From: Aslan ([email protected])
Type:Fanfic
Show: Buffy The Vampire Slayer
Title: Like A Bolt Of Lightning From A Clear Blue Sky
Part: 1/13 : A Little Death
Author: Aslan
E-Mail: [email protected]
Rating: R?
Summary: Buffy gets a chance to see how things would have worked out had she chosen Xander instead of Angel, and just how important her existence is to someone close to her!
Disclaimer: I don't own any characters from the show, Joss, The Wb, yada, yada, yada.
Inspiration was received from John Mellencamp's song "Eden Is Burning" I do not own it either(unfortunately)It belongs to John Mellencamp and Columbia Records. I was also inspired by a fic by Jai-L (a Tremendous writer)"How it's Supposed to be..."
Distribution: If you want it ask, and let me know where it is.
FeedBack: Please...This is the first fic I've submitted of my very own.
Spoilers: Everything and nothing. I rewrite Season 2.
Author's notes : Dedicated to my Krac Babee. For her unending support, and for all those times she let me read it over (and over) to her on the phone! Thanks to everyone on the BX_Fanfic and Xanderbetareaders lists, especially Mash, Nick, Erin, Sonya, Queytin and Dale for their support and encouragement since I started writing. And last but certainly not least, Thanks to Rick.
Like A Bolt Of Lightning From A Clear Blue Sky
Pt.1: A Little Death
Overhead the sky was rumbling and shaking with thunder, as lightning streaked across the crisp autumn night. The clouds above released large, fat drops of rain into the increasing wind around the Sunnydale Memorial Cemetery, the oldest of the too many graveyards in the small California town.
At the remote end of the cemetery, farthest away from the street, between the woods that marked the end of its territory lay a dark shape against a set of Mausoleum doors. At each flash of lightning a crumpled figure was silhouetted against the darkness of the storm, like a x-ray.
On the hard ground lay a fragile form, broken and bruised beyond all hope of salvation. The darkness of the night surrounded her in death-protected her-as it never could in life. The cold rain-washed her body clean. She seemed to be bathed in blood, thick, dark, congealing as it dried, now it was all being washed away, a testament to her life perhaps.
In her line of work the legend lasts only til death, then another is called. The old forgotten even before the blood is dry. It is perhaps a fitting end for one baptized in blood to die in it as well. For the death of a vampire slayer is not much of a surprise. It is expected. Awaited as an inevitability. Once one has been called it is only a matter of time. It is a death sentence with no predetermined conclusion, except that it always ends the same, in pain, and the inescapable deluge of blood.
*****************
As the strongest storm to hit California in ten years continued to ravage the coast, Buffy Summers; the current vampire slayer awoke in the creepy darkness of Sunnydale Memorial Cemetery with a headache the size of the Himalayas and a bad mood to match. She was surprised to see how hard it was raining and rubbed the back of her neck with discomfort.
"It hurts, doesn't it?" A sympathetic male voice called from behind her.
Buffy whirled in surprise, getting into her famous fighting stance quicker than human eyes could possibly follow.
There, poised leisurely on a gravestone sat a short man decked out in a fedora and a grotesque hawaiian print shirt, it looked like good taste was as foreign to him as tact was to Cordelia Chase.
"Whistler?" Buffy asked surprised.
The strange man responded by sliding down from his perch and heading towards the reluctant vampire slayer. If he responded Buffy didn't hear because it was at this point that Buffy realized that although it was raining, it wasn't raining on her. She was no longer wet, no longer cold, but the rain around her continued. It would have been comical if it had been happening to someone else, Buffy thought in rising alarm, but unfortunately it wasn't.
At her confusion Whistler moved forward to explain, and cried out to stop her but it was too late. As she turned around the way she had come she noticed the inert figure on the ground and recognized it. With recognition came a myriad of disconcerting emotions... horror, fear, disbelief and most unsettling of all a moment of profound relief. No more waiting for the other shoe to drop, no more uncertainty, no more pain or at least that was what she thought until her memories crashed into her brain like a runaway locomotive. The mental agony was deafening, blinding and unsurprisingly the slayer fell to the assault as she crumpled unconscious to the ground.
Whistler could do nothing to stop the girl's agony; they had much to do in a short span of time. He deftly picked the slayer up and made the necessary arrangements to move them to a place more congenial to his business and taste than Sunnydale's oldest cemetery in the throes of the storm of the century.
Pt.2: Hit First Ask Questions Later
When Buffy awoke, it was no longer raining because she was no longer in Sunnydale. The memories of her death were intact now but somehow she didn't believe this was 'heaven.' Her years as a slayer had taught her many things, but faith in some higher being wasn't one of those things.
