Rory Hawthorne's POV

When she leaves I'm thrown aback by how easily I let her back in, there was no room for forgiveness, but I still gave it. Anything for my precious Primrose, there are no boundaries for how much she means to me. My feelings confuse me so I put them away, somewhere deep and dark. I can remember how I felt when she left, and it sure as hell didn't feel like rainbows and unicorns, as Gale would say, whatever the hell they were. I had just enlisted into the Junior Mockingjay Task Force; there was something about working my ass off that distracted me from the pain of others around me. We were being trained to be soldiers when we turned 15, and I was only 13, almost 14, at the time, but I was top of my class. Wrestling with Gale and Vick all my life had helped, as well as the cleverness for battle tactic that I supposedly inherited from my father. I couldn't see her off, not to mention even if I could, I wouldn't, but I was just turned 14 and they asked, practically begged, me to join the Elite Mockingjay Soldiers, and since pride was a touchy subject in my household, I accepted without fault and immediately started more vigorous training.

The evening after her hovercraft left Katniss came to see me and as crazy as she was, there was still a huge part of her that played big sister for Prim, and probably would always do so. She was fuming and slapped me across the face, the noise echoing in my small room and then she yelled something about Prim's feelings and then she was gone. She was abandoning us here, so what did I care if she had a good takeoff or not. But still when the lights went out for the night and all of D13 grew quiet, I buried my head in my hands and sobs racked my bones.

Running my hand over my cropped hair, I remember her comment, "Your hair was so nice and soft so why'd you cut it?" Military protocol little Prim, and maybe, just maybe, I hated it because of how often you'd run your hands through it. I check the clock and notice the time, I have to have dinner with my family, I promised. Gale, Vick, Posy, Mum and the Everdeen's, along with Peeta and Madge, and oh hell, Prim too. Rooting through my small chest of drawers, I pull out a nice shirt and jeans, they'll have to do, I think as I change. My tiny room is separate from my families because I couldn't bear to be around them with my mums worried glances and Gale's brotherly instincts. I stare at myself in the mirror for a while, running my hand over my stubbly hair and wiping my face with an old facecloth.

When I approach the table, the extremely long table, the longest one in the dining hall, I notice the Everdeens are missing, I don't ask, but assume they're eating dinner alone with Prim. I slip into a seat in between Posy and Madge, where I always sit. Posy grabs my hands, she's now 13, and grips it tightly, watching my face. I gently push her hand off and ruffle her hair, telling her I'm okay, or at least, I'll be fine. Madge greets me and I smile warmly back, it's strange how she and Gale are engaged, but anything is possible after a war. And hell, he did save her pathetic ass back when she was still the Mayor's daughter, because she saved his ass after his whipping. Posy slips her hand back into mine and I let it stay, but this time she squeezes tighter and I look up. I almost blow chunks, there's Peeta and Katniss, his hand on the small of her back, a smile always plastered on his face. Primrose follows behind them, hands folded behind her back, a faraway look gracing her pale face. She looks sick and I want to ask her why but I won't, what's the harm in letting her suffer a little longer. Katniss announces that her mum is busy in the infirmary and won't be joining us; at least I can avoid her rude stares when she's not here. But now there's no one to kick Katniss in the shins if she makes a cruel comment, mostly aimed at me for being such a bastard.

She slides into the seat opposite of me and smiles, it's tiny and barely there, so I don't notice it at first, but when I do I pretend I haven't seen her and ask my mum to pass the salt. I know I'm being mean, cruel even, but I'm hurting too, and I want to make sure she doesn't forget that. Posy pinches my hand so I wrench it from her and pick up my fork, the food barely looks edible, but at least there's a promise of food every day. I can see her eying it with disgust, and I remember how, for three years, she's been in the Capitol eating gourmet food. I snort when she tries it, taking a bit off the end of her fork gingerly, and Katniss shoots me a glare. I hate myself for being mean, so I settle for unnerving silence.

"How was the last mission Rory, you were gone for weeks, we were starting to get worried." Gale asks fervently, attempting to break the silence. I groan, and when I search the faces around the table, they're all panic stricken, or in Prim's case, confused.

