Insecurities

Fandom: Nurarihyon no Mago

Rating: T/Pg-15

Genre: Romance/Slice of Life

Pairing: Rikuo/Yoru

Summary: He knows that falling for his other half is a mistake, a taboo, and it won't end well no matter what, but he can't help it. He's supposed to be him, but why does Yoru think this way about Rikuo?

Disclaimer: Nuramago belong so Shiibashi Hiroshi-sensei, Luna only plays with the characters

Warning: shounen ai/yaoi, language, oOC-ness, possible grammar errors and spelling mistakes

A/N: Ah, this is just something new I want to try… so give it a try too, readers! Enjoy!

Insecurities

Rikuo looked disturbed as he was faced by his other half inside his room, when he just opened his eyes because he seemed to feel another presence beside him.

"Yoru…" Rikuo woke up to sit, and then stared at the ruby colored orbs inquiringly. "What's wrong?" he asked because the silver-black haired youkai didn't say anything.

Yoru kept silent as if he were disregarding Rikuo's question, but he was actually wondering inside, still looking at his other half closely.

Rikuo seemed rather perturbed at his stare and he voiced that out without restraint. "If you want to take over, go ahead. No need to watch me as if I were a spectacle," the smaller boy with dark-honey colored eyes said, seeming to be unable to stand the silence.

Yoru still didn't say anything, keeping his eyes trained on Rikuo's. He was determined not to say anything and just watch the cute boy squirm under his gaze.

"Yoru… what's wrong? You start to scare me, you know," Rikuo said again, looking visibly worried now because Yoru didn't speak to him at all.

Well, Yoru couldn't blame the boy for being worried. After all, it wasn't like him to keep silent. Even though Yoru wasn't exactly chatty, he was quite brazen to speak up his idea. Keeping quiet wasn't his nature, especially to his other half who should have shared his thought.

"Yoru…?" Rikuo reached out his hand to Yoru's cheek and the other closed his eyes as he leaned to the gentle touch, feeling the warmth of the boy's body temperature.

Rikuo was like a child. His skin was so warm, warmer than anything else Yoru had ever felt. Actually, Rikuo was the only thing Yoru could feel all his life. It wasn't a strange thing because Yoru lived inside the boy. If it wasn't because of Rikuo, no one would realize his existence.

Actually, no one except Rikuo realized Yoru's existence as a separated individual from Rikuo. They only knew that Yoru was Rikuo's other form. They didn't know Yoru was alive as Yoru, a different being that could only show up in front of Rikuo and thus, for him to be visible to the others' eyes, he had to borrow Rikuo's body.

Yoru only existed because Rikuo wanted him to. If at that time Rikuo had rejected his existence, the youkai would have surely disappeared.

In other words, Yoru only lived for Rikuo, as a part of Rikuo's power.

It was Rikuo's wish that Yoru wished. It was Rikuo's dreams that he wanted to realize.

But then… how come Yoru felt this way about the human part of himself? Why did he feel the need to be so close to him… to touch and to be touched by him? Certainly, Rikuo didn't wish to touch himself, right? Then why…?

Yoru didn't understand. He knew he was a part of Rikuo, but he also realized that he was different from the pure boy. Rikuo was far too innocent, unlike Yoru who knew instinctively what he was and where he stood as a youkai, or things that Yoru had wanted to do to him. It was far from innocent, his desire… his need.

"Yoru?" Rikuo seemed to be confused as Yoru opened his eyes and in addition, looked at Rikuo's clear ones again soon after.

Yoru brought his hand up to touch Rikuo's one on his cheek. "Do you realize what I think of you?" he asked, his baritone voice falling smoothly with a sense of calm and urgency at the same time.

Rikuo blinked at that, looking mystified. "What?" he seemed to be curious of what Yoru meant.

"You're too nice… too naïve… you're not cut out to be a Lord of Pandemonium," Yoru said seriously and Rikuo widened his eyes slightly in shock at that before his expression softened.

"I know," was Rikuo's quiet answer. He didn't seem to be offended and that irked Yoru very much.

"You're too reserved, too kind-hearted, too pure to live in a youkai world," Yoru added, feeling hurt himself with every word he uttered.

Rikuo closed his eyes "I know," and replied with the same calm tone.

"Your purity makes me want to sully you," Yoru said again reaching his hand on Rikuo's cheek while keeping his other tight on the smaller boy's hand on his own cheek. "I want to embrace you so much it's driving me crazy."

Rikuo opened his eyes and looked at Yoru in surprise. "Yoru…"

"Why…why do I feel like this towards you? Aren't I your other half? We're supposed to be the same person… but why don't I think that way whenever I see you? Why can't I think anything beside protecting you and granting your every wish? Why…? I don't understand… Rikuo…" Yoru was in pain. His chest hurt even though Rikuo's didn't.

It was confusing.

