Weiss does Escaflowne.
Or;
How just about everyone gets laid.
By Zelly, because Sakki let her.
Dislclaimer: ..go.. away..
Zelly: *hums delightfully, writing on a piece of paper*
Weiss boys: *do nothing*
Zelly: *clears throat* 'Kay guys, time for another fairy tale!
Weiss boys: *GROAN*
Zelly: *pulls out a little remote control with a large button on it that says Mary-Sue and presses it*
Yohji: YAY, ZELLY'S HERE!
Omi: ^______^ Hi!
Schu: *wink!*
Nagi: *looks bashful*
Brad: *nods in greeting*
Ken: *blushes* Hey.
Aya: *suppresses a smile*
Farf: …I am unaffected by your silly toy.
Ken: ..Huh?
Zelly: Nothing, darling. Farf, you can have the day off.
Farf: …why.
Zelly: Because you're been working so hard lately.
Farf: …...
Schu: D: just go
Nagi and Omi: YEAH! Go kill someone else's girlfriend!
Farf: ….:D ok! Cancun, here I come! *leaves*
Zelly: Very good. Now my casting is ideal. Today we do ESCAFLOWNE.
Omi: …*SQUEAL* I love Escaflowne!
Zelly: Of course you do. You're Hitomi!
Omi: o-o…. ^________________________^
Zelly: Ken, you're Van. …Because of.. reasons. (Seiyuu, anyone?)
Ken: :D! Ok!
Zelly: Allen will be…
Yohji: *crosses fingers*
Zelly: Aya.
Yohji and Aya: WHAT
Zelly: Because, Yohji, you're DRYDEN.
Yohji: ..Oh. :D
Aya: I'm lost.
Brad: What, are we (meaning Schwarz) not in this one?
Zelly: Impatient, are we? You're Folken-sama.
Brad: …………O_O
Zelly: *drools* Show me those black wings and I'll buy you a new Armani suit.
Schu: …*_* and I'll have hot hot post-fairy tale sex with you.
Brad: ……..
Zelly: Good job, retard. Now he isn't going to-
Brad: *EXPLODES WINGS FROM BACK*
Zelly and Schu: *X-TREME JOY*
Brad: *makes them go away* Right then, you two better keep your word.
Schu: ;-; this is the best day of my life.
(Side note: I love Brad/Schu more than I love cute baby puppies and kitties. Which is a lot)
Zelly: Actually, probably not.
Schu: …NO! You have cast me as MILLERNA! Not only does she have bad hair, but she is a lady!
Yohji: *snort*
Schu: Watch it. I'm engaged to you.
Yohji: ..O_O
Zelly: ..Indeed. Thanks for reading my mind.
Schu: Anytime. ……Hey, that's.. pretty perverted. ……….That too. Damn, I wish I had thought of that.
Zelly: ..ok stop.
Nagi: Hi.
Zelly: …^-^ Hi.
Nagi: Do I get the day off, too.
Zelly: No, you're Dilandau.
Nagi: …..
Zelly: ……..
Nagi: Do I get a gundam.
Zelly: …….yes
Nagi: Ok.
Zelly: Great. Oh wait. I NEED HEL, TOT AND SCHOEN
Said Schreient ladies: *square dance in the room!*
Nagi: I mean guymelef.
Tot: O_O? Nagi-kun?
Nagi: I was .. *stops*
Zelly: I know, dear.
*Silence*
Zelly: Anyway, Tot, you're Merle.
Tot: …VAN-SAMA! *grabs Ken!*
Zelly: I knew she'd be perfect. Hel, Schoen, you're Naria and Eyria.
Hel: Which is which?
Zelly: I don't know, does it matter? Either way, you're slutty cat-girls.
Hel: ..oh, ok.
Zelly: Well then, let's begin!
*PILLARS OF LIGHT!!! Take good guys to Austuria (haha, Schu's a good guy) and bad guys to a Zaibach Floating Fortress*
*Austuria*
Omi: ^-^!! *flaunts school girl uniform*
Ken: *big crazy nosebleed* You look... nice today, Hitomi.
Omi: …eh? *blush* T-thank you, Van.
Ken: ^_^;..
Aya: *does nothing*
Yohji: *nudge* Aren't you going to say anything?
Aya: No, why would I?
