Author's Note: Two days of writing and five hours of straight typing later, here is the Glee Breakfast Club. I kept the story as close as I could to the movie as I possibly could, which means that a lot of the dialogue comes directly from the original. I switched what I had to to keep everything true to the characters as I interpreted them, and I took several liberties toward the end, but you'll find it's as close to an exact replica with these characters as you're likely to ever come across.

I own absolutely nothing.

Saturday, March 24, 2011. William McKinley High School, Lima, Ohio. 45801

Dear Ms. Sylvester, we accept the fact that we had to sacrifice a whole Saturday in detention for whatever it was that we did wrong... and what we did was wrong, but we think you're crazy to make us this essay telling you who we think we are. What do you care? You see us as you want to see us... in the simplest terms and most convenient definitions. You see us as a brain, an athlete, a basket case, a princess, and a criminal. Correct? That's the way we saw each other at seven o'clock this morning. We were brainwashed.

"I can't believe you can't get me out of this," Rachel Berry complained to her father as they sat in the car outside the front doors of the school. "It's so absurd I have to be here on a Saturday. It's not like I'm defective or anything." She blew out a hard breath and her brown bangs flurried.

Her dad turned in his seat with a placating smile. " I'll make it up to you." He grabbed her bag from the backseat and handed it to her. "Honey, ditching class to go shopping doesn't make you defective." She pouted silently. "Have a good day." She shook her head in annoyed disbelief and stepped out of the car, slamming the passenger door behind her.

"Is this the first time or the last time we do this?" Mrs. Abrams asked in her sternest voice.

Artie turned to his mother dejectedly. "Last."

She nodded. "Use the time to your advantage."

"Mom, we're not supposed to study; we just have to sit there and do nothing."

The stern look turned angry. "Well, Mr., you find a way to study." Artie stared at her with defeat in his eyes. "Well go!"

Finn's mom turned to him in the truck. "Hey, I screwed around. Teenagers screw around, there's nothing wrong with that." Finn nodded, eyes on the loose thread at the bottom of his letterman jacket. "Except you got caught, sport."

"Yeah, you already grounded me, alright?"

"You wanna miss a game? You wanna blow your ride?" Finn shook his head stiffly, moving as little as possible. "Now, no school is gonna give a scholarship to a discipline case!" Finn finally met his mother's gaze with hurt in his eyes. He got out of the truck and stormed in the direction of the school.

Tina Cohen-Chang sat in the back of the car wordlessly, dressed in her usual all black, gothic garb. She knew they were going too fast for a school zone, but she couldn't find it within her to care. The brakes were hit abruptly as some girl with cropped, bright pink hair, a faded band t-shirt, and a dangerous look about her crossed right in front of their speeding bumper without a care in the world. As Tina watched her go, she realized that they were in front of the school and scrambled out of the car. It drove away before she could think to even wave goodbye.

The students were to congregate in the library. Rachel arrived first and took the table in the front.

Artie rolled in and took the one just behind her.

When Finn came in, he hesitated before motioning to one of the chairs at Rachel's table, silently asking if he could sit. She appraised him quickly before she shrugged her indifference.

The girl with pink hair walked in next, not at all concerned with keeping the quiet as the others were. She bumped and tapped every surface within her reach. She strolled to the tables with something akin to swagger and pushed her sunglasses up to rest on her hairline, revealing stark, green-hazel eyes. She looked around, then walked up to Artie and jerked a thumb for him to move, which he did. Quickly.

Tina bustled in not long after with her head down and went immediately to the empty table in the back. Everyone watched her and shrugged to themselves when she didn't acknowledge any of them.

Last, but never, ever least, Sue Sylvester strode into the library in all her self-important glory. She looked over the gathered kids with obvious distaste. "Well, well. Here we are. I want to congratulate you for being on time."

Rachel raised her hand nervously. "Excuse me, ma'am? I think there's been a mistake. I know it's detention, but, um, I don't think I belong in here."

Sue surveyed her for a moment before she raised her fist to her face and looked at her watch. "It is now 7:06. You have exactly eight hours and fifty-four minutes to think about why you're here." Rachel and Finn exchanged sideways glances. The girl with pink hair rocked back in her chair. "Ponder the error of your ways." Pink-hair clunked her combat-booted feet up on her table. "You may not talk. You will not move from these seats." Artie stared up at her with wide eyes. "And you," she said, marching over to the pink-haired girl, "will not sleep." She pushed the girl's chair forward so that it stood on four legs again. "Alright, people. We're going to try something a little different today. We are going to write an essay. No less than 1,000 words, so says Principal Figgins, describing to me who you think you are." She placed lined paper in front of each of them.

"Is this a test?" Artie asked.

"And when I say essay," Sue continued, ignoring the boy completely, "I mean essay. I do not mean a single word repeated a thousand times. Is that clear, Ms. Fabray?"

Pink-hair, her feet magically back up on the table, replied, "Crystal," in a monotone voice.

"Good. Maybe you'll learn a little something about yourselves. Maybe you'll even decide whether or not you care to return."

Artis raised his hand. "Uh, I can answer that right now, ma'am. That'd be a no for me, because-"

"Put your hand down, Abrams."

"Yes, thank you ma'am."

"Now my office is right across that hall. Any monkey business is ill-advised. Any questions?"

Finn and Rachel shook their heads.

"Yeah, I have one," the Fabray girl piped up, a gleam in her eye. "Does the US Olympic team know you've been stealing their track suits?" The other kids fought smirks.

"Detention, Ms. Fabray. Next Saturday." Sue pointed an authoritive finger. "Don't mess with the bull, lady, or you'll get the horns." With that, she stalked back out of the room.

With Sylvester gone, the kids all visibly relaxed. Rachel, Finn, and Artie let out a collective breath, and they all sat quietly until a curious clicking sound persisted and they turned to watch Tina biting her nails forcefully. She looked up to see all of them staring with varying degrees of disgust. She defiantly took another bite at her thumbnail. The Fabray girl said with mock concern, "Keep eating your hand, you won't be hungry for lunch." Tina glared at her and purposely spat the nail out. Fabray went to continue, but she halted when she spotted Sue spying from across the hall. She shot the woman a sickeningly sweet fake smile.

Everyone grew bored quickly. Artie stuck a pen in his mouth and pretended to be a walrus until he saw the judgmental look he was getting from the Fabray girl, who faced forward again only to crumple her lined paper and toss it, narrowly missing Rachel's head. After a beat of silence, pink-hair broke out humming the melody of Sunshine of Your Love.

The annoyance on Rachel's face grew until she said, "I can't believe this is really happening to me."

Suddenly the Fabray girl was all but yelling, "Oh shit! What if we have to take a piss?"

Finn turned around to face her. "Would you shut up? If you have to go, she's not gonna stop you."

Pink-hair's expression transformed to one of amusement. "You're pretty sexy when you get angry," she taunted. Finn's face was stony. Pink-hair sat up in her seat, suddenly directing conversation at Artie. "Hey, homie, why don't you go close that door? We'll see if the quarterback's girlfriend is a lady in the streets and a freak in the sheets." She shot an almost hungry glance at Rachel.

Finn turned back again. He wasn't quarterback, and she wasn't his girlfriend, but their social circles intermingled, and he felt like he should defend her. "Hey! If I lose my temper, you're dead. You're barely a girl, I won't feel bad."

"Oh, really?"

"Really."

Rachel finally spoke up. "Why don't you just shut it?" She looked over her shoulder at pink-hair's smug face. "Nobody here is interested."

