Chapter 1

Derek Morgan had stopped on a whim, thinking he could pass the time with a movie rental. He stared at the selection of DVDs on the shelves. He had no idea what he was in the mood for and he hadn't had the time to keep up on any new releases. His feet slowly moved him down the narrow isle as his eyes glanced at movie titles hoping one would grab his attention, maybe one he had forgotten he wanted to see. He didn't want to select anything that reminded him of work… but he didn't want to watch anything so lighthearted that it wasn't realistic. "Why am I here?" he mumbled, as he only got more frustrated with each step. Where was Garcia when he needed her? He let out a heavy sigh and looked back towards the front door. I should just go home. Maybe there was a game on instead. He rubbed his hand down his face and then headed toward the front door.

"You didn't find what you were looking for?"

Morgan stopped and glanced around for a person to go with the disembodied voice he'd heard. He saw absolutely no one. "Excuse me?" he called out as his eyes continued to search. Morgan thought it would be rude to not respond and just walk out.

"Were you looking for something in particular?" Finally, Morgan saw a guy behind the counter, along the far wall, standing up after having been crouched down for whatever reason. The guy had shoulder length light brown, wavy hair and he was wearing a red baseball cap, but his back was turned. He was dressed casual, in a blue t-shirt and dark blue jeans, not much taller than Morgan, and really skinny. Morgan continued to watch him as the man turned around and began typing into the computer at the counter. "Maybe I can help?"

When Morgan finally saw the young man's face, his lips parted as his stomach clenched at the weight of his suddenly unbearably heavy heart. This kid looked exactly like Reid. Impossible. Shallow breaths left Morgan's lungs as he fought off the instinct his body had to panic. Closing his mouth, he forced his tongue to move around, churning up some saliva, so he could swallow against his dry throat. He blinked against his wet eyes and loosened the crushing grip his fist had around his keys. Morgan slowly walked up to the counter to look this guy over. Wake up…. Wake UP, he told himself with each step. The closer he got, he could see this kid had a patchy, thin beard and a mustache… but he looked like Reid's identical twin. "No, I, uhh…"

The young man saw that Morgan was at a loss for words. "The selection here is insane. I've seen them all, though." He smiled at Morgan and nodded. "Tell me what you're in the mood for and I'll tell you what to rent. I have a memory like an elephant."

Morgan's eyes could have pierced the young man's soul. He couldn't stop staring at him. "What's your name?" Morgan had to ask.

"Bart."

Morgan's eye brows rose at the amusement of the kid's name. "Bart?" His parents must have hated him, he thought to himself.

"Bart."

"You, uhh…" Morgan had to spill. "You look just like a friend of mine."

"Really?" Bart lit up.

"Yeah…" Morgan studied Bart's face. "The resemblance is uncanny."

"Do you have a picture?"

"Uhh, actually, I do." Morgan reached to his back pocket. Bart remained lit up like a puppy waiting to be thrown a toy to play with. Morgan quickly thumbed through his wallet and pulled out a worn photo. It was wrinkled with dog-eared edges. He'd had that photo for several years now and just then realized he hadn't dug it out for a couple of months. He handed the photo to Bart curious to see his reaction.

"Ohhh... Yeah, I see what you mean," Bart squinted and nodded, completely engaged. He held the photo pretty close to his face to study it. "I feel like I'm looking at a picture of myself." The thought that Bart needed glasses crossed Morgan's mind as he watched him. Bart smiled wide as he continued to look at the photo.

"You even have the same smile." Morgan was completely blown away.

"Good lookin' guy," Bart said, jokingly. He let out a dork of a laugh, one that came from deep in his throat and even that reminded Morgan of Reid. He talked a bit different, but he sounded the same.

"He was, he was…" Morgan nodded and grinned back at Bart, a little reminiscent.

"Was?" The smile slowly faded from Bart's expression. He waited for Morgan to tell him what he meant.

"Yeah, he got killed a couple years ago." Morgan was relieved it didn't hurt so bad to say it out loud this time.

"Oh, wow…" Bart let a smile slip out, probably a little nervous to ask more questions. "That sucks. What happened?" Morgan had Bart's complete and absolute attention.

"Shot in the line of duty. He was an FBI agent."

"That's… That's terrible." Bart's eyes wandered off as he wondered exactly what happened, but he wasn't comfortable enough to ask about the details. "He's sounds like a great guy… putting his life on the line… to protect and serve and stuff."

And stuff. Morgan let a chuckle out. This guy was a little unkempt. He was a loner. An awkward kid. Morgan could see that in just a couple minutes, but there was something about him more than the obvious that was intriguing. "Yeah, he was definitely one of kind."

"Or was he?" Bart might as well have given Morgan a nudge and a wink with that comment.

Morgan grinned. Yeah, he liked this kid.

"Are you FBI too?"

