hehe, so let's try this again shall when? Firstly I'd like to apologise on behalf of my computer for uploading gibberish and secondly I would like to apologise for myself, and my inexcusably long hiatus. Shoutout to all you reviewers who snapped me back to reality

The hanging basket chair swung crazedly through the air, its trajectory having been thrown into disarray at its sudden abandonment by its two occupants. The faint squeak of the metal chain the only noise in the mostly empty room.

Lavi stared vacantly at the arc door Allen had just disappeared through, disbelief coursing through his veins. How could he have been so ridiculously stupid? Had bookman taught him nothing? Bookman... the only silver lining he could see in his current situation was that bookman was not here to witness his horrendous downfall. The thought of bookman brought on a surge of guilt mixed with fear. The thought that all of his hard work, all of his training could be completely decimated because of one love-struck kid was unbearable. He had sacrificed so much to become a bookman, he had trained so hard and given up so much for this life. How could Allen ever have thought, ever have even entertained the thought that he wanted to give it up? And for what exactly? 'get back to me when you have made up your mind' He echoed Allen's words in his head sarcastically. Who did he think he was? Trying to force him to make a decision- acting as if there was even a choice to be made.

Then a thought occurred to him. Maybe that was Allen's intention. Maybe that had been his plan the whole time. Playing the long game, the long con. Hadn't Lavi seen it right back at the beginning, at their very first encounter? Hadn't he seen the manipulation, the mask, the honeyed words? He had joined in the game too, had played along as friends to get the information he needed but somewhere along the way, Allen had beaten him at his own game and managed to confuse his thoughts. Had managed to convince him that they were actual friends, not just playacting. When had he managed to take that step, when in their game of lies and deceit had Allen overtaken him?

Realisation washed over him and the boiling hot anger calmed, replaced by cold rage

The cliff. The supposed 'rescue'

of course

He had never been able to figure out why Allen had risked his life... but of course, it had all been engineered somehow. Somehow he had set that all up so that it would appear like he was sacraficing his own life for Lavi's and ever since that moment, Lavi had obviously subconsciously felt indebted to him and that explained why he had failed to see the warning signs. But Allen had pushed it too far this time, overestimated his control. It had been a rash move, trying to convince Lavi to give up his ways as a bookman voluntarily and ultimately that had been his downfall.

He was obviously getting a bit desperate, was running out of time and that must have been why he had pushed his advantage so hard. Thank goodness he had seen through it in time, and now he knew where they stood, saw through his lies. A smile quirked at his lips. He had never come across an opponent this skilled before. He would of course continue to play the dutiful friend and now that he knew he was being manipulated, everything made sense. He had never really felt any of those emotions. It had all been false. Everything was clearer now. Though this new revelation raised a whole host of interesting questions. What exactly was Allen so desperate to hide?

He was snapped out of his musings sharply as the room of requirement door burst open and students began to trickle through. He quickly pasted a smile on, and went through the motions with practiced ease- greeting the right people and exchanging niceties with others, quietly enjoying the feeling of being back in control after such a long period of uncertainty.

A faint buzzing filled Allen's head as he walked through the door to the arc in something of a trance, barely aware of what was going on around him. A terrible numbing calmness seemed to have filled his entire body, and he made his way to the piano room almost on instinct, his eyes staring blankly ahead, unseeing. The door clicked shut behind him and he sank down onto the piano stool, his eyes still fixed, unseeing at a point in the distance. He raised his hand automatically to rest on Timpanpy's head as the little golem nudged his cheek rather worriedly. Little tremors shook his body as the enormity of what had just transpired began to sink in. He knew that he should be feeling something at this point in time, but all he felt was numb. Sick to the pit of his stomach but utterly numb. How could he have ever thought that it was even possible? That anyone could ever feel that way about him? How pitiful

A wave of nausea rolled over him as his brain replayed clips on a loop, coming back repeatedly to the giddyness and sudden crash when the cold words left Lavi's lips 'Do you wanna have sex' His stomach revoulted in protest as the line replayed again in his head and he actually spun around and threw up on the floor. He fell to his knees retching again, coughing and shuddering. That tone... that cold indifference. He remembered so vividly back in his circus days all the lascivious men around- some customers, some not. He remembered their weird fetishes, their cruelty, their twisted way of treating those they lusted after. He remembered particularly one circus that did not really prioritise protecting their dancers from these men. How they would routinely come to his caravan afterwards and how he would help them night after night to wipe the makeup from their faces, to clean themselves. How they would hold him or Mai tightly, turning the violence that they had been subjected to into beautiful kindness. He remembered the emptiness in their eyes. He remembered their tears. The fear had followed him ever since and when he had seen such a similar emotion in the eyes of the man he had felt he could trust...

