Title: SOLDIERS need love too
Summary: Angeal's week keeps getting stranger when he finally notices something unusual about the women at Shinra.
Genre: Humor, pre-slash
Characters: Angeal, Zack
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: No pairings.
Words: 6,050

Disclaimer: I do not own FFVII, nor the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

It was going on for at least a week before he put it all together. Angeal finally noticed something was different when the petite redhead secretary rested her breasts on his forearm as he looked over the folder she had delivered.

He politely stepped a little to the side, not wanting it to look obvious that she had bumped her rather obvious charms into him, but she followed a step and leaned in again.

This time, his jerk away wasn't as smooth, and he looked down at her in surprise. She smiled up innocently then ruined the illusion by brushing her chest against his as she got on tiptoe to whisper in his ear a rather vulgar but highly interesting suggestion. Angeal was sure his cheeks were getting warm when she pulled away and winked.

"I left my number in the file, so give me a call, OK?" She actually sashayed back down the hall, leaving Angeal staring at her hip swing accentuated by a tight skirt and high heels.

He gave himself a little shake to remember he was still in the hall of Shinra headquarters, surrounded by personnel, particularly female members who were ... suddenly ... everywhere ... smiling ... waving ... winking. That's when it struck him – he'd never been hit on so many times by so many different women.

Last Monday, it was a pack of blondes from the secretary pool who congregated around him as he walked through the halls. There were ten or twelve of the giggling women, all trying to engage him in conversation, ask him personal questions or invite him to various outings. As he continued down the hallway, other attractive women had stopped him and every single one had been blonde of some shade from platinum to honey.

The memory distracted him until he got on the elevator with two members of the Weapon Development Department. The two women apparently were in a contest to see who could make him blush first with their loud speculations on some of his rather personal attributes.

By the time he rushed off the elevator on the 49th level, Angeal knew he was blushing.

He had never blushed this much in his life because grown men did not blush, but that had started last Tuesday when the blondes gave over to a gaggle of women, all with shining black hair of various hues. They had been ruthless in chasing Angeal around the building. Everywhere he'd turned there was another one, waiting to chat him up. After the third one had asked him about his favorite sexual position, he'd turned red and it wouldn't go away. He wondered if it was a symptom of a brain aneurysm.

Since then, making him blush seemed to become a challenge to the female employees. Angeal figured the women were just feeling hard up for dates and were willing to pounce on any available SOLDIER.

As he walked slowly toward the training room, he retraced more of the memories he'd been trying to forget. Last Wednesday, when he'd returned from a brief mission there were women waiting in the lobby to ambush him. All of them had brown hair. All of them had a small gift from homemade cookies to a best-selling book to a favorite CD.

Now, Angeal was a modest man. He knew he wasn't the definition of gorgeous like Sephiroth or cute like Zack or Gaia-forbid-it hot like Genesis. But he also had to admit he wasn't a total loser. His job demanded he be at the height of physical prowess so he kept his body in the best shape. In the past, he'd been told he was attractive.

Still, his realism wouldn't allow him to believe for a minute that he was suddenly so irresistible to women that they were now throwing themselves – and lingerie in one embarrassing incident with a tall redhead Wednesday evening – at him. Surely Hojo hadn't put something in the water coolers again.

The thoughts kept perplexing him until the door to the training room slid open.

"Hey, Angeal, you're late! Well, almost late. But you're definitely later than you usually are, so that means that you're only 10 minutes early, as opposed to, you know, being 15 minutes early. So where were you?"

The only other thing that perplexed him beside women was his student, Zack. Who could talk his ear off. And get him back on track.

"I was getting more information about training requisites, and stop waving that around, you're going to break it."

Zack pouted a bit before he stopped twirling the visor around his arm. His pout only lasted a moment before a grin took over.

"So, where'd you get the training requi-what's-its? Did one of the hot secretaries give you a special delivery?" For a moment, Angeal thought Zack might actually give him a elbow nudge-nudge to go along with the wink-wink.

