Author's Note: Howdy, y'all. This illness insomnia induced little ditty is inspired by the shower scene in the movie (and possibly the book…I haven't read the book yet) and how my Babe self would've preferred things to end at the end of the movie and book. The title comes from a line from the delicious Daniel Sunjata who played our (yes, he belongs to us…) delicious Ranger spoke and I hope you guys enjoy.

PS: This isn't related to my other JE stories and my Stephanie's decided to toughen/smarten up from the get-go, making her a bit OOC. After all, mortal peril has a tendency to make people decide to evolve. It's up to you guys if this is continued or not (I'm leaning towards yes) so let me know if you want it.

Disclaimer: "Honestly, it's not mine!"

"How'd he get in?"

"Picked the lock."

"How'd you get in?"

"Picked the lock…look, get yourself a couple of deadbolts…and lock that shit up."

-Ranger and Stephanie in One for the Money(2012)

"I wouldn't do that if I were you."

Huh. I think I actually managed to surprise him. Putting on my best sashay (with a slight limp from my wound), I set down my groceries and moved him out of the way with my good hip. Pulling my keys out of my pocket lanyard (one of those black clip things with a tape measure like wire inside), I pushed the small black button behind my new car key. A soft buzz sounded from my lock and then I gestured for him to continue picking the lock. Ranger blinked at me owlishly and after about 5 minutes, we were inside. Setting the paper bags on the table, I gestured for him to come squat by the doorknob. Using a nail file, I undid a couple of screws and then slid my Mad Genius creation into view.

"I put the main part of a taser inside my doorknob and wirelessly connected it to the button here. If I hadn't turned it off, you would've been in for a rather shocking situation. Amazing what you can learn on the internet, huh?" I said with a light nudge for the pun.

He snorted and then looked at it closer. His approving nod sent a warm jolt through me and I smiled shyly as he looked me calmly in the eye.

"This is good, Plum. More than I expected from you, honestly." he praised as I put it back together quickly.

"Eh. I admit that it takes a lot for me to listen to someone but when I do, I go balls out. Well, sorta. You said lock this shit up and I did with a little extra. What're you doing here, anyway? It's high noon. Perfect time to be saving the day…"

Yes, I just teased Ranger. His whole body language screamed "Fuck with me and you die" but I couldn't help it. He's always so serious and deadpan, kind of reminding me a much sexier version of the teacher from Ferris Bueller. I just want to poke him with a stick a little, see if I can get past his blank face and to the real. Why? I don't really know. Most of my "Jesus Christ, Stephanie!" decisions can't be explained easily or at all…

"I came to see if you were all right. Getting shot's a bitch and word on the street is that Morelli's out for blood. Something about you locking him in a meat truck with dead people and a crooked street fighter…"

"Hey, he deserved it! His Oh, Yeah Cartoon idea got me shot and you already know about the Cannoli…"

Of course he laughs at that. Of course…

"..so I took an opportunity for a little bit of revenge. I like revenge, it's fun and I already know he's after me, hence my super doorknob. It might only slow him down but he'll be in a world of hurt, making it easier for me to get rid of him."

I started unloading groceries and after a minute, he started to help me, putting a couple of the apple slices in Rex's lair before leaning against the door jam.

"I'm surprised that you want to get rid of him. There's obviously some history there…"

Is he fishing? He is fishing! Maybe I'm not the only terminally curious person in this pseudo-friendship, after all…

"Bad and ancient history. I'm always gonna have a soft spot for him but at the end of the day, he's a goddamned prick and I swore on the unshed blood of both Ben and Jerry that I wouldn't get into any sort of relationship with another prick after my ex-husband."

"You were married?"

"Yeah. It was more to shut my Ma up after I hit 30 than love but I was married. Dickie Orr, attorney at law and a cheating scum sucking jackass. Not a month after we said I do, I came home to find him screwing Joyce Barndhart doggie-style on the brand new dining room table."

"Ouch."

"You're telling me. What about you? Is there a Mrs. Ranger hanging around here someplace?"

"Why do you want to know?"

"Why are you trying to answer my question with another one? Look, if I can tell you about my bad judgment with Morelli and The Dick, then you can tell me if you're hitched or not, okay? Quid pro quo and all that good stuff."

A look passed through his eyes that made glance towards my cookie jar turned gun safe but he just nodded curtly.

"Does that mean yes?" I pushed.

"Plum."

"Ranger."

"No, I'm not married. I was for a brief time, though."

"I know she wasn't stupid enough to cheat on you."

"Babe.", he chuckled.

"What? You're hot."

"I am.", he conceded modestly, making me roll my eyes. "And no, she didn't cheat. I was…I made some damn dumb decisions in my teen years and one of them was getting my girlfriend at the time pregnant. Since I was raised to be a decent man, I asked her to marry me on the spot and we stayed together through my time in basic training. After that, I signed my parental rights over and she divorced me."

"Why?"

"Like I said, I was raised to be a decent man and I knew that I'd be a lousy father. I didn't want to screw Julie up so I did it. Rachel wasn't too happy with the decision, obviously but she accepted it after I got into the Rangers. I guess she realized the benefits of not having to give the 'Papi's not coming home' speech. I send money on her birthday and Christmas and she sends me a school photo of her every year."

I absorbed that and then handed him a beer, popping the top off of one for me.

