Disclaimer: Anything not immediately recognizable as a registered trademark of Marvel and/or Paramount Pictures is probably mine. Anything you do recognize I'm simply borrowing.

Author's Note: In my infinite wisdom, I decided one night in May 2010 I was going to write an Iron Man-related, one-shot fic for every song that Tiësto included in his Elements of Life set list. This amounts to forty-one fics for forty-one songs. The stories don't really have anything to do with the songs, though (ie - these are definitely not songfics).

As the stories are generally not interconnected by anything other than their titles' origins, I have decided not to post them all in a single entry, but to treat them as the separate stories they all are.

Additionally, these aren't beta'd before I post them. I try my best to self-edit, but after spending days/weeks/months staring at the same document I've a slight tendency to assume words that aren't there...actually are. Unfortunately, this means that there might be a few missing words, typos, and/or grammatical errors somewhere in the text, to say nothing of the occasional slip in characterization. If you notice anything, please point it out to me and I would be glad to fix it!

Summary: Someone has a birthday. Someone else has a plan. It does not pan out the way he expected.

Other: Iron Man Movie!verse; Post-Iron Man; heavily implied Tony/Pepper

Not Exactly

Pepper was not there to pick him up from the airport. Happy was – he was over on the edge of the tarmac waiting with the Rolls – but Tony's loyal personal assistant was decidedly absent.

Tony did not like this. Pepper was supposed to be there to pick him up. It was part of her job. Tony needed her to be there and now his needs had to be subverted and delayed because she was not there.

Scowling, Tony stalked across the tarmac.

"Welcome back, boss," Happy called as soon as Tony was within earshot. "How was your trip?"

"Wonderful," Tony replied, his voice lined with only the faintest traces of sarcasm. "Our stocks have never been higher, the company loves me, and the board sings my praises every time I walk through a door. I'm…" Scrunching up his face, Tony stuck a finger in one ear and wiggled it around. "I actually think I'm still a little deaf from all of the applause." He paused for a beat, not long enough to let Happy get a response out, then asked, "Where's Pepper?"

"She's got the day off, sir." Happy reached forward, taking Tony's bags and stowing them in the trunk. His tone implied that this is something that Tony has already been informed of.

At least once.

Tony frowned. "I don't remember saying she could take the day off."

Happy nodded. "You did, boss."

"When?"

"Last week. Before you left."

Tony's frown deepened. "Why?"

Happy looked at Tony. His expression was largely impassive, though there were definite hints of disapproval in it. "It's her birthday, boss."

Tony blinked, his head jerking back. "Already?"

"Yeah, boss. Did you forget?"

Tony paused. The truth was that he had forgotten – again – but admitting that to Happy didn't seem like a very good idea. At all. Happy could probably do some pretty serious damage if he had the right incentive.

Pepper was incentive. Pepper was definitely incentive.

So, for the sake of his personal safety, Tony settled for a compromise between the two: "Not exactly."

"Not exactly?"

"Nope." Tony jumped into the driver's seat. "Not exactly. C'mon, Hap. Let's go."

"Boss," Happy said warily, "You're not planning on—"

"Nope." Tony grinned at his driver. "Absolutely not. Wouldn't dream of it. Crashing parties is so nineteen ninety-nine."

Happy glared at him. But eventually he climbed into the car.

Tony had barely set foot inside the mansion when he called, "Jarvis!"

"Sir?" the AI replied in his even, lightly accented voice.

"Find Pepper," Tony ordered, dropping his bags and starting down the stairs to his workshop. "I need to know where she is."

"Have you tried calling her, sir?"

"She's ignoring my calls."

"I was under the impression that one ignores calls when one not wish to speak to the caller at the present time."

"Normally that would be true," Tony conceded. "But Pepper does not ignore my calls. What if something's happened to her?"

Jarvis stayed silent. It was a pointed silence.

Tony rolled his eyes. "Look, I know it's her birthday and I can guess that she told you not to tell me anything about where she is right now. But – and I cannot believe I have to remind you of this – I created you and my orders, therefore, overrule hers. So, Jarvis, I'm asking again: Where did Pepper go?"

If Jarvis could sigh, Tony imagined he would have. "Ms. Potts made a reservations for four at Palma Solane for six o'clock this evening." Jarvis paused again, perhaps to allow this information time to sink in, and then added, "You may still have time to reach the restaurant before the party is seated. Shall I inform Ms. Potts you are on your way?"

