She Just Wanted Him

There was nothing significantly wrong with James Potter. Not really. He may have been slightly obsessive, and maybe a tad over protective. Of course, you have to mention that he was only sort of a stalker. But... Whose not? It's a regular sort of thing. Maybe. Or James Potter may have just been deluding himself, because really, who wants to come to terms that something is wrong with them. Not when you can easily go on pretending differently.

But when one doesn't come to terms with such things, they tend to go too far. At least once. And, honestly, for James Potter, it happened to be a few times more than once. But details are not the main components of this story. The main component is the neither last time or the first, but it will be the story that is told.

James Potter knew better than anyone else how Lily Evans felt about him. Except maybe Sirius Black, but that isn't relevant yet. James knew only where Evans happened to be at all times, nothing very important. Not to mention he also knew who she was with, unless Sirius stole the map, and then he was only left wondering. It was times such as those that he either dreamed of what could be happening, or actually made something happen. Never when he knew where she was, because James Potter didn't have that much nerve.

Time to time he wondered what had made the Sorting Hat put him in Gryffindor. Shouldn't Gryffindors always go with their guts and not worry about the outcome. Whenever James asked Evans this later, she's tell him that's there's a difference between nerve and stupidity. Sometimes, that is.

But once again, that's looking too far into the future to be...understood. Yet.

All James Potter knew was that tonight he didn't have the map, because Sirius was off gallivanting with some Hufflepuff girls. Honestly, did he not have standards, James thought. Which was more than slightly hypocritical, seeing as James had his fair share of Hufflepuffs, and they were all decent, none really stood out though. He constantly compared them to Lily Evans, so truthfully, none had a chance.

Which was terribly sad for them, because the majority were more than slightly head over heals for James Potter. More often or not, after a date with James Potter, a girl could be heard wailing in the halls of Hogwarts, because once again, he had broken another heart.

Ironically enough though, often it Lily Evans who went about fixing such things. She had patrols often enough that whenever there was a crying girl, it was quite likely that she would find them during her rounds. Because for some odd reason she didn't figure out til much later, James Potter happened to go on dates all the nights that Lily had rounds. Which, as she also found later, was known from Remus telling him these seemingly insignificant details.

One this same night that James Potter lacked his map, Lily Evans was not doing rounds, oddly enough. But it seem that the Fates looked upon them with kind eyes, or maybe not so kind eyes, in Lily Evans point of view.

James walked the corridors stealthily, with knowledge of all the crooks and crannies of this place. He made his way back to Gryffindor Common Room, and took a moment to remember the disappointment Lily brought him when she had told him, No, there is NOT separate common room for the Heads. It was a downfall, as that is what had attracted James to the position when he first got his Badge.

Yet, as luck would have it for him, he saw another student walking the halls of Hogwarts as well. And it was a person that James was not ashamed to admit, Well maybe only a little. She does hate me, you know, he liked very much. So much, in fact, that at one point he asked her out once a day, without fail, for a year straight. Even showed up at her house during the Christmas hols, and heard her mother gush about what an adorable young man he was.

Quite flattering really, and he would have taken up her offer to eat with them, had his mother not made him promise to be home for supper. Which was more than slightly disappointing, as he would have been happy to slip away during the middle and take a quick peek at Lily's room. Oh well.

So, as it was, he started to follow her, to see if maybe she was also going to the common room, or if she had plans of her own. More or less, he just wanted to see her. And he had to be a stalker to do it, well by God, he would do just that.

Maybe that right there was a sign to show that James may have not been been completely right in the head. But by the looks of where Lily Evans was headed, he had to say, he may be more sane than herself. He saw her turn around to see, ironically if anyone was watching her. Carrying on, she kept to the right and continued to make her way to what looked like the Slytherin Common Room.

And James wasn't as daft to not realize who she was going to meet. And at this point is where the story begins to not only develop, but also get slightly interesting.

At this moment, James decided it was his place to...protect Lily, from doing something stupid. Which, for such a smart witch, was not a rare occurrence. For some reason, she always put herself out there knowing she'd get hurt. Except for one major time which, surprisingly, leads to the next part of the story.

James came up behind Lily and quickly grabbed her arm, following with a hand that covered her mouth.

"What the-" The hand cut her off.

James pulled her behind a tapestry, and gave her a hard look. "What do you think you're doing?"

She, in return, gave him a similar look. "As if you really have any place to ask questions. Are you not the person who pulled me behind a tapestry, or am I delusional?"

"Delusional," he told her. She rolled her eyes at his words.

