In a dark room, clutching the controller of a game console and flicking through screens of a dating sim, was a young boy named Renge Houshakuji. He skipped through screen after screen of girl, landing on a clip of his "best friend" figure in the game: Miyabi.

Oh, Miyabi. If he could edit the plot of the game just a little. He had another game like this one somewhere, designed for girls, with him as the main interest, but when he's calling you a lady all the time it's just not the same.

His maid poked her head into the room. "Sir? Your mother is home..."

He paid her no mind, choosing instead to answer Miyabi's question. He wish there was an option to tell him sorry she's so rude, interrupting like that, but there wasn't.

Maybe next game.

Only a couple of clicks later, the door creaked back open. His mother. "Renge?" After a moment, she sighed. "You certainly love those games of yours, don't you?"

Renge didn't glance from the screen. "Is that so wrong?"

"No, not at all!" His mother backtracked quickly. "As your mother, I want to enable you to live your life as you please! I always have and always will let you do anything you like. I like you to have freedom!"

Renge acknowledged this with a mumbled "Yes," and she accepted that response enough to close the door- but not without offering an invitation to tea.

"How was business in Japan?" Renge asked, taking a drink of his tea.

"It went well. I even had dinner with one of my clients." She smiled at him. "I made sure to get a photo for you," she said, handing said item over.

. . .

Miyabi.

Oh, as fate would have it.

His mother was talking about him, but he only registered two words: high school.

...You could transfer high schools, couldn't you?

"It's him," he muttered. He slammed a hand on the table, holding it out for his mother. "My future best friend/possible boyfriend."

His mother was shell shocked. "What?"

Renge grinned. "You promised me I could do whatever I want, remember? I'll go pack."

"Ooh, Tamaki...why are you so beautiful?" Came the high voice of one of the Prince's patrons that day.

"I'm hoping to catch your eye," he offers smoothly. "If only for one single second."

"Then why is your voice so sweet and mellow?" Asked another, gently.

"To ease your nerves, so your heart can find my true feelings."

"Why are your eyes filled with tears every time you look at me?"

Okay, what? Haruhi couldn't resist any more- he looked. Sure enough, Tamaki was having an over-the-top little montage of "perfect man" moments.

What a phony.

"Because the sight of your beautiful smile overflows the fountain inside me!"

The girls were fawning over him thanks to that, so Haruhi looked elsewhere. The twins, he quickly realized, were a bad target.

"Your matching kimonos are adorable!" One of their two patrons pointed out.

Hikaru nodded. "Our mother designed all the outfits. If you see something you like, let us know and we'll take an order."

Kaoru smiled brightly. "Our grandmother even helped us dress!"

Hikaru took that moment to give his brother a devilish smirk and make some comment about undressing him, which in turn got Kaoru flustered and..those were tears. Goddammit. Was something in the water today?

His irritation at the act must have broken the little spell of peace he'd had, because two girls came up to him then. "Haruhi! Your kimono is so adorable!"

"Thanks," he said, about to offer them something - tea, food, a seat; he was working on it! - when Kyoya decided that something on the dreaded clipboard required the resident hostess's opinion and called him over.

"Yes?"

"You've had a steady flow of new customers," Kyoya informed him. "Since I'm not charging you the usual interest, keep this up and you should be able to pay it off."

Called it.

"Though the rental fee on that kimono you're wearing..." Dammit. You're some sort of soulless, wicked tax collector inside, aren't you Kyoya? "...It's nothing to sneeze at."

Haruhi was about to walk away when he noticed some girls coming up to ask about picture books. The twins' attention was also caught when Kyoya said no, there would not be anymore picture books, as far as they'd planned.

"Doesn't the club make a lot of money from promotional items?" They asked.

"Yes," oh God. He'd going through the papers. He's bringing out photos. This is not going to end well. "But all the pictures we got were hidden camera shots." He spread out a handful of them. "They're all very low quality."

Maybe they should do a calendar. They're self obsessed enough.

Tamaki would be on the cover.

Haruhi shook his head. Where had that come from?

