Stuck in the Middle with You

Inspired by Ginger S and her 'exercise' from "Admissions". Hope you enjoy it. Anyone else interested in adding to "The Elevator Stories"?

"Well, I'm wondrin' why I came here tonight.

I got the feelin' that something ain't right.

I'm so scared in case I fall off my chair -

And I'm wondrin' how I'll get downstairs.

Clowns to the left of me, Jokers to the right,

Here I am, stuck in the middle with you."

Stealers Wheel, 1972

Tinned elevator music was playing "Feelings" – and not the original, which would have been bad enough, but a cover version that sounded like it was being played on a cross between an accordion and a synthesizer. It was so painful that everyone in the elevator was gritting their teeth, and praying – hard – for their floor to come so they could run away and soak their brains in formaldehyde or some equivalent.

John Gage was bracing himself for his annual check up at the dentist, and wondered why, why, why, someone thought it was a good idea to get patients who were already nervous even more wired up by playing obnoxious muzak in very small, crowded, non-air-conditioned boxes. Not only that, but every time the elevator stopped, as people got off, pushing and shoving their way from the back to the front, more people got on, and those whose stops were coming up were forced to the back of the elevator, perpetuating the need for pushing. It was only endurable because everyone knew it would last a very short time.

Someone started singing along with the muzak, "whoa, whoa, whoa…" and a ripple of chuckles ebbed and flowed gently through the elevator. It lightened the mood considerably. Then the muzak was overpowered by a more sinister sound of grinding and screeching cables. The elevator jerked around a bit, throwing more than one person off balance and into the person beside them with several muttered "sorry" and "excuse me" and more irritated "hey!" and "watch it!" thrown in…and then everything stopped. There was silence.

As soon as it was clear that the elevator was stopped between floors, a couple of people started pushing buttons repeatedly and someone banged on the door. Johnny just sighed and looked up at the ceiling, listening to all the advice being tossed around, most of it impossible or just plain useless. After a moment or two he called out from the back of the elevator, "Use the phone."

Oh, right. There was a phone for emergencies. A woman in a red dress picked it up and started yelling into it as if the person on the other end held a tin can or something. "HELLO! Can you HEAR me? We're STUCK! HELLO?"

A little old woman, all dressed in black as if she had just come from a funeral, started mumbling something in Spanish that sounded like a prayer. She was clutching her black bag tight to her chest as if it had her life savings in it. Maybe it had. There was a hippie leaning up against the wall farthest from the control panel, humming tunelessly to himself, obviously enjoying a nice high and seemingly oblivious to what was going on. An executive type in a crisp white shirt, silk tie, pin stripe suit, and carrying a black leather briefcase began tapping his foot impatiently as the seconds tripped on and there was no response from the elevator or the phone. A young mother held her three year old in her arms, with the child becoming increasingly fussy as the mood in the elevator deteriorated. A middle-aged couple began arguing about who should be doing what, and for some reason, it appeared that the stuck elevator was the husband's – no, the wife's! – no, the husband's! fault. There was a young university student with her head buried in a book, a large handbag hanging off her shoulder. She looked up at Johnny standing beside her, and grinned at him. Well, at least someone found the situation amusing. He grinned back at her. Maybe being stuck in here wasn't so bad.

The young woman motioned to Johnny, and he leaned in so he could hear her whisper, "You should go to the front and turn around and say, 'You must be wondering why I've asked you all here today.'" He snorted and tried to suppress the guffaw that came out anyway. Several people looked at him in offended surprise, and then with narrowed eyes at the girl beside him. Who were these two who were obviously enjoying themselves in a very serious situation? How dare they laugh!

John composed his face as much as he could, but now that this girl had awakened his sense of humour, he could see the ridiculousness of the reactions around him. After all, he faced all kinds of dangerous situations as part of his daily life – and these people were getting all hot and bothered about being in an elevator for a few extra minutes. It's all perspective, he thought to himself, and smiled again at the girl who had given his back to him.