"Well as much as I have enjoyed this...situation. I do have places to go. Places that do not include hiding behind a piece of art, with you."

She made way to leave, but James grabbed her arm. "So I realize that we aren't really friends," she snorted at this, "but we have been fairly civil this year," she raised an eyebrow. "God Evans, I only hexed you once! And you initiated it!"

She began to grow irritated with James. "Really, I initiated it?" He face grew redder and redder. "Were you not the one who was throwing frogs at me in the middle of potions, or are we just ignoring that fact?"

He gave her a sheepish smile. "I was sort of hoping we'd skip over that..."

She gave him a look of disgust and began to mutter under her breath about how much of a git he was. She started to speak up. "Why can't you just leave me alone Potter?" She asked him, her voice making her sound defeated, when both knew that in reality, she wasn't even close.

"Because we both know this is far more entertaining than anything else we could be doing." He paused. "Well, except for one thing." He raised his eyebrows.

"That's it," She told him. "I'm out of here."

"Wait," He spoke softly, not even bothering to grab her this time, because she always waits, no matter what she says about wanting to leave. "Why are you going to see Sni- Snape?"

She looked shocked for a second, then confused, and then her face morphed into fury. "You were following me! You didn't just happen to meet me here, you were following me!"

To be honest, he'd thought she'd been smart enough to realize that one right off the bat. Apparently birds really can be daft. Even Lily Evans.

Evening knowing she was right though, he started to defend himself. "I-no-I mean. It's... It's just-"

"It's just what?"

"I was worried about you...that's all."

"You were worried?" He nodded quickly. "About me?" He nodded once more. "Well you don't need to be, do you? I can take care of myself, you know."

This would be the moment when Lily began to pick up speed with her words. "And I will have you know that even if I needed someone, the last person I would ever want to talk to, or ask, is you." She didn't even process what she was saying at this this point, and began to spit out all she had ever thought about James Potter. "You're a pompous git who walks around this school as if you own it. You think you're better than anyone and everyone else, and hex people who can't even defend themselves!"

James raised his eyebrows, not even fazed, just a little confused as to why she was bringing up all of this now. Still, he thought it'd be best to keep the conversation rolling, otherwise she leave to go see Snivellus. "At least I have a life, and you know...friends." He told her, faking the menace in his voice.

Not catching the act that he played, her eyes began to blaze. "You are a pigheaded boy whose not even worth my time. I do have friends, James Potter, just none of them happen to be you." She took a deep breath then.

"Please Evans, books don't count," She looked taken aback at this. "We all know that all you do is spend your time in the library." He paused for affect. "No doubt dreaming about me."

Her face, if possible, grew even redder. "I-I-I do NOT dream about the likes of you!"

"I think the lady doth protest too much," He smirked broadly.

"You arrogant toerag!" She looked as if she was coming close to tearing out her hair. "I don't think about you. And if I ever have, it would be the fantastic dream of finding you dead. A pleasant surprise that would be."

"Oh Evans," He held a hand to his heart. "You wound me deeply, whatever will I do?"

She breathed in and out a couple of times before responding. "Potter, if you would please excuse me, I have to go,"

Yet, James noted, she made no move to leave.

And that's when he realized, she enjoyed this. Just as much as he did. Maybe even a little more. And the more he thought about it, the more it made sense. Evans, the girl who is sweet to everyone, except him of course, would ultimately need someone to be horrid to. She was constantly pulled together, and of course she was just as human as anyone else. She needed to fall apart sometimes too.

And that's really the moment when James realized, "You're just as human as the rest of us, aren't you?"

She gave him a funny look, and he realized that what he said may have seemed odd. "Of course I am, what kind of question is that? Are you suggesting that I don't act like a normal being?" She threw him a look. "Just because I'm not a Pureblood doesn't mean I'm not human, Potter."

James took a step back. That wasn't what he'd meant at all.

"Just because I'm a Muggleborn, or maybe you prefer the word Mudblood hmm? Well, even if I am I'm still human. Maybe I'm even more human than you, less magical and all that? That all I am is a freak, in the Wizarding world, and the muggle world?"

What James didn't know is that all Lily was doing was repeat similar phrases that her own sister had spoken to her. What James didn't know what that Lily may have just revealed one of her worst thoughts and beliefs to someone she associated with the word 'enemy'.