"Should you be drinking with your painkillers?" he asked after a pull of his.

"I take them at night. It hurts the worst when I'm trying to sleep. Sorry for bringing up bad memories."

"I didn't have to tell you."

"You did, though. Why?"

"Why'd you tell me about your ex?"

"Because even though I've just met you like 5 minutes ago, I like you and I know I can trust you."

"And there's your answer."

"You like me?"

A 200 watt grin lit up his face and I gulped. Be still, my heart…

"I don't get shot for people I don't like. You got balls, Plum and with the right training, I think you can pull off being a bounty hunter."

"You really think so? Everyone else thinks I'm nuts."

"A little insanity can go a long way, Babe." he replied with a small shrug.

I chuckled and frowned as a somewhat familiar car chirp went off. Moving to the windows facing the street, I saw Morelli heading towards the building, a medium sized cupcake in his hand.

"Motherfucker!" I swore before putting the chain on my door and turning my deadbolts.

"Morelli?"

"Yep."

"You gonna use your new doorknob?"

"Not until I know it's legal. I don't want to get booked for assaulting a cop."

"Shouldn't you have looked that up before you installed it?"

"Shut up, Ranger. And get out of sight."

"Really?"

"Really, really. Now, scram!" I hissed as I attempted to shove him down the hall towards the bathroom. He caught my hands and looked at me with renewed flatness. Shit. There goes my progress…

"If you two are ancient and bad history, then why am I scramming?"

Good question. Before I could come up with an answer, Morelli was knocking at the door. I let my breath hiss out through my teeth and latched onto the first plan of action I could think of. Reaching forward, I undid his Kevlar vest and messed up his hair. He must've picked up on my idea because he lowered one of my bra straps and raked his hands through my hair a few times to give it a freshly tumbled look. Giving into the impulse, I pressed a hard kiss to his lips (just to swell them up a little…) and he bit down on my lower lip, sucking hard enough to bruise as he shoved me against one of my sliding doors. Damn, is that his tongue and is his hand on my…mmm…

"Hey, come on, Cupcake! I know you're in there!" Morelli hollered through the door.

Forcing myself away from Ranger, I went to the door and pulled it open just enough for him to take in my heavily lidded and love drunk face. I licked my lips to get more of Ranger's sweetness on my tongue and turned my accent up a couple of notches.

"Whatta you want, Morelli? I'm a little busy at the moment."

If I wasn't so discombobulated from Ranger's knee melting kiss, I'd be laughing my ass off at the look on Morelli's face. He looked like he had just stepped in dog shit and gotten his nuts caught in a bear trap at the same time. Any amusement was forgotten as a warm mocha latte hand spanned my good hip and Ranger rested his head on my shoulder. His pants were undone and he ground slowly against my ass, making me shiver. Good god. Best idea ever, Plum…

"Morelli." he greeted in his own accentuated accent, snapping him out of his stupor.

"What the fuck is he doing here, Stephanie?" he demanded sharply.

The evil side of me made my half dazed reply of "Me."; slip out with nary a hesitation. Ranger hid his chuckle in my throat and started nibbling at it nicely. The effects of my going on 3 year dry spell hit me in the gut and slid down deep into my panties, making me hot and wet at warp speed.

"You? Do you have any idea who this guy is?"

"Ricardo Manoso. Ranger. I m-met him while chasing you down and we clicked. He...he's gonna teach me how to be a bounty hunter without getting dead or maimed."

"Yeah, he's teaching you, all right." Morelli grumbled sullenly, making the Rhino begin to rise.

"Why do you care? I haven't seen you in over 10 years and now you expect me to just let you back in my life like it's nothing? No dice, man. I told you it was about the 50 grand from jump street and it's not my fucking fault if you didn't believe me."

"Don't swear, Querida. He's not worth it.", Ranger murmured as he nuzzled into my shoulder.

"He pisses me off, Ric!" I whined, going along with it. My hormones are screaming "Damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead!" and I have a happy feeling that I'll be getting well acquainted with the torpedo against the small of my back shortly…

With a last suck of my neck, he pulled away and ordered with silky steel, "Get rid of him. I'll be waiting in the bedroom."

I gulped and watched him go, the view awe-inspiring, and then looked back at a fuming Morelli.

"Bye.", I deadpanned.

"You've gotta be kidding me!"

"I'm not. Bye. Don't come back."

"Stephanie!"

Reaching through the gap, I snatched the half crushed cupcake out of his hand and slammed the door hard, clicking on my Lock Shock before taking a big contented bite of the pastry.

Hey, he may be a prick but I've never been one to turn down a cupcake.

A throat cleared and I looked up to see a blank faced Ranger. His eyes were a whole different story, though…

"You know…he's not gonna give up very easily. It might take a while before he gets the hint."

"Knowing Morelli, he might never get it."

"Good."

"Huh?"

"Good. I like you, Stephanie. A lot more than I should in such a brief period…and damn, do you know how to kiss."

"Eh, I do all right. So, what? You wanna make this into something?"

"Yeah. Oh, for the record: it's Carlos."

"I thought your first name was Ricardo."

"One of them. The other's Carlos and that's what I go by. I like it better. I'm definitely gonna like hearing you scream it."

And I'm definitely gonna enjoy screaming it.