Manifesting Loneliness

Along with the gift of being an Empathic, Jasper has another "gift"! This comes in the form of a "Pixie"" which has followed him around for the last 20 years, unseen by anyone other than him. It began as a tiny blue spark that hung near him and through time morphed into a giggling infant. As time passed the "Pixie" grew up and eventually transformed into the most beautiful pale blue pixyish female he had ever seen, so much so that he couldn't help but fall in love with her.

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

For Bridie – Let them eat cake.

"All the world is made of faith, and trust, and pixie dust."
― James M. Barrie, Peter Pan

Chapter 1. A Guy with a Spark

The first time I ever saw my pixie she was a tiny little spark that followed me everywhere I went. At first I did not realize that no one else could see the spark, it was only me that could see it. It floated around my shoulder like a firefly, just close enough to touch but never really doing so. It was as small as a peanut and it glowed with an ice blue sparkle. It was a beautiful sight to behold.

I had been with the Cullen family for around thirty years by then. Our patriarch and father figure, Carlisle is a doctor and as I was concerned I approached him about it. He gave me a thorough check up, as thorough a check-up that you can give a vampire. He was worried that my actions could be attributed to vampire madness and to be honest I felt the same.

It's rare but some just can't handle the endless eternity or the life style we live and there are times when it emerges when a vampire awakens to this life and cannot cope. Some go crazy with even the thought of living for ever and never really living, if you know what I mean! Craziness is all part of being a vampire sometimes and it's hard to deal with unless you have a loving and supportive coven as we do.

Some vampires go mad before they even make it through the change, those are the really sad ones. It's almost as though their bodies take an allergic or adverse reaction to the new "life" growing within them and it emerges as insanity. Some vampires last a few dozen centuries, they are the really devout ones, but before long they join the long line of insane vultures put on this earth to taunt us all, they endure a sort of God complex, although the word "God" is not used amongst us vampires, that is the only word I can think of to explain how they see themselves. That's when they tend to go off the deep end and have to be extinguished before they do themselves or their coven harm.

It appears that I was not showing any of the common markers for this lunacy, of which I was grateful at least. It did not however explain what was happening to me. Carlisle carried out extensive tests, looking into my eyes, although I could not fathom what he could see in their depths apart from loneliness and sadness and possibly sheer empty nothingness. I was a vampire after all and we were not known to display emotion, especially in the depths of our eyes.

He asked me a lot of questions about when do I see the spark, when is it more prevalent, when does it disappear, how long does it stay for, how long does it leave me for, what does it do, does it speak to me, can I hear what it says, does it know what I am saying or doing. The list goes on. Carlisle is a genius of a doctor, he should be as he has been around for centuries and his knowledge is vast and not even he could find one single reason why a spark of any description should be following me, or as he said "haunting" me. So Carlisle, in his usual cool, calm, collective self-decided that we would do the only thing left, just sit back and wait to see what would happen next! He would take notes of course and monitor the situation! Great Doc, I'm your latest experiment, just put me in the next encyclopedia, I don't mind!

Esme, Carlisle's wife, and our "mother figure" did her very best to humor me and keep me upbeat throughout it all, but other than decorating my room in white because I saw the spark more vivid in the dark there wasn't much for her to do. She and Rosalie had a blast gutting my dark cave of a room and now I have a very ultra-modern, state of the art, white on white room with lots of silver accents. Very clean and clinical, just like a mental hospital! Great, my "family" all thought I was going mad now! I wonder how long it will be before they get me a straight jacket.

Now there is Emmett my brother who is notorious as the family comedian and now he had something that he would joke about for ever! He could not resist making fun of any of us, and for some reason he especially loved making fun of his "brothers". He took great delight is making me the butt of his jokes, something I took on board with ease as I know he loved me really! He called me Sparky for a while until the love of his life, Rosalie, who I might add controls his strings; put a stop to his fun. She must have felt sorry for me! Nevertheless, Emmet always got his dig in when she was not around; it was all in fun however!

Edward, my younger "brother" had gotten married to his one true love, Isabella, known as Bella. They were on their honeymoon and it was around two months after they returned home that I actually was convinced that the "spark" was real and not any emerging madness.

One night after hunting I was lounging on a rock by the river staring up at the moon when Edward told me he could hear something flutter around me but he couldn't see it. He said it was like static with a fast thrumming heart beat but he knew he couldn't really "hear" it because it sounded as though the noise was coming through me. I almost jumped my own height at his statement; this meant that I was not losing my mind, that I was not going nuts. There was something there and I hadn't wanted to tell anyone in case they thought I was mad. By now the "spark" was growing and I can assure you that it was getting bigger by the day. Part of me thought that it was only getting bigger because I was admitting to myself that it was there, now how odd is that?

AN: Guys this is my first multi chapter fic. I have bit the bullet and whatever happens happens. I have three more chapters in process and I will get them out as fast as I can.

This could not have been done with out the talented Biddy429. Thank you so much for your help and wisdom. You are so far away from here but you seem like a neighbor.