Shit, he's got a calculator. "If we wanted to produce higher quality products, we'd have to draw from the school's budget..." Even the twins slunk off at this point. Haruhi realized then that, despite the fact that business-Kyoya (or, full time Kyoya, he supposed) could be almost as insufferable as any other member's worst schtick, the club needed him just to avoid being bankrupt.

Still, couldn't he just invest in a PDA?

"HARU-CHAN!" Crying really is the name of the game today, isn't it? Haruhi looked over to Honey as he came up, rubbing at one of his eyes while he weeped. "I don't know how, but I lost one of my sandals!"

He's really cute... until I remember he's older than me. "But you were just wearing them, weren't you?"

Mori saved the day then, getting Honey's attention and helping him put his lost sandal back on. "I noticed you dropped it."

"TAKASHI!"

There was more sobbing as the two girls who had been talking to him looked on in awe.

"How are they all crying so easily?" Haruhi muttered. He started to back away from the scene, but bumped into someone- one of the twins, it seemed. Haruhi turned to apologize, only to see something hit the floor- eyedrops.

These damn rich brats.

"For your information," Kaoru said as Haruhi picked up the bottle. "Those are common for use."

"No woman alive could resist a man on the verge of tears!" Hikaru added. Haruhi was pretty sure there was a word for that, but opted not to use it.

"That's cheating," he said instead.

"Don't be a party pooper!" Hikaru said cheerily, draping himself across the shorter boy's shoulders.

"Here, this is for you," Kaoru took over, plopping a small treat into Haruhi's hands.

The girls' interest was back to him. "You like sweets, Haruhi? I didn't know that!"

"To be honest, I don't," Haruhi said. "But...I think it would make a nice memorial offering."

The girls cooed, but Haruhi was distracted by Tamaki, as he suddenly appeared and started on a spiel. "So admirable! Such devotion to your Father's memory! Here, take mine. In fact, take as many as you like."

The other boys clapped, but Haruhi just glared. Tamaki's eyes were glistening. "Let me guess," he grit out. "The tears are fake."

Tamaki almost looked honestly offended. "How could you? My tears are always genuine! A true host doesn't need things like eye drops to assist him!" He cut off abruptly, leaning back to Haruhi and waving a hand to himself. "Do I impress you? Have you fallen for me yet?"

"You wish," Haruhi muttered, and wondered absently if any of the other hosts had to put up with this. Maybe Kyoya.

"My romantic overtures don't seem to be reaching you for some reason!" Because they're awful, Sempai. "Perhaps I should add something to my character..."

Haruhi stopped listening. Someone was hovering by the door.

The others noticed her around the same time, and the twins took it into their own hands. "Looks like the host club has a brand new guest." They chimed. "A male one, too."

The moved to the door.

"Come on in, what're you waiting for?" Kaoru offered.

"Watching from afar is no fun." Hikaru added.

"Stop it," Tamaki cut them off. For the first time that day, Haruhi felt grateful to him- until he kept going. "Be more courteous to first time visitors. He turned to the boy, who leaned away. "You don't have to be scared. Welcome to the Ouran Host Club."

The boy hesitated for a second before pushing Tamaki back with a yell of, "Don't touch me! You're phony!"

Somehow, it seemed harsher when someone else said it.

Tamaki was horrified. "What do you mean I'm phony?"

The boy glared. "I find it very hard to believe that someone like you is in charge here! Don't go forcing your affection on everyone, stupid! You must be some sort of narcissist! Incompetent! Commoner! You're disgusting."

With each insult, Tamaki seemed to be questioning his entire life more and more. Haruhi wasn't entirely sure if he was glad someone besides him told the 'prince' off, or upset that he seemed to be...overdoing it.

Tamaki collapsed on the floor, and Kyoya inspected the boy carefully. "I don't suppose you are-"

"It's you!" The boy said, mood and personality suddenly turning on its side. "Kyoya! Oh, I've waited so long to meet you!" He walked straight across Tamaki, throwing his arms around the businessman of the host club and muttering into his jacket.

Haruhi wasn't optimistic about this.