Well, I suppose the title and summary are self-explanatory. This story sort of wrote itself after my friends made me read some Artemis fanfiction. She is my favorite character in mythology, so I'm sort of protective about her. :) NOTE: No stories mentioned in this story are referencing actual stories written. If there are stories that match up with real stories, it is entirely coincidental. I know there are fanfics about some of the mentioned pairings, but I was not thinking of any in particular when I wrote this. R&R! :D

I log onto the mortal device and painstakingly type in the 'Web address' Apollo gave to me. My fingers are nimble when stringing a bow or cleaning a kill, not playing with human machines. "Fanfiction," I murmur. It says 'Unleash your Imagination' on the page in front of me. Very nice- very wild-sounding. I click on the site and immediately I am flooded by an immeasurable amount of virtual information. I glance back at the crumpled sheet of paper that Apollo and Aphrodite prepared for me.

1) Click either 'Books' or 'Misc.'

I look down a step further, utterly undecided and very confused.

2) If you choose Books, find Percy Jackson and the Olympians. It's arranged alphabetically.

That sounds sort of dumb. I'll save it for later. Maybe. I scan farther down the list of instructions.

3) If you choose Misc., find Greek Mythology.

Well, that's me! Mythology definitely sounds better than Percy Jackson, whatever that is. Sounds like a boy to me, although some of Persephone's friends call her Percie.

I follow the directions, clicking Misc. and then on to Greek Mythology. I read a few titles of what appear to be stories. Daphne and Apollo: the Real Story, Poseidon's Search, etc. Oh, that must be what this fan fiction is- stories that mortals write about things they read or see. Finally, I remember the direction and find number four. I have no idea what I'm doing.

4) Find the search filter. Where it says Character A, change the tab thingy to your own name.

This is one of those times where I begin to distrust my younger brother, but I'm not allowed to stop. I shrug off my premonitions and follow my fellow immortals' instructions. The monitor flashes and I'm greeted by a very much decreased number of pages of stories… by mortals… about me. I open the first link. It's a sweet little poem, proclaimed by the author to have been written for a school project. I exit that page, slightly charmed, when a breath of wind blows through the open window and turns over the page of instructions. I catch a glimpse of more writing on the back of the wrinkled paper.

5) We almost forgot! Go to the filter and change the rating from K - T to 'all'.

I follow this last instruction before continuing to the next story. I read the entire thing gladly. It's a cute little thing about what would happen if I reincarnated- although that wouldn't happen- as a 'normal' high school age girl in the mortal world. I laugh as I read, entertained by the escapades of my fictional self. This isn't so bad, I think. I take my beat-up laptop to my bed and sit cross-legged on the camouflage bedspread. I begin to read the next story; I realize it is rated T where the two before were K+.

I recognize some of the names of my huntresses- Britomartis, Elektra, Melanippe- but others are totally, obviously fabricated. I have to remind myself that these mortals have never actually met me when I see a huntress called Helen. I would never hunt with Helen. Really now, little humans, do you recall what Helen did? I only fought on her side because Apollo did, and 'Hector was a nice guy to be patron to'. Besides, the Greeks killed my sacred animals.

The author has a captivating writing style, and I read on eagerly until I recognize the story of Callisto. I say hello every time my friend rises in the night sky, but I do not need to be reminded of how she journeyed there. I scroll quickly through the story, bound by my promise- Apollo and Aphrodite are such tricksters, almost as bad as annoying little Hermes- to read these tales.

My name is joined by that of Orion in the next story. The memory floods my mind before I can quell thought of the last time I saw the man.

I dart through the trees, my silver bow in my clenched hand and my ivory quiver bouncing on my shoulder. The man, formerly my hunting partner, crashes through the forest behind me. "Artemis, wait!" Orion shouts. My tunic is torn by many sharp brambles. I dive into a dense thicket when I see the shadow moving in the underbrush ahead; I lift a handful of earth to my mouth and whisper as the scorpion attacks my pursuer.

"Thank you, Gaea." Orion's screams fill the air and I am filled with a melancholy mixture of sorrow and relief as I crawl from my hiding place.

The story depicts me as a foolish young girl who has absolutely no idea about the 'wonder' of being in love. They actually wrote of me- Artemis! - becoming ROMANTIC. Furious, I slam the back button until the offending words are replaced by titles. My eyes scan the page for the next story in slight disgust.

'Artemis swore off love- how will the moon goddess react when someone close to her feels differently?' reads the summary. Well, I certainly know how I would react; the mortal should get it right, too.

I read. The story barely fills the page, but I blanch before I finish. The story pairs Apollo and I together! And not in a sibling manner, either. Seriously? Zeus and Hera may not mind, and Apollo's standards might not be all that high, but I know even my twin considers incest out of the question. And of course I would never do anything like that. It doesn't really irritate me as much as Orion, but I am severely irked nonetheless.

Several more poems and another incest story later, I discover the most disturbing se of stories ye. They are not overly disturbing, but I have been paired by mortals with Ares, Dionysus, Hephaestus, Poseidon, Hades, Zeus- my FATHER, and overwhelmingly with Hermes. I am usually portrayed as myself. Then, seemingly inevitably, I become inebriated. I do not even know the taste of alcohol!

And then I lose myself, and I am too stunned to keep the computer from toppling from my lap.

I have been a happy virgin for over three millennia now. These writers, mortals, have no idea what they are saying and no right to change my status in their tales. Maybe a ravenous boar sent to their dwelling places will be a sufficient punishment. Except, Zeus won't let me do that anymore, not after Calydonia.

I don't want to read any more of this fan fiction. However, the oath Apollo and Aphrodite forced me to swear makes my shaking fingers continue to click down the list of stories. I see myself succumb to Aphrodite's curse again and again. Actaeon. Hermes. Ares. My twin. Orion.

If all this weren't bad enough, the pairings become steadily worse. Aphrodite. Selene. Callisto. Athena, who is like me in matters of love! My tolerance of humans takes a fall. Off a cliff. If any of these stories were true, the Styx would have turned me into a smoldering heap of ashes long ago.

I become physically ill after one story depicting a romance between Hippolytus and me. I think of the poor mortal boy killed by his stepmother's idiotic lust. The mortals think that something like… that… could ever happen between Hippolytus, the only male I've ever trusted to not fall in love with me, and I? That boar is starting to sound like a reasonable idea. I'd take a year out of Olympus over reading this fan fiction at this point.

"Apollo!" I scream, "Tell Hephaestus to de-invent the Internet!" I hear his and Aphrodite's faint laughter. I'll exact my revenge on them for this, sure as Hades!

Yeah, this is basically my feelings... poor Arty. Scarred for life. "My tolerance for humans takes a fall. Off a cliff." :/ Well, I hope you enjoyed! Thanks for reading. :)