She and Finn both turned round in their seats to face front again. "Seriously," the boy added, somewhat unnecessarily. "Buttface."

"Well hey, kiddo, what'd you do to get in here? Forget to wash your jockstrap?"

Artie tried to play mediator. "Look, guys, I think we should just write our papers."

Again, he was ignored. Finn was ready to fight the Fabray girl. "Look, just because you live in detention doesn't give you the right to be a pain in the ass, so knock it off!"

She shrugged. "Free country."

Rachel turned to Finn. "She's just trying to get a rise out of you. Just ignore her."

The Fabray girl tossed her hot pink hair and addressed Rachel. "Babe, you couldn't ignore me if you tried." Rachel rolled her eyes. "So, are you guys, like, boyfriend/girlfriend?" Pink-hair raised her voice in a fake posh accent. "Steady dates? Lovers?" Her voice dropped again. "Come on, pal, level with me. You slip her the hot, beef injection?" Her voice was low and sultry.

Both occupants of the front table spun around, screaming "Go to Hell!" and "Enough!" before grumbling angrily to themselves.

The Fabray girl just grinned. "So, what do we say we close those doors? It's not a real party if Sylvester's playing chaperone."

The lines on Finn's brow grew steadily deeper. "Would you just shut the hell up? The doors are supposed to stay open."

Pink-hair smacked her lips noisily. "Wow. You're right. You know, I always knew you had to be smart to play football."

Finn scoffed. "Please. Who are you to judge anyof us?"

Rachel piped in, "Really."

Finn kept going. "You know, Fabray, you don't even count. If you disappeared forever, it wouldn't make any difference. You may as well not even exist at this school."

She seemed to consider this. "Well... I guess I'll jest run right out and join the Cheerios, then. Maybe the glee club, too. Student Council?"

Finn chuckled. "They wouldn't take you."

She put her hand over her chest. "Gosh. I'm hurt."

Rachel faced her. "You know why people like you sit back and scoff at everything?" Pink-hair's eyebrow raises in interest. "It's because you're scared. You're a big coward."

Artie tried to interject. "I'm in the AV club."

Rachel was still talking. "You think they won't take you, you think you don't belong, so you just dump all over it."

"Well, child, you've cut me to the quick. But wait, it wouldn't have anything to do with you activities people being assholes, now would it?"

"You wouldn't even know. You don't know any of us."

"I'm in a lot of clubs," Artie mumbled, trying again.

The Fabray girl finally looked up at him. "What are you saying over there?"

He looked surprised that he was being acknowledged. "Just that I'm in a lot of clubs. Audio/visual club, the Brainiacs, Mathletes, chess club..."

Pink-hair nodded. "Hey princess," Rachel glared at her quickly, "are you a Mathlete?"

"No, that's an academic club. They're different from the other clubs."

"Oh, I get it. So a dork like him can be in the academic clubs, but you don't even want to try because you wouldn't belong with losers like them. Gotcha." She was back to talking to Artie again. "So, Einstein, your clubs, you ever have fun? Ever blaze up and party?"

"Um, well, we get dressedup, for the end-of-year banquet, but we don't get high."

Rachel still glared at the Fabray girl. "Only burners like you get high."

"Look would you all just shut it?" Finn practically demanded. "I have a game next Saturday, and I'm not gonna miss it because you all got us crapped on by Sylvester."

Pink-hair nodded in pretend empathy. "Yeah, that would be a real shame."

Finn's face went red. "Well you wouldn't know anything about it, faggot! You've never competed in your life."

Now she was really smiling. "Oh, I know. I feel all empty inside because of it. And I just have such an admiration for guys who play with balls and spend so much time on top of each other."

The sound of Ms. Sylvester outside the door could be heard, and with a smirk, the Fabray girl rushed over and scooted into the chair between Finn and Rachel, folding her hands like a good little girl. When the footsteps died away down the hall, she jumped up and went to the doors. She messed with the bolt that held them in place until they slammed shut, and she slipped something into her pocket.

"Very funny, Fabray. Fix the door, she's gonna come back."

"No, it's cool. I know what I'm doing."

The door wrenched open. "Damn kids! Why is that door closed?" Sue's voice was large and powerful.

"How are we supposed to know, we aren't supposed to move, right?"

"Cute story, Q." Sylvester's gaze shifted to Rachel. Maybe she'd be easier to break. "Why?"

"I don't know, we were just sitting here, like we're supposed to."

"It just closed, ma'am." Finn said with his eyes on his desk. "I think a screw fell out of it."

Sue's gaze swept the room. Tina squeaked and planted her head on her desk. She turned back to pink-hair. "Give me the screw."

"I don't have it."

"Listen to me, Fabray, you give me that screw."

"I don't have it."

"Do you want me to come over there and shake it out of you?"

"Very much, ma'am, but I don't have it. Screws fall out. The world's an imperfect place."

"Give it to me, Q."

"Excuse me, ma'am, but why would anyone steal a screw?"

"Watch it, Berry."

The Fabray girl mumbled something, and Sue's eyes snapped to her as her face lit up at the chance to punish someone. "What was that, Q?"

Pink-hair met her gaze defiantly. "Suck. My. Dick."

"You just bought yourself another Saturday, Fabray."

"Ah, I'm crushed."

"That's one more."

"Great. Tack on some more, my schedule's clear."

"Good, 'cause it's going to be filled. I'll keep going. Are you through?"

Pink-hair crossed her arms, her face unreadable. "No."

"I'm doing society a favor. I've got you for the rest of your natural born life! You want another one?"

"Yeah!"

"You got it! That's another one!"

Rachel watched the Fabray girl with wide eyes. "Cut it out!"

"Your ass is mine, Fabray."

The girl leaned forward. "You really think I give a shit?"

"I bet that's exactly what you want these idiots to think. You know what, Q, you should spend more time trying to do something with your life and less time trying to impress people." She turned to make her exit. "Next time I have to come in here, I'm cracking skulls." Tina picked her head back up and looked around warily as the door shut again.

Pink-hair fumed for a minute before she screamed after the woman, "Fuck you!"

The time passed slowly. At one point, pink-hair lit up a cigarette, striking the match on the bottom of her boot. Rachel watched, almost awed by the audacity of the action. Everyone stared around at each other. Finn played paper football with himself. Boredom hung around them in the air.

They all fell asleep. They only woke when Sue came back to inform them of their one and only opportunity to use the lavatory.

When they got back to the library, Finn asked Rachel if she was going to a party that was happening that night. "I don't know. My dads said I can, but my mom wants me to blow it off and hang out with her."

"So which are you gonna do?"

"I don't know. I don't really want to do either. It's like ever since Shelby came back into my life, she and my dads have been in a big power struggle over me, and they all just want me to pick a side. At first my mom just wanted to spend time with me, because, you know, she actually decided she wanted me. Then it was them all trying to buy my love, but now it's mostly just about them getting back at each other."

"HA!" Tina burst out, still at her desk in the back, while everyone else had gravitated toward the front. The others turned to look at her with raised eyebrows.

Rachel looked scandalized. "Shut up!"

Finn scoffed. "You're just feeling sorry for yourself."

"Yeah, well, if I didn't, nobody else would."

"Yeah, you're breaking my heart."

The Fabray girl cocked her head to the side. "Hey, big shot, you get along with your parents?"

"Well if I say yes, I'm an idiot, right?"

"You're an idiot anyway." She chuckled. Too easy. "But if you say you get along with your 'rents, you're a liar, too." She got up in his face before she walked away.

