I really hope you all like this story. It is quite different from my other story so please keep an open mind and please review!
I remember when, I remember
I remember when I lost my mind
There was something so pleasant about that place
Even your emotions have an echo in so much space
And when you're out there without a care
Yeah, I was out of touch
But it wasn't because I didn't know enough
I just knew too much
Does that make me crazy?
Does that make me crazy?
Does that make me crazy?
Possibly
-Crazy- Gnarls Barkley
Cat POV
I was sitting in my small, private, room at the Meadowbrook Psychiatric Hospital some place in Colorado. I am originally from Los Angles, California but my mom sent me here, nearly three years ago, when…it happened. When I was 14 years old I nearly killed myself and I don't even remember doing it. According to my mom and my brothers I swallowed half a bottle of sleeping pills along with some vodka. Not a good idea. The only thing I remember from that night is waking up in a hospital in LA with my mom and two brothers hovering over me. A week later I was brought to Meadowbrook and have been here ever since.
After a few days and many therapy sessions with Dr. Collins she had diagnosed me with DID or Dissociative Identity Disorder. It is also known as Multiple Personality Disorder or just Split Personality. 'Dissociative Identity Disorder is the presence of two or more identities or personalities that recurrently take control of a person's behavior.' Dr. Collins and I, from what information she knows and what I remember, have determined that I have two different personalities.
There is the normal me, Cat, who is usually happy and optimistic and outgoing and loves living life to its fullest. Then there is Caterina. Caterina is my full name which brings back terrible memories for me. My father called me Caterina and I don't have any good memories of him. He was abusive toward my brothers and me, even my mother sometimes. What my mom and brothers didn't know was that, not only did my father emotionally and physically abuse me; he sexually abused me as well. The physical abuse started when I was very young, around five or six. And when I was around 10 the sexual abuse started.
Flashback
Adam was the one who found out about it. He was 18 at the time and I was 12. We were talking about something one day, I don't even remember what it was, and I let it slip out. I remember Adam being very tense and on edge for the rest of the day. When Mom got home he wouldn't talk to her and then when our father got home it was even worse. Our father seemed to be in a good mood that night when he got home from work which was good for all of us. But then Alex accidently knocked a glass of milk onto the ground shattering the glass as well and he went off.
There was a lot of yelling toward Alex and then he turned to Adam and me. He told us to go to our rooms. That was always a bad sign. That meant he would be coming for us later. I remember walking up the stairs to my room but before I could walk through the door Adam took my hand and pulled me down the hall into his bedroom with him. He told me that he didn't want me to be alone with dad anymore. Adam and I were both sitting on Adam's bed when his door swung open revealing our very angry looking father.
He came toward me first but Adam blocked him, punching him in his stomach and then his face. Dad barreled through Adam and then he came at. When he got ahold of me he just started hitting any part of my body that he could reach. The next thing I remember was a loud, booming noise. My father stopped hitting me and cried out in pain before falling to the ground.
Quickly standing up I jumped up onto Adam's bed and pulled one of his pillows to my chest, hugging it tightly. I looked down at my father's lifeless body and saw that there was blood oozing from his chest. Looking around the room I saw Adam holding a handgun but he had a confused look on his face as he looked at the door. I followed his line of vision and saw Detective Anthony Harris with his own gun pointed at my father.
Caterina started coming around when I was 13. She is the complete opposite of me, Cat. She is very pessimistic about everything and she doesn't like to be around people. She is very sad and depressed. Caterina will get angry about the littlest things. Most of the time when I Caterina comes out I will black out and not remember anything that happened during that period of time. It could last for three hours or three days. It depends on the people I'm around and whether or not they can help me to snap out of it. Dr. Collins says that my DID was most likely caused by the traumatic experiences that I had lived through with my father. And that is why I created another personality for myself so that when things got hard for me I could just check out and not have to deal with it.
End Flashback
Anyway, I was sitting on my bed at Meadowbrook and l looked around at the four walls that had been my sanctuary for the past two and a half years. The walls were a pure white color that seemed to have dulled since I moved in. There were no windows in any of the rooms so it felt like I was stuck in a box. I had a few pictures of my mom, Alyssa, and my two older brothers. My brother Adam is 24 and he was just married last year and is now expecting his first child. I had to miss his wedding because I was stuck in here. I have never even met his wife.
Alex is 20 and, if you ask me, he should probably be in this place too. He is seriously messed up. I was startled out of my thoughts by a heavy knock on the door. The last picture was of me and my best friend, Andre Harris. We had known each other since forever. He was really the only friend that I had and I missed him a lot. He was also the younger brother of Anthony Harris, the detective who saved me from my father all those years ago.
"Good morning, Cat!" the ever chipper Nurse Ella walked through the door. Ella was a woman in her late forties or early fifties. She had been my nurse since the day I arrived at Meadowbrook. Ella and I had formed a pretty good bond, "How are you doing today sweetie?"
"The same as usual, Ella," I looked up at her as she walked over to my bed and sat down next to me, "I really just want to get out of this place. I have been here for over two years and I have been doing really well. I think it's time for me to go home," I told her a single tear falling from my eye. She gave me a sympathetic look as she pulled me into a hug which I returned.