She quickly but cautiously stood to survey her surroundings; a high grassy cliff, looking out over a beautiful Mediterranean Sea, tall willow trees swung gently in the hint of a spring breeze. A large wood stood guard as far as she could see and wildflowers dotted the landscape in abundance. The air was clean and fresh and danced to the birdsong carried on the wind, the scent of roses and other flowers clung to this New World like dew. It was paradise.
Her clothing had also changed, from her basic black slaying gear to a long rose colored gown of silk and lace that hung about her like a dream. She didn't need to see Whistler to know he was there now.
"You seem to like sneaking up on me. I would recommend you stop doing that- Sometimes I can get pretty jumpy. I'm the kind of girl who swings first and asks questions later, alright?" Buffy stated cockily swinging her raised fist in his general direction.
"You don't need to be hostile, Kid. I know this can't be easy for you?" Whistler was trying his best to be diplomatic but he had never been known for his patience.
"Where are we?" Buffy asked pointedly, "Heaven?"
Whistler grinned, "Where do you want to be?"
Buffy was getting tired of dancing to this tune, "Where are we, Whistler, cut the crap and tell me now!"
"We are, to put it simply in between worlds in a place created by your mind, in your paradise. The place you've created for yourself in your dreams and wishes, a safe haven created to enhance your calm."
"Between worlds, my creation...enhance my calm? What have you been smoking cause I think you must be loopy!" Buffy cried in anger and confusion. Unfortunately however she had seen too many strange phenomena to doubt him entirely.
"We are in a state between life and death, heaven and hell, frankly Buff, May I call you Buff?" Whistler asked but continued on without waiting for her answer. "We are in a type of purgatory - kind of a limbo between worlds, where we are neither alive nor dead." Whistler stated judiciously.
Buffy tried to wrap her head around all of this but she was just too confused. "What does this mean exactly? I mean, I am dead; why did I end up here?" Buffy whispered softly.
"It means Kid, that after we talk you have the choice to go back to your life and really live it, or to stay here forever."
Buffy's voice was hushed as she repeated his last words; "I can go back? How? Why?"
Whistler shrugged, "Beats me kid, but someone up there seems to like you a whole lot!"
"Ok, so what do we talk about?" Buffy asked cautiously as she turned to sit cross-legged in the grass. "Is it, Angel?" Buffy asked a little timidly. "Cause we worked out that whole Angelus, Acathla, and sending him to hell thing, really we're great now!" The girl ended with a broad smile, but he could see something else in her eyes that belied the seeming cheerfulness of her statement.
Inside Whistler groaned this was going to be even harder than he had imagined.
"Before we start Buffy, you have to understand you will be required to listen to me until I'm done. You can't walk away from this, no matter how it makes you feel. You may hear and see some things you may not like but, you can't walk out on this or you forfeit your only way back. Do you understand me?" The seriousness and conviction with which Whistler ended his speech left Buffy unnerved but she couldn't answer with anything but...
"Yeah, Yes I understand. I'll listen. Quietly." She added this last at the disdainful expression on his face. "I won't leave no matter what happens, besides where would I go, anyway?" Buffy asked with a grim smile. "Let's just get on with it, ok? What is this all about?"
"Actually, it's about your love life, surprisingly enough." Whistler spoke with great reluctance to the startled blonde Slayer.
Buffy was incredulous, "My love life, are you kidding?"
Whistler grimaced "I wish, I was kidding! But you've made such a mess out of it, someone just had to step in..."
"Now I know you can't be serious. I died and you're worried about my LOVE LIFE? Do you know how crazy that is?" Buffy cried, disbelieving.
"You said you'd listen!" Whistler admonished quickly; Buffy gave him the evil eye then reluctantly motioned for him to continue. He simply continued to look at her with a mixture of sorrow and sympathy in his eyes the likes of which she had seen only once before, from a good friend just after the last time she had died. It calmed her a little, thinking of her friend, so that she was ready to hear what the demon in front of her had to say. But the first words out of his mouth still threw her for a loop, sending her heart and her world reeling from the impact.
"Buffy, You were never meant to fall in love with Angel, The two of you were just never meant to be. There can be no future in loving him you see that, don't you?"
His voice was soft but his words cut her like a knife, bringing out all the truths into the harsh light of day that she had kept closely hidden in the comforting darkness of her mind. Her rational side was glad someone had finally said it out loud but the other-larger-part of her that had already lost too much had began to scream and before she could stop herself- her fist was flying towards the surprised demon sitting across from her.
Pt.3: The White Knight
Fortunately Whistler was too quick for her, he saw the anger building in her eyes and as she moved into the swing he leaned back. Her momentum carried her towards him; he grabbed her arm and pulled her roughly into his strong arms. His superior strength kept all further resistance at bay, but it didn't stop her tears.