Angeal firmly denied it and encouraged Zack to put on the recording visor so they could start the program. But Zack's determination was not to be denied.

"Come on, Angeal, haven't you noticed any of the hot babes who seem like they've popped out of the woodwork lately?"

Zack looked a little disappointed when Angeal gave a firm "No."

"Angeeeeeeal, that red head was hot and those little panties were..."

"Zack!" Angeal cut him off, with a firm head shake. It was just his bad luck that Zack had been with him last Wednesday when the willowy woman tried to slip those satin things into his pants pocket.

"Maybe you don't like redheads, huh?" Zack took a second to go into his so-called "thinking" pose, arm across his chest, supporting his other elbow, with that hand rubbing his chin. "What about all those sexy blondes or the black-haired beauties?"

Angeal just shook his head again and tapped Zack on the head with his folder. "I'm not interested in any of those, Zack. Let's start the simulation."

"Just hold on a minute, man!" Zack yelped as he pulled away. "So you're telling me that those girls who caught you outside the bathroom last Thursday did nothing for you?"

Angeal stopped to think about last Thursday then gave a little shiver before he could stop himself. Zack saw it though and laughed, punching Angeal playfully on the shoulder.

"No, Zack, those women didn't do anything for me, as you say. I've never seen that much silicone in one place before, and I don't wish to see it again."

Five – or was it six? – women had caught up to them right before a training session. Angeal still wasn't sure what departments they worked for that let them wear so little in the way of upper garments. Surely that wasn't healthy. And he wasn't sure that Shinra's parsimonious health care provider would willingly pay for that many breast implants. Two of those girls were so big, well, Angeal actually felt sorry for their balance because they had to have been top-heavy.

Now Zack was the one shaking his head. "Oh, man, they were fine. Who cares if a nice rack isn't completely real as long as it looks so good? Or maybe you preferred the sporty gals who followed us into the training room?"

Yes, that was the rest of the repressed memory. Thank you, Zack.

Somehow a group of women found out which room the two were using for sword practice, and several managed to slip inside to watch the end of it. Angeal had known they were there, of course, had noticed the instant the door started to slide open. But he let it go, thinking they had proper clearance to be there observing for some reason.

Instead, the girls started hooting and hollering during the fight. Zack ate it up, responding with increasingly wild flourishes of his sword. Angeal stayed professional, not getting flustered until the cheers turned more ... sexual... in nature. And started flying with offers of pleasuring for the winner.

He disarmed Zack on the next lunge, not to claim his reward, as the teenager complained, but simply to stop the cat-calling. He was shocked when the young women, all decked out in workout gear, offered to take Zack's place for some "one-on-one" training with the SOLDIER.

Needless to say, he'd hustled Zack out of there quickly.

Zack looked like he was actually enjoying the memory, so Angeal set him straight.

"Put the visor on, Zack, and let's see how you do on this run-through. Last time you only made it through the beginning of stage two, so I want to see how you've improved."

Zack looked ready to rebel, but another look at his mentor's stern expression and he finally put on the recording visor.

However, he had to have the last word.

"Well, you cannot tell me that you were unmoved by the girls on Friday. I love casual Fridays! That girl in R&D with the short little jean mini-skirt thing, wow! Her hair was longer than that skirt, and she totally wanted to wrap you up in it. Plus she was like really smart too!" Zack's enthusiasm seemed endless.

"Zack," Angeal tried the warning voice.

"Or what about that chick from the cleaning staff who got you to carry her buckets and mops. She had a mouth like a SOLDIER and that rad crew-cut and a nose-ring and tattoos I bet all over..."

"Zack." That was warning two.

"Or that pretty girl who interns in the med lab? You know the one who giggled when you had to take me there after I tripped on the buckets and you refused to Cure me? She's just a little older than me, and I'll bet she's never even been kissed because she blushed so hard when I asked her to just kiss my knee and make it better..."

"Zack!" Warning three came with a switch on of the training simulator. Zack had to stop talking – finally – when the program began showing enemy troops.