Why had he ever thought... ever dared to think that he could trust?

What a fool he had been. Trust was such a foolish wish. Not for the likes of him. Never for him. Pressure built up inside his head and the pain got so intense that he threw up again. But it carried on building. He opened his mouth in a silent scream, pressing his hands against his ears as if trying to crush his own skull. Timcanpy took to flight pointedly fluttering around, unsure of who- or what- was hurting his precious master

Lavi joined Kanda who was leaning over one of the magical maps that had taken up precedence in the centre of the common room. Little multi-coloured dots darted around as intel arrived in from different order members. Kanda flicked his eyes up as Lavi approached. A frown pulled at the corners of his mouth, but he said nothing. A few silent moments passed as they studied the landscape. Kanda leant forward slightly, frowning at a jumble of dots all gathered together that had stopped in the middle of nowhere

"Look" He muttered, eyes darting around to register the surroundings

"Neville and Luna- the other members of the DA, they aren't moving. The train stops at Kings Cross and they are still miles out. Something must be going on"

Lavi glanced over the area he was pointing too, his brain processing the area that they had stopped on- it was certainly along the train line that the Hogwart's express was travelling on, delivering its passengers to their families for their Easter holidays. He remembered being told by Neville that they had stopped the train on the way to Hogwarts at the beginning of the year to search for Harry. That definitely wouldn't be their intentions this time as they knew he wasn't there. They must be looking to grab one of the students from the train. Almost definitely one of the DA members. Possibly to blackmail Harry. If it was to grab a mudblood, they would have already done it at school- there were hardly any of them left anyways.

"So what?" He said coolly, shrugging one shoulder dismissively "It's not our battle. They are not our comrades"

Lavi's eyes returned to the dots that depicted the movement of the order, wondering vaguely if he should try and make contact with bookman, and pass on all that he had learned of the world of wizards, and about Allen. He could really use some advise from the old panda. As he pondered this, he grew aware that Kanda was staring at him rather than the map. He met the man's inscrutable gaze with mild confusion. Kanda was staring at him as if he wasn't entirely sure what he was seeing

Kanda couldn't quite believe what he had heard. In fact he didn't really believe it. He had never been good at understanding that thing... what was it... irony? Or sarcasm? Or some such thing. It must be that. But if it was, why wasn't he laughing, or making fun of Kanda for not getting it. A few more seconds past, and Kanda realised that Lavi was being deadly serious.

Interesting

He had never trusted the brat, from the minute he had joined the order. He had been able to sense the fakeness rolling off him in waves. It was the same reason he had disliked Allen. Well, part of that was also due to his ignorance and self-sacrificing ways but a lot of it had been the mask he put up- that stupid smile. He couldn't stand falseness- it confused him. A man should be what he says he is. Later on, Allen had proven to him that he was in fact just a giant bleeding heart- and that hadn't actually been false. Which was part of the reason he had chosen to follow him rather than stay with the two faced order. However Lavi... it seemed that his true colours were showing. He had been pretending for so long to be friends with Allen, with the DA. He had even had his life saved numerous times by them both. To now stand and so plainly not care what was happening to them... it actually made him feel vaguelly ill. Which was an interesting reaction. In years gone by, he would not have paused for thought either. In fact, many of his comrades had fallen and he had barely even noticed their passing but something in him ahad changed. Maybe it was seeing Alma again. Connecting with that once human part of his soul again. Or maybe the change had occurred earlier. Maybe having people care about him and for him had made him reciprocate those feelings. He remembered Lenalee. Her tears as she shook in fear beside him and leant on him for support. Allen as he risked his life for Alma despite having no reason to.

Regardless of the reason, he had changed. For good or for worse he would decide later. All he knew was that the man he was now could not stand by idely and let friends of Allen die because it did not directly affect him

And the man he was now disliked Lavi very strongly for being willing to do what he would have done less than a year ago

He turned to walk away, not even pausing as Lavi's confused voice called out

"Hey, where are you going?"

He pushed the heavy white arc door open and walked the familiar route to the piano room. Wondering as he went why Allen wasn't in the common room. He swing open the door to the piano room and instantly knew that something was terribly, terribly wrong.

The room was shadowy, not its usual glaring white and a figure that was Alen but not Allen stood in the corner. Everything about the figure was wrong. It stood too tall, its shoulders too far back, it's movements too confident, too smooth. Then it spoke and its voice- its terrible cold voice confirmed what Kanda already knew. This figure. This creature was not Allen.

"Where am I?" The cold voice demanded once again, and somehow these words carried a terrible threat

"Where am I?"