"Buffy you've got to be calm, you promised you'd listen? Do I have to tie you up and gag you to get you to let me finish? Please Buffy, stop crying." Whistler was pleading now, he had never been good at this sort of thing, and he never knew what to do when a woman started to cry.
"What, you rip out my heart and expect me to listen without feeling anything? You think you can destroy my dreams, take away the last consolation left in my life and expect me to laugh it off? What kind of monster are you...?" Buffy sobbed, but Whistler cut her off.
"I don't think I was the one who played havoc on your heart, honey. You and Angel did that quite fine on your own. You see, I picked Angel up out of the gutter to help you to accept your destiny-not to start any big star- crossed romance. I knew he had great potential to help the world. I just never thought he'd help himself to you. It was supposed to be a guiding, teaching, helping kind of thing nothing more. Period. But the two of you had to go all googly-eyed for each other, and ruin everything."
"How did we ruin everything?" Buffy whispered coldly.
"Because Buffy you were meant for someone else, someone who could and did love you completely; your soulmate. But instead of finding true love, you followed your hormones...You threw away love for lust."
"That's not fair!" Buffy sobbed "I do love Angel! With all my heart!"
"Yeah, I know it grew into love, but where did it get you? One moment of bliss and Angel turned into a psychopath, broke your heart, tried to kill you and your friends-even succeeded with a few. Now it's a tarnished love and it will only lead to your destruction." Whistler stated simply, "You know it and so do I, there is no future there, no comfort."
He let Buffy go and she reclaimed her earlier spot, "Who was it? My Soulmate, who was it?"
"Who is it?" Whistler responded grinning.
"Whatever." Buffy responded disgustedly.
"Can you guess?" Whistler asked softly, sadly.
Buffy closed her eyes she couldn't say it, the name that rested on her lips and in her heart, she just couldn't say it.
"When Angel was still Angelus, he called him your 'White Knight'. I actually think the demon was jealous of him because he never gave up. Whenever you needed him he was right there, to comfort, or fight, or protect you, despite the fact that you were the slayer and he was just a man, he never gave up on you. Not even when you gave up on yourself."
"That's not true! When I came back after I ran away, he hated me, he gave up on me then!" Buffy sobbed angrily.
"Don't mistake anger, hurt, and guilt for hate Buffy. Xander has never hated you, never." Whistler responded softly.
"It doesn't matter anyway, I don't love him, I never have at least not in that way." Buffy declared feelingly and a little desperately.
"How can you be so sure of that?" Whistler asked her. "When you never even gave him a chance? Besides Buffy, I think you care more for him than you've ever admitted to yourself. Why didn't you confront him with his lie?" Whistler asked curiously. Buffy looked up in surprise, "You know the one I'm talking about." he grinned. "You were the only one who knew what he said to you before you went into the mansion to face Angelus and Acathla. You found out Willow retried the spell when you got back from L.A. and you were the only one who saw Angel's soul restored, so why didn't you tell on him, or at least confront him about it?"
"I didn't see any point in it really, we'd already lost so much...I didn't want to lose him too." Whistler was grinning stupidly and Buffy could barely restrain the blush that was creeping up her neck.
"To better make my point Buff, I'm going to show you a few things ok?" Whistler asked casually. Buffy was relieved to move on to something else.
"Sure, what is it? I mean it can't get any worse can it?" she asked gamely. Then winced at her words, which she was sure, would result in some new trauma for her to endure.
Whistler couldn't help but laugh at the expression on her face. "I'm going to show you a little of what would've happened if you'd accepted Xander's invitation to the Spring Fling, the first time he asked, and what might happen if you choose not to go back to your body in Sunnydale." Whistler pronounced with a flourish.
Pt.4: So It Begins…
Buffy watched as Whistler picked himself up from the ground and knelt before her on bended knee, like a Knight kneeling before his Queen. "You're not going to ask me to marry you, are you, Whistler?" Buffy giggled.
Whistler gave her 'the look', that exasperated and harried look she received from Giles at least a hundred times a day. She'd seen it so many times it was easy to recognize, it meant she was pushing his patience beyond the limit, so she retreated into her thoughts.
Her thoughts took her back to Whistler's earlier comments about Xander. Kneeling like a knight, a White Knight perhaps...She could almost hear Angelus' cold, deadly voice in her head mockingly declaring Xander her 'White Knight.' She could only imagine how it must have hurt him. It must have been like rubbing salt into an open wound. How many times had she thrown his love for her back into his face, it must have killed him to hear those mocking words from the brutal vampire. From the one she supposedly loved with all her heart, Xander's rage and jealousy must have been more than he could stand.