He followed after her. "You know what? If we weren't in school right now, I'd wreck you." She smiled easily and flipped him the bird.

Artie tried to ease the tension and wheeled himself between them. "Hey, you know, I don't like my parents, either. I don't get along with them. Their idea of parental compassionis, you know-"

Finn walked away and pink-hair simply said, "Kid, you are a parent's wet dream."

Finn spoke again, coming to Artie's rescue. "He has a name, you know."

"Is that so?"

"Yeah." He paused and turned to the boy, "What's your name?"

"Artie."

Finn nodded at the Fabray girl. "See?"

She dropped a hand on Artie's shoulder. "My condolences and deepest sympathies."

Rachel directed at pink-hair, "What's your name?"

She turned to the girl. "What's yours?"

"Rachel."

"Rachel? That's a fat girl's name." She barked a laugh when Rachel gave her the finger. "My, such an obscene gesture for such a pristine girl."

"I'm not that pristine."

"Oh? Are you a virgin? I'll bet a million dollars that you are," she said, leaning on the girl's table.

"Why don't you just shut up?"

"Have you ever even kissed anyone? On the mouth?" Rachel gave her an icy glare but said nothing. "Have you ever been felt up? Under the shirt, over the bra?" She chuckled.

Finn stood up and walked toward them again. "Leave her alone."

Fabray straightened and accepted the challenge. "You gonna make me?"

Everyone watched, anticipation smeared all over their faces. "Yeah."

She approached him. "You and how many of your friends?"

"Just me," Finn said confidently. "Me and two hits: me hitting you, you hitting the floor." She, almost playfully, poked his chest. He shoved her back with all his might and she sprawled on the floor; she was strong, but he was at least twice her height. "Let's get this straight, if you think you can manage: you don't talk to her, you don't look at her, you don't even think about her!"

At that moment, a janitor with extremely curly hair walked in, pushing a garbage can and listening to loud music. He smiled at the kids and pink-hair read his nametag before she addressed him. "Hey, Will, can I ask you something?" She tilted her head politely.

He pulled out one of his earbuds. "Sure."

"How does one become a janitor?"

He looked as if he thought he misheard her. "You want to be a janitor?"

"Oh, no. It's just that I know Finn Hudson here, he's really interested in the custodial career track, and I was wondering if you might give him some pointers."

He leaned on the trash can. "If you want to become a janitor, either marry a girl who wants more than you can afford, forcing you to take on any second job you can find, or keep talking to me like an untouchable peasant. I've followed you all around with a broom for as long as you've been going here. I know all your secrets. I've looked through your letters, your lockers," Quinn's eyes widened slightly, "I listen to your conversations without you knowing." He smirked and continued talking. "By the way, that clock's twenty minutes fast."

At 11:30, Sue came back to tell the "ladies" that it was time for lunch. After some prodding, they somehow convinced her to let Finn and Tina go to the teachers' lounge to get drinks for everyone.

"So, what's your poison?" Tina didn't answer as they wandered down the hall. "What do you drink?" Still nothing. "Okay, forget I asked."

After some silence, "Vodka."

He turned to look at her. "Vodka? When do you drink vodka?"

"Whenever," she said, strutting past him.

"A lot?"

"Tons." She dragged the word out like she was proud.

"Is that why you're here today?" She shook her head. "Why are you here, then?"

"Why are you here?"

"Um," he backed against a wall, "I'm here because I… 'cause my mom and my coach don't want me to lose my ride."

"Yeah. That's very interesting. Now why don't you tell me why you're really in here?"

Finn shook his head. "Forget it."

Back in the library, boredom set in as they waited for their drinks. Pink-hair opened an encyclopedia. "Hey Rachel, want to see a picture of a guy with elephantitis of the nuts? It's pretty tasty."

"No thank you."

"Would you ever date a guy like that? I mean, if he was a nice guy and a good dancer and had a nice car? Although, you'd probably have to ride backseat, because his balls would ride shotgun."

Rachel sighed wistfully. "You know what I wish I was doing?"

Pink-hair smirked. "Watch what you say. Artie here is a cherry."

Artie snapped his head back and forth between the two girls. "What? I-I'm not a cherry."

"Really? When have you ever gotten laid?"

"I've laid tons of times. You just don't know them." His eyes flickered to the back of Rachel's head.

Pink-hair raised an eyebrow, pretending to be impressed. "Oh, I see. You and Rachel did it." She blinked, sarcasm oozing from her voice.

Rachel whipped around. "What?"

Artie scrambled. "Nothing! Nothing, don't worry about it, just for get it."

"No, what? What is she talking about?"

"Well," pink-hair chimed in, "Art, here, was trying to silently communicate that along with his many other conquests, you and he are getting it on behind closed doors."

Rachel gave him an exasperated look and he continued to panic. "No, I wasn't! Not at all, I wouldn't do that!"

"So why were you motioning to Rachel with your eyes?"

"Yeah, but I was just… I didn't, I didn't want her to know that I'm a virgin, okay? Excuse me for being a virgin, I'm sorry."

Rachel's eyes softened. "Why didn't you want me to know you're a virgin?"

"It's kind of embarrassing," he said, keeping his head tilted downward.

"I think it's okay for a guy to be a virgin." When she smiled reassuringly, Artie returned it appreciatively, but his eyes stayed in his lap.

Eventually Finn and Tina returned with their arms full of cans of Coke, and they all started in on their lunches. Rachel pulled a smaller brown paper bag out of the H&M shopping bag she'd toted in. Pink-hair inquired, "What's in there?"

"Guess," Rachel replied without looking. "What are you having?"

The girl smirked and lifted her trademark eyebrow. "You're wearing it."

Rachel pursed her lips. "You're nauseating." Pink-hair just licked her lips and grinned.

As she pulled her lunch out and placed it on the table, pink-hair asked Rachel, "What is that?"

It was Rachel's turn to smirk. "Sushi." When the girl's eyebrows scrunched in question, the brunette elaborated. "White sticky rice, raw fish, and seaweed."

The Fabray girl stared at the food. "So, you won't accept a tongue in your mouth, but you'll eat that? And you call me nauseating."

Meanwhile, Finn pulled what seemed like half a grocery store out of his own, much larger, brown bag: a full party-size bag of potato chips, two sandwiches, a full half-gallon of milk, and a bag of cookies. Rachel's jaw slackened as it all kept coming out as if it were Mary Poppin's bag and there simply was no bottom. He checked the bag again and found a banana and apple hiding somewhere within. He asked, "What's your problem?" when he noticed everyone staring.

No one bothered to say anything when Tina openly poured two pixie stix on slices of bread, crushed some cereal on top, and ate it as a sandwich.

Pink-hair made her way over to Artie's table and took a look at what came out of his bag: a thermos of soup, an apple juice box, and a peanut butter sandwich with the crusts cut off. "Well, Art, this is a very nutritious lunch we have here. All of the food groups are represented. Did your mom marry Mr. Rogers?"

"Uh, no," he said, not understanding, "Mr. Abrams."

She shook her head good-naturedly and resisted the urge to ruffle his hair before she announced, "So this is my impression of life at old Artie's house." She adopted a deep voice to imitate Artie's dad. "Hey, son." Her voice lightened up as she imitated Artie himself. "Yeah, dad? How was your day? Great, how about yours? Super! Say, son, how would you like to go fishing this weekend? Great, dad! But I've got homework to do." Her lips turned dramatically downward. "That's alright, son. You can do it on the boat! Gee! Dear, isn't our son swell?" She used her regular voice for Artie's mom. "Yes dear, isn't life swell?" She mimed very sweet kissing before she screwed up her face and punched the imaginary Mrs. Abrams in the nose.