"Jarvis," Tony replied, smiling, "it's her birthday. Let's let it be a surprise."

"Ms. Potts has never been very fond of surprises, sir," Jarvis began, but Tony had already settled into Stark 3, a new Audi concept, and pulled the door closed. Within another few seconds he started the engine, gunned it, and sped out of the garage, leaving Jarvis behind.

He quickly estimated that he'd be at the restaurant in half an hour, even with traffic – plenty of time to join Pepper and her guests for dinner.

Palma Solane was a relatively new five-star restaurant on the southwestern side of the city. Like most five-star restaurants, it boasted state-of-the-art kitchen facilities, top-of-the line interior décor, and a host of world-class chefs. It had even been designed by Philip Sinclair, one of the country's finest architects, and the building had each and every one of his signature, touches: solar panels and a rainwater reclaim on the roof, specialty insulation, and fully biodegradable building materials. The place was expected to rot away on its own in about seventy-five years – at least if no one bothered to maintain it.

Leaving the Audi for a very lucky valet to park, Tony sauntered into the bustling restaurant. It was six-fifteen – or close enough anyway – and Tony decided to start his search for Pepper and her guests in the waiting area.

Okay, so he was technically crashing her birthday party. Technically. But Tony didn't like to think of it as crashing – it was more like he was making it infinitely more interesting with his presence. That was better.

He spotted her quickly, but rather wished he hadn't – even just for the sake of having a few seconds more to choose which of his grand entrance ideas was the best and grandest. But there she was, sitting with her guests. She was wearing a long, teal gown, form-fitting with a slightly ruffled halter-top and an elegant empire waist. She was gorgeous and should have been glowing – but instead, Pepper looked strained. Stressed.

Pulling his phone from his pocket, Tony quickly dialed Pepper's number and pressed the phone to his ear, keeping an eye on her at all times. He watched her frown and look at her phone as it started to ring, then hold up a hand to her guests, motioning that she had to take this call.

"Ms. Potts," Tony said as soon as Pepper picked up the phone, "today is your birthday and you don't look like you're having any fun."

At that, Pepper shot upright, looking wide-eyed around the restaurant. When she didn't spot him right away, Tony lifted a hand in greeting.

"Tony!"

When Pepper got close, he put on his best hurt-face and said in his best hurt-voice, "You ignored all of my calls. I didn't know where you were or what you were doing. Did you know I had to pull rank on Jarvis just to find out you were here? I don't like pulling rank on Jarvis. It seems so unfair."

Pepper opened her mouth as though she were about to say something but stopped herself. An exasperated, half-crazed smile passed over her face and, shaking her head, she said, "Of course. Of course. I make plans on my birthday and I tell my boss I need the day off – with the hope that that means, for once, that he will actually leave me alone for more than three hours – and what does he do? He shows up. He tracks me down and he shows up. I see my parents twice a year now, just twice, and…"

Pepper went on, but Tony had stopped listening. He glanced past her, looking at the table.

Her parents – those were her parents.

It dawned on Tony that he had erred slightly in not confirming with Jarvis just who Pepper's companions were. He had assumed she was going to be hanging out with her girlfriends – who, he had imagined, were incredibly hot. Dinner would have been a party, and it would have been fantastic.

Partying with Pepper parents…well, that wasn't really something he had quite planned for. But Tony Stark was not one to back down from a challenge. And eating dinner with Pepper's parents? That was a challenge. A challenge he really wanted the chance to face, in fact. It would be fun – maybe they'd find him so unbearably witty and charming he could milk all sorts of embarrassing childhood stories out of them.

First, though, he had to convince Pepper to let him join them.

"Pepper," he said, trying to ply her with another tactic, "it's your birthday. Or is your boss and best friend of the past seven years not allowed to help you celebrate your birthday?"

Pepper closed her eyes. She sighed heavily, pressing two fingers to her temple. "You are only my best friend," she said, "because what you do as my boss makes it very difficult to keep friends."

"I promise to be on my very best behavior."

"I'm serious."

"So am I." Tony leaned forward as though he were going to tell Pepper a deep, dark secret. "It is possible, Ms. Potts, for me to be a good boy."