Angeal backed away to watch from a safe distance. He knew Zack would make a fine SOLDIER First Class someday when he had calmed down, learned to focus on the mission at hand and realized that Angeal had no interest in the women who were acting so out of character.

The training session gave him time to relax and get himself focused on his job. That is, after he'd reassured himself – twice – that the door was locked to prevent female intruders.

Zack did well in the scenario, nearly finishing the second stage this time in a definite improvement over his last attempt. To congratulate him, Angeal agreed to join him for dinner at the staff cafeteria even though the food occasionally turned even his stomach.

However, he hadn't realized that Zack was on speaking terms with all the females in Shinra, whether drop-dead gorgeous or portly and homely. Receptionists giggled and smiled. One of them showed off pictures of her brand-new puppy and made sure to tell Angeal that she was a real animal lover. He gave her a small smile and urged Zack to move on.

Secretaries stopped their work to exchange pleasantries. Several rushed to inform Zack their gardens were taking off very well and promised to share their bounty with him and Angeal. One went so far as to ask Angeal if he would come over to dinner to enjoy a meal with home-grown ingredients. He politely declined as he guided Zack from the conversation with a firm hand on the shoulder.

A lab-coated blonde from medical passing in the hall placed her hand on Zack's training-flushed cheek to check for fever, she said. Then she turned to Angeal and asked him if he wanted to come in for a thorough physical as her eyes swept him from head to toe and back. Feeling sudden sympathy for prize chocobo studs, Angeal disengaged Zack from that encounter with a hand on the elbow and a little shove.

While Zack was still complaining that a little shove to a First Class was physical assault to a Second Class, they reached the SOLDIER cafeteria where Angeal felt able to relax. Right up until they'd joined the line and a server old enough to be his mother asked if he liked whipped cream. She followed it up with another dollop on his pudding cup and an extra cherry placed to make a vaguely obscene image.

Or, judging from Zack's snicker, an obviously obscene image.

Still, Angeal's nerves of steel didn't fray until he turned from paying the cashier, the sweet-looking, wrinkled, smiling grandma, and she patted his butt. He jumped, spilling his pudding cup into the meatloaf, and whirled around to find her smoothing back her wispy gray hair and smirking at him.

Zack noticed the exchange and heroically choked back a snort of laughter. While Angeal backed away from the counter, clutching his tray between him and the cashier, Zack patted his shoulder.

"Come on, man. Let's get out of here and get real food. I think maybe you could use a little break anyway. Unless you want to hang out with the pervy old lady?"

"Let's go," Angeal answered brusquely, only feeling a moment of remorse for wasting money on a meal he wasn't going to eat. He didn't think he could eat in the same room with those wrinkly little eyes undressing him. Was there any way Hojo or Hollander had sprayed something on him? Some sort of pheromone maybe?

He and Zack managed to get out of the building without too many more propositions, and he wasn't sexually assaulted again. But, when two women in navy pantsuits changed course across the lobby to head their way, Angeal wasn't ashamed to break into a trot and hit the front doors at a run.

Zack caught up down the street and was laughing out loud this time. Angeal was a little too unnerved by the past week to scold him for laughing at his mentor's pain, but he did scowl. In response, Zack stopped chuckling and suggested they try a nearby diner.

Angeal didn't let down his guard as they chose a booth and looked at the menus. A waitress came to take their drink orders, and Angeal held his breath. He let it out slowly when she didn't seem to give in to whatever insane attraction was affecting women at Shinra. Instead, she flirted with Zack a little as he dithered about whether he wanted soda or a milkshake. Angeal found himself gazing aimlessly and relaxing some after the waitress left.

Zack leaned over across the table to whisper, "What do you think her tattoo said? I could only see part of it."

"Hm, what tattoo?"

Zack raised his eyebrow. "The big tattoo across her cleavage that you were staring at, man."

"I certainly was not. I didn't even notice a tattoo," Angeal said as he turned to face the window. "I'm just happy to be able to sit down and eat a meal without being harassed."

"Can it really be considered harassment if hot women are following you? They just want a piece of you, Angeal! Why don't you try going out with one of them?"