"I know it's hard and I know you want to go home," she started, "And I know how well you have been doing. I have seen you progressing every day, Cat," she continued, "And I have a feeling that you will be getting out of here soon. But right now you have your therapy session with Dr. Collins. So get moving girl."
I smiled to myself as Ella walked out of the room closing the door behind her. Taking out a pair of frayed denim shorts and a pink tank top, which had black and grey stripes on it, I walked into my bathroom and changed out of my pajamas and into my clothes. After changing I realized that it was still kind of chilly, even for late August, so I walked back to my dresser and pulled out a grey, hand knit cardigan that my mom made for me and gave to me on my 16th birthday. I put on my cardigan and slipped on a pair of flip-flops before walking out of my room and toward my therapist's office.
My therapist, Dr. Michelle Collins, wasn't so bad. I was very grateful to have her. She has helped me so much in the past two and a half years. It has been a long, winding, and bumpy road and she has helped me flatten out some of those bumps and we have started to unwind the road but I know that I still have a long way to go.
Before I knew it I was in front of Dr. Collins' office. I knocked on the door and she told me to come in. Her office was painted a warm, cream, color. The carpeting was the same color. There was a long, brown, leather couch along one wall and two brown leather chairs against the other wall. Her desk was the same color as the couches and it doubled as a bookshelf. It was filled with different doctor books. I never bothered to look at them closely enough to know what they were.
"Good morning, Cat," Dr. Collins smiled at me just as she did every morning when I came in here, "How have you been?" she asked this every time as well even though it has only been 24 hours since I have talked to her.
"I've been good," I told her just as I have every day since the day I stepped foot in this place. But for the past 17 months I have been doing really well and I thought it was about time for me to go home. Apparently she didn't she had a different idea because…well I'm still here, "Yeah, I've been really good."
"Well that's great Cat. Is there anything in particular that you would like to talk about today?" she asked me. Taking one of the throw pillows on the couch, I put it against the arm of the couch and maneuvered my body so that I was lying on my side, facing Dr. Collins.
"I just want to know when I can go home," tears started welling up in my eyes. I was trying to keep them at bay but it wasn't working out very well, "I feel like…no, I know I have been doing really well here for so long and I think that I should be able to go home now," I looked at Dr. Collins who had a small smile on her face. I didn't know if that was good or bad.
"I'm so proud of you Cat," she still had that smile plastered on her face, "You have been doing great here and you have been controlling everything very well. You take you medications every day and we do our therapy sessions every day," she continued. I sat up and looked at her hoping she was going to say what I wanted her to say for the longest time, "I think you are right Cat. I think it is time for you to go home."
"What?" I asked incredulously. I thought she would just think this was another one of my attempts at getting out of here. Which it, shamelessly, was, "Are you being serious or are you just trying to get my hopes up and then pull the carpet from under my feet when I'm about to walk out the door?" I was definitely skeptical.
"I would never do that to you Cat," she told me, "I think that we should call your mom right now and tell her the good news. What do you think about that?" she asked, "We will call her and tell her that she can come get you as soon as she can. You are free to go when your mom gets here Cat. Are you ready to make that phone call?"
"Call! Call! Call!" I bounced up and down on the couch with a huge smile on my face. Dr. Collins pulled out my file and found my mom's phone number. What was only minutes seemed like hours as she dialed the phone and put it on speaker. I couldn't help but squeal once before I heard my mother's voice through the phone. I almost cried hearing her voice. I hadn't seen or talked to her in over six months.
"Hello?" she said through the phone. I walked over to Dr. Collins' desk and kneeled down next to the phone.
"Hi Mrs. Valentine?" Dr. Collins responded through the speaker, "This is Michelle Collins from Meadowbrook Psychiatric Hospital. I am Cat's therapist. I am calling to talk to you about your daughter and her progress here at Meadowbrook."
"Alright," my mom sounded kind of freaked out but calm at the same time, "Is everything okay? Is there something wrong with Cat?" Dr. Collins pointed to me indicating that I should speak now.
"No, Mom. I'm fine," I told her. I could hear her let out a breath through the phone, "I have some really good news though. Do you wanna hear?" I was vibrating with excitement.
"Yes, Sunshine," she started, "I do want to hear your really good news," I could tell she was smiling. I had never been more excited about anything in my entire life and that was making it hard for me to speak. I kept on stuttering while trying to tell her what was going on so Dr. Collins started talking for me.
"Mrs. Valentine, Cat has been doing very well here," she started, "she has been controlling everything with no problem for the past year and she takes her medications every day," she continued, "I, along with her doctors and nurses, have decided that she is ready to go home. She can be discharged whenever but since she is a minor she has to stay in our custody until you come to get her."
"I am booking a flight to Colorado right now," she told us, "You will be back home with us in no time sweetheart," I could hear the tears in her voice as tears started rolling down own cheeks.
"Okay Momma," I tried wiping the tears from my face but more kept falling, "I love you so much. And tell Alex that I love him to okay?" Dr. Collins handed me a tissue and I dried my eyes as she concluded the phone call with my mother.
