORDS

Greg and Mycroft totally fancy each other... well, that's what Sherlock and John say. So what happens when one of them finds out? Dialogue only.

Author's Note:

Main Pairing: Mycroft Holmes/Greg Lestrade

Side Pairing: Sherlock Holmes/John Watson

About: Just a fun, dialogue-only story about getting Greg and Mycroft together. Also features Johnlock.

Note: The formatting of this story was updated on 04/11/12

Warnings: Naughty language, implied m/m slash

Disclaimer: Sherlock belongs to the BBC, Mark Gatiss, and Steven Moffat. The original characters are the property of Arthur Conan Doyle. I own nothing but the plot and make no money from this story.

Chapter One: John's Annoying and Greg's Speechless

Greg's dialogue is in bold.

John's dialogue is normal.

'What are you giggling about?'

'N-Nothing.'

'Out with it, John, I'm too tired for your antics.'

'Me? What did I do?'

'Crashed my crime scene.'

'Don't be stupid, that was Sherlock, I just come along for the ride.'

'Mm, bet you like the 'coming' part.'

'You have a sick mind, Greg.'

'You're the one sleeping with him.'

'And it's fan-bloody-tastic.'

'Not that I don't love this conversation, but what the fuck are you laughing about?'

'Oh, just something Sherlock said.'

'Oh yeah, funny fucker now is he?'

'Mm, especially when he's all naked and covered in jam-'

'Shut up!'

'Well you asked...'

'Just... for fuck sake John, why do I bother?'

'Dunno, because I'm charming?'

'You're not my type.'

'Speaking of types...'

'Yes...?'

'Well...'

'John, remember when I said, 'why do I bother'?'

'Alright, I'll tell you, but remember I'm just relaying what Sherlock said, alright?'

'Yeah, yeah.'

'Well... it seems that... Mycroft Holmes... fancies someone.'

'...'

'Honestly.'

'You must be lying.'

'Why would I lie about Mycroft Holmes having the hots for someone?'

'Dunno; you're weird? Maybe your minds warped from living with Sherlock.'

'I was warped before I met him.'

'Wait, so you're telling me Mycroft Holmes, the British Government... actually fancies someone?'

'Yes.'

'Like, another human being?'

'Yes.'

'Mycroft Holmes?'

'Well, he doesn't fancy himself-'

'You know what I mean!'

'Yes, alright? Sherlock's older brother apparently, apparently, fancies someone.'

'And where'd you hear this?'

'Sherlock told me, I did say that.'

'Right... right... erm, any idea... who?'

'Why are you blushing?'

'I ain't blushing.'

'Yeah you are.'

'Am not.'

'And you talk funny when you're embarrassed, kind of cockny.'

'John!'

'Why do you care?'

'I... I don't...'

'...'

'I don't really care.'

'Greg, don't lie to me.'

'I ain't... not, I'm not lying.'

'Sure, sure.'

'Maybe I just want to blackmail him, think of that?'

'You're a cop.'

'And you're a doctor; thus ends this thrilling game of, 'What Do You Do For A Living?' Now, back to my previous question; who does Mycroft Holmes fancy?'

'You're a riot, you know that?'

'I do in fact.'

'You go from charming to annoying to charming again in three seconds.'

'And...?'

'Just something Sherlock pointed out when he said Mycroft fancied you.'

'...'

'I thought you wanted to know.'

'...'

'Greg?'

'...'

'Um... nervous breakdown?'

'...'

'Can you breathe?'

'...'

'I'm going to take the fact that you're still standing as a yes... um, well, I'm serious, you know. Mycroft turned up this morning with a case for Sherlock. Of course Sherlock refused and Mycroft threatened to call you and have you ban Sherlock from cases. And then Sherlock said, and I quote, 'Oh, yes, use me as an excuse to call your boyfriend'. I thought Mycroft was going to shout or roll his eyes, maybe even hit Sherlock. I did not expect him to blush and stutter and drop the file. So then Sherlock got all high-and-mighty, spouting out about what traits of yours Mycroft found alluring; your eyes, your body, your hair. Apparently Mycroft really likes your hair...'