Zack's enthusiasm was starting to wear on him so he shot back, "How do you know I'm not?"

Zack looked a little uncomfortable now but challenged him. "Well, you never say anything about dating or having a girlfriend. I mean, you never go out during the week because we train most nights, and what do you do on the weekends? Like yesterday, what did you do?"

Angeal had to stop and think about it. "I clean my quarters on the weekends, and relax. I need as much of that as I can get since I'm surrounded by lunacy the rest of the week."

"So, if you're not going on dates during the week or the weekends, that means you're not dating at all. That's just not right. You're a hot guy in his prime. You should be seeing a different girl every night and sleeping wi..."

"That's enough, Zack." Angeal didn't want to hear what his student thought about his sex life, or lack thereof. "I'm content with my life. I have the job I've always dreamed of. I have friends I can count on. I have a student who drives me insane. I don't have time for a significant other right now. Maybe someday but not now."

Zack sighed. "Maybe you just need to look outside the company, you know. It might be good for you to have someone who isn't related to Shinra."

He cut off when the waitress placed his double-chocolate milkshake in front of him. As she handed Angeal his ice water, Zack's knee had a strange spasm that jarred the table and splashed the water right into Angeal's lap.

"Oh no, I'm really sorry!" Zack yelped as Angeal quickly stood up, stifling a curse because the waitress was still there.

Angeal took a deep breath and brushed the rest of the ice from his lap to the floor. "If you will excuse me, I will try to dry this off. No, Zack, I don't need any help."

He followed a point from the waitress to the men's room where he spent several minutes and half a roll of paper towels trying to dry his pants. The best he could do was make it appear he'd wet himself.

As he headed back toward their booth, Zack and the waitress were looking at something Zack held in his lap. Angeal immediately wondered if Zack was behaving lewdly again until the waitress giggled and clapped her hand over her mouth. Zack looked up and said something, but Angeal only heard the waitress' response of, "Wow, you were right. That's amazing!"

"What's amazing?" Angeal's quiet question brought them up short. The waitress turned around, her cheeks bright red, and looked directly where the huge wet spot soaked his fatigues. Her eyes then went to his face and at his expression she gave a little squeak and hurried off.

Zack was trying to stuff something back into his pants' pocket. Angeal remained standing over him and simply held out his hand. Sometimes the strong, silent approach worked.

Zack tried to argue that he wasn't holding anything, but he couldn't back down from his mentor just standing there. He slapped his handset into Angeal's hand and pouted.

Angeal took his seat and flipped open the phone. It was showing Zack's screen saver, a fuzzy picture of the Second Class with his sword swung over his head. Angeal first glanced at the recent call log, but there wasn't anything unusual there. He checked the most recent text messages, but again, nothing "amazing." He looked up at Zack, who was attempting to pull off "innocent" and "unjustly wronged" but mostly looked like the kid who knew he was about to be busted.

Angeal found it under Zack's recent pictures. He didn't recognize himself at first since he was wiping his face with a towel. It was inside one of the locker rooms' showers – they were all painted that one industrial color so he couldn't specify. The same towel that he was using on his face was conspicuously missing from around his waist. And there he was. In all his naked glory. The water in the shower had not been cold, apparently. And he'd been awfully happy about something.

Although Angeal had thought he blushed a lot in the past week, it was nothing compared to the red he turned now, staring at his naked, naked self. He tore his eyes away to stare at Zack in disbelief, but Zack was concentrating on the napkin he was tearing to shreds on the table.

"Wha- How- Why-" None of the questions would quite form on his tongue as he looked back down at the picture. He really didn't want to, but he scrolled through the next four, watching himself dry off with that towel before the last picture focused in on the main event.

Angeal was overwhelmed with the desire to bang his head into the table a few dozen times to make the pictures disappear. When he realized that would only give him a headache to add to the possible stroke he was having, he settled for slamming the phone shut and hiding his face in his hands.