Then Buffy was caught off guard, Whistler's face was suddenly right in front of hers; she was so startled she almost fell over. She quickly reoriented herself and grabbed the demon's arm to keep herself level. Her brusque comeback was cut off as Whistler began his instructions...
"Once inside we won't be able to communicate, Buff, you'll be on your own. You won't be able to ask any questions then, so don't try. First you'll see what would have happened had you chosen Xander over Angel, and then we'll get to the fun stuff. In this new world, you'll be like a ghost, No one will be able to see or hear you. You can't participate or meddle with events that occur, you are strictly an observer. Got it? It's going to hurt a little, but just for a few moments, ok?" Whistler stated pointedly.
Buffy was still badly confused but decided to humor him, "Right, let's get going! Where are we going anyway?"
Whistler grinned, "Well, we're not actually going anywhere, Buff..." Whistler responded as his hands came out to grasp her head on both sides at the temples.
The moment he touched her Buffy saw an intense burst of light and felt a sense of vertigo, then a sharp pain ripped throughout her entire body. Then she was gone. As his touch took effect Whistler closed his eyes and gently readjusted his grip on the unconscious Slayer, allowing the power to sweep them both away.
Pt.5: Alternate Unreality
This time when Buffy came to, she found herself lying rather uncomfortably on the cold, hard ground and in a rather embarrassing position on the grass a few feet from the entrance in front of Sunnydale highschool. Or at least it would have been embarrassing if anyone could have seen her. It was a gloriously sunny day in Southern California, but weren't they all. She surveyed the scene before her with amazement, she guessed from the amount of people spread around her talking, eating and laughing that it must have been lunchtime. Her long dress flowed behind her as she moved through the throng of people towards her intended destination. She moved as silently as a ghost and even when she did touch someone nothing stirred, so that they seemed to be oblivious to her soundless passage.
"Whistler was right, they can't see me. But I guess its fitting after all I am a ghost; aren't I?" The sound of her hushed voice startled her, and she giggled easily, feeling her tension melt away, at least for the moment.
Something inside was pushing her forward so she decided to give herself up to that feeling, allowing it to move her to wherever it wanted her to be. That was when she saw them ahead, a dark haired boy and a blonde girl deeply engrossed in an apparently fascinating conversation. She was so shocked she nearly tripped over her own feet. It was her! She, Buffy Summers was the blonde girl, and Xander was the boy.
She quickly moved forward to hear what was going on. She was amazed to hear the boy's excited response. "You mean it Buff, you'll go to the dance with me?" At the girl's nodding grin. Xander whooped in ecstasy. "Whoo hoo!!!" Then he solemnly took her hand in his, "I swear to God, Buffy you won't regret this... I promise." He stated with complete conviction as he planted a gallant kiss on her hand. Buffy gasped in surprise and watched as the boy walked away with an idiotic grin plastered on his face, and an extremely exuberant parting wave. She was surprised to see Xander had such a romantic side.
She turned back to the girl, when she heard her contented sigh, "I could never regret it, Xan." She whispered with an equally silly grin on her face as she gingerly took the hand he had kissed and held it to her heart.
"Whoa!" Buffy cried. This was just too, too bizarre. She could never feel that way about Xander, could she? Then Whistler's words came back to her, 'you'll see what would have happened had you chosen Xander over Angel.' So obviously the Buffy Of this wacko universe had already chosen Xander, was already in love with him. Buffy groaned and clutched her head in surrender. This was TOO much and now she had a double to contend with on this strange voyage of discovery.
This in addition to everything else she'd encountered today was so confusing, she wished now that Whistler would have warned her of the existence of her exact replica here, wherever here was. She couldn't believe there were two Buffy's, ugh, if Snyder were here he'd probably have an aneurysm, and she couldn't help but laugh at the evil little troll of a man, "I bet he has nightmares that start out like this!" Buffy giggled, but her merriment was cut short. Then all she could do was sigh, there was simply not room enough in this world/reality or any other for two Buffy Summers to coexist simultaneously or peacefully. So without further ado (and without even recognizing she was doing it or why) Buffy began to think of her double as 'Anne'.
Using her middle name in conjunction with the double greatly cut through the fog of her bewilderment and anxiety, without severing the connection she had to the other Buffy, because essentially they were the same person, ugh. To think of her double as 'Buffy' put her very existence in this world not to mention her sanity in jeopardy, and destroyed her individuality. Unfortunately that was one thing she was not prepared to lose. She'd given up too much in her short life already to part with such a necessity. Suddenly there was another flash of light, and then she was somewhere else.
