"Blaine?"

"No this is Patrick," Blaine laughed as he picked up his phone.

"God why do I let you out?"

"Now you sound like River Song," Blaine laughed, setting down his pen and ignoring his homework, leaning back against the side of his bed from his seat on the floor of his bedroom.

"You watch too much TV Blaine,"

"Hey! You love me for it!" Blaine laughed.

"Oh Blainers" Kurt sighed through the other end of the phone. Blaine's heart jumped at Kurt's nickname for him, the same one he'd been stuck with for nearly 4 years but not cared at all at how embarrassing it was, all because he got to be best friends with Kurt for it.

"Sorry, you were saying?" Blaine said, trying to get the conversation back on track to where Kurt had probably intended it to go.

"Guess what movie I just found that we're totally watching this weekend?"

"Erm... no idea," Blaine said.

"Hot Fuzz!" Kurt squealed happily. "Remember how we used to eat crap-loads of sugar and go totally hyper and have all those pretend gun fights whilst watching this film?"

"How could I forget?" Blaine laughed. "Wait, is this weekend my house or yours?"

"Mine. Plus, Finn's gonna be out at Puck's for a sleepover and I don't have Cheerios practice Saturday morning so I don't have to get up until I feel like it, so basically this weekend is going to be so much fun!"

"Why isn't it Friday already?" Blaine whined playfully, slumping down his bed until he was practically lying down on the floor and probably crumpling the pages of the book he'd been studying from.

"Because it's Wednesday and because the universe is already trying to stop us from watching one of our favourite movies ever," Kurt laughed.

"Urgh, stupid Thursdays and school and homework," Blaine complained, making Kurt laugh the laugh that just did something to Blaine's insides and turned them to a mush of butterflies.

"Well, just to make this weekend even more fun then, I'm totally going to buy a whole load of sugar-filled foods to eat on Friday night. So it can be just like those good times and stuff. Plus I'm so fed up of this stupid diet Sue makes us stick to I need a respite from it for at least a weekend,"

"I can't believe you actually survive on that diet. I would've like, died of hunger if I'd been on it for as long as you have," Blaine said jokily. It was weird to look back and see that Kurt had been a Cheerio for two full years now and the entire time he'd been a cheerio he'd stuck to this diet. It had not helped Blaine at all that Kurt had managed to get seriously fit during this time and this only made it harder to hide his feelings for Kurt. He was pretty certain Kurt hadn't noticed and had no idea how he still managed it.

"Well you become used to it I guess," Kurt mused. "But I am so looking forward to all the junk I'll eat this weekend."

"I'm looking forward to getting to see you eat something real for once," Blaine said.

"Blaine," Kurt said, his tone almost complaining. "You know how important it is for me to stay on this diet if I want to stay a Cheerio,"

"I know. But it doesn't mean I have to like it," Blaine said. They'd had this argument so often and Blaine never won. He knew how important it was for Kurt to be a Cheerio and, whether he liked to admit it or not, Kurt's being a Cheerio meant that he ended up with less crap from the football team because he was Kurt's best friend.

"Anyway... My house, Friday, and let's say 6 because I want to spend as much of this weekend doing absolutely nothing as possible and six should be long enough for me to get most of my homework done I reckon. Sound like a plan?"

"A very good plan," Blaine smiled.

"Good. I'll see you tomorrow B," Kurt said happily.

"See you tomorrow," Blaine said before Kurt hung up. Blaine sighed to himself and grabbed the stress ball from the top of a pile of clothes he'd been meaning to put away that were crumpled on his bedroom floor. He squeezed it in his hand, enjoying the way the foam shrank away under his muscles before throwing it in annoyance at himself. It ricocheted around his room before bouncing into his closet and bringing something down with a small crash. Blaine winced at the sound before sighing and heaving himself off the floor and tidy up.

Pulling open his closet door properly he saw a three large shoeboxes had tumbled to the floor. The first had opened to reveal a pair of shoes that he'd never in a million years dared wear, their hideous bold pattern screamed 'I have no idea how to dress myself' but had been given to him by a grandparent and he dared not throw them away for fear of his parents catching him and reprimanding him. The second and third boxes contained (or had until a moment ago) stacks of sheets of paper. Blaine lifted one up to scrutinise it before remembering what it was and dropping it immediately as if it would burn him to keep in his in hands.

These were the letters he'd written... no... It had been so long since he'd thought of them. So long since that dark time in his life that no one knew about. The time when even during summer he hadn't worn anything but full length pants and taken to wearing that thick banded leather bracelet all the time to hide the scars. He'd managed to hide it so well he'd surprised even himself...

He picked up the papers gingerly, as if still scared they'd injure him, before pulling one open and rereading it. It was dated three years ago, and it was, just like the rest of them, addressed to Kurt. Blaine blinked back tears as he picked up a second and read it too, before skimming through a third, a fourth, a fifth. He was tempted to crumple them all, the bin them or burn them or just get rid of them. He was tempted to do something stupid like make a scrapbook of them all, take all the worst parts of his life and make them a reminder that he'd made it through all of them. But instead, what he was most tempted to do, was show them to someone. To show them who he really was.

It was a stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid idea. But now it had lodged itself in Blaine's head and he couldn't help but think about how he might do it, imagining scenes in his head of possible scenarios.

No.

No he couldn't.

Just as much as he couldn't tell Kurt he was in love with him.

Kurt didn't even know he was gay for Christ's sake. He'd come out to his parents last year and they'd been nothing but cold and unforgiving about it since. He'd not spoken another word about it to his parents but he'd overheard them talking about it angrily, about his father complaining that he would not have a gay son and that it was a phase.

He needed time to think about this, what, and more importantly if he was going to do anything with these letters. So he piled them back into their boxes, stowing them back away in his closet.