This is my very first fanfic.

English is not my first language but I tried my best. It's kinda odd to write in another language because it's a whole new way to think and to write. It's fun though. And the prepositions, sorry... I do suck at them.

Reviews really help me, some already did, good or bad.

Enjoy your reading and feel free to review. :)

Castle needed a break. He just didn't know how to tell Beckett so. He didn't want her to think that he wasn't coming back or anything, but… well, that's exactly what Gina wanted. He wished he had a motive to come back to but he didn't. He had reached to the most difficult book he has to write: Nikki Heat's last book.

He isn't a cop; his job doesn't involve almost dying every now and then, and seeing Sophia dying like that changed things for him. He couldn't stand to watch Beckett die and he knows that she's taken care of with him by her side, but what would happen if he went away? Alexis always reminded him that he wasn't a cop. No, he is not a cop.

"So, how the hell am I going to break Beckett the news?" he thought with himself.

It's been months since her shooting and never happened between the both of them. It's been almost a year actually. Despite their new proximity, intimacy, they're not teasing each other anymore like before. Something's changed for both of them. What to do then?

Beckett's mind was elsewhere when Castle came and sat on his chair next to her desk. She was wondering what if Castle had drowned because he was shadowing her, because he loved her and wouldn't let her sank to save himself. She was so worried about him all the time that it was interfering with her job although he might had saved her life so many times that she felt safer to do her job by his side.

She was the cop, she should offer him that kind of feeling, not the other way around. She's not ready to give him up even if it costs his life, she can't stand to lose him yet, not like this, not without having him another way. It took her a while before she realized he was sitting next to her.

"Beckett" he began "I'd like to talk to you"

"Aren't you already?" she replied trying to not deliver full attention to him.

"I really need to talk to you, in private" he said almost whispering.

"Come on, Castle, the 'if I show you mine and you show me yours' thing won't work with me."

She smiled and looked at him waiting for him to laugh. She loves his laugh. He looked serious.

"What's wrong?" She asked, looking forward to anything but what he really said.

"I need some time off."

He finally said. She tried to breathe... "Sure, take the day off".

He closed his eyes. "Can we talk in private, please?" avoiding Esposito and Ryan to hear him out and ask questions before he could talk to her.

"How much time do you need, Castle?" She tried, afraid of what could come from the private talk.

"Come with me, Beckett, please" and he headed to the interrogation room.

She followed him.

Her steps were so heavy and her heart was having so much trouble beating that she thought she would faint. His steps were the most difficult for him to walk in his entire life. How could he say that to her? He didn't want to, but he had no other option.

As they walked in there, Beckett asked him once again "How much time do you need, Castle?" expecting an encouraging answer.

"I need some time" he answered.

"Yes, I know that part, I'm asking how long you will be gone" impatient, she asked again.

He took a deep breath, "I must write Nikki Heat's fourth book, so I don't think I can say how much long it will take."

"Jeez, Castle! Couldn't you say it already? A month or two? The whole summer again? Give me an estimative!"

She wanted him to spill the truth out right away, she knew from his tone it wasn't good.

"It's Nikki Heat's final book, Kate" he gave up and said it.

"What do you mean? Why?" she snapped.

"We both knew this was temporarily, I'm not a cop, I'm a writer, I must write..." his voice was fading.

He tried to start explaining, but she cut him off, "You're not a cop? Where the hell that came from?". She knew from where: she told him that innumerous times but just to tease him. "You're my partner!" she almost begged.

He started, "I know I've been your partner for the last 4 years…"

And she interrupted him again, "4 years is not temporarily, Castle! 4 days, 4 weeks, even 4 months but not 4 years!"

She was in pain, he could see that. He caused it.

"You know what? Go. Don't come back, Castle. You're most definitely not a cop." And she left him without hearing him out.

Esposito and Ryan went to the observation room to see what was going on, and first they didn't want to turn on the microphones in the interrogation room, but as Beckett lost control they thought they should know what that was all about. They were shocked.

A few moments later she came back in the room where Castle was.

"Why, Castle? I need to know why!" She was mad.

He started to answer "I… " but she interrupted him again "You what?"

He was starting to be annoyed with her interruptions, and he was about to say it but she was doing a monologue practically "You said you loved me" she said, and then became quiet.

She pissed him off! How could she admit that to him when he said he was leaving? He opened his mouth to yell at her, and she started talking again, furious, "You can take your love with you and get the hell out of here, Castle!"

As she said that, Kevin and Javier decided to go away and don't hear anything more.

"I'm not going anywhere until you hear me out!" he said trying to not kill her with his bare hands.

He was furious; she was furious.

"Don't bother explain yourself now", the silent room was getting on her nerves. She gave up, went off the room and didn't wait for an explanation from him.

She ran to her apartment, ignoring Captain Gates's orders completely; she couldn't breathe. Why now? How can he say he loves her and then say he's leaving?

On the half way to her apartment she started to process things. It didn't took her that long to admit to him that she heard him that day, only 10 months, but still haven't give him an answer. It's simple: or she loves him back or she doesn't. Who was she trying to fool? There's no or, she just do love him back, period.

He knew it wasn't good… he had never ever seen her like that before. Wait. He did. Always related to her mother's murder.

Who cares what she thinks now? She admitted that she heard him just to hurt him back? To blame him for leaving? Wasn't his fault! She didn't even listen to him!

"Know what, Kate? You're gonna listen to me right now! Every single word that's trapped in my mouth for months!" he thought with himself.

He headed to her apartment intending to make her listen to his hurting heart 'till he decides that he's done.

He knocked on her door impatiently. He's gonna say everything he wanted to, and then he would make it clear that their partnership is over. How can a woman mess with his head like she does?

"Come on!" He knocked again and again and again, untill he heard the locks unlock.

His heart was beating so fast… earlier he just wanted to tell her the they were gonna have to be friends, hoping it would evolve to a relationship, a real one. Now? Now he deserves to know why she kept the truth from him, and why she lied to his face every time he asked her if she remembered anything from that day.