Type:Fanfic
Show: Buffy The Vampire Slayer
Title: Like A Bolt Of Lightning From A Clear Blue Sky
Part: 1/13 : A Little Death
Author: Aslan
E-Mail: [email protected]
Rating: R?
Summary: Buffy gets a chance to see how things would have worked out had she chosen Xander instead of Angel, and just how important her existence is to someone close to her!
Disclaimer: I don't own any characters from the show, Joss, The Wb, yada, yada, yada.
Inspiration was received from John Mellencamp's song "Eden Is Burning" I do not own it either(unfortunately)It belongs to John Mellencamp and Columbia Records. I was also inspired by a fic by Jai-L (a Tremendous writer)"How it's Supposed to be..."
Distribution: If you want it ask, and let me know where it is.
FeedBack: Please...This is the first fic I've submitted of my very own.
Spoilers: Everything and nothing. I rewrite Season 2.
Author's notes : Dedicated to my Krac Babee. For her unending support, and for all those times she let me read it over (and over) to her on the phone! Thanks to everyone on the BX_Fanfic and Xanderbetareaders lists, especially Mash, Nick, Erin, Sonya, Queytin and Dale for their support and encouragement since I started writing. And last but certainly not least, Thanks to Rick.
Like A Bolt Of Lightning From A Clear Blue Sky
Pt.1: A Little Death
Overhead the sky was rumbling and shaking with thunder, as lightning streaked across the crisp autumn night. The clouds above released large, fat drops of rain into the increasing wind around the Sunnydale Memorial Cemetery, the oldest of the too many graveyards in the small California town.
At the remote end of the cemetery, farthest away from the street, between the woods that marked the end of its territory lay a dark shape against a set of Mausoleum doors. At each flash of lightning a crumpled figure was silhouetted against the darkness of the storm, like a x-ray.
On the hard ground lay a fragile form, broken and bruised beyond all hope of salvation. The darkness of the night surrounded her in death-protected her-as it never could in life. The cold rain-washed her body clean. She seemed to be bathed in blood, thick, dark, congealing as it dried, now it was all being washed away, a testament to her life perhaps.
In her line of work the legend lasts only til death, then another is called. The old forgotten even before the blood is dry. It is perhaps a fitting end for one baptized in blood to die in it as well. For the death of a vampire slayer is not much of a surprise. It is expected. Awaited as an inevitability. Once one has been called it is only a matter of time. It is a death sentence with no predetermined conclusion, except that it always ends the same, in pain, and the inescapable deluge of blood.
*****************
As the strongest storm to hit California in ten years continued to ravage the coast, Buffy Summers; the current vampire slayer awoke in the creepy darkness of Sunnydale Memorial Cemetery with a headache the size of the Himalayas and a bad mood to match. She was surprised to see how hard it was raining and rubbed the back of her neck with discomfort.
"It hurts, doesn't it?" A sympathetic male voice called from behind her.
Buffy whirled in surprise, getting into her famous fighting stance quicker than human eyes could possibly follow.
There, poised leisurely on a gravestone sat a short man decked out in a fedora and a grotesque hawaiian print shirt, it looked like good taste was as foreign to him as tact was to Cordelia Chase.
"Whistler?" Buffy asked surprised.
The strange man responded by sliding down from his perch and heading towards the reluctant vampire slayer. If he responded Buffy didn't hear because it was at this point that Buffy realized that although it was raining, it wasn't raining on her. She was no longer wet, no longer cold, but the rain around her continued. It would have been comical if it had been happening to someone else, Buffy thought in rising alarm, but unfortunately it wasn't.
At her confusion Whistler moved forward to explain, and cried out to stop her but it was too late. As she turned around the way she had come she noticed the inert figure on the ground and recognized it. With recognition came a myriad of disconcerting emotions... horror, fear, disbelief and most unsettling of all a moment of profound relief. No more waiting for the other shoe to drop, no more uncertainty, no more pain or at least that was what she thought until her memories crashed into her brain like a runaway locomotive. The mental agony was deafening, blinding and unsurprisingly the slayer fell to the assault as she crumpled unconscious to the ground.
Whistler could do nothing to stop the girl's agony; they had much to do in a short span of time. He deftly picked the slayer up and made the necessary arrangements to move them to a place more congenial to his business and taste than Sunnydale's oldest cemetery in the throes of the storm of the century.
Pt.2: Hit First Ask Questions Later
When Buffy awoke, it was no longer raining because she was no longer in Sunnydale. The memories of her death were intact now but somehow she didn't believe this was 'heaven.' Her years as a slayer had taught her many things, but faith in some higher being wasn't one of those things.