Yohji: ..nevermind.
Tot: VAN-SAMA! *runs in and HURLS herself at Ken*
Ken: O__O Merle! What's wrong?
Tot: :3 Nothing.
Ken: …..
Omi: ~_~.
Schu: *runs in* ^____^ Allen!
Aya: ..Hi.
Schu: *flips his now wavy hair* Come, Allen, let's go for a walk.
Aya: ..uh..
Yohji: *cough*
Schu: What? I'm not married to you yet. Why don't you go play with that mermaid or something?
Yohji: *leans in*..really?
Schu: Yes.
Yohji: *leaves*
Schu: ^___^! Good. Now, Allen, let's …o-o Allen?
Aya: *grabs Ken by the shirt and drags him off* I'm sorry, Princess, but I have to help Van with his sword fighting.
Ken: What? But I.. ok.
Schu: …*sigh* This bites. Merle, let's go trip some of my father's advisors or something.
Tot: Yay! *leaves with Schu*
Omi: …*SIGH* I don't belong here. I wish I could GO HOME. *flops head in hands*
*Aw, how sad. Well, let's go see Zaibach. :D!!*
Hel: Oh.. Folken-ama… 3!!
Schoen: Tee-hee! 3!
Brad: :D…. *fawned all over by Hel and Schoen*
Nagi: -_-..
Brad: Ah, Dilandau. You're not your usual psychotic self today. Something wrong?
Nagi: ….I'm bored.
Brad: Hm… how about you /go away/ then and hunt Van or something?
Hel: Yeah, go hunt Van!
Schoen: You're not doing anything useful just staying here!
Nagi: Oh, and I suppose YOU are?
Schoen: :3 Yes, I am.
Brad: D: Dilandau, you're being rude. I think you should just leave.
Nagi: ~_~ Fine. But I think I should go get that cute bo-… I mean, bitch from the Mystic Moon instead.
Brad: Whatever, just go!
Nagi: *sneers, DILANDAU-LIKE (*drool*), then leaves*
Brad: :D Good. Now, ladies-
Nagi: Wait. *runs back in*
Brad: _ WHAT.
Girls: …………….D:……..
Nagi: …where's my gundam.
Brad: It's called a guymelef and go ask one of your bitches.
Nagi: …I have bitches?
Brad: …I mean Dragonslayers.
Nagi: Oh. …….*leaves*
Brad: Finally. :D Now girls, I have something to show you.
Hel: Show us, Folken-sama!
Schoen: We want to know if we really are lucky!
Brad: ……..
Schoen: …what?
Brad: …You doubt me?
Hel: ………Oh, oh, Folken-sama! *cling* She didn't mean it like /that/!
Schoen: Well, I- ……No, I didn't at all! Please, show us!
Brad: ….:D ok! *pulls out a remote and points it to the big view screen thing*
Takatori: *appears on screen* Ho!
Brad: O________O Taka- …. Dornkirk-sama?!
Takatori: Ho!
Hel: …uh.. Folken-sama..
Schoen: If this is a bad time…
Brad: Ahaha, ignore him, girls. *presses a different button and the screen spins to around to reveal a SWINGIN' LOVE DEN complete with heart shaped bed and disco lights.*
Hel: Eeeeeeeeeeeeee!
Schoen: *_* Oh, Folken-sama!
Brad: ;D You ain't seen nothing yet.
Schoen: ……
Brad: ….why do you keep doubting me.
Schoen: Well, I've heard rumors.
Hel: _…
Brad: What?! From who?
Schoen: Let's see. Zelly-
Hel: GOD, Schoen! I'm so damn tired of just sleeping with you! Can't we just have one man? Just this once?
Schoen: /Tired/ of me?! If was your fucking idea in the first place! *mockingly* 'Oh, I can't have Masafumi, so I want you instead because you've slept with him too!'
Brad: *Naughty thoughts, NAUGHTY THOUGHTS*
Hel: Oh... Schoen... it's been… so hard… *starts to cry*
Schoen: Oh, baby, don't cry. *holds her* I didn't mean it, really. You know I love you.
Hel: *sobs into her chest* I'm sorry, too…
Zelly: *appears* Alright guys, I love lesbian porn too, *hides yaoi doujinshi (Saitou/Sano ;D) behind her back* but can we get… slightly more back on character?