Neah's eyes opened and a smile graced his lips as he took in his oh so familiar piano room. He stood from the white piano stool and immediately realised that something was very, very wrong. Where was Mana? Come to think of it, where was Adam? And why was he in the wrong body. Something was... some...

Wait

Neah... he... was he even... He pressed his hand to his face. He was so confused. His face... something wasn't right. With a thought, he linked with the piano and a mirror appeared before his face.

He was in Allen's body? Or was he. It was Allen but it wasn't Allen. He was too young. And there was a scar on his face. And his hair was white. It didn't make sense.

Why was he in this body to begin with, what happened to his body. Then a memory bloomed in front of his eyes. Blood and corpses everywhere. Screaming and shouting and fighting. Mana, his dear, sweet brother with murder in his eyes rushing at Adam. But why? Why had he tried to kill their own father? And why was he in Allen's body?

Questions swirled around his mind and fury built in his stomach. Then a sharp pain stabbed at his temple. Someone inside his own brain was struggling against him. He frowned and pushed the soul down. He didn't have time for this. Then the door of his own, precious arc opened and a long haired stranger walked in, his power palpable. Neah curled his lip. Innocence. That power, so inferior yet so persistantly irritating. How he and his father had hated it.

Fury coursed through his veins. Perhaps this was some twisted experiment being carried out by the innocence wielders. They had always been a strange lot and he had never understood his brothers affiliation with them. What had they done with him?

"Where am I"

His eyes opened. He was lying on a vast expanse and everything was black. He lay for a while, breathing rhythmically in and out, enjoying the feeling of his lungs filling and emptying. After an eternity, he stood. His feet were on a something. Light bloomed into existence all around him and he was standing in an empty landscape. He slowly took in his surroundings. White sand as far as the eye could see. A huge, engorged crescent moon dominating the black sky.

He started to walk. The sand was cool beneath his feet, but firm enough that walking was not too challenging. After a while he wondered if he was going somewhere. But why would he be needing to go somewhere? He was the only one here. There was nothing to go to and no one to go there for. Or was there? He felt that there was.

He stopped and thought hard. Something was important. He was sure of it. He was forgetting something important. A funny feeling flooded through his body. Like an unpleasant anticipation. Like something was looming up behind him. So he stopped thinking. Or tried too. But that thought niggled at his brain as he walked

There is something... there is some one I am forgetting... I am supposed to do or be something

But how could that be true? He was the only one here, right? Come to think of it, where was he? He gazed around again. He saw something black in the distance. Something foreboding.

He began to walk toward the black shape. It was the only thing there. Maybe it would have some answers. Maybe he was in hell. But why would he be there? Had he been a bad person in life? Guilt washed over him out of nowhere with no cause. The lake, because that was what the shape was, drew closer.

The feeling of anticipation grew and he concentrated harder. Straining. There was something he was forgetting. Something important. But every time he tried to remember, his head hurt.

Just leave it a voice whispered. Here is fine. We can walk for forever in the vast expanse with no one waiting on us, no one expecting anything from us. Just turn around. It is such a simple action. Just leave it alone

But... his feet kept going. The lake grew in size and all of a sudden he was at its shores. Frozen in its surface lay the corpses of people. A teenage girl with green hair, A man with long black hair splayed around his broken corpse. A boy slumped beside him, round black glasses broken in two and green eyes staring blankly at nothing, reflecting the moon in their glassy corneas. A small child with short back hair and a faded summer dress.

He fell to his knees and tears poured down his face. Why are you crying? Just leave! The voice yelled They are no one, they are nothing. LEAVE

But if they were nothing, why did it hurt? He drew closer to the child, touching her cold face, trying so hard to remember. His head hurt so much he thought he may die there and then

The voice was screaming in his head and his head was splitting and the dead child's face was staring... staring and now he was screaming. Screaming so much that blood filled his throat. Then suddenly he threw his head back, and the memories poured in. The faces, the roles, the relationships. And as they poured back in, a rushing sound filled his ears. The landscape was sucked into a vortex and blackness surrounded him. Then a blurry face appeared before his eyes.

Kanda.

He blinked a few times and all of a sudden, he was standing in the piano room, staring at Kanda's horrified face.

He stumbled back, then registered the blade at his throat

Kanda's blade

And the terrible reality rolled over him. He raised his eyes to Kanda's and all he could say was

"Why... why didn't you kill me?" his voice was hollow... he had no energy left to express any emotion. He had failed them all. His eyes travelled over to the corner and everything stopped as he took in Neville's body, laying in a crumpled heap, blood trickling from a head wound

"Why didn't you kill me?"