Pepper looked at him, her lip twitching, then curling into a reluctant smile. "No, it isn't." Then she started shaking her head vigorously. "No, no. No. I can't deal with them and you and in ten minutes the reporters will show up and…"

"They won't, Miss Potts. I promise, they won't. Obidiah organized some thing to make it look like I was going to be in New York another day. They'll still be expecting me there, not here."

Pepper rubbed at her temples with one hand but didn't say anything.

"Pepper," Tony said. "What are they saying to you?"

Pepper snorted. "Oh, nothing. The usual. How could I give up modeling? Why did I give up fame and fortune and all the handsome men I could ever have wanted for an entry-level position as an accountant? How can I possibly be happy as a personal assistant?"

Tony frowned. "You're my personal assistant."

"I'm still a personal assistant."

"You want me to make you CEO? I could make you CEO."

"No," Pepper said, "and no, you couldn't. We'd have to contact legal and get it notarized and that's assuming you could even turn the title over to me in the first place – I'm sure there's something somewhere stipulating who you can and cannot allow to take over as CEO of Stark Industries and…"

Tony held up a hand. "Okay, Ms. Potts. I won't make you CEO. Pretty sure I could, though. You know. If I wanted. Since it is my company."

Pepper smiled at him. It was a genuine smile, possibly her first all day, and before he knew it Tony found himself grinning back.

After a moment, though, the good feelings faded. "Okay," Pepper said, taking a deep breath. She looked back over her shoulder. "I will probably regret this, but I think we've left them waiting long enough." She took another breath. "Let's go."

Tony offered her an arm. Pepper looked at it, her face cracking into a smile again. She brushed his arm with her hand, but didn't take it, and together they made their way back over to the table.

Pepper introduced him. "Tony, my parents: Elizabeth and Thomas. This—" she quickly gripped his arm as a reminder he needed to behave "—is my boss, Tony Stark."

Tony smiled charmingly.

Immediately, Elizabeth Potts turned her sharp gray eyes on him. "Are your guests always so poor at time management, Virginia?"

Tony blinked.

"No," Pepper said. "Traffic can be a beast here sometimes, especially when the weather is nice. Everyone wants to spend their day at the beach, it seems."

Elizabeth Potts made a noise in the back of her throat – some mix between a disapproving tsk and an angry snort. "It would have been nice if he'd informed us he'd be tardy." Though she was clearly speaking to Pepper, her eyes were still fixed on Tony. They held him transfixed, frozen to the chair. He could barely move. Out of his peripheral vision he watched Thomas Potts chase a few breadcrumbs across his plate. Mr. Potts glanced at Tony periodically, and his expression was full of pity. Clearly he'd been subjected to that gaze before.

"He did, Mother," Pepper said. "He sent me a text before we sat down."

Then, suddenly, the magic was gone – Mrs. Potts had turned her hawk-eyed focus back to Pepper. Muscle by muscle Tony felt himself relax, but as he did a mix of terror and understanding filled him.

This woman was a monster.

"Is he the man you gave up modeling for?"

Tony could feel Pepper rankle. When he glanced over at her, he could see one hand clutching the hidden edge of the tablecloth with such force her knuckles were almost the same shade of bright white. "I did not give up modeling for Mr. Stark."

"Oh, yes, that's right. You gave up modeling for that photographer." She made that noise again. "You know your girlfriend, Hannah? From high school? She married that football star – what was his name, Thomas?" Elizabeth snapped her fingers in her husband's face like he was a dog.

"Elliot Wheeler?" Thomas replied, his voice soft.

"That's it! Elliot Wheeler. The famous football star. Plays for team…oh, something or other, I hardly pay attention to the sport. She married him and had this amazingly lavish wedding. Have you seen her lately, Virginia? She was always such a good influence on you."

"I don't imagine you would have wanted me to follow her advice too closely, Mother," Pepper said, clearly trying and failing to keep the bite out of her tone. "Hannah majored in biochemistry and is just the head of R and D for Pfizer. We had lunch just last week."

Elizabeth went on as though Pepper hadn't spoke. "You were an amazing model. Amazing! No one could walk like you, Virginia. How could you give all of that up? You had everything, Virginia. Now look at you. Personal assistant! You're wasting your best years, Virginia."

Tony blinked again. This was not going to do. No one had the right to talk to Pepper that way, certainly not her own mother. Pepper Potts was smart and beautiful and amazing, and she never got credit for half the work she did. Never.