Finn, who had been grinning up until the end of the little enactment, let all traces of amusement fall slip off his face. "Okay. What about your family?"

"My family? Oh, that's an easy one." She scratched her chin in a way that indicated whoever she was impersonating was something of a slob. Her fake voice was even deeper than the one she used for Artie's dad. "Stupid, worthless, no good, goddamn free-loading dyke, Quinn Fabray. You're a retarded, big-mouthed know-it-all bitch." She let her voice go higher again. "You forgot ugly, lazy, and disrespectful-" her voice was deep again, but this time bigger and angrier. "Shut up, bitch! Go make me a pot roast." She motioned a big smack on who was assumed to be her mother. Then she appeared to be playing herself. "Dad, what about you? Fuck you! No, dad, what about you? Fuck you! No dad, what about you? FUCK YOU!" She mimed a big wind up and punch.

Artie looked at her with big, saucer eyes. "Is that for real?"

She clenched and unclenched her jaw. "You wanna come over sometime?"

But Finn just narrowed his eyes. "That's bullshit. It's all a part of your image. I don't believe a word of it."

"You don't believe me?"

"No."

"No?"

"Did I stutter?"

She walked over and yanked up her sleeve, revealing an ugly scar that looked like it resulted from a burn. "You believe this?" Rachel had to look away. "It's about the size of a cigar." Finn didn't say anything, just stared at it. She thrust it in his face. "Do I stutter? See, this is what happens in my house when your parents find out you're gay." She backed away and rolled her sleeve back down with force. "I don't think I need to sit with you fucking asswipes anymore." She stalked off into the stacks, and after a moment of labored breathing, pushed a small display of books over with a strangled scream. After that, she stomped her way to an armchair far enough away and sat, struggling for deep breaths.

Rachel finally looked back up from her hands twisting in her lap to Finn. "You shouldn't have said that." Her voice wavered, and it was clear she was fighting with herself on whether she really wanted to be on the Fabray girl's – Quinn's – side.

He straightened defensively. "Well how was I supposed to know? I mean, she lies about everything anyway."

Everyone just stared at the floor.

In her office, the kids heard Sue Sylvester spill her coffee all over her desk. Or more accurately, they heard the colorful expletives that poured out of her mouth after.

As soon as she was stalking down the hall grumbling about coffee being scraped off the bottom of Lake Erie, the kids poked their heads out the door, and one by one they slipped out of the library. They made their way down the hallway as quietly as they could until Rachel finally asked Quinn, who led the party, "How do you know where Sylvester went?" The girl turned her hazel gaze on her before turning forward again.

"I don't."

"So how do you know when she'll be back?"

The girl shrugged, still walking with confidence. "I don't." Everyone stared after her, Rachel almost with admiration. "Being bad feels pretty good, doesn't it?"

A few more minutes of walking, and they stopped at a locker that could only belong to Quinn, if the graffiti and skull stickers were any indication. She opened it up and had to catch several books and a shoe as they came tumbling out. Finn scrunched his nose. "You're such a slob."

She rolled her eyes. "Sorry, my maid's on vacation." She reached into the top shelf of her locker and pulled out a severely crumpled paper bag, from which she produced a smaller, albeit equally crumpled bag. From that she retrieved a very small plastic bag and shoved it in her pocket. As Finn and Artie expressed their concern and annoyance at being dragged out for marijuana, Quinn, Rachel, and Tina all set off down the hall again.

They began the trek back to the library and argued over the best course of action. Everyone halted in their tracks and let their eyes widen when they saw the track suit-clad back of one Sue Sylvester walking calmly down the hall to their right. Adrenaline started pumping and they were off at a run.

They scrambled across the tile floors and skidded around every corner. Their hearts beat out of their chests as Sylvester seemed to show up unknowingly at every route they thought of.

At an intersection of hallways, they came to an abrupt halt. "We have to go through the caf," Quinn breathed out.

"No, the activities hallway," Finn argued. The girl went to counter, but he cut her off. "We're done listening to you. We're going this way." He took off again, and Artie and Rachel soon followed. Quinn fought with herself for another second, but with Tina's eyes urging her to make a decision, she huffed out a breath and followed the pack.

They ran for their lives, and it almost seemed they were in the clear, until they were met with a set of double doors that were bolted shut for the weekend. "Shit!" Quinn yelled as quietly as she could manage. "Great idea, big shot."

"Fuck you."

"Fuck you, why didn't you listen to Quinn?" Rachel surprised even herself with that one.

"We're dead," Artie resigned.

Quinn looked around and sighed. "No, just me."

"What do you mean?" Artie asked, even as the girl stuffed her bag of weed down his pants and pushed his wheelchair in the direction she wanted them all to go. "Get back to the library, and keep quiet." With that, she was off and running again, this time singing La Roux's Bulletproof at the top of her lungs, in the opposite direction. They watched her go for just a moment before they were off themselves.

Quinn ran down the hallways, tearing down posters and slamming open lockers as she went. She knew Sue was raging and on the warpath by then. But the woman wasn't getting any younger, and she'd have to catch her first.

When she'd nearly lapped the school, and she passed the gym, Quinn got an idea. She knew she was dead meat anyway, so she pushed the door open and took up a pair of discarded pompoms and began waving them around like a lunatic, trying to recall the dumbass cheers her mom had tried to teach her in middle school.

By the time Sylvester got to the gym, puffing and out of breath, she'd given up on cheers and was singing that bananas song by Gwen Stefani and jumping around in circles.

"Hey! Fabray! What is this?" Ms. Sylvester's face was contorted with rage.

"Hey, Coach." She dropped the poms and did a sloppy cartwheel.

"Out, Fabray, it's over."

"Don't you wanna hear my excuse?" She planted her hands on her hips and batted her eyebrows innocently. Sue pointed at the door. Quinn ignored her and grabbed the pompoms again. "I'm thinking of trying out for a scholarship."

"Give me the pompoms." Quinn cocked her head and dropped the pompoms on the floor only after faking giving them to the coach several times.

Sue escorted her all the way back to the library, but when they arrived, she ordered Quinn to get her things and come with her. She addressed the others as the girl grabbed her bag. "Little Miss Smartass here has taken it upon herself to go to the gymnasium. I'm sorry to inform you that you'll be without her wisecracks and shenanigans for the rest of the day." Quinn scoffed. "Everything's a big joke to you, Fabray. That false alarm you pulled on Friday – false fire alarms are funny, aren't they? What if your home, what if your family… what if your dope was on fire?"

"Impossible, ma'am, it's in Abrams' underwear." The others chuckled.

"Oh, you think she's funny? You think this is cute? You think she's bitchin', is that it?" Their eyes dropped. "Let me tell you something. Look at me. She's a bum. You wanna see something funny, you go visit Quinn Fabray in five years. You'll see how goddamn funny she is." She walked over to where the girl in question sat with a hard, stoic face. "What's the matter, Q? Gonna cry? Let's go." She made to seize Quinn's arm, but the girl shook her off violently. Quinn blinked hard and thanked every god she could think of that no tears spilled over.

"Keep your fucking hands off me." Her voice was gravelly. She stepped around Sylvester so that she could be led out of the library. Everyone watched silently. "I expected better manners from you, Sue." She slammed the door on the way out so hard it sprang back open with a bang.