"Please don't be mad, Angeal. I just wanted to help you." Zack's voice never sounded that little or abashed. It was almost enough to make him look up at his student. Almost. Perhaps once the mortification ended in fifty years or so.

"I thought that when women saw how handsome you are and how, you know, endowed that they would jump over themselves to go out with you. And it worked," he added with a short laugh that sounded nearer to a sob. "I thought having a girlfriend would make you happier and less tense. I wanted you to be happy."

"And obviously the only way to get me a girlfriend was to show women pornographic pictures of me?" Angeal was trying very hard to keep his voice level down instead of roaring. He could feel Zack fidgeting across the table.

"It wasn't meant to be pornographic. I thought maybe they needed to see a different side of you."

As Angeal started to move his hands away from his eyes, Zack hurriedly went on. "Not necessarily your 'privates' side, but your private side. Like, most of the women I talked to about you were really intimidated. You're this awesome SOLDIER, right? They know you're one of the best, one of the toughest and they're a little scared of you, I guess. I thought that if I told them what you were really like and showed them you're just human they wouldn't be as afraid. I never thought they'd all go after you quite like they have. It's taken me forever to try and figure out what kind of girl you would like. You really are a private guy."

Angeal took a series of deep, cleansing breaths before he dropped his hands. He tried to keep a rational tone; he tried very hard.

"You mean to tell me this little crusade of yours involved all the women in Shinra. They really were targeting me for the past week?" At Zack's little reluctant nod, he went on. "You've been systematically arranging for me to meet various kinds of women so you could determine which ones I was attracted to?"

"Well, you've always tried to teach me to investigate an enemy's weakness and then strategically assault it." Zack pronounced the words "investigate" and "strategically" like they were foreign concepts.

Angeal rolled his eyes. All the tactics he'd been trying to teach the kid, and Zack only applied them to a situation like this. Unbelievable.

"I have one question, Zack. Where did you get those pictures? How did you get those pictures? I would surely have noticed you or anyone with a camera while I was showering."

Zack opened his mouth and closed it a couple times. Finally he gave a sick little grin that seemed to know it was going to get slapped off his face.

"I can't reveal my source because he'd kill me too. Well, actually he'd revive me from when you're gonna kill me just to do it again. You really aren't gonna kill me, are you, Angeal?"

"I haven't decided yet." Angeal slid the phone across the table and wiped his burning face again with his hands. "Kid, I cannot believe you. Whoever took those pictures should be tossed out of the SOLDIER program, and whoever showed them to other employees should be severely disciplined. Do you understand?"

From the expression on Zack's face he understood loud and clear. And he wasn't ready to go down without a fight.

"I know I shouldn't have e-mailed them to so many women..." he winced when Angeal yelled an echoing "E-MAIL?" but kept on going. "I know it was wrong but you didn't seem to like the blondes so I thought maybe you'd like a girl with dark hair, but that wasn't a winner."

As he tried to explain, he dug out of his pocket a small spiral-bound notebook and flipped it open. "There aren't that many redheads, so I had to try the rest of the brunettes first. I gave them some tips on what kind of books you read and stuff, and I really thought that one of them might have a chance. When that tall one gave you her panties, whew! You showed some interest there, but I figured that shoving them back at her and stalking away probably killed the mood so I crossed her off. From there, I kept trying the different combinations that I would have liked and that other guys have told me about, but none of them seemed to work."

Angeal grabbed the notebook out of his hand and ignored the noise of protest. The charts and graphs of women's descriptions surprised him, along with tiny notes of his reactions from "checked out her ass" and "bright red, so funny!" But through each general description like "sporty fun" or "smart sexy" was a big X.

He flipped through several pages all crossed out. Zack slammed his hand down on the notebook suddenly, sending it to the table and holding it there.

Angeal looked up, raising an eyebrow. Zack looked sheepish but determined to make one last stand.

"Are you going to kill me? Or discipline me? I know it was wrong to show the naked pictures of you, but all of us guys have already seen it in the showers. I thought the women would just get a kick out of it, and maybe you'd meet the girl of your dreams. Then maybe you'd be happy." Zack stared directly into his eyes, this time a faint blush staining his cheeks. "I just want you to be happy."