"Well everything is all settled then," Dr. Collins hung up the phone and turned back to me, "Your mom will be here around ten o'clock am tomorrow and then you are free from this place. But you will still need to see a therapist," I nodded my head vigorously, "Six days a week. You continue to take your medications as you have been. And if you ever need me for anything you can always call me. I will always be here for you," I nodded again not trusting my voice to speak, "So you should go to your room and pack all your stuff up so you won't have to tomorrow," she told me, "Now get up and give me a hug. We are all going to miss you so much around here Cat. Be good out there in the real world okay?" I nodded and walked out the door for the last time.
The day went by so fast for me. I was on cloud nine and no one could bring me down. That night before bed I took my medication and changed into a pair of black Victoria's Secret yoga shorts with multicolored hearts on them and a cashmere sweater to go along with it. I also put on a par of black and pink, boot-like slippers.
Sleep didn't come easy for me that night. It was like clockwork every night; in bed by eight and lights out by ten. Since Ella was working a double shift tonight and she knew that I was being discharged in the morning she let me keep my lights on later than usual. She did come in after midnight and tell me I needed to turn my lights off and go to bed. As soon as I turned the lights off I fell asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow.
When I woke up the next morning there was a person sitting in the chair across from my bed. My vision was still blurry so I couldn't really tell who it was yet. Once I could see clearly I made out the petite figure of my mom being engulfed by the huge chair she was sitting in. She was reading a magazine and hadn't noticed that I had woken up yet. Squealing loudly I sprang out of my bed and onto the chair with my mom. She threw the magazine down and rocked me in her arms as we both started crying.
"Mommy!" I cried like I did when I was a little girl coming home from school or from a weekend away at a friends' house, "I missed you so much. I thought you weren't coming until later."
"I missed you too, lovely," she kissed my cheek, "and it is later. I got here almost two hours ago. Alex and I have been waiting for you to wake up so we can take you home," I looked at the clock and saw that it was past noon. I had slept for nearly 12 hours, "I see you have already packed everything."
"Yeah, I wanted to be ready to leave as soon as you got here," I hopped off her lap and walked over to my luggage, "Just let me get changed and then we can leave!" I walked over to the bathroom where I had left out a pair of red and black Victoria's Secret cropped yoga pants and a loose, racer back tan top. I slipped on a pair of red and black flip flops as well.
Brushing my hair I left half of it down and put the other half up. I then brushed my teeth and walked out of the bathroom to see my brother, Alex, standing next to where my mom had been sitting. Throwing the bag with all of my toiletries onto my luggage I ran at Alex and jumped into his arms making him stumble back a little bit.
"I missed you too, Kit-Kat," Alex always called me Kit-Kat even though my name didn't even start with a 'K'. I used to get angry when he called me that because I don't like Kit-Kat bars. But I haven't seen him or heard his voice in a year so I embraced it, "Mom just went to sign the discharge papers so we can get you out of here," he told me as he set me back down on the floor. Just as he finished that sentence Mom and Ella walked into the room.
"Are you ready to go, darling," Ella asked. I knew she was happy for me. But I also knew that she was going to miss me and I was going to miss her as well. I nodded my head with a smile on my face, "Well come on over here and give me a hug then."
"I'm going to miss you Ella," I told her as I hugged her tightly, "You have been so good to me and I will never forget you," tears started leaking from my eyes and she wiped them away.
"You are going to do so well out there in the real world, Cat," she responded, "And you can always call me whenever you need anything or if you just want to talk," she continued, "You have my phone numbers and my e-mail. Everything will be just fine. You have a great family. Just remember to take your meds and keep control of yourself," she kissed my forehead before pulling away from me and walking out the door.
"I will do that," I whispered looking back at my mom and Alex who both had my luggage. My mom handed me some papers and I looked at them for a moment before realizing what they were. One was a prescription for my medication and the other was a referral to a therapist in LA from Dr. Collins.
"What do you say we get you home now?" Mom said from behind me. I looked back at her and smiled nodding my head. I let her and Alex out before me as I took one last look at the room I had been calling home for two and a half years. A lot of memories, good and bad in that room. In the weirdest way I was going to miss this place.
"Kit-Kat, are you coming?" Alex stopped in the middle of the hallway and looked back at me, staring into the room. I looked back at him and nodded. I jogged over to him and linked arms with him as we took the long trek from my room, down the elevator, then through the hallways, past the front desk and out the front doors.
We walked to the car my mom had rented. Alex let my ride shotgun and we pulled out of the parking lot of Meadowbrook Psychiatric Hospital. For the first time in a long time I felt free. I could only imagine how free I would feel once I got onto the plane, let alone back into my own home. I couldn't wait.
This is chapter one of a new story I am starting. I have always written stories that are way different than most stories. I have always been like that it is something that I like to do that a lot of people don't do. Most people stick with the norm and that is awesome but I like to be different.
I really hope that you all will like my stories. Or at least review and tell me whether you like them or not.
PLEASE REVIEW!
If you want another chapter I want 2-3 reviews. Just like my other stories. And let me know whether or not you would like me to alternate POVs.
Thanks so much! And please review!