Sue brought her into the storage closet where all of the drama supplies were kept. The girl sat against the West Side Story back drop with one knee pulled up to her chest. "That's the last time, Fabray. That's the last time you make me look bad in front of those kids, do you hear me? I make sixty thousand dollars a year thanks to my Cheerios. I've got a home and a life, and I'm not about to throw it away on some punk like you. But someday, when you're out of this place and everyone's forgotten you, and you're all wrapped up in your pathetic life, I'm gonna be there. I'm gonna kick your ass and I'm gonna laugh."

"Are you threatening me?"

"What are you gonna do about it, Q? You think anybody's going to believe you? You think anyone is going to take your word over Sue Sylvester's? I'm respected around here, they love me. I'm a seven time national champion, and you're a punk-ass kid who skips class to smoke weed under the bleachers. You're nothing, and everybody knows it."

Quinn's face said it all as she just sat and took it. Sue squared her shoulders and walked out of the room breathing heavily and locked the door behind her.

When she was sure the woman was gone, Quinn sprang up and climbed the piles of props and sets to the latch in the ceiling that opened to the vent. She pulled herself in and started crawling. She didn't bother trying to be quiet, as she started telling herself a joke about a dumb blonde and a scratch-and-sniff sticker at the bottom of a pool while she crawled, not quite hastily. She was almost to the punch line when she heard a suspicious creaking noise below her. Before she could investigate, she heard a loud crack and floor fell out from underneath her with a crash. When she opened her eyes, she saw a bookshelf and a lot of dust.

When she walked over to the other kids, she did so as if everything was normal and she didn't just fall from the sky. Everyone gawked at her with slack jaws, so she said with a shrug, "Forgot my pencil."

"Goddamn it!" They all heard Sue's voice and panicked. The woman yanked the library doors open. "What the hell is going on in here? What was all that ruckus?" She looked around at the kids in their seats, all of whom shrugged.

Finn put on his naïve face without too much trouble and asked, "What ruckus?"

Sue glared daggers at him. "I was just in my office, and I heard a ruckus."

Artie raised his shoulders in attempted nonchalance. "Could you maybe describe the ruckus?"

"Watch yourself, young man." She pointed an accusatory finger.

Quinn, underneath Rachel and Finn's table, lifted her head and consequently smacked it on the underside of the wood surface. Hoping to cover it up, Finn, tapped his hands on the table, and Tina clunked her feet noisily on the floor.

"What is that noise?" Quinn heard as she came upon a more than interesting sight.

"What noise?" Under the table, Quinn's face was exactly level with Rachel's lap. Rachel was wearing a skirt.

Rachel spoke, employing her acting skills. "Really, Ms. Sylvester, there wasn't any noise." Her voice faltered and she kicked Quinn under the table, the pink-haired girl's head between her legs. She coughed loudly to cover the grunt of pain, and everyone joined in as a groan followed. Rachel laughed weakly. "That noise? Was that the noise you were talking about?"

"No. No, it wasn't. That was not the noise I was talking about. Now, I may not have caught you in the cat this time, you little monsters, but you can bet I will." Tina coughed once more and cleared her throat loudly. Sylvester pointed at her. "You can count on that, missy." Then to the whole group, "I will not be made a fool of." She stormed back out of the library, straightening her track jacket as she went, her pants swishing with every step.

They guys and Tina broke out into laughter the moment the door clanged shut behind her. Rachel looked a great deal less amused. She kicked Quinn again before she scooted her chair out and slapped her on the arm as the girl crawled out from under the table. Quinn just pouted her lip, trying to dispel the smirk stuck on her lips. "It was an accident."

Rachel huffed through her nose. "You're an asshole."

Quinn raised an eyebrow challengingly. "Sue me." She got up off her knees and walked over to where Artie sat. "So, Ahab, care to return my shit?" Artie sighed and unzipped his pants, retrieving the hidden spliff and handing it over.

Finn watched, disbelief written all over his face. "Hey, pothead, you're not gonna blaze up in here."

Quinn kept walking and they all watched her go. Finn shook his head at Rachel when he saw her following the girl with her eyes, but the brunette stood from her seat and went after the girl with pink hair.

After a moment of silent deliberation, Artie up and rolled to catch up with them. Tina followed after him. Finn stewed for a minute before standing and grumpily going to join the group.

It didn't take long for all of them to get high and happy. Artie was snorting and giggling to himself as he rolled himself in circles, ramming into bookshelves without really noticing. Quinn and Rachel sat side by side in armchairs, and Quinn struck a match on her teeth to light the diva's joint. Rachel promptly coughed and spluttered upon inhaling the smoke into her lungs. Quinn just watched her with a lazy smile. The smoke hung around like a fog, and it didn't take long for Rachel to teach herself to hold the smoke in. They all chuckled when Artie started doing voices. Rachel blinked several times, and then spoke only to Quinn. "Do you know how amazing I am? I'm so amazing, everybody wants a piece of me because I have the best singing voice in this school. Maybe even the whole world. I don't know. But everybody loves me." She giggled before she took another drag. Quinn giggled along with her.

Everyone laughed when Finn finally came out of the librarian's office, where he had clam baked himself. When he saw them watching him, he stripped off his puffy vest and hoodie, and cart wheeled right into a forward roll, which launched him into a lap around the room, during which he shed his t-shirt, causing Artie to wolf-whistle. Everybody was in hysterics.

Sue let herself into the basement with the keys she'd borrowed from the locked drawer in Figgins' desk when he was out in the hallway dealing with Azimio and Karofsky after they'd trapped some poor soul in the cafeteria vending machine. She opened the first of the file cabinets and rooted through the many folders. "Aha, little miss matchstick… history of slight mental illness? … Can't say I didn't see it coming."

"Afternoon, Sue." She turned to see that she had company. It was that squirrel-headed janitor. Schuester.

"Ah, Will. Looking for another can of Crisco to keep your hair in line? I'd check the kitchen."

"Haha, good one. What are you doing in the basement?"

"Oh, nothing," she said, trying to cover the files with her arm, "just a little homework."

"Homework, huh?" Will stepped further into the room and took a closer look. "Confidential files?"

"Listen, Will, this is a very sensitive area, and I would really appreciate it if you could just, if you and I, if we could just keep this between us."

Will eyebrows met his hairline, and his mouth opened just a little. "I don't know, Sue."

"Hahaha, no man, what's your middle name?"

Artie shifted, embarrassed. Tina came up behind him. "Your middle name is Ralph, as in puke. Your birthday is March twelfth. You would be 5' 7" and a half, but you're in a wheelchair, so it's closer to four feet. You weigh 130 pounds, and your social security number is 049380913." She sat on the couch beside him with a self-satisfied smile. Finn and Artie stared at her with a mix of reverence and horror.

Finn gaped. "Wow. Are you psychic? Because Rachel says she is a little bit."

"No."

Artie crinkled his eyebrows. "Well would you mind telling me how you know all of this about me?"

She reached into her bag. "I stole your wallet." She tossed it at his chest. Artie's mouth hung open.

On the other side of the library, Quinn sprawled on a couch as Rachel flipped through a collection of pictures procured from Quinn's own wallet. "Are all these your girlfriends?" She looked at Quinn with a look that could almost be described as hopeful, if you looked at it the right way.

Without looking at her, Quinn answered, "Some of them." She waved her hand dismissively.

"What about the others?"