She quickly but cautiously stood to survey her surroundings; a high grassy cliff, looking out over a beautiful Mediterranean Sea, tall willow trees swung gently in the hint of a spring breeze. A large wood stood guard as far as she could see and wildflowers dotted the landscape in abundance. The air was clean and fresh and danced to the birdsong carried on the wind, the scent of roses and other flowers clung to this New World like dew. It was paradise.
Her clothing had also changed, from her basic black slaying gear to a long rose colored gown of silk and lace that hung about her like a dream. She didn't need to see Whistler to know he was there now.
"You seem to like sneaking up on me. I would recommend you stop doing that- Sometimes I can get pretty jumpy. I'm the kind of girl who swings first and asks questions later, alright?" Buffy stated cockily swinging her raised fist in his general direction.
"You don't need to be hostile, Kid. I know this can't be easy for you?" Whistler was trying his best to be diplomatic but he had never been known for his patience.
"Where are we?" Buffy asked pointedly, "Heaven?"
Whistler grinned, "Where do you want to be?"
Buffy was getting tired of dancing to this tune, "Where are we, Whistler, cut the crap and tell me now!"
"We are, to put it simply in between worlds in a place created by your mind, in your paradise. The place you've created for yourself in your dreams and wishes, a safe haven created to enhance your calm."
"Between worlds, my creation...enhance my calm? What have you been smoking cause I think you must be loopy!" Buffy cried in anger and confusion. Unfortunately however she had seen too many strange phenomena to doubt him entirely.
"We are in a state between life and death, heaven and hell, frankly Buff, May I call you Buff?" Whistler asked but continued on without waiting for her answer. "We are in a type of purgatory - kind of a limbo between worlds, where we are neither alive nor dead." Whistler stated judiciously.
Buffy tried to wrap her head around all of this but she was just too confused. "What does this mean exactly? I mean, I am dead; why did I end up here?" Buffy whispered softly.
"It means Kid, that after we talk you have the choice to go back to your life and really live it, or to stay here forever."
Buffy's voice was hushed as she repeated his last words; "I can go back? How? Why?"
Whistler shrugged, "Beats me kid, but someone up there seems to like you a whole lot!"
"Ok, so what do we talk about?" Buffy asked cautiously as she turned to sit cross-legged in the grass. "Is it, Angel?" Buffy asked a little timidly. "Cause we worked out that whole Angelus, Acathla, and sending him to hell thing, really we're great now!" The girl ended with a broad smile, but he could see something else in her eyes that belied the seeming cheerfulness of her statement.
Inside Whistler groaned this was going to be even harder than he had imagined.
"Before we start Buffy, you have to understand you will be required to listen to me until I'm done. You can't walk away from this, no matter how it makes you feel. You may hear and see some things you may not like but, you can't walk out on this or you forfeit your only way back. Do you understand me?" The seriousness and conviction with which Whistler ended his speech left Buffy unnerved but she couldn't answer with anything but...
"Yeah, Yes I understand. I'll listen. Quietly." She added this last at the disdainful expression on his face. "I won't leave no matter what happens, besides where would I go, anyway?" Buffy asked with a grim smile. "Let's just get on with it, ok? What is this all about?"
"Actually, it's about your love life, surprisingly enough." Whistler spoke with great reluctance to the startled blonde Slayer.
Buffy was incredulous, "My love life, are you kidding?"
Whistler grimaced "I wish, I was kidding! But you've made such a mess out of it, someone just had to step in..."
"Now I know you can't be serious. I died and you're worried about my LOVE LIFE? Do you know how crazy that is?" Buffy cried, disbelieving.
"You said you'd listen!" Whistler admonished quickly; Buffy gave him the evil eye then reluctantly motioned for him to continue. He simply continued to look at her with a mixture of sorrow and sympathy in his eyes the likes of which she had seen only once before, from a good friend just after the last time she had died. It calmed her a little, thinking of her friend, so that she was ready to hear what the demon in front of her had to say. But the first words out of his mouth still threw her for a loop, sending her heart and her world reeling from the impact.
"Buffy, You were never meant to fall in love with Angel, The two of you were just never meant to be. There can be no future in loving him you see that, don't you?"
His voice was soft but his words cut her like a knife, bringing out all the truths into the harsh light of day that she had kept closely hidden in the comforting darkness of her mind. Her rational side was glad someone had finally said it out loud but the other-larger-part of her that had already lost too much had began to scream and before she could stop herself- her fist was flying towards the surprised demon sitting across from her.
Pt.3: The White Knight
Fortunately Whistler was too quick for her, he saw the anger building in her eyes and as she moved into the swing he leaned back. Her momentum carried her towards him; he grabbed her arm and pulled her roughly into his strong arms. His superior strength kept all further resistance at bay, but it didn't stop her tears.
