notes: i hate myself so i write really painful things. here you go.

The first thing he notices is Yugi's hands. His skin is pale and his hands are thin, but not bony. They're delicate, but not fragile. The fingers move expertly over the cards, shuffling them like it's second nature, like he was born doing it. Yami curls his own fingers over his elbows, clutching his hands to his chest and taking in a sharp breath. He can imagine Yugi's hands on his chest, playing over his skin, running through his hair - and he feels guilty.

"You were distracted today," Yugi says in the evening, closing his math book and leaning back. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine." Yami's voice is tight, his arms crossed tight over his chest. He stares at the floor.

"If you say so." Yugi toys with his pencil, twirling it through his fingers absent mindedly. Yami shivers. "It's hard to tell with you, you know? I get pieces. More than I used to. Sometimes a lot more than I used to. But these days it's just feelings. Which is good, I guess. Sometimes I don't understand them. You're lonely. A lot. And I don't understand that."

"When you go, there's no one here. I'm alone in the puzzle. I suppose I'm spoiled by your presence." Yugi laughs, tossing the pencil onto the desk and stretching. "You're a comfort to me, Yugi." Yami feels a wave of pride come from his partner - the exchange of emotions goes both ways.

"Th-thank you." Yugi stares off for a moment before shaking his head. "I'm tired," he mutters. "Time for bed, you." Yami pulls himself out of his trance as he watches Yugi quickly undo the buttons of his school shirt. "We're busy tomorrow, you know."

"We're always busy." Yugi laughs. "Good night, Yugi."

"Yeah. You, too."

In his dreams, Yami's thoughts are of Yugi. In his dreams, Yami's thoughts are always of Yugi.

Yugi is small, but he's a force to be reckoned with. His emotions come in waves - thunderous and true and sometimes painful. Yami remembers the first feelings, feelings of aching loneliness, of a dull, throbbing pain. Yugi's fear of being abandoned by the ones he loved, because when Yami scoured his memories, it seemed that Yugi was always left behind by those most important to him.

"I won't leave you," he says. Yugi frowns.

"What's this about?"

"You're afraid. You're always afraid. That people will leave you. That I will leave you."

"You will though. We both know it. You know it, know that you don't belong here."

"Then you must learn to accept it." Yugi puts his book away and turns off his light, curling up with his back to the spirit.

"Maybe later," he says quietly. "Now go away."

It is not much later, but Yami has Yugi's hands in his and they are warmer than he imagined. They are dry and spread flat over his chest and Yami's breath hitches in his throat before closing his eyes.

"Like this?" Yugi asks aloud, fingers trailing down Yami's sides, nails gently scratching the skin.

"Yu-Yugi-"

"So just like that." Yugi grins and cants his hips upward, pressing his chest flat against his partner's, lips going to his neck. "How about this?" Yami groans.

"You're horrible."

"Clearly." And then Yugi's fingers are threaded tight between his own and Yami can't take it anymore as he turns him over and tugs Yugi's jeans away, leaving them both exposed. And he just rolls his hips, pushing their cocks together and Yugi is shouting and tightening his hold on Yami's hands. "Ah - that's-"

"Shh. No talking." Yugi bites his lip, but when he comes, he comes with a shout and drags Yami down to him, burying his face in his neck. "You're alright. You're just fine, alright? Just fine."

Sometimes, even if he can't feel it, Yugi silently threads his fingers through Yami's as they stand, or if they're resting. No one else can see, but there's warmth there. And Yami admires the way Yugi's hands fit so well into his own and he forgets that, someday, he won't be able to do this anymore. That it's only a coincidence they fit together like this.

"Do you want to stay?" Yugi asks one night. His face is hard to read, but Yami can see through him.

"That's a loaded question."

"It's an easy one."

"You know my answer." Yugi sighs.

"Yeah...yeah I guess I do." Yugi reaches for Yami's hand and he takes it.

For just a moment, there is no pain.

Only warmth.