"Well, some of them I consider my girlfriends, and some of them I just consider." She answered, almost emotionlessly.

Rachel frowned slightly. "Consider what?"

Quinn stared up at the gaping hole in the ceiling. "Whether or not I want to hang out with them."

"Do you even like the girls you date?"

Quinn shrugged. "It's almost easier if you don't like them."

"Okay. But don't you believe in monogamy?"

She finally turned her faze on the girl beside her. "Do you?"

Rachel was back to looking at the photos. "Yeah. That's the way it should be."

"Well, not for me." She grabbed Rachel's bag and started to go through it for something to do.

"Why not?"

"Because monogamy is for saps who think they can actually spend their lives with someone they would want to do that with. Why do you have so much shit in your purse?" Quinn asked as she dumped the contents onto the table between them.

"Why do you have so many girlfriends?" Rachel countered.

"I asked you first."

Rachel shrugged. "I don't know. I like to hold on to things so I can remember what I was like now when I'm famous. And I just never throw anything away."

"Neither do I."

Over by the tables, Finn said to Artie, "This is the worst fake ID I've ever seen. You realize you made yourself sixty-eight? What do you even need a fake ID for?"

"I made myself forty-six, wise guy. And it's so I can vote." Artie shrugged as if it were obvious.

Tina suddenly blurted out, "Do you wanna see what's in my bag?" and before either bag could say their "no"s, she dumped it all next to her.

"Holy crap. Do you always carry this much shit in your bag?"

"Yes, I always carry this much shit in my bag. You never know when you'll need to split."

"So, are you gonna grow up to be like that shopping cart guy, Patches?"

"I'll do what I have to."

"Well, why do you have to do anything?"

"My home life… is unsatisfying."

"So you'd rather subject yourself to the violent dangers of the Lima streets because your home life is unsatisfying?"

"I don't have to run away and live in the streets. I can run away and go to the ocean or the country or the mountains. I could go to Israel, Africa, New York."

Artie stared at her for a moment before he leaned over and relayed the whole story to Finn as though the taller boy hadn't been sitting right there the entire time.

"Well, everyone's home life is unsatisfying," Finn said in confusion. "Otherwise people would just live with their parents forever."

"Yeah," Artie agreed, "but I think Tina's goes beyond that."

She spoke up before they could speculate any further. "Never mind, forget it. Everything's cool."

Artie leaned back in her direction. "Wait, what's the deal?"

"No, there's no deal, Art. Forget it. Leave me alone."

"No, wait a minute. You carry all that stuff around in your bag. Either you really want to run away, or you want people to think you want to run away."

She leaned forward with stormy eyes. "Eat. Shit." She stood and stalked off.

Finn raised his eyebrows and mumbled, "That girl is completely insane."

Artie gave him a look and rolled after her. "So," he stopped beside her, "you wanna talk?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"Go away." He looked at her with his cheek between his teeth before he complied. With his back to her, she called after him, "You have problems."

He wheeled around. "Oh, I have problems?"

"You do everything the exactly the way everybody wants you to. That is a problem."

"Okay, fine. But id didn't dump my bag out on the couch and invite people into my problems. Did I? So what's wrong? What is it?" She didn't say anything, but the look on her face told stories of its own. "Is it bad? Really bad? Parents?"

Tears welled in her eyes and Artie was a little stunned by the small display of emotion. "Yeah."

He looked down and back up again. "What'd they do to you?"

Tina took a breath. "They ignore me."

Artie nodded.

"What did you want to be when you were little?"

Will thought about it. "I wanted to be Steve Perry."

"Schue, don't be a goof. I'm trying to make a serious point here." Sue sighed. "Will, I've been teaching for twenty-two years, and every years these kids get more and more arrogant."

"Oh, come on, Sue. The kids haven't changed, you have. You started working at a school because you thought it'd be fun, right? Thought you'd get summers off? Then you found out it was actually work. I bet that was a bummer."

The corners of Sue's mouth turned way down. "These kids turned on me. They think I'm a big joke."

Will cracked open a can of beer and handed it to her gently. "Come on, Sue, if you were sixteen, what would you think of you?"

"Please, Will. You think I give a rat's ass what these kids think of me?"

"Yes, I do."

"Just think about this. When you get old, when I get old, many, many years from now, these kids will be running the country."

Will nodded and slurped his own beer. "Yeah."

"This is the thought that keeps me up in the middle of the night; that when I get older, these kids are going to be the ones taking care of me."

Will chuckled to himself. "I wouldn't count on it."

"What would I do for a million bucks?" Finn contemplated. "I guess I'd do as little as I had to."

Rachel rolled her eyes. "That's boring."

All of the kids sat on the floor on the side of the library, just talking.

"Well how am I supposed to answer?"

"The idea is to search your mind for the absolute limit. Like, uh, would you drive to school naked?"

Finn laughed. "Uh, would I have to get out of the car?"

"Of course."

"Are we talking spring or winter?"

"Doesn't matter. Spring."

"In the front of school, or in back?"

"Either one."

Finn thought about it. "Yes."

"I'd do that," Tina said. "I'll do anything sexual, I don't need a million dollars."

Rachel frowned. "You're lying."

"I already have!" she argued. "I've done just about everything there is, except for a few things that are illegal." Artie looked impressed. "I'm a nymphomaniac."

Rachel tilted her head back. "Lie."

Finn asked, "Do your parents know about this?"

"Only my shrink."

"What did he do when you told him?" Artie questioned.

"He nailed me." Artie's eyebrows shot up. "I don't think it really counts as rape since I paid him."

Rachel's scandalized look was back. "He's an adult!"

Tina shrugged with a slight smirk. "He's married, too."

"Ugh, do you have any idea how gross, not to mention completely immoral, that is?"

"Well, the first few times-"

"The first few times? You mean you did it more than once?"

"Sure."

"Are you crazy?"

Finn chimed in, "Obviously she's crazy if she's screwing a shrink."

Tina was still talking to Rachel. "Have you ever done it?"

She shifted where she sat. "I don't even have a psychiatrist."

"Have you ever done it with a normal person?"

"Didn't we already cover this?" she tried deflecting.

"You never answered the question," Quinn said, inspecting her nails.

Rachel licked her lips. "Look, I'm not going to discuss my private life with total strangers."

Tina smirked. "It's kind of a double-edged sword, isn't it? If you say you haven't you're a prude; if you say you have, you're a slut. It's a trap. You want to, but you can't. When you do, you wish you didn't, right?"

"Wrong." Rachel simmered silently at having her hand exposed.

"Or," Tina kept going, "are you a tease?"

"She's a tease." Quinn answered for her playfully.

"Okay, now it's my turn to ask the question," Rachel announced.

Tina gave her cover smile. "I already told you everything."

"No, doesn't it bother you to sleep around without being in love? I mean, don't you want any respect?"

Tina's weren't the only eyes that dropped momentarily. "I don't screw to get respect. That's the difference between you and me."

"That's not the only difference, I hope."

"Face it," Quinn simpered, "you're a tease."

"I'm not a tease!"

"Sure you are, you said it yourself. Sex is your weapon, you use it to get respect."

"No, I never said that. She twisted my words."

"What do you use it for, then?" Quinn's voice was getting steadily lower.

"I don't use it, period!"

"Oh, are you medically frigid, or is it just psychological?"

"I didn't mean it that way! Stop putting words in my mouth!"

"Well if you'd just answer the question, I could put something else in your mouth."

She was met with a chorus of comments, all along the lines of, "Yeah, just answer the question, Rachel."