He leaned down and whispered back in her ear, "I could sing 'Feelings' for them – maybe that would help!" This time she had to stifle her laughter, and those who had been standing nearby started making a bit of space between them. These two were apparently not caring about the gravity of the situation. She began shaking with silent laughter and something suddenly clicked for him. "It was you who sang 'whoa, whoa, whoa' before wasn't it?"

She raised her eyebrows at him and said very softly, "Shhhh". Then she winked. Something stirred within him, and he was intrigued. The fussy three year old looked over her mother's shoulder with interest, and the young woman started playing peek-a-boo with him. Within a very short time he was smiling back at her. As her son calmed down, the young mother turned to see what was making a difference, and caught the girl in the act of unveiling her face with an exaggerated look of surprise. She started smiling too and talking to her child about the funny lady.

The arguing couple were starting to take their mutual berating out of their personal space and address the man with the briefcase as if he had some authority that he was not using to get them out of the situation. "I don't know how to work an elevator!" he responded crossly. "I am a representative of an insurance firm!"

Immediately there was another shift in the spaces between the occupants, and more room was made around the insurance man. The university student appeared to find all of this highly entertaining. She seemed to have a gift of making the best of a bad situation, and of seeing the foibles of her fellow man with an eye of enjoyment rather than frustration. She beckoned to Johnny again and whispered in his ear, "I wonder if he's even noticed we've stopped," nodding towards the hippie secure in his own world at the back of their box.

The hippie's tuneless humming continued, and the insurance man turned on him in exasperation, "You there! Can't you stop that infernal noise?"

The hippie opened bleary eyes and replied in a mellow voice, "What noise, man? I hear the music of the spheres, the golden woven thread of uttered joy that links all breath together and makes us brothers. That's not noise. That's love." At the hippie's response, several more people smiled at each other.

John said to the girl, "Um, did that almost make sense, or is it just me?"

She looked back at the hippie, and then at John. "Feelings, nothing more than feelings, trying to forget my feelings of love…" she sang softly with a smile. The young mother heard her and chuckled too.

The woman in the red dress by the nonresponsive buttons and phone smiled and joined in, "Teardrops, rolling down on my face, trying to forget my…" The middle aged wife snickered and began to sing too,"…feelings of love!"

Johnny added his voice, "Feelings! For all my life I feel it!"

Then the husband joined in with the others, "I wish I'd never met you girl, you'll never come again!"

It seemed that almost everyone except the insurance man was singing now, "Feelings! Whoa…" They heard the tremulous scratching of a new voice, '…Whoa, whoa…" and everyone burst out laughing as the Spanish grandmother added her voice to the chorus. She blushed and smiled as the elevator burst into laughter and congratulations at her singing.

"Groovy, grandma!" said the hippie.

There was a banging noise from outside the elevator, and some unintelligible yelling, and then the whole box jerked once more. The elevator had started moving again. Almost everyone gave a cheer. The insurance man even smiled. The elevator doors opened at the next floor, and several firefighters stood there looking curiously at the people inside the box. "Gage! Was that you howling a second ago?" Bellingham asked as he looked up from his paramedic gear. "What the heck was going on in there?"

Johnny grinned as he exited with the other former occupants of the elevator, but just shrugged his shoulders. Dwight from the responding station took off his firefighter's helmet and commented just for Johnny to hear, "Clowns."

The girl overheard him, as she was still beside John, and sang to her elevator companion, "….to the left of me, jokers to the right, here I am, stuck in the middle with you." She smiled conspiratorially at John then waved her hand in acknowledgement of the camaraderie they had just shared. Then she was gone into the crowd.

Johnny looked into the space where she had just been and sang softly and wistfully to himself, "I wish I'd never met you girl, you'll never come again…"

"Come again?" echoed Dwight curiously.

"Nothin'," replied Johnny.

…whoa, whoa, whoa….my gift of 'earworm' to you all!