A/N: This is set before Ziva left mossad and everything with Ari, and is slightly AUish because I know Reid joined the FBI with Gideons assistance, being part of his team from the beginning but in this he joined on his own and has yet to become part of the team.

I WONT GIVE UP

Chapter one

She hadn't really been thinking properly when she thought all of this actually had a chance of working. A relationship with an American was already frowned upon but being the daughter of the Director of Mossad made it near criminal. It hadn't been intentional but she supposed love never was, Dr. Spencer Reid had been assigned to accompany an officer for a two year term with the agreement that in exchange one of their officers would be allowed the same privelage. The pretense was to aquaint themselves with their allies but Director David suspected it was more of a ploy to gather intelligence, one that he gladly went along with seeing as it was granting him access to the FBI.

Word of the Doctor quickly spread and by the time he arrived it was safe to say the welcome he received wasn't warm. He had detured from the pencil pusher he had been assigned to deciding it a waist of time and began wandering off on his own, from there he had been placed with four different officers none of which kept very long. Eventually Director David gave the task of keeping him out of trouble to his daughter, the last officer having threatened bodily harm if he was stuck with the "intolerable child" another day.

Ziva herself was annoyed that she would be spending the next year and a half babysitting instead of on active missions where her time could be put to actual use but eventually the near constant lessons from just about any topic and the doe eyes that appeared when she snapped not being able to take anymore became an endearment, something she looked forward too. A few months after that found her not only accepting a very stuttered and stumbled upon dinner invitation but wondering why it had taken him so long, they shared many an evening and Ziva found herself sharing with him things she had long ago sworn would stay with her til the grave. Spencer too had confided in her with many of his own secrets including the troubled childhood he was left to endure and that was when they realized that even though they indeed came from different worlds they shared a mutual understanding, a connection of sorts.

Now she found herself in a near eleven month relationship that had no other choice than to be hidden and was surely doomed to fail, with a boyfriend that was constantly judged and always misunderstood, and the topper to the complete mess she had gotten herself into -he would be returning to America in less than two weeks actually believing they could make a long distance relationship last.

"Ziva?" Removing herself from her thoughts she focused her attention back on her father who had been going on about the mission she would join once they had rid themselves of the American.

"Yes?" She questioned not sure if it was supposed to be said as an actual question or in agreement.

"Marco will be joining you after he returns." Her father stood from his desk walking around it before sitting back in front of Ziva. "You have not been listening."

"I am sorry." Ziva wasn't sure what else she should say, a lie wouldn't fool him at this point.

"If I can not trust you to keep your concentration for this assignment." The rest need not be said, the threat was clear.

"I can ensure you my attention is here with you as it always has been. Your trust in me has not been misplaced, I'll be ready come your orders." Ziva annnounced wanting to leave but knowing she'd have to be dismissed.

"It is the American yes?" He had been studying her carefully, trust was not taken lightly especially not with an outsider so close.

"I do not understand this question." She had kept Spencer away from her father as much as possible, he still had eyes and ears just about everywhere but it had been her job to distance him from any actual Mossad business so their lack of presence hadn't really been brought into question.

"You've picked up the habit of distancing your attention to avoid that infamous tongue of his. I have heard quite a few tales about the educational lessons he has been giving and I can't say I blame you." A wry laugh escaped his lips. "I'm sure it has been a torturous struggle to not just remove his tongue but I need to make sure you have regained your focus."

"It will return once the Doctor makes his return to America." Ziva had learned long ago how to read her father and now like any other time she would let him hear what he wanted.

"If you could convince him to start that journey just a little bit sooner." He smiled as he placed a kiss to her temple.

"I think I can find a way to persuade him." The smile she had placed was if nothing else predatory. She would indeed try and get him to leave sooner but it wouldn't be because her father asked as he thought.

"We will continue tomorrow afternoon." And like that she found herself dismissed, not caring that she had been pushed aside for a phone call.

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"Spencer?" She had gotten him an apartment farther from work and more importantly one that no one else knew about. The first one had been second rate trash in her opinion and was obviously the joke of some of her fellow officers.

"In the kitchen!" Came a distracted voice that made her smile despite the situation.

"what are you doing?" What had once been in the cupboards now littered the counters and table.

"I hadn't realized how much I've collected in the past two years and now that I'm going back I don't know what I should do with it all." Spencer was studying the items that he had come to posess, most of them on Zivas insistance.