"No! I never did it!" She practically yelled, and her face went hot.

Tina said softly, "I never did it either." Everyone turned to stare at her with varying degrees of incredulity. "I'm not a nymphomaniac. I'm a compulsive liar."

Rachel was beyond angry. "You are such a bitch! You did that on purpose just to screw me over."

"I would do it, though," Tina amended. "If you love someone, it's okay."

"I can't believe you. You're so quiet all day, then when you open your mouth, you unload all these tremendous lies on us."

Finn shook his head. "You're just pissed because she got you to admit something you didn't want to admit to."

"Fine," Rachel consented, "that doesn't make it any less bizarre."

"We're all bizarre," Finn said. "Some of us are just better at hiding it."

"How are you bizarre?" Rachel all but demanded.

Tina answered for him. "He can't think for himself."

"Or at all," Quinn muttered under her breath.

"She's right," Finn said, ignoring Quinn. "Do you guys know what I did to get in here?" They all shook their heads. "I taped Sam Evans' buns together." Everyone smiled in amusement. "You all know he's secretly really hairy, right? Well when they pulled the tape off, most of his hair came off, and some skin, too."

"Oh my god," Rachel said, mostly to herself.

Finn continued, unfazed. "And the bizarre thing is, is that I did it for my mom, I tortured this kid because I wanted her to think that I was cool. She's always talking about when she was in school. She was captain of the volleyball team all four years of high school. I was starting to get the feeling she was disappointed that I never cut loose on anyone. So I'm sitting in the locker room, and I'm taping up my knee, and Sam's undressing a couple lockers down from me and he's kind of skinny. Smaller than me, obviously. Weak. And I started thinking about my mom, and her attitude about weakness, and the next thing I know, I jumped on top of him and started wailing on him. And my friends just laughed and cheered me on."

The group listened with rapt attention.

"And afterwards, when I was sitting in Figgins' office, all I could think about was Sam's mother, and Sam having to go home and explain what happened to him to her. And… the humiliation, the fucking humiliation he must have felt. It must have been unreal. I mean, how do you apologize for something like that? There's no way. It's all because of me and my mom. She's like this mindless machine that I can't even relate to anymore. It's all about winning. No tolerance for losers in my family… You know, sometimes I wish my knee would give, and I wouldn't be able to play football anymore. Then everybody could just forget about me."

Artie's head was in his hands.

Quinn looked over at Finn. "I think your mom and my old man should get together and go bowling." Her smile was bitter.

Artie looked up again. "That's like with me, with my grades. It's like I step outside myself, and when I look in… and I see me, but I don't like what I see."

Rachel regarded him with concern. "What's wrong with you? Why don't you like yourself?"

"It's going to sound stupid. I'm failing shop class. We got this assignment where we had to make this ceramic elephant and make it into a lamp, so when you pull the trunk, the light comes on. But mine didn't work, so I got an F. I've never gotten an F before in my life. And I mean, it's shop, it's supposed to be easy."

"Why'd you think it would be easy?" Quinn asked, thinly veiling her offended tone.

"have you seen some of the dope who take shop?"

"I take shop." She paused. "You must be a real idiot."

"Why, because I failed shop? How are you doing with trigonometry?"

"I don't give a shit about trig."

"You know without trigonometry, there wouldn't be engineering."

"Without lamps, there wouldn't be light!"

"Okay!" Rachel cut in before things could escalate. "Neither of you is better than the other."

"I can eat with my feet," Tina said randomly.

Rachel stared for a moment before she recovered and smiled gratefully? "Really."

Tina nodded. "And I can play Heart and Soul on the piano."

"I can make spaghetti," Artie said proudly.

"What can you do?" Rachel asked Finn.

"I can… tape all your butt cheeks together," he replied, laughing at himself.

"I want to see what Rachel can do." Eyes turned back to Quinn.

Rachel looked taken aback. "I can't do anything."

"Everyone can do something."

"I mean… I can sing… but what if Sylvester hears?"

"Oh, come on, where's your sense of adventure?"

Rachel took a deep breath. "Okay, fine. What song do you want to hear?"

Quinn bit her lip. "I don't suppose you know anything by the Beatles that isn't Yellow Submarine or something equally aquatic?"

"How does I Saw Her Standing There sound?" Quinn nodded her acquiescence, so Rachel stood, cleared her throat, and started singing.

As she worked through the song, the others looked on, more than a little impressed. Artie rested his chin on his fist. Tina's jaw dropped open a little, but the corners of her mouth were turned up. Finn looked dumbstruck as ever, and Rachel looked very pleased with herself.

When she finished, she sat back down with a coy grin to staccato applause. Quinn clapped a little longer than the rest, but plastered a mocking grin on her face to cover herself. The sarcasm that dripped from her voice was evident. "That was great."

Tina looked at Quinn in shock. "It was great."

"Hey, doesn't matter what I think anyway. I'm nothing at this school, remember? I could disappear forever and it wouldn't make any difference, right? But I bet if the queen over here didn't show up, the whole fucking school would shut down. And you," she looked pointedly at Rachel, "don't like me anyway."

"You know, I have just as many feelings as you do, and it hurts just as much when people step all over them." Tears started leaking out of her big browns onto her cheeks.

Quinn couldn't deal with this. "God, you're pathetic." She condescended. "And don't compare yourself with me, okay? You have everything, and I have shit! Those are nice earring, Rach."

"Shut up."

"Your daddy buy those for you?"

"Shut up!"

"I bet they were a Hanukah gift, huh, Berry?"

"Shut up!"

"You know what I got for Christmas, Rachel?"

"SHUT UP!"

"It was great. I got a fucking Bible. My parents are at home right now hoping I'll pray away the gay! So go home and cry to your two dads, don't cry here."

"Oh my god," Finn said, suddenly looking worried, "are we gonna end up being like our parents?"

"No." Rachel shook her head. "Not me. Ever." Quinn met her eye, and the regret was overwhelming. Both their faces were suddenly softer.

"It's unavoidable," Tina said. "It just happens. When you grow up, your heart dies."

"So, I was just wondering," Artie said, "I know it's bad timing, but what's going to happen to us on Monday? I mean, I consider you guys my friends. I'm not wrong, am I?"

"No." Finn's answer came immediately.

"So what happens on Monday?"

"Well, do you want the truth?" Rachel asked. He nodded. "I don't think so."

Tina asked sneakily, "With all of us, or just Quinn?"

Rachel looked down. "With all of you."

"That's a real nice attitude, Rach."

"I'm just being honest, Finn. Think about it. If Artie came up to you in the hall on Monday, what would you do? You're there with all the jocks. You know you'd say 'hi' and then blow him off so your friends wouldn't' think you really like him."

"No way."

"And what if I came up to you?" Tina asked Rachel.

"Same exact thing."

"You are such a bitch." Quinn breathed out.

"Why? Because I'm telling the truth? That makes me a bitch?" Rachel was getting tired of this.

"No. 'Cause you know how shitty that is to do to someone. You don't have the balls to stand up to your friends and tell them that you're gonna like who you want to like."

"And what about you, you hypocrite? What do you think of Tina at one of your indie, weed-smoking parties?" Artie was wiping his eyes and Tina actually chuckled through her tears. "Or what about taking Finn out at lunch to get high? Or Artie, or me, for that matter? What would your friends say if we were walking down the hall together?"