Schoen: Hel, you going to make it?
Hel: *sigh* Yes, I'll be ok. *wipes her faces*
Schoen: ^_^ Good.
Brad: ………. *covers his crotch*
Zelly: Ahaha. Looks like someone's already ready to go!
Brad: _X..
Zelly: ;D! Oh, and Schoen.
Schoen: O_O?
Zelly: I was drunk when you asked me about him and I thought you mean the real Folken *shudders*. Brad's /fine/ in the sack. *wink*
Brad: :D!
Girls: Hurrah! *POUNCE*
Zelly: Ah, happy ending. My work here is done. *vanish*
*Back to Austuria*
Ken: Hyaaa! *CHARGES AT AYA*
Aya: *blocks and pushes him back* You still don't charge aggressively enough, Van!
Ken: …T_T I'm never going to get this right.
Aya: ….. *walks over behind Ken and puts his arms around him to position Ken's hands on his sword (... you savvy?)* Here, hold it like this, and try drawing it like this. *moves sword to demonstrate*
Ken: *attempts not to blush* O-okay. Let's try again.
Aya: *lets him go and walks to where he head been, sword ready*
Ken: *CHARGE!!*
Aya: -_- *blo- Holy shit, wait! Ken is too strong!* O_O *falls down, with Ken on top of him*
Ken: Oh.. um.. I.. uh..
Aya: You're supposed to call me Allen.
Ken: ….*doesn't get it (say what he said before out loud)* Oh, oops.
Aya: ……….
Ken: …….*leans in*
Aya: …*closes his eyes*
Ken *JUST before impact* Wait. Zelly hates Allen/Van.
Aya: She doesn't mind RanKen anymore.
Ken: Oh. Ok then. *resumes position*
*We're going back to Zaibach. Go read Amor Fictus, you horny bitches!*
Nagi: Hmmm… *walks down the hall, sword resting on his shoulder because I find that SO HOT* Where are my-
Sakki: (Yes, she's here) *runs in, bows* Dilandau-sama, we have the Alseides ready for you!
Nagi: Hmmm… and which one are you.
Sakki: Chesta, sir! (But she looks more like Dalet .)
Nagi: *inspects*
Sakki: …o-o.. Dilandau-sama..
Nagi: . What.
Sakki: *flinch!* The Alseides..
Nagi: …and what's that again.
Sakki: Your guymelef, sir.
Nagi: ……………………………….
Sakki: … (Gundam)
Nagi: Oh. Which way do I go.
Sakki: *point*
Nagi: …thank you. *starts that way, but turns back*
Sakki: …o-o;;..
Nagi: *SLAP*
Sakki: *THROWN across the hall*
Nagi: ^___^ You have no idea how wonderful that makes me feel. *leaves*
Sakki: …..p_q now I owe Zelly 5 bucks.
*Let's go back to Austuria. NOW.*
Omi: *SIGH* I think I'll go watch Van and Allen spare. *walks downstairs and opens the door to the courtyard* ….O_______O
Ken: *now on bottom, half-hiding behind a bush* Ahhh.. … Aya…
Aya: *panting* Call me… Allen.. (You can CALL ME AL!!)
Ken: Aaahhhhhh.. aaa.. ALLEN!!
Omi: O_____________________________________________O
Schu: *comes up behind him* ..O_O woah. *watches for a second* Wow. *turns to Omi* Guess everyone hates you now.
Omi: ;-;!!! No!!
Schu: Yup.
Omi: *SOBS AND RUNS AWAY*
Schu: :D Good.
Tot: ^___^ Millerna-hime! *comes up behind him*
Schu: Oh, hey Merle.
Tot: *looks* …..O_O Van-sama is having the pervert play with Allen. (*cough* MIWAKO *cough*)
Ken: *sudden, on cue, and very loud moan*
Schu: You're quite right.
Tot: ……*looks at Schu* Should /we/ do it, too?
Schu: ….*stare* O_O
Tot: O_O…
Schu: ..yeah, ok. This dress is killing me anyway. *pick her up, slings her over his shoulder and walks off*
Ken: *still make a lot of noise*
Aya: *grunt* Ken..
Ken: ..Haaha
Aya: ..shut up.