He looked over at Pepper again. She was sitting ramrod straight, with perfect, tight posture. But he could still see the tension in her shoulders. He could see that her hands were still clutching the tablecloth and her knuckles were growing whiter by the minute.

He had to get her out of this. It was the least he could do. Really.

Reaching under the table, Tony placed his hand over one of Pepper's. He shook it gently before letting go and rising to his feet.

"My apologies," he said, as graciously as he could manage. "But I am afraid I just remembered that I have a conference call with the Secretary of Defense planned for tonight, and Ms. Potts and I must get going." At that, Tony turned and looked at Pepper, smiling his best, most charming smile.

Pepper looked at him wildly.

"Ms. Potts? I do believe you told me it was at seven-thirty. It is, ah—" Tony made a great show of looking at his watch and hoped that Elizabeth the Terror Potts could see it and figure out how much money he'd spent on it, "—seven-ten."

"Yes," Pepper said, her voice shaky. She cleared her throat and added more firmly, "Yes, that meeting is at seven-thirty. Mother, I'm sorry, but we really need to go."

Elizabeth Potts did not say a word, but her lamp-like eyes moved from Tony to Pepper and back again, her piercing stare probing them both, as though trying to burn the lies out of them.

"Dinner is on me," Tony added. "Have whatever you would like. Have seconds. Thirds, even, if you want them. And do try the desserts. They have some wonderful cakes here."

He felt Pepper put a hand on his back and start pushing. He moved, but as he walked he quickly turned around and added, "It was a…pleasure meeting you."

"Your meeting, Mr. Stark," Pepper reminded him.

"Virginia!" Mrs. Potts's voice was sharp.

Seemingly emboldened by their hasty escape, Pepper didn't slow. "Have a good evening, Mother! I'll swing by to pick you up in the morning."

"Thank you," Mr. Potts called, his voice so quiet it almost got lost in the buzz of conversation in the restaurant. "Happy birthday, Pepper!"

"Your dad calls you Pepper?" Tony asked, twisting to look over his shoulder at Pepper.

"Yes, he does. I asked him to."

"That was supposed to be my thing!"

Pepper rolled her eyes and continued to push him through the restaurant, stopping only when they were well beyond the Potts's table's sight lines, and once she got him out the door she practically flew towards the valet. Tony stumbled after her, his muscles loosening.

Though they'd both barely exerted themselves, Tony and Pepper were both panting heavily and alternated between sharing looks and laughing to fill the uncomfortable void.

"She is a monster!" he finally said, the words escaping him in a rush. "How do you put up with it?"

Pepper laughed but didn't answer, as the valet had just returned with Tony Audi. She motioned for him to take the keys and stumbled over to the passenger side, tumbling into the seat as soon as she got the door open.

Tony followed, climbing into the driver's seat with a bit more grace. "Where to, Miss Potts?" he asked.

"Home," she said. "Let's go home."

"All right, Miss Potts."

They drove in silence for a while, cruising along the highway back towards the mansion. Tony wasn't sure that was what Pepper had meant, but she didn't object when he turned off the interstate.

Something had been bothering Tony all evening. He'd been right when he told Jarvis that Pepper never ignored his calls – she didn't, because that was her job. But she had today, to the point where he felt compelled to track her down.

He turned to Pepper. "You ignored all of my phone calls."

"I answered the last one."

"You never ignore my phone calls. You know ignoring my phone calls is a bad idea. I always find a way to talk to the people I want to talk to."

Pepper's face contorted like she was trying to suppress a smile. "I know."

And the pieces started clicking into place in Tony's head. Pepper didn't ignore his phone calls because she knew what would happen if she didn't. "You didn't…want me to crash your birthday, did you, Ms. Potts?"

Pepper looked over at him, her lower lip trembling as she kept trying to suppress her smile. "Not exactly, Mr. Stark."

Author's Note: True story: I've been working on this fic for almost two years. It was, if I remember correctly, the third fic I started for this series. I finally pulled it out and polished it off (mostly because I've been working on another fic for another fandom and I was getting to a point where I just couldn't tell I was even writing in English anymore, to say nothing of the plot and characterizations), and here you have it!

This is also meant as a much belated/early for this year gift for a friend on LJ who's having a bit of a hard time of things right now.

Aaaand I had some pretty impressive issues getting this to load last night, so I deleted it and am trying again.