"It is yours to do as you wish." She shrugged as she leaned against the counter thinking of the best way to go about things.

"Ehh I guess I'll leave most of it. Shipping the books alone is going to cost me a mini- fortune." Spencer stood infront of her with a comfort that had come with nearly a years relationship but when he leaned in for a kiss he was met with a turn of the head. "Ziva?"

"We need to talk." She had watched him come out of his shell and now she was feeling worthless because surely what she said next would send him running back into it.

"About?" Spencer sighed moving back. He knew she had gone to see her father and that always tended to bring trouble with.

"Your return to America." Pushing her emotions to the side she decided it best to just get to the point. "I do not think you should wait any longer to return. I've already arranged your flight for the day after tomorrow."

"Why? If Director David doesn't want me around any longer I'll stop going, but I want to make the most of the two weeks we have left together Ziva." Her eyes had turned from caring to what he knew to be guarded and he didn't know why.

"It is what I want. I shouldn't have let things get this far but now that you're going home I think it'd be best that we end things."

"What did he say this time Ziva? You know for a fact that you've become more of a home than any other I've had and the only time you question it is after he starts." Spencer moved closer only to be disappointed when she moved away again.

"It does not matter what he says, you're leaving and I've already been re-assigned." Ziva sighed already having had this discussion with him, every time she tried convincing him why they were wrong he ended up convincing her why they were right.

"I've already told you that doesn't matter, we can write and I'll call. I'm not really liked at the FBI as you can tell, they are pretty happy to get rid of me so I'm sure I can manage to get myself a week or two off to come visit." Spencer sat knowing how Ziva felt about her space, he had learned the hard way not to crowd her.

"Our work isn't that simple, by next week I'll be in a new country and who knows where they'll send you. Letters will pile up in front of the door and phone calls will go unanswered, how can you possibly visit if neither of us know where I'll be?" Ziva sat next to him trying to explain why they wouldn't work. "There can't possibly be a relationship if there's no contact."

"You'll receive them eventually Ziva." He stood up trying to let her know he was serious. "Even if it takes you months to send one back I'll wait."

"Why? That is irrational."

"Love's irrational Ziva." They had refrained from saying as much but now seemed like a good time even if it left him a bit vulnerable.

"I don't want a relationship that's non-existant, one that will always be hidden." This man was stubborn, never had she met someone who had been told no so many times but still would not accept it.

"So stop hiding it. I never asked you too, I don't care what your father thinks about me. Your opinion's the only one that matters." The fights that came when her father was mentioned had caused his name to become near forbidden outside of work.

"Are you even listening to yourself," She also stood a humorless laugh leaving her lips. "His thoughts are not the problem, if he knew of this," she motioned between them. "I can guarantee you would not be returning to America. Our worlds were never meant to blend and it was a foolish thought to think otherwise."

"Then come with me. If Quantico can't mix with Mossad then why force it, you've told me yourself that you'd wished things had been different, that you would have never joined. Here's your chance to fix that, to get away, we can start over together."The pure anger in her eyes told him that had not been the right thing to say.

"You can not abandon Mossad! My father will never let me go, he'll send someone after us, they'll do anything to bring me back!" Seeing that he was unfazed she continued. "They'll kill you Spencer! That is not a risk I'm willing to take."

"We can get protection. I'll quit, move, switch names, anything you want Ziva. I have nothing, you're it and I'm not willing to give it up."

"That is the problem. I have dragged you into a mess that was never yours to be part of, I am not worth the sacrifices you are trying to make. A life on the run is no life at all and I wont allow you to waste yours." She had tried, but it was time to leave and that is what she was going to do.

"I love you." It had been the first time those three actual words left his mouth but it looked like now would be his only chance.

"If I have lead you on I'm sorry but I do not feel the same." They both knew it was a lie, if that was how she felt she wouldn't have bothered with the apologies and explanations. If it was a fling she wouldn't have opened up and it surely wouldn't have lasted this long. It was her way of cutting all hope and ties but as she walked out of his apartment she knew it hadn't worked at least not on her part.

"I wont give up." It had hurt to hear her say as much but as he sunk to his porch he promised himself as much as to her that he wouldn't.

E/N: I see this being a two or three shot. I'd love to hear if you liked or spotted any mistakes.