Angeal stared back because he was speechless for a moment. The kid's heart was in the right place, perhaps, but the method was reprehensible. Angeal didn't care how immodest he may be around other men but it was different with women. There were some things they didn't need to see. He took a deep breath.

"First, you are going to e-mail every single woman you contacted before. You are going to tell them those photos were doctored and they weren't really me. You will tell them politely but firmly that I am not interested in any of them. Be kind but firm. I don't want to date any of them, understand? You can make them think it was some sort of practical joke being played on me."

Zack nodded so he went on. "After they understand those pictures were not of me, you will go to your voyeur friend and make him understand that any future infractions will get him tossed out of SOLDIER permanently. Tell him that I will come after him fast and hard if he does not destroy any and all pictures he has taken of me or any other SOLDIER without their consent. I don't care if he's shown other people or if he just uses them himself, he must destroy them all. Got it?"

Zack was nodding again in agreement when the waitress appeared to bring him another water. This time, she leaned over to him to show off her tattoo with a few flirtatious words, but he just picked up the glass and took a long drink.

Zack interrupted her in a low voice that didn't even sound like him. "I'm really sorry I showed you those pictures. It was all a joke I've been playing on this guy. That wasn't really him. I was just trying to piss him off."

She looked over at Zack and huffed, "Well, that isn't very nice," before leaving without their orders.

Zack met his eyes again. "I'm really sorry, Angeal. I didn't mean to make so much trouble. This didn't work out like I thought it would. I just... I'm so sorry."

Angeal sighed and took another drink. "I accept your apology. I know you probably didn't mean for it to get so out of control. But you need to learn to really think through all possible scenarios before you enact a plan. This was ... a kind idea that was executed very poorly."

Zack brightened a little when he admitted the idea was nice. Angeal went on. "Thank you for caring enough about me to want to see me happy. What you don't understand is that I am happy right now. This is what I've always wanted to do. I don't want or need someone else in my life right now to complete that. I would be a terrible boyfriend with all the work and training we put in. Right now, things are good the way they are. Do you understand?"

Zack looked at him curiously before shaking his head. "I guess I don't understand wanting to be alone. I mean, I want to be SOLDIER First Class so bad, but sometimes I also want to have someone to come home to. Some nights I really don't want to be alone, but I don't want it to be just for the night. I know I should wait until I'm promoted so I can meet someone nice and have a steady relationship." He sighed and flipped through his notebook again. "Maybe I'm not making any sense."

"No, Zack. That makes sense. You'll make a fine boyfriend one day. Just don't rush things," Angeal cautioned. "When the right one comes along you'll know it. And maybe by then, I'll know it too, OK?"

Zack rolled his eyes and laughed. "Yes, Mom. When the right one comes along, Mom. I'm saving it for my wedding night, Mom."

"At least that would save you from the horrors they taught you about in health class, right?" Angeal resisted the urge to ruffle Zack's spiky hair and instead gave him a manly swat on the shoulder. Zack yelped and grabbed his shoulder, letting go of his notebook which fell to the table.

Angeal picked it up to close it when he saw the final page and froze. He lifted his eyes slowly to Zack who seemed frozen in place rather like a chocobo in the middle of the road stunned by oncoming headlights.

"I can explain. I swear, I can explain. It was just a silly phase two of the operation, you know, in case everything else failed." Zack's babbling picked up speed as Angeal's face color seemed to darken.

He read the short list of personal names, not descriptions. "Director Lazard, Rufus Shinra, Tseng, Reno, General Sephiroth?"

"I had to cover all the bases, didn't I? I was getting really worried when you weren't interested in any of the women, so I thought ahead. Don't worry. I didn't e-mail any of them yet. I was going to give some other women a chance before I switched gears." Zack stopped for a second as he looked around desperately like he was searching for an escape.

Torn between wanting to bolt and another stronger desire, his curiosity won out and he whispered, "Should I have maybe started with them all along?"

