The blood and tears of a broken girl

A/N: for anyone who read my last story, this isn't a squeal, totally different story! I'm not completely sure of the ending, so it could be only a few chapters, or it could be 20.

I don't own Victorious...Yet...(:

Hope you likey!

Protolouge:

"Okay. I'm gonna walk out that door, and I'm gonna count to ten," I begin angrily.

"Don't forget three," Cat reminds me. We all stare at her confused. "Some people forget it!" She reminds us. I'm sure by "some people" she meant herself.

"If I get to ten and you not out there, I'm going home, and we're over." I look Beck the eyes, trying to see his reaction to this. He kept a poker face. I walk out into the chilly black night. As I exit the door I look at Beck, "One," I say loudly and clearly. Beck looks back at me expressionlessly. I close the door. I hear Trina whisper to Beck,

"I would never fight with you." Ugh! Why can't her get it though her thick skull that no one likes her!

"Two!" I shout to the door. I fold my arms and wait. I've known Beck for over two years, he'll come.

"Three!" I exclaim angrily. Cat should be proud. Joy oh joy, I can count to three. I hear her clap her hands together.

"Four!" Alright, Beck, your playing it close, I'm almost halfway up. I hear Beck sigh and step forward. It's about time!

"Five!" I shout, slightly worried. I was halfway to ten! What if he didn't come? Had we been fighting that much more? I hear footsteps pattering. I let out a sigh of relief. He's coming. I hear Trina squeal and another set of footsteps start to run.

"Six!" I bellow. I hear Trina scream and a loud crash. I hear cries of "Trina". I know what happened. She tackled Beck.

"I'm a really fun girl!" Trina reminds Beck. Yeah Trina, I can be fun too if I want to! Also, I don't see much fun about Trina at all. I wait for the commotion to slow down.

"Seven!" I call. I hear a click on the handle. Finally.

"Eight!" I cry helplessly. Why isn't he opening the door yet! We've known each other for years!

"Nine!" I can't believe it. He's going to let me get to ten. I hope at ten he jumps out and surprises me by kissing me.

"Ten!" I wait a second. No such luck. Two years, and this is how it ends? I take a step towards the door. He's so close, yet so far away. Opening the door would make me look pathetic, which I am, but nobody but Beck can know that.

I take a step back from the door. I get into my car, and drive away, leaving my heart at Tori's house.

Chapter One:Secrets and lies

It's been about two weeks since that fateful day at the Vega's house. Two weeks of nothing. At least nothing new.

On the outside, I look fine. I hang out with my best friend, Cat. We dog-sat together last Saturday. I had nothing else to do. Beck and I used to hang out together every Saturday. Movies, restaurants, plays, whatever we felt like. I used to love Saturdays. Now I hate Saturdays, and all the other days for that matter.

Today is a Monday. I am driving home from school. I park at my house and go inside. I gulp.

Red-faced and angry, my father steps towards me. I look at him. I think he's drunk, again.

I close my tired sad eyes and sat on the couch. No use fighting it, it will be over sooner, I think to myself.

When Beck dated me, he was always there to keep my father at bay. Beck wouldn't let anyone hurt me. Now I was hurt.

My dad punches me. He beats me. I just sit there until he is done, when the pain stops, I walk upstairs. I go into the bathroom to examine the damage.

I have one slight black eye. I can cover that up with purple eyeshadow on the other eye. I have red marks where he hit me, they'll look fine by tomorrow, I hope.

My dad and I have a lopsided deal. He gets to hurt me, I can't tell anyone, not even my mom or my brother. It's been like this ever since I was seven.

Flashback

I was seven years old. I was the perfect little girl. I had pretty eyes and long, light, wavy brown hair. I was wearing my favorite pink dress. I walked home from school to find my dad sitting on the couch.

He looked at me and I was immediately terrified. I had never been afraid of my dad before.

He shouted to me that my mom had divorced him. I didn't understand what that meant.

My father picked me up and hit me so hard that day. I had big blues bruises for weeks.

I was angry. I did all I could do to get back at him. I used all my mom's old hair dye to make multi-colored streaks in my hair. I cut up the bubblegum-pink dress he loved, and put on my black(his least favorite color) dress from when I was a goth for Halloween. I remodeled myself, and renamed myself. I was no longer Jadelyn, the model girl. I was Jade, the mean girl.

End Of Flashback

The only person who knows this story is Beck. Beck put an end to the abuse, while I dated him. I didn't tell Beck about my abusive father, which is why I'm still breathing. Beck found out because my father hit me in front of him.

Flashback

Nearly three years ago, Beck and I went on our first date. Well, our first date together. It was my first date ever. Beck has been on many dates. Everyone loves him, no one loves me.

We went to dinner at a beautiful restaurant. We talked, laughed, and argued playfully. I came home in Beck's car, doing something I'd never done before. I was smiling.

Beck made me happy. He opened the door and I stepped out of his car. Then he kissed me, one short sweet kiss of many. Our first kiss. My first kiss. Probably his 31st kiss.

My dad burst through the door. He marched up to Beck and I and tore us apart.

He hit me, he punched me, he slapped me, he made me bleed until I cried. Beck watched, his mouth dropped open.

Beck marched up to my dad and grabbed me in his arms.

"You will never do that to her again!" Beck threatened.

"Oh yeah, and whats a teenaged boy gonna do to stop me?" My father asked, clearly drunk.