"One of my buddy's was caught in a tight spot, lost his arm in an explosion, bomb broke I guess. Spent the whole time holed up in a ratty bunker with a bunch of stinking men." It's true, for the most part; I don't like telling my family everything, so I usually don't. We had actually been caught, and made it out by blowing the lot of em' up, and my buddy, well, he sacrificed himself for a shitty cause. He had asked me before he ran off what was the point of it all but I couldn't give him a straight answer. I believed in something at the beginning, when Katniss was all better, but now, I don't know, I really don't.

Prim gasps and stands, knocking over her chair. We all stare at her, but she doesn't notice, or doesn't care. Her hands are balled up at her sides and there's color in her face now, a cherry red that spreads to her ears, she's fuming.

"You're in the military!"She gapes.

"Mhmm, I'm the youngest Mockingjay soldier, best of the best." I try to sound snarky, but end up sounding like an idiot.

"You can't! They shouldn't have let you!" She pauses, mouth hanging open, and then turns on my mum and explodes.

"Why did you let him! Do you want him to die, do you know how dangerous this is, he could have died!" My mum gets up and leaves, red in the face. She's always been bitter about this, and has barely spoken a sentence to me in two years. Enrolling was kind of my own thing; I didn't need permission so I didn't ask. I was the "cousin" of the Mockingjay, anything was acceptable.

Katniss grips Prims arm and drags her out of the dining hall, a grim look on her face, but before they round the corner, she shoots me a deadly stare. I'm appalled by this and laugh, snorting even.

"Rory!" Madge is annoyed with me, what else is new?

"Shut up Rory, why are you being such a dick?" There's Vick for you, always the snarky bastard.

"Ro, you could d-die?" We didn't tell Posy what I did, or what Gale used to do, and I want to pick her up and hold her, tell her it's a bad dream, that her big brother isn't leaving nobody.

"Of course not, I'm the best one, remember?" She's 13, but so gullible that she smiles and squeezes my hand under the table. There's a pain in my heart, right below a gunshot wound I hid from all of them, it hurts even now and it's an everlasting reminder of how hard my job is. I've always convinced myself it was for the greater good, but with everything going on lately, I'm not so sure anything is wholly good anymore.

Peeta's staring at us, the awkwardest person at the table, as usual. He doesn't look like he wants to stay, but he's not sure if Prim and Katniss are having a talk so he stays, uncomfortable and annoying. Gale grunts and when Madge places a hand on his arm, he brushes it off and stands, gesturing for me to follow him. He could take me, so I pull my hand from Posy's and follow him, dragging my feet. When we leave the dining hall, we turn down the dark hallway, heading towards the women's dorms, I know where he's taking me, but I don't turn around because I don't want to get him mad. He pauses and because I'm not paying attention I bang into him and he grunts, before swinging around and grabbing the collar of my shirt, pushing me against the wall.

"Damn it Rory, you're not a kid anymore!" He's trying not to raise his voice, but it's not working out so well for him.

"I haven't been a kid for a long time!" I yell back, paying no attention to the rooms around me, there's acid in my voice and he grips my collar tighter.

"What the hell is your problem lately!"

"What? Nothing!" I don't want to confide in him, I don't want to be weak and vulnerable.

"Shut up Ro, you've been a dick lately, even Posy can tell, she's worried." His words bite.

"I've learned from the best." I spit these words at him and his face crumbles and I hate everything about myself.

"Is this about Prim?" When wasn't it?

"This has got nothing to do with her!" Lying comes as second nature now; I've got the tongue of a sinner my mum would say.

"We'll talk when you figure yourself out Ro." He sighs, a dejected look in his grey eyes, and lets my shirt go before turning on his heel, pointing to a door down the hall with the number 67, and leaves.

I brush my shirt off and make my way to room 67, Posy evidently drew tiny little flowers on paper and cut them out and stuck them on the door. I recognize the shape as primrose and laugh in spite of myself. This must have been Po's welcoming gift to Prim, it's cute so I lift one off and stick it in my pocket for later. There a dull grey color, shaded with pencil, but Peeta must have helped her because they look near identical to the pretty little flower. Each one has a tiny P stenciled in the center and I wonder how much time it took her. Po looked up to Prim; she was always kinder to Posy than Katniss was.

I stand outside the door for a while, contemplating going in when I hear crying, it's Prim recognizable sob and my chest heaves. There's mumbles of comfort then from Katniss so I turn on my heel, not wanting to listen, and continue down the hallway, muttering to myself.