Maybe it was do to that James didn't realize that the words he spoke now would ultimately affect Lily more than anything else. And the truth is, James didn't think much before he spoke. So maybe he could defend himself for what he said next. "What the hell is wrong with you Evans? Did you get dropped on the head or something? I mean obviously you're a freak, why'd you even have to ask?" His voice may have held sarcasm, but yet Lily still heard the words ring in her ears.

She stepped back, tripping over her feet slightly. She put a hand to her mouth, and James noted she looked like she was going to be sick. He stepped forward to reach out one last time, but Lily just looked even more frightened, and she took off running.

James ran a hand through his hair.

Maybe he'd gone too far.

Now switching to a different view, because this is where Sirius Black plays a role in this story. And for some reason, he plays a really important role. While it may seem odd that of all characters it is Sirius, and not someone more...shall we say, considerate, kind, understanding, reasonable? It's important it's Sirius, for if it was, say Remus, Lily may not have understood.

See, as Lily ran, she didn't have any destination in mind, only to get away from the boy who made her world seem worse than she thought it ever could be.

That may explain why she ended up on the middle of the Quidditch field. Well that explains it better than any other explanation one could give.

Yet, when she reached the field, she was left with more than disappointment. She drew weary and and confused. Her head was spinning. It seemed wherever she went, she just met trouble, and she was growing sick of it.

The Fates were not as kind to Lily Evans as they head been to James Potter.

She realized this when Sirius Black was lying on the ground, quite close to her foot. Beside him there was a half empty bottle of Firewhiskey, and in his hand he held a lit ciggarette.

He lifted his head slightly, and rolled his eyes once he saw her, "Evans, what are you doing?" He seemed more exasperated than he did drunk.

Lily didn't feel like responded to any of Black's queries, and instead, settled to sitting down next to him. Better to have company than to be lonely, she guessed. Yet, sitting with Black didn't bring any comfort. Not that she'd really expected that, but she had expected something.

"So what's on your mind?" Lily spoke after ten minutes of neither moving or speaking.

"Oh, you just couldn't make the silence last could you?" Black asked, sounding slightly upset.

She didn't speak after that. Just lied there. Knowing that Black knew of the tears that had accidentally found their way trickling down her cheek.

"He's not that much of a tosser, no matter what he says," Black said, shifting position to get a better look at Lily. She still didn't respond. "He just thinks...oh God, now I sound like Moony, don't I?" He paused for a second. "What I'm trying to say is that you think you're better than him, and so does he, but you're both wrong." She turned her head to look at him. "I'm not saying you're a bad person Evans, I'm just saying the neither is Prongs. And don't tell me that you've never thought that, because I know you have. That, and other things too," He didn't even smirk as he said the next fact, "Things about James that I'm sure you don't want to think about."

She didn't even bother to respond, just turned her head, so he could no longer see her. She heard him take a drag off his stick, and then he continued his speech. "It's funny. Well, at least it's funny for me. To watch you both. You know, see how you react when he catches you off guard. It's also pretty funny that he doesn't realize it. Because Evans, you make it pretty damn obvious." He laughed humorlessly. "You probably think it's weird that I haven't told him, eh? You probably are wondering why? Well, I'll tell you." He took another drag. "Because you are Lily Evans, and I think that if anyone is ever going to tell James, it better be you. He deserves that at least."

She shook her head to disagree. To explain that James Potter didn't deserve a damn thing. "He does though. I thought even you'd get that. See, he's spent since fourth year trying to impress you. Trying to show you that he's worth it. That he's worth you. And you know what's happened? He's practically become a girl. Constantly worried about what people think. Of course he wouldn't tell anyone that, would he? Wouldn't tell anyone that Lily Evans managed to screw him over without even trying." It seemed as if he'd gotten angry, and yet he managed to control his voice every time. "You messed him up, did you know that? He says the dumbest things, does the dumbest things, because he knows that's the only way you're ever going to notice him," Lily raised her head to respond, but he just kept speaking. "Don't deny it. You say that if he was a better person you'd give him the attention he wants, but that's not true. You'd just forget he exists. And he knows it."

The tears that had long since dried up seemed to find their way back to her eyes. "Now the question is, why don't you say anything? Why do you really have a problem with James Potter? He never really did anything to you. Nothing worth hating him over. Sometimes Evans, sometimes I think you just like the attention, but then I see the way you're eyes light up when he starts conversation with you just as much as his do when you do the same with him."

"You're the match made in heaven, you know that?"

Neither said anything for a very long time. "I'm still not going to tell him." She finally spoke.

"I didn't expect anything different."

Hope you all enjoyed that!
Review if you would!

~YoungAndLiving