Angeal didn't even try a deep calming breath as he bellowed, "My sex life is none of your business! Just leave it alone!"

Feeling all the eyes of the diner's patrons on them, Angeal shoved the notebook back to Zack and stood up quickly. Zack grabbed at his arm as he started to leave. "Forget it, Zack. I need some time alone right now."

He made it to the door before Zack could fish out some gil from his wallet and throw it on the table. Zack followed him outside but as he turned back toward headquarters, Angeal wheeled abruptly and ordered, "Don't follow me. I want to go home and forget this ever happened."

"Well can I at least buy you a drink or two or ten? Maybe that would help..."

"Zack, getting drunk has never helped any sort of problem." Angeal sighed and took a deep breath, leaning his head back to look up at the night sky.

"I'm really sorry..." Zack started before Angeal cut him off again.

"I know, I know. Just let me alone tonight until I cool off. Start e-mailing. Call your photographer friend. Forget your plans and burn those notes." He shot Zack a sharp look that met his eyes and held them.

"You're a good kid, but someday, your hare-brained schemes are going to backfire and get you hurt. Or you're going to cross the wrong person and get in real trouble. Just use your brain next time, Zack."

"So, you're saying I shouldn't send General Sephiroth those flowers from a secret admirer then blackmail Reno into writing bad love poetry for Tseng." Zack's ornery grin was almost enough to make him smile.

"Yes, Zack. I think that even you can see how unwise and reckless that would be. Unless you want two enraged Turks coming after you or a court martial for sexual harassment. Maybe you should just see about finding yourself a good woman."

"Or two." This time Zack's grin did get a small smile from Angeal. "There really were some hotties after you, man. And if you aren't going to go for them, well, they need to get a little SOLDIER lovin' somewhere, don't they?"

Angeal chuckled weakly and started walking for home. "Just remember what you learned in health class because I don't want to be the one dragging you off to the clinic for treatment. And no, I will not Cure you of that. You're on your own, kid." He bounced to the left for a step when Zack jogged into his right shoulder and nudged.

"Nah, I'm never on my own when I got you, Angeal. And remember, when you're ready for that special girl, I'll be there to help you get her. I've got the plans!"

Angeal grabbed the notebook Zack had flourished and tucked it into his own pocket. "I'll keep those since I'm sure you don't need them to get yourself a girl. And it might be handy to have my own blackmail material when you should find yourself with a girlfriend. It will keep you honest."

Zack whined a little but eventually just fell into step with Angeal. "I'll always be honest with you, man. And Angeal, I really am sorry for the trouble I caused. I'll fix it, I promise."

Angeal stopped outside Shinra's front doors. "I accept your apology. And thank you for fixing it." He looked over to meet Zack's eyes as he leaned in closer to the boy's face. "But if you ever try something like this again, I'm throwing you to the wolves. I'll show those women pictures of you pleasuring yourself in the 49th level locker room three weeks ago. The afternoon you supposedly took an hour-long shower."

Zack's eyes grew huge and he choked on his words as Angeal finally cracked a real smile. "How did you know what I was doing? How do you have pictures? Did you see me..."

"Come on, Zack. I'm sure Kunsel got stills, audio and video of that performance. I could hear it from outside the door. I won't be afraid to use them if you try this again. Do we agree, no more matchmaking?"

"Yes, yes!" Zack was fervent in his nodding. "I'll leave it alone. I'll make him promise to get rid of everything, everything, he has. All the pictures and videos and downloads and all of it."

"Good. Then we'll get back to normal training tomorrow and forget this ever happened." Angeal made it to the door but couldn't resist one last jab. "Good luck finding a girl, Zack. She'll be lucky to have you."

"Aw, thanks Angeal. And when you finally find your girl, she'll be very lucky to be with you too."

Angeal turned and smiled again. "Who said I was only looking for a girl? Maybe you need to broaden your horizons a little, Zack."

He continued to smile as he walked inside and a stunned Zack finally found his tongue. "So are you saying I should have gone with the second plan all along? Huh, Angeal? Angeal?"