'... Um...'

'Oh, you're alive.'

'A... y-yeah...'

'So...'

'M-Mycroft...?'

'Fancies you? Apparently. Sherlock said so, Mycroft never confirmed it. But he didn't deny it either. And he was blushing like a little boy with a crush and stumbling over his words. Quite endearing, actually. He'd probably be my type if I wasn't with Sherlock.'

'...'

'Don't look so pissed, I'm not going after him.'

'What? I didn't say anything.'

'The phrase, 'If looks could kill', comes to mind.'

'Don't be stupid, John.'

'Oh my God.'

'What?'

'Oh my God.'

'What?!'

'Oh my-'

'JOHN!'

'You fancy Mycroft!'

'W-what? I do not, why would you say that, I do not, I don't even... no, John, no, no, no, no!'

'Yeah, well that was convincing.'

'Shut up!'

'Greggie fancies Mikey, Greggie fancies Mikey...'

'I'll fucking hit you, I swear to God.'

'Nah ah, Sherlock'd break into your flat.'

'So? I'd organise a drug's bust.'

'And Sherlock would dye your shirts pink again.'

'And Mycroft would have Sherlock sent to Israel, again.'

'Ooh, Mycroft comes to your defence? Well isn't that cute.'

'John...'

'So come on, be straight with me... well, be gay with me, do you fancy him?'

'Be gay with... what?'

'Well it seemed a stupid choice of words when I'm asking you if you fancy another bloke.'

'John, you're giving me a headache.'

'And you, Gregory, are avoiding the question. So, now, honestly; do. You. Like. Mycroft?'

'...'

'I've got all day, Greg.'

'...'

'Sherlock's in a mood, I'd actually rather stand at a crime scene with you for four hours.'

'... I...'

'Waiting...'

'I maybe...'

'Yes...?'

'Kind of...'

'For fuck's sake-'

'I like him.'

'Sorry, what was that? Speak up, I'm a little hard of hearing.'

'I fancy him.'

'Another mumble, do use your words, Greg-'

'I LIKE HIM!'

'There you go, out in the open now; and look, you don't even have to tell your team that you're gay.'

'Fuck you.'

'Tut, tut.'

'You've been spending far too much time with Sherlock.'

'With him, in him, same difference.'

'John.'

'Anywho, Mycroft fancies you, you want to bugger him; win-win.'

'W-what? Who said I wanted to-to...'

'Oh, just fancy him for his money, do you? Why Gregory Lestrade, you filthy little who-'

'John, for the love of God.'

'For the love of the Holmeses. Come on.'

'Let go of me!'

'No.'

'John!'

'Greg, Mycroft will be at 221B at 12 o'clock. It is currently... 11:15. So, your team can do without you for a bit why you come back to mine, admit you want to shag Mycroft, and share some nice fluffy kisses.'

'... Were you ever normal?'

'No, don't think so.'

'J-John?'

'Yeah?'

'Does he... did he really blush?'

'Yep.'

'And stutter?'

'Yep.'

'...'

'Ah, look at Greggie grinning.'

'Shut up.'

Author's Note: Seriously, no idea where this came from. Just... no idea. I've always been a fan of dialogue-only fics where the writer has to express so much through words alone. So I guess I wanted to write one and here you go. There will most likely be more, I have no idea when.

Also, forgive any mistakes as I wrote this on Wordpad and there isn't a spell check. My laptop has decided to go and get a virus and I'm stuck on my non-microsoft-word-having notebook. If you see any mistakes let me know and I'll correct them.

So, what will happen next? Will Greg and Mycroft get together? And how can I write slash with dialogue only? Well, I'm sure I'll think of something if you people want to read it :)

{Dreamer}