"As a matter of fact, I am." Morgan flashed his weapon at Bart.

Bart's face lit up again, obviously impressed with Morgan's hardware. "That is so cool."

"Only on the days we get the bad guys."

"I've been taken hostage before. I got shot. It was pretty scary."

Morgan was surprised to hear that. He glanced Bart up and down. He was obviously okay. "Did they catch 'em?"

"Death Penalty," Bart whispered even though no one else was in the rental store.

Morgan's brow rose. He didn't know what to say not knowing what happened. He also didn't know this guy and felt that asking more questions about that would be crossing a line. It was none of his business and he had no interest in triggering any memories Bart would be uncomfortable with. "Oh… Well… At least you're okay."

Morgan felt like he was saying that to Reid. This was really messing with his head. He felt like he was in and out of reality when he looked at Bart.

"Yeah, I'm alright. It was… something I'll never forget. I learned a lot about myself. Kinda figured out what's important, ya know… not to take life for granted."

Morgan nodded. Smart kid. "Those kinds of experiences will stay with us forever." His eyes fell to the floor as he remembered the day Reid got killed.

Morgan's sadness was easy to pick up on. "You and him-"

"Reid. His name was Spencer Reid." Morgan was still so proud and stood a little bit taller as he continured, "but we called him by his last name most of the time."

"You and Reid must have been close?"

"Something like that," Morgan admitted as he tried to shake himself loose of remembering certain memories. His heart was finally mending over losing Reid. Mentioning his name was one thing. Talking about him was another. Dredging up old feelings that were still very much alive and hadn't changed… Morgan knew it would crush him all over again. "He was my partner."

Hmm… Bart bit on his lower lip and watched the potential customer/FBI agent carefully. "What's your name?"

"Derek Morgan. You can call me Morgan."

"Morgan… Do you want to hang out? I'm about to close."

"Hang out?"

"Yeah, get a beer or something? There's a bar right around the corner." Bart could see Morgan weighing his decision. "You look like you… need a beer." Bart could see Morgan was pretty stressed or something, like he had a lot on his mind. Maybe he needed to do some venting or needed a stranger to talk to.

Morgan wanted to. He wanted to badly. But he knew he'd just be filling a void. Nice guy though. He rubbed the back up his neck as he took the photo back from Bart. "Ya know, maybe some other time. I gotta catch a flight out to Oklahoma in the morning for a case." He placed the photo back in his wallet, avoiding actually looking at it.

"Sure, sure…" Bart nodded. He was used to that. He might as well have seen it coming. No body as cool as this guy would want to hang out with him. Bart just told himself it wouldn't be a good idea anyway; he'd have to lie to Morgan at every turn.

Morgan cringed on the inside, struggling not to show it in his expression. He didn't like that rejected look in Bart's eyes, because God damn it, it reminded him of Reid… He needed to leave. "I'll see ya around." He patted the counter with his hand and then backed away, taking one last look at Reid's doppelganger. Amazing.

Bart took a pencil into his hand and began to write down gibberish on a pad by the computer, just pretending to be busy or working. When Morgan finally walked out, Bart looked up and watched him walking back to his vehicle. Before Morgan opened the door to get inside, he looked back at Bart through the glass front of the building. They each held the other's gaze for a good five seconds before Morgan finally opened the Suburban's door, getting inside.

Morgan left the parking lot in a hurry. He felt it coming… He felt the last two months of not thinking about Reid at every other thought hit him all at once as if he'd had some sort of obligation to have been miserable all that time. He pulled over abruptly and slammed the vehicle into park, immediately rolling his window down. He couldn't stop the tears as they took their vengeance. His throat ached and his mouth watered as he cried. His arm pits began to sweat and his neck got hot.

He grabbed his phone and dialed Garcia's number. Thank God she answered. "Baby Girl, I need you to talk me down. I'm about to lose my shit." He breathed deeply as he pressed his head and back against the seat.

Garcia could tell Morgan was crying just by his frantic tone. "What's wrong? Give me a minute, I'm coming right over."

"I'm not home…" he told her.

She remained silent as if she was standing still, waiting for direction for what felt like the longest time. She couldn't stand to listen to Morgan's aching and do nothing. "Tell me what you need."

"Just tell me Reid's in a better place. I need to hear that he's okay and he's not better off here… with me, with us." His own words brought another suffocating rush of emotion and his shoulders shook as breaths were forced from his chest. He couldn't stop as he bawled into the phone.

Garcia's heart absolutely shattered. "Awe, honey. Where are you?"

"Somethin' crazy just happened and I thought I was okay, but…"

"Morgan, where are you? Don't make me GPS you!" She listened as Morgan sobbed into her ear. "Morgan, it's okay. Whatever happened, it's gonna be okay." Garcia felt so helpless not being right there with her best friend.

Morgan gathered himself enough to sniff, wipe his eyes and clear his throat. "I'm coming over. I'll be there in ten." He hung up the call before Garcia could even respond.