*Let's cut the scene now. That's enough yaoi for YOU, missy.*
Nagi: *sits in the Alseides.* ….I wonder how to work this…
Sojiro: *waves arms* ^____^ Press the button on your left, Dilandau-sama!
Nagi: …oh great. Another one. Which one are you.
Sojiro: Gatti, sir! ^___^!
Nagi: ……
Sojiro: ^___^!
Nagi: ..*presses button and leaves* Creepy little bitch..
*Dooooo~oooooo!!*
Omi: *runs through the forest(????), crying*
Nagi: *crashes into a tree* X-x ouch, stupid gundam.
Omi: O_O *stops and looks* …..*gasp!!* A Zaibach guymelef! ;-; and no one to protect me.
Nagi: *pries open the door with his mind and stumbles out* ……
Omi: …O_O
Nagi: ..Hi.
Omi: *bursts into tears again* NAGI-KUN!!!
Nagi: You're not supposed to-
Omi: *GRABS and sobs into his chest*
Nagi: …call me that. *puts his arms around him* What's wrong, Omi-kun?
Omi: *sniff* Everyone hates me.
Nagi: I don't hate you.
Omi: Really?
Nagi: Yes.
Omi: ^____^! I l- OOOF!
Nagi: *has discovered how easy it is to put his hand up Omi's skirt* o_o… hmmm… Aren't you supposed to wear underwear with this?
Omi: *squeaks* Am I?
Nagi: Yeah. Doesn't matter now.
Omi: O_O…….:D….
*END. Well, kinda. Did I not say everyone would get laid?*
….
*Several hours later…*
Tot:*bounces in* ^_________________^…
Schu: *stumbles out behind, looking completely exhausted* X___x…
Schoen: *walks in, holding hands with Hel* Tot! Let's go home!
Brad: *also wanders in, looking dead* x-x..
Tot: O_O… ^_^! Bai-bai, Schu-bunny! *kisses him on the forehead and leaves*
Schoen and Hel: *giggle and blow kisses to Brad* Bye, Crawford ;D!
Schu: x-x..
Brad: x-x..
Both: *fall asleep standing up and leaning on each other* (So much for post-fairy tale sex.)
Ken: *walks by, rubbing his ass*
Aya: *follows, looking irritated*
Yohji: *walks and flops on a couch, smoking and looking content* ^_^ Asuka..
Omi: *drags Nagi in, talking his ear off* So then I said- ..ne, Nagi, are you listening?
Nagi: *yawns* Mmmhmm..
Farf: *comes back wearing a tropical shirt and a bloody seashell necklace (You wouldn't BELIEVE how many little kids he had to kill for that)* I'm BACK!!
Crickets: *chirp in the silence*
Farf: u.u I can't leave you along for a day and you're all abandonded your God-hurting missions.
Brad: *wakes* I think I hurt God… …hehehehheheheheeeehhe..
Farf: O_O Do tell.
Brad: *snerk* uh-uh. *falls back asleep*
Farf: __.
Dilandau (The REAL one): *FALLS from the sky and lands on Yohji*
Yohji: O.O *leans over, holing his crotch*
Dilandau: *sneer* Out of my way! *kicks him off the couch and stands* Hey! Fuckers! Where am I?
Farf: …….*stares*
*Fallling in love music plays. You know. DO DOOO.. DO DO DO DO DO DOooooo…*
Farf: *eyes turn into hearts* I…
Dilandau: …..O___O… *starts to step back*
Farf: …Don't go! *chase!*
Dilandau: *SCREAMS and runs away*
Zelly: *walks in and inspects* Hmm.. yes.. This has been a well-deserved almost-orgy for you all. Are you SATISFIED?
All: YES!
Yohji: *high pitched* Dilandau fell on me!
Zelly: O______O Which way did he go
Yohji: *point*
Zelly: *RUNS THAT WAY*
Yohji: ;-; what about me?
Omi: Everyone hates you, Yohji.
Yohji: ;-;!!
All: *laugh like the end of a corny 80's cartoon*
-FIN-
Author's Note: NO, I AM NOT WRITING ANOTHER ONE RIGHT AFTER THIS ONE. Maybe later. I know you love me, but make sure in your reviews to tell Terra you love HER TOO because she's trying to dump the story on me permanently. AND WE DON'T WANT THAT!
P.S. If you don't review, the terrorists win.