Beck pulled me into his hands, I winced when he touched a bruise.

"I'll tell." Beck whispered. This threat was enough to make my father stop abusing me, at least while he thought Beck still cared.

But Beck doesn't care anymore.

End Of Flashback

I stare into the mirror and watch myself begin to cry. My makeup smears all over my face. I miss Beck. I miss not having to dread coming home every day. I miss my old life.

I reach into my pocket. I have one other way that I deal with my father's abuse. I have my own dirty little secret. The day Beck found out I made him swear not to tell anybody.

He better stick to that promise.

I pull a small pair of scissors out of my black pant's pocket. I pull back my right sleeve.

The scissors tear open my skin and blood gushed out. It hurt, but it wasn't enough.

"That's for being a jealous freak and driving Beck away!" I scream under my breath. A tear slips down my face. Didn't he understand I was only jealous because he was the only person who has ever loved or cared about me. I didn't want him taken away from me.

I cut into my skin again, "That's for being a horrible daughter!" I whisper.

I jab the scissors in. "That's for the fact that no one likes you!" I shout to myself.

There is a slice. "That's for being ugly!" I complain. By now my skin is teared and bloody. I wash of the skin. I now have four new scars. I'll say they were from a fight, or a dog clawing at me, but that's not true. All my scars are caused by me.

I have many scars on my legs and left arm from the time I was seven to when I was around 15. I started dating Beck at 14 ½. I stopped cutting at 15. I started again two weeks ago, when Beck broke my heart.

That's partly why I loved(and still love) Beck so much. He protected me from everyone. My dad, and myself.

Beck stopped my father's abuse on our first date. I then cut less often, but still cut sometimes.

Flashback

It was my fifteenth birthday. I had been dating Beck for a half a year. I rarely cut now, once a month at most. Beck had no idea.

My father yelled at me. He told me what an awful daughter I was. I said I was sorry. He told me "No back talk, Jadelyn! Now go to your room!" so I did.

I ran into my room and slammed the door. Why was he so mean to me? Why did my own father hate me so much? I took out my scissors.

"Slice," Your and awful daughter, I thought crying. "Slice," you upset your dad. There was a knock on the door.

"Jade, babe, c'mon open up, I'm gonna drive you to school!" Beck reminded me.

"Slice," you're a horrible person, I thought. I put my finger on the bloody scissors and licked it, tasting my own blood. I wiped away the blood from the scissors and my arm. Then I walked to the door and open it.

"Hi Jade!" Beck exclaimed, enthralled to see me. "Happy fifteenth birthday!" He kissed me on my lips. He pulled away, I saw him lick his lips confused.

"Jade," He murmured. He looked at me with his big brown eyes. "Why do your lips taste like blood?" Beck asked quietly. Damn! I'd licked my bloody finger! He'd tasted blood on me.

"Huh?" I pretended to be confused. "What do you mean?" I played with my fingers nervously. I heard a dripping sound that had to be blood falling from my arm. Beck's mouth dropped open.

"Jade!" He shouted loudly. He grabbed my arm and pulled back the sleeve. My fresh, bloody scars were revealed.

"Who did this?" Beck growled.

"No one..." I stammered quietly.

"Jade." Beck looked at me warily, "Who did this?" He said through his teeth.

I reached my hand in to my pocket and took out the scissors. Beck stared at me wide-eyed.

"Why?" Beck asked simply.

"My dad was yelling at me, and I.. I...Oh Beck I'm so sorry!" I threw myself at him, kissing his lips.

"Do you do this often?" Beck wondered.

I rolled up my right pants leg to my knee and pointed to large groups of scars. Beck stared in horror.

"These are from when I was seven to 14 ½." I explained. "I usually cut after my father has hurt me." I admitted. I showed him my left arm again and pointed to the scattered scars around the new ones. "These are from the time I met you to now. There are a lot less. I only cut once a month at most, when my dad makes me mad, verbally." I informed him.

Beck clutched me tight to his chest. I could tell he was upset.

"Are you mad at me?" I whispered. Bad girl! I thought. I was going to have to cut myself for this.

"No Jade. I'm not mad at you. This isn't your fault! Nothing is your fault! I'm mad because you are hurt. I'm mad because you father had to do this to you. He caused you to cut yourself. I will always hate him for that." Beck explained. I let out a sigh of relief. He wasn't mad at me.

Beck reached out and lifted my arm into the air. He kissed my scars.

"You may act like a tough girl at school Jade, I know what you're really like. But I never knew I'd have to protect you from yourself." Beck breathed. I looked at him with begging eyes.

"Please, oh please Beck! Don't tell anyone!" I begged. No one could think of cool, goth, scary Jade as the wimpy girl who cuts herself.

"I won't," Beck reassured me, "Just promise me one thing."

"Anything." I promised.

"Never ever cut yourself ever again." Beck looked me in the eyes so he would n=kniw if I was lying.

"I won't." I agreed, truthfully.

End Of Flashback

I kept that promise till Beck broke up with me. Now I cut myself worse than ever.

I broke my promise. Beck better not break his.

A/N

Wow! This is long! Most will be shorter, but this had the protolouge or however you spell it.

I hope you liked it!

Please review!

Sorry if jade was a little OOC I am trying to emphasize that there is a different person inside of her. When she's with other people she'll be less OOC.

Also sorry is there were too many flashbacks. I wanted to give some back round info on Jade's past.