Morgan sat quietly on the private jet back from Oklahoma. Another case, another unsub, a couple sleepless nights and bad diner food. The case was one of the most disgusting by far. It kinda left his stomach queasier than the diner food had. He took another big gulp of his coffee, not willing to fall asleep again… not willing to dream of Reid again.

The cabin of the plane was low lit as it was a nighttime flight back to Virginia. Hotch sat across from Morgan and continued to study him as he had been the entire time in Oklahoma. "Morgan, you look exhausted."

Morgan looked at him, but didn't hear him. "What?"

"The circles under your eyes. You're exhausted."

"Can't sleep lately."

"And the coffee is helping with that?"

Morgan's shoulder shook as he let out a single laugh and tried to smile. "Don't lecture me, man," he joked at Hotch, looking half asleep.

"I give you ten minutes before it doesn't matter how much caffeine is in your system."

"You're on…" he mumbled, knowing Hotch was going to win.

A couple of long minutes passed until Morgan could actually feel Hotch's words penetrating his skin. His lids were suddenly so heavy he couldn't fight it any longer. He felt pressure focusing to a very sharp point… right behind his eyes… And just like that, he was out like a light.

It only felt like minutes later, but when Morgan opened his eyes again, it was daylight and Hotch was nudging him. "We're about to land."

The sun was out. Morgan closed his window blind and double checked his seat belt, closing his eyes again. His mind immediately started racing, started asking questions. Why did Reid have to die? Why did Bart come into his life? –Those type of questions, the kind he didn't have an answer for.

Like many other times, he started to think about his and Reid's last private moment together… It was a moment of confirmation for one another, a moment each had been hoping for and dreading. Everything up to this point had been the occasional arm around the shoulder, the intermittent tearful bond, a warm smile, an overt expression of longing… until after so many years of this, they had developed feelings for each other that had never been mentioned or ever acted upon.

That was until one night when Morgan had to give Reid a ride home because his old car wouldn't start. Reid was very grateful and it was planned that Morgan would pick him up in the morning. Morgan couldn't remember who initiated the hug… and it should have been just a simple hug, but it became something more. It was a hug that lasted a little too long and was a little too close… hands lingered and faces touched. They let their lips graze, but then both men backed away, not quite ready to handle the spark. The way they looked at each other after that moment and what Morgan felt, is something he will never forget. Morgan tried to describe it to himself as he sat there on the plane and he couldn't do it. He'd never felt anything like it.

Two days later, Reid was dead…

After they landed and got back to the BAU, Hotch came directly to Morgan's desk. "After you finish your paperwork, why don't you go ahead and go home? It's Friday. Maybe you can get a head start on getting some rest this weekend."

Morgan only sighed. How could he tell Hotch the last thing he wanted to do was sleep? It would only get Hotch concerned and then suddenly everything would be a big deal.

Hotch continued, "The bottom line, Morgan, is that when you're here, I need you to be focused. If you're not sleeping well… or at all… if you're distracted, you're not alert." Hotch left out the part where Morgan was potentially putting his team members' lives at risk.

Morgan nodded. "Alright," he thumbed through the small stack of files and papers on his desk. "I'll finish this up and head out."

Hotch nodded in approval and walked away, heading back to his office. Morgan rubbed his face and picked up his pen, letting out another heavy sigh.

Before he was about to leave, Morgan slipped into Garcia's office of magnificence. As soon as she heard someone open the door, she had turned around and melted when she saw it was her buddy. He smiled at her and opened his arms as she came to him, doing the same. "How are you?" she begged to know.

"I'm fine. How're you, Sexy Mama?" The grin on his face was a quiet one.

Garcia could tell his spirits were still down. She squeezed him tight. "I'm okay, now that you're back. Do you want to come over for dinner tonight? Kevin is attempting ravioli."

Not quite separating from their hug yet, Morgan held his palm over the back of her hand as it rested on his chest. "You trust that boy in the kitchen?" he teased.

"I said 'attempting'. I will have fire extinguishers at the ready."

"For boiling water and sauce? Now see, somethin' tells me you know how this is gonna turn out." He laughed at his own joke and she waited for an answer. He got serious again and passed on the offer. "Rain check, Penelope. I really need to get some rest; practically an order from Hotch." She backed away a bit so she could read him. He looked away and down, intimidated by her all-knowing eyes.

"You'll call me if you run into any more problems?"

"You know I will," he pulled her in for another hug.

"My couch is always free."

"I know…" Morgan pulled away and then kissed her forehead, finally letting go of her hand that he had been holding, not even realizing it. "Thank you, Mama." He made his way to the door, but stopped after a few paces. "Hey, everything I told you the other night is between us, right?"

"To my grave."

Morgan kissed his index and middle fingers and then faced them to her before he closed the door.