"Don't even talk about me! You don't even look at me in school. You don't talk to my friends. You wouldn't take yourself down to that level! You're just concerned with your popular girl problems, your hair, your clothes, your daddy's BMW, your drunk mommy in the Caribbean."

"Shut up!"

Artie swiped at his face. "You all! You all just think you're too good for everyone else. None of you would want to walk down the hall with anyone else here. Well I just want to tell you, I wouldn't do that. I wouldn't, 'cause I think that's really shitty."

"But your friends wouldn't mind. They look up to us."

Artie actually laughed through his tears. "You're so conceited, Rachel. Why are you like that?"

"I'm not saying it to be conceited!" Her voice was thick and watery. "I hate it, I hate having to go along with everything my friends say."

"Then why do you do it?"

"I don't… I don't know. You don't understand. Your friends aren't like the kind of people Finn and I are friends with. You don't understand the kind of pressure they can put on you."

"I don't understand pressure? Fuck you! Fuck you, Rachel!" He buried his face in his arm. "You know why I'm here today? Do you? I'm here," he dropped his arm, "I'm here because Schuester found a gun in my locker." Everyone's mouth fell open a little wider and their eyes traced every inch of his face. "You know, a couple years ago, my mom and I were in a car accident. She was fine – got out with just a few scratches, but I landed this hot piece of metal." He motioned to his wheelchair. "Even before that, my parents expected nothing short of spectacular from me academically. So after I lost the use of my legs, it was like okay, now you can't play sports or do anything along those lines that might distract you, so you should have even more focus on your studies. Anything short of an A is a disappointment… Oh, you want to be a part of a club? Join the Mathletes or the Brainiacs. Do something with your brain. Because if I'm not smart, I don't even have the chance to be good for anything else anymore. There's nothing left for me if I can't be great at school. And then I started failing shop. My dad yelled so much when he found out that he lost his voice for a week. And I just started thinking, if I can't do the only thing I can do, I'm just wasting all this time and space."

"Artie," Rachel was nearly whispering, "suicide is never the right choice."

"Yeah, well I didn't do it, did I?" He sniffed loudly. "The gun went off in my locker and the janitor picked it up the same morning I brought it in."

"Wait," Tina's brow knitted, "was it a handgun?"

"Flare gun."

No one spoke for a moment. The silence was interrupted by a long, obnoxious snort from Finn. Rachel eyed him with astonishment at his insensitivity. "It's not funny!"

Finn nodded but couldn't control his laughter. Rachel looked around for support, but suddenly Tina was giggling along with him, then Quinn, and then Artie. "Okay, it kind of is." Before long, they were all slumped over, chortling at the sight of themselves.

When they started to catch their breaths, Tina asked, "Do you want to know what I did to get in here?" They all looked at her expectantly. "Nothing. I just didn't have anything better to do. And that's the truth." Everyone took a beat to let it sink in before a new round of laughter exploded from them.

The time was nearing 4 o'clock, and Artie finished writing something down before he rolled over to Tina.

"Hey, Tina."

"Hey, Art."

"I just wanted to tell you, I think your parents are really stupid for ignoring you. You're a really great person; they don't know what they're missing."

She smiled shyly. "Thanks. But the same goes for you. Just because you failed shop doesn't mean you're not still the smartest kids in this whole school. And also, yeah, you're in a wheelchair. You won't grow up to be a hockey player or a dancer. That doesn't mean you can't still be something amazing that has nothing to do with academia. You could be an abstract artist. Or you could be a musician; I bet you look great with a trumpet."

That earned a chuckle from Artie. "So, you and I are still going to be friends on Monday, right?"

Tina seemed to consider this. "Well, actually," Artie's heart sank, "I was kind of hoping we could be more than that…"

The smile that popped onto his face was megawatt. "I still have full use of my penis," he let slip before he could stop himself.

"What?"

"What? Nothing! Nothing, what were you saying about 'more than'?"

Quinn approached Rachel cautiously. The girl's back was to her, so she tapped the shorter girl on the shoulder. When she spun around, her hair fanned in her wake. "Quinn!"

"Look, before you say anything, I… wanted to apologize. I know I've been really shitty to you all day, and it's just because I'm a particularly bitter individual and, well, you're kind of an easy target. And I know that doesn't justify anything, and you didn't deserve it, so-"

"Quinn, it's okay. I forgive you, alright? Actually, I feel like I owe you an apology as much as you do me. If I had known some of the comments we were all making were hitting so close to home with you, I would've put a stop to it. I should have stopped it anyway, some of those words were downright offensive! I have two gay dads, for crying out loud!"

"Well, for what it's worth, I forgive you too. I think it's safe to say we all stepped pretty far out of line with each other today," Quinn said with a self-depreciating chuckle.

Rachel matched her grin and shook her head. "I'd say we're in agreement on that one."

"By the way," Quinn stepped forward so that her lips were right on the shell of Rachel's ear and dropped her voice to a whisper, "nice Hello Kitty panties. I was half expecting gold stars."

The moment the clock struck four, each of the students were up and jogging through the corridors, only too eager to make their escape. On the way out, they passed a grinning Will Schuester, who saluted them. Quinn saluted back and said, "See you next Saturday."

When they got outside, Finn waved goodbye to them all with a dopey smile and climbed into a truck that promptly drove away.

Artie, who had called his mom to say he didn't need a ride after all, bid Quinn and Rachel goodbye before he rolled off down the sidewalk with Tina riding on his lap.

"Well, looks like my dad's here," Rachel said, gesturing to the car that had just pulled up.

"Oh," Quinn emitted, "so… I guess I'll see you Monday."

Rachel concealed a grin at the melancholy look that manifested on the girl's face. She pulled one of her earrings out. "For the record," she put it in Quinn's hand and folded the girl's fingers over it, "I bought these with my babysitting money."

Quinn let out a strangled laugh and trailed her green gaze over Rachel's face, struggling to keep her cool. "You know, I would chance going for a kiss right now if your dad weren't sitting fifteen feet away and looking like he could snap my spine with two fingers."

Rachel laughed freely and suddenly her arms were around Quinn's neck. She husked in Quinn's ear, "If it were me, I'd go for it anyway." And before Quinn knew what was happening, Rachel's lips were on hers and they were sliding together languidly. Their noses bumped gently, and her hands found Rachel's waist as Rachel's hands took fistfuls of her hair.

It was over as quickly as it started, but the tingling of their lips and the heat that radiated from their skin told them it did happen.

Rachel gave Quinn a devious quirk of the eyebrow before slapping her once on the ass and bounding off to her dad's car. As she opened the door, she called over her shoulder, "You best start believing in monogamy, Fabray!"

Quinn watched her go and stood for a minute after she left. She let one solid bard of laughter escape her lips when the sun reflecting off the earring in her hand shook her from her stupor.

She placed the piece of jewelry in the hole in her right ear before she hiked her messenger bag up higher on her shoulder and started walking in the direction of home across the football field. A feeling of victory overcame her, and she couldn't resist thrusting one fist in the air in triumph.

When Sue entered the empty library, she was rather displeased to find not five complete essays, but one sheet of paper, only half covered with writing. She picked it up and read:

Dear Ms. Sylvester, we accept the face that we had to sacrifice a whole Saturday in detention for whatever it was we did wrong… but we think you're crazy to make us write an essay telling you who we think we are. (We think you're crazy anyway, actually.) You see us as you want to see us… in the simplest terms and most convenient definitions. But what we found out is that each one of us is a brain, and an athlete, and a basket case, a princess and a criminal… Does that answer your question?

Sincerely, the Breakfast Club