"Buffy you've got to be calm, you promised you'd listen? Do I have to tie you up and gag you to get you to let me finish? Please Buffy, stop crying." Whistler was pleading now, he had never been good at this sort of thing, and he never knew what to do when a woman started to cry.
"What, you rip out my heart and expect me to listen without feeling anything? You think you can destroy my dreams, take away the last consolation left in my life and expect me to laugh it off? What kind of monster are you...?" Buffy sobbed, but Whistler cut her off.
"I don't think I was the one who played havoc on your heart, honey. You and Angel did that quite fine on your own. You see, I picked Angel up out of the gutter to help you to accept your destiny-not to start any big star- crossed romance. I knew he had great potential to help the world. I just never thought he'd help himself to you. It was supposed to be a guiding, teaching, helping kind of thing nothing more. Period. But the two of you had to go all googly-eyed for each other, and ruin everything."
"How did we ruin everything?" Buffy whispered coldly.
"Because Buffy you were meant for someone else, someone who could and did love you completely; your soulmate. But instead of finding true love, you followed your hormones...You threw away love for lust."
"That's not fair!" Buffy sobbed "I do love Angel! With all my heart!"
"Yeah, I know it grew into love, but where did it get you? One moment of bliss and Angel turned into a psychopath, broke your heart, tried to kill you and your friends-even succeeded with a few. Now it's a tarnished love and it will only lead to your destruction." Whistler stated simply, "You know it and so do I, there is no future there, no comfort."
He let Buffy go and she reclaimed her earlier spot, "Who was it? My Soulmate, who was it?"
"Who is it?" Whistler responded grinning.
"Whatever." Buffy responded disgustedly.
"Can you guess?" Whistler asked softly, sadly.
Buffy closed her eyes she couldn't say it, the name that rested on her lips and in her heart, she just couldn't say it.
"When Angel was still Angelus, he called him your 'White Knight'. I actually think the demon was jealous of him because he never gave up. Whenever you needed him he was right there, to comfort, or fight, or protect you, despite the fact that you were the slayer and he was just a man, he never gave up on you. Not even when you gave up on yourself."
"That's not true! When I came back after I ran away, he hated me, he gave up on me then!" Buffy sobbed angrily.
"Don't mistake anger, hurt, and guilt for hate Buffy. Xander has never hated you, never." Whistler responded softly.
"It doesn't matter anyway, I don't love him, I never have at least not in that way." Buffy declared feelingly and a little desperately.
"How can you be so sure of that?" Whistler asked her. "When you never even gave him a chance? Besides Buffy, I think you care more for him than you've ever admitted to yourself. Why didn't you confront him with his lie?" Whistler asked curiously. Buffy looked up in surprise, "You know the one I'm talking about." he grinned. "You were the only one who knew what he said to you before you went into the mansion to face Angelus and Acathla. You found out Willow retried the spell when you got back from L.A. and you were the only one who saw Angel's soul restored, so why didn't you tell on him, or at least confront him about it?"
"I didn't see any point in it really, we'd already lost so much...I didn't want to lose him too." Whistler was grinning stupidly and Buffy could barely restrain the blush that was creeping up her neck.
"To better make my point Buff, I'm going to show you a few things ok?" Whistler asked casually. Buffy was relieved to move on to something else.
"Sure, what is it? I mean it can't get any worse can it?" she asked gamely. Then winced at her words, which she was sure, would result in some new trauma for her to endure.
Whistler couldn't help but laugh at the expression on her face. "I'm going to show you a little of what would've happened if you'd accepted Xander's invitation to the Spring Fling, the first time he asked, and what might happen if you choose not to go back to your body in Sunnydale." Whistler pronounced with a flourish.
Pt.4: So It Begins…
Buffy watched as Whistler picked himself up from the ground and knelt before her on bended knee, like a Knight kneeling before his Queen. "You're not going to ask me to marry you, are you, Whistler?" Buffy giggled.
Whistler gave her 'the look', that exasperated and harried look she received from Giles at least a hundred times a day. She'd seen it so many times it was easy to recognize, it meant she was pushing his patience beyond the limit, so she retreated into her thoughts.
Her thoughts took her back to Whistler's earlier comments about Xander. Kneeling like a knight, a White Knight perhaps...She could almost hear Angelus' cold, deadly voice in her head mockingly declaring Xander her 'White Knight.' She could only imagine how it must have hurt him. It must have been like rubbing salt into an open wound. How many times had she thrown his love for her back into his face, it must have killed him to hear those mocking words from the brutal vampire. From the one she supposedly loved with all her heart, Xander's rage and jealousy must have been more than he could stand.
