As I struggled to not reveal the little surprise in my pants, Gator Gale picked Prick up, who was taking way too long to walk and keep up the pace with me and Gale's super man legs. Deafy Discostick, the coordinator and escort to our shitty district, would choose the names at today's creeping by spinning the "Wheel of Scrumdiddlyunptiousness." We could see the group of kids our age crowded around the stage, basking in the awe-inspiring glory of Deafy Discostick and her flamboyant, drag-queen style. Deafy was indeed, a female, but looked just like a drag queen. She quite often wore masks and feathers in her hair, and the new, murdered baby hamster boots didn't help her cause. She was also, as you can infer, deaf. She spoke completely in sign language with her hands, but wasn't very good at it. And the Discostick part…well, that's just her family's actual surname.

Gator Gale, Prick and I toddled over to the teenage mob, groping their hands outwardly just to try and touch Deafy's fluffy duckling cape dangling over them as she fiddled her fingers in dismay at the crowd beneath her.

Everyone simmered down and we all stood like zombies waiting for Deafy to "speak."

However, she didn't notice it was time to quiet down since people were whispering lightly and to her it looked like talking, and thus stood there for a good 37 minutes staring blankly at the audience. By now, Gale and the other boys were on the right side of the mob, while me and Prick stood with the girls on the left. Deafy got a cue from a Rapitol official next to her that it was time to talk so she began.

"Flippy finger, waving hand motion, middle finger, slapping sound." She "said."

We all looked at each other in bewilderment. Suddenly, some magical hologram words in a floating caption appeared underneath her torso.

As she motioned, "Index finger wiggling inside hole made with other hand, wrist spasm, peace sign, lesbian scissor fingers, hot potato hot potato," the caption beneath her read:

"Welcome, Welcome, to the 73,948th annual "Games of Hunger.""

Everyone squinted to read the words, and many people turned to one another with confusion in their eyes. But, we accepted the weirdness, as we were too scared thinking about who would get chosen when the massive wheel that was being rolled out behind Deafy Discostick was spun.

"Twiddling fingers, index finger making a loop-dee loop, thumbs up, pointing to her own crotch." She acted out as underneath her the caption read:

"Bitches first!"

Deafy spun the "Wheel of Scrumdiddlyumptiousness" as she smiled a creepy-ass smile to the audience.

We all waited in fear and agony.

But…then the wheel spun for 98 minutes. Gator Gale glanced at me.

"Oooh, boy, she trippin!" He whispered and I nodded.

Finally, the wheel stopped slowly on a name that wasn't visible to anyone in the audience…Deafy read aloud…

"Prickrose Everpeenis!"

I totes-mygotes freaked out. Prick cried as two large, black police officers carried her up to the ever-creepy Deafy, who waited with open arms and licked her lips. The black dudes placed Prick in her arms, and she rocked Prick and stroked her hair in an oober-creepy way.

I just couldn't take how weird that look on Deafy's face was…I mean, otherwise I would have let Prick go to the arena but, this face she made was SO FREAKIN PEDOPHILEY, that I had to go up and volunteer, lest Prick get molested.

"I volunteer, because you're a trippy pedobear!" I said as I ran past the African-American guards that kinda look like storm-troopers. Deafy dropped Prick and allowed her to return to the crowd, while I gloomily walked up the stairs to the stage to stand next to Deafy, who looked unamused.

"How old are you?" She questioned with a few spins of her thumb and I contemplated why she even cared.

"Uh, 16?" I said as her face dropped.

"Shiiiit," the caption read below her, as she gave two middle fingers super close to my face, "If only you were under 13."

I was all like, the fuck? But then she spun the wheel again and I was concerned as to who would be my male counterpart.

It stopped on a boy named Peter Mycock.

I only remember Peter for this one time I was starving and to make fun of me he threw rock-hard burnt bread at my face.

The kid's a total douche.

TOBBEEECONTINNUUUUEEEEDD