Rikuo heard Yoru's ramble in silence, not straying his gaze from the obviously painful expression in Yoru's face, his ears catching the hurt in Yoru's tone. He didn't reject Yoru's confession outright, but didn't indicate that he accepted it either.

Yoru didn't know how to decipher the meaning in Rikuo's look when the chocolate-black haired boy stared powerfully at his eyes. What he was thinking… Yoru was curious and dying to know. How couldn't he know? Rikuo was his other half. He was supposed to know.

This was a mistake. Yoru realized that fully. It wasn't supposed to happen this way. He wasn't supposed to fall for Rikuo, his other half. He knew it in his head, but why did his heart yearn for the human so much?

Yoru sighed deeply in defeat when there was no answer of his question coming from anywhere, especially not from Rikuo. "This is just a dream…" he whispered softly, looking down while slowly releasing his hands from Rikuo's cheek and hand, letting them fall on his lap.

This wasn't real… because Yoru had no dream.

Yoru's dream was Rikuo's and would never be his.

This was just a divergence, a freak of nature.

"Go back to sleep."

Yoru closed his eyes, just about to go back of the hollow part in their shared world under Rikuo's consciousness when Rikuo reached out to him again, catching Yoru's hand.

Yoru was surprised and looked up at Rikuo with slightly widened ruby eyes, especially when he found the determined dark honey ones staring back at him surely. "Rikuo…?"

"This isn't a dream," Rikuo said, looking very positive. "You are here, Yoru. You are real. Even though we share a body, heck or even a soul, you and I are different. Yoru is Yoru, and I… I'm me," he continued, smiling understandingly.

If it was possible, Yoru would widen his eyes again after hearing it.

"Do you love me, Yoru?" Rikuo suddenly asked again with a slightly shy look and Yoru couldn't help chuckling at that.

"Yeah… yeah I do, Rikuo…" Yoru answered, using his other hand to touch Rikuo's, the one that was still holding Yoru's.

"Then that's just exactly what I hope for," the chocolate-black haired boy said, closing his eyes again. "I wish for you to be different… because I love you too, Yoru…"

Yoru couldn't help smiling rather ruefully as he heard that. He wasn't sure if he was too happy or too sad because their love was so… dry. Being in love with your other half meant you'd never touch each other in real world. Would Rikuo be satisfied by only connecting inside their inner world?

Che, Yoru thought too far too soon, he hadn't even known if Rikuo's love was the same as his. The boy could just love him because he was a part of Rikuo or if it was closer, because it was a familial love.

Yoru's love for Rikuo was… darker, more possessive. He probably would kill the other people that were trying to touch his Rikuo.

At that moment, Yoru wanted to pull the boy into a tight hug, but he wasn't sure of what Rikuo would do if he just did that so suddenly. He still didn't want to freak Rikuo out.

However, Yoru was once again surprised by the chocolate haired boy who suddenly pulled Yoru's hand. In result, Yoru's body was pulled as well into Rikuo's waiting arms and the shorter boy hugged him tightly.

Yoru could only widen his eyes in disbelief. He just thought that he was the brazen one! Not the other way around! "Ri—!"

As if Rikuo hadn't surprised Yoru enough, the boy did even more daring thing. He pulled back before surging forward, and then kissed the youkai on his lips, stealing the youkai's first with a sweet caste kiss.

Yoru was totally flabbergasted when the boy pulled back again. He looked at Yoru's eyes deeply with a soft smile. "I could tell that you're still unsure if my love is different from yours," he said. "Now, there's no misunderstanding. This is the type of love that I want from you," he explained.

Yoru wasn't sure if he wanted to dance or faint. Rikuo just kissed him. On the lips. Should he freak out now? Or scream? Yoru was so shocked that he was totally confused how to react. The youkai could only open his mouth in wide eyes, perplexed, but he was unable to say anything as well because Rikuo's act made him speechless.

Rikuo chuckled, seeing Yoru's expression which probably looked like a fish without water now, but he didn't really care. He was just… very happy, happy that his love was reciprocated.

Even though falling in love with his other half was a mistake—just wait for how many obstacles they would have to face to defend their love for each other—, Yoru wouldn't regret this.

Even though he was a part of Rikuo's power, Rikuo regarded Yoru as a separated individual from himself, and he could love him, the youkai, as a person, the way he was.

As long as Rikuo was convinced that Yoru was real, a different entity from his own, then it was alright for Yoru.

Because… if Yoru was real for Rikuo… then this love Yoru had for the boy was also real.

This was love.

The End

A/N: Yeah, a short one shot that I wanted to write for a deep analysis of Rikuo and Yoru's relationship as two sides of a coin. Unlike my other fic, in this one, Rikuo is the seme since he's the one attacking and assuring Yoru's insecurity. Yeah, Rikuo can be a cool boy too. A bit oOC, especially in Yoru's part, but… well… a youkai can be insecure too about what he is, right? Anyway, what do you think? Need feed back since I love reading your reviews! XD