A/N: This kind of just popped into my head, it's kind of random. But I was busy procrastinating from sociology and what better way than to write a fanfic? I hope you enjoy, and reviews are always appreciated!

Summary: "Your beard still isn't as cool as mine."

Disclaimer: Sadly, I don't own Merlin.

"What's that?"

"What?"

"That thing?"

"What thing?"

"Hanging off your face."

"Oh. This. It's a beard."

"Yes, Merlin. I know it's a beard."

"You asked."

"What I meant is why do you have a beard?"

"I think it makes me look distinguished."

"…"

"It does!"

"You look old."

"I'm younger than you are."

"That doesn't mean anything."

"Well then, what's that, hanging off of your face?"

"This is a beard."

"Why can you have a beard and I can't?"

"Because it makes me look kingly."

"I think it makes you look more pratly."

"Is pratly even a word? And I can pull it off. You just… Can't."

"It is! If you wanted to know the definition, it would be 'description of Arthur Pendragon doing anything'. And I can so!"

"Why are you my advisor, again?"

"Because I'm wise. And a sorcerer. The Court Sorcerer. And you need me. Mostly because I've saved your royal backside more times than I can count."

"Need you? I can handle this kingdom perfectly well on my own, thanks. And since you can't count very high, I'd say maybe… two times in total?"

"I don't think so. Remember Morgana's last attack? And that fiasco with the pack of wyverns? Also, that orange goo that spread itself all over everyone's –"

"I get the point Merlin."

"The point is that you need me."

"There was also that incident with Lord Bernard."

"… I thought we agreed not to mention that again?"

"I thought this was a good time to bring it up. Especially how you chased him away –"

"I did not! I just gave him a … nice goodbye present?"

"He had a lot of bloody trouble explaining the snout on his face once he got home."

"I know. I read you the letter…"

"Stop snickering! It wasn't funny!"

"It was so! I heard you and Gwen laughing about it later anyway."

"You were listening again?"

"No! Would I do that? I was cleaning your chambers."

"… You should know by now that I have a manservant for that."

"Yes, well, I thought it needed some extra fine cleaning."

"You miss being my manservant!"

"I said nothing of the sort!"

"Merlin."

"Stop smirking!"

"I will smirk anytime I want. Because I am king and I say so."

"Now you're just being a clotpole."

"Am not!"

"You're beard still isn't as cool as mine."

"Merlin. Shut up."