Then Buffy was caught off guard, Whistler's face was suddenly right in front of hers; she was so startled she almost fell over. She quickly reoriented herself and grabbed the demon's arm to keep herself level. Her brusque comeback was cut off as Whistler began his instructions...
"Once inside we won't be able to communicate, Buff, you'll be on your own. You won't be able to ask any questions then, so don't try. First you'll see what would have happened had you chosen Xander over Angel, and then we'll get to the fun stuff. In this new world, you'll be like a ghost, No one will be able to see or hear you. You can't participate or meddle with events that occur, you are strictly an observer. Got it? It's going to hurt a little, but just for a few moments, ok?" Whistler stated pointedly.
Buffy was still badly confused but decided to humor him, "Right, let's get going! Where are we going anyway?"
Whistler grinned, "Well, we're not actually going anywhere, Buff..." Whistler responded as his hands came out to grasp her head on both sides at the temples.
The moment he touched her Buffy saw an intense burst of light and felt a sense of vertigo, then a sharp pain ripped throughout her entire body. Then she was gone. As his touch took effect Whistler closed his eyes and gently readjusted his grip on the unconscious Slayer, allowing the power to sweep them both away.
Pt.5: Alternate Unreality
This time when Buffy came to, she found herself lying rather uncomfortably on the cold, hard ground and in a rather embarrassing position on the grass a few feet from the entrance in front of Sunnydale highschool. Or at least it would have been embarrassing if anyone could have seen her. It was a gloriously sunny day in Southern California, but weren't they all. She surveyed the scene before her with amazement, she guessed from the amount of people spread around her talking, eating and laughing that it must have been lunchtime. Her long dress flowed behind her as she moved through the throng of people towards her intended destination. She moved as silently as a ghost and even when she did touch someone nothing stirred, so that they seemed to be oblivious to her soundless passage.
"Whistler was right, they can't see me. But I guess its fitting after all I am a ghost; aren't I?" The sound of her hushed voice startled her, and she giggled easily, feeling her tension melt away, at least for the moment.
Something inside was pushing her forward so she decided to give herself up to that feeling, allowing it to move her to wherever it wanted her to be. That was when she saw them ahead, a dark haired boy and a blonde girl deeply engrossed in an apparently fascinating conversation. She was so shocked she nearly tripped over her own feet. It was her! She, Buffy Summers was the blonde girl, and Xander was the boy.
She quickly moved forward to hear what was going on. She was amazed to hear the boy's excited response. "You mean it Buff, you'll go to the dance with me?" At the girl's nodding grin. Xander whooped in ecstasy. "Whoo hoo!!!" Then he solemnly took her hand in his, "I swear to God, Buffy you won't regret this... I promise." He stated with complete conviction as he planted a gallant kiss on her hand. Buffy gasped in surprise and watched as the boy walked away with an idiotic grin plastered on his face, and an extremely exuberant parting wave. She was surprised to see Xander had such a romantic side.
She turned back to the girl, when she heard her contented sigh, "I could never regret it, Xan." She whispered with an equally silly grin on her face as she gingerly took the hand he had kissed and held it to her heart.
"Whoa!" Buffy cried. This was just too, too bizarre. She could never feel that way about Xander, could she? Then Whistler's words came back to her, 'you'll see what would have happened had you chosen Xander over Angel.' So obviously the Buffy Of this wacko universe had already chosen Xander, was already in love with him. Buffy groaned and clutched her head in surrender. This was TOO much and now she had a double to contend with on this strange voyage of discovery.
This in addition to everything else she'd encountered today was so confusing, she wished now that Whistler would have warned her of the existence of her exact replica here, wherever here was. She couldn't believe there were two Buffy's, ugh, if Snyder were here he'd probably have an aneurysm, and she couldn't help but laugh at the evil little troll of a man, "I bet he has nightmares that start out like this!" Buffy giggled, but her merriment was cut short. Then all she could do was sigh, there was simply not room enough in this world/reality or any other for two Buffy Summers to coexist simultaneously or peacefully. So without further ado (and without even recognizing she was doing it or why) Buffy began to think of her double as 'Anne'.
Using her middle name in conjunction with the double greatly cut through the fog of her bewilderment and anxiety, without severing the connection she had to the other Buffy, because essentially they were the same person, ugh. To think of her double as 'Buffy' put her very existence in this world not to mention her sanity in jeopardy, and destroyed her individuality. Unfortunately that was one thing she was not prepared to lose. She'd given up too much in her short life already to part with such a necessity. Suddenly there was another flash of light, and then she was somewhere else.