Yes, I suck at updating. No, I haven't abandoned this story. This chapter is mostly inner Blaine dialogue and a bit of strangled Seblaine bro time. There is only background Kurt in this but this part is very important to me so I hope you'll bear with me.

Soft, warm lips making their way along his shoulder towards the dip and then up his neck. A long, wet kiss right behind his ear. Hot sparks of pleasure lick down his entire body from the contact and Blaine bucks, wanting more, more. He doesn't know how to do this, doesn't know how to think beyond laying there and taking it, begging, pleading, pleasedon'tstop. A hand grazes over his chest and down his belly and he gasps. What if… what if they touch him there? The hand traces over the waistband of his pajamas roughly, teasingly. Asking for permission. Before Blaine can answer he feels the air still. Hesitation. He has to open his eyes. They want him to open his eyes.

"I can't," Blaine says.

Why? The word is felt, rather than heard. He feels the weight of a challenge set on his chest. Open your eyes, Blaine. Your lover wants you to look at them.

Blaine whimpers. He can't. He doesn't want to. If he looks it'll all be over.

Rough, calloused fingers dragging their way across his tummy. The air is thick. Suffocating. He feels just the barest of teeth graze his ear, hot breath ghosting all around him, never speaking, only waiting.

It doesn't matter if he opens his eyes or not. He knows. They both know.

Open your eyes, Blaine.

Blaine jerked awake, his own labored breathing the only sound in his darkened bedroom. Another one of those awful dreams. He wiped away the sweat on his forehead and turned over and groaned into his pillow. There was no way he'd be able to sleep unless he cleared his head. After sitting up and rubbing the sleep from his eyes, he sleepily made his way towards his computer.

Maybe he'd play a few mindless video games until he felt at peace enough to sleep. He opened up Google and deliberated what to search for when slowly, the images of his dreams swam their way to the forefront on his mind. He chewed on his lip and peeked at his doorknob. Locked.

After a beat, Blaine sighed and typed what he wanted to look for into the search bar.

"Homosexuality".

There. He'd at least finally admitted to himself that he was curious about it. But that didn't mean that he was… that. Just curious. The dreams meant nothing. He had no control over his dreams. He dreamt about a shark somehow making its way out of the toilet and onto his bathroom floor once but that didn't mean that he wanted it to happen nor was it prophetic in any way. In Blaine's opinion, dreams were kind of like a jar of every thought you've ever had with a few coming out at random to join together and almost never make sense.

So why did he keep having the same dream over and over?

He sighed as he clicked on the first link which happened to be an extensive definition.

There are three main categories of sexual orientation: heterosexuality, homosexuality, and bisexuality…

Yes, okay, Blaine knew that.

Scientific and medical understanding is that sexual orientation is not a choice, but rather a complex interplay of biological and environmental factors…

Blaine stared at the sentence over and over, wanting it to sink in, wanting to understand. Was he… messed up? Biologically? Environmental factors… did the weird plants his mother grew somehow cause him to think about being kissed by… another boy?

It just didn't make any sense. He remembered Cooper used to proclaim every time he had a stuffy nose or sore throat that he knew for certain it was some rare disease and the family would have to prepare for his funeral soon. He'd always drag Blaine into his room and point at his computer screen roughly. "I know you can't read this but this website says I have the symptoms for this disease and I am going to die soon, Blaine," he'd always declare tragically, and Blaine would hug Cooper's leg and cry until Cooper got bored with him and kicked him out.

Blaine learned eventually that Cooper was just horribly paranoid and also starving for attention. Was Blaine pulling a Cooper? Making a big deal out of silly things like dreams and jumping to conclusions?

Blaine thought of the way Brittany had kissed up and down his neck in the theater, similar to the way the boy in his dreams would kiss him.

With Brittany it had felt wrong. He actually felt nauseous remembering it. The worst part was when he had turned to ask her a question and she had pressed her lips against his. Kissing Brittany had felt like he had temporarily left his own body and had immediately proceeded to yell, "NO. EW. WRONG. WHY. STOP." into his own head until he finally pulled back and immediately excused himself to the restroom where he barely kept himself from vomiting.

But the boy in his dreams… Strong and solid against him. Breathing harsh, hands demanding and taking... It had felt good. No. More than good. Amazing.

Blaine went back to Google, fidgeting in his chair. He'd caught Cooper's computer open with it so many times. Cooper wasn't even ashamed, the bastard. He'd clapped Blaine's shoulder a few times with a cheerful, "Remember to clear your browsing history!" before promptly kicking Blaine out of his room again. Blaine held his breath as the typed out the word.

"Porn."

Blaine flinched. The descriptions of all the links were certainly… colorful. All of them sounded so filthy it made Blaine want to throw his computer out the window, crawl into bed and maybe become Amish.

But he clicked anyway.

Two hours later, Blaine Anderson had watched his first porn video. His first fourteen porn videos, to be specific.

And he'd also jerked off to one of them. The one video that hadn't made him cringe in fear and repulsion. The very last video that he had clicked on just because he was curious.

It had been a short, simple homemade video of two college students making out on a couch.

They were both boys.

"What do you mean you can't come over?" Sebastian demanded on the phone. Blaine looked up in alarm. Kurt wasn't coming?

"Quinn? You're hanging out with Quinn? But you… you promised," Sebastian trailed off, face furrowed in disappointment.

Sebastian glanced at Blaine before shuffling into the dining room, the chord of the phone trailing behind him.

"I was really looking forward to baking brownies with you. I have the mix and even… sprinkles…" Sebastian's voice was quiet and muffled, but Blaine could still definitely hear it.

Blaine smiled fondly. Sebastian could pretend to be big and bad all he wanted but if there was one person who could bring out the soft teddy bear inside him it was Kurt. It was only ever Kurt.

Blaine pretended to be very interested in studying the coffee table when Sebastian came back into the living room and plopped onto the couch.

"So…" Blaine began. "He's with Quinn?"

"Of course, he's with Quinn. Her parents adore him. They're letting him spend the night and he gets to sleep on the couch. Sounds much more fun than being with his two best friends of nearly nine years, right? Wouldn't you agree?"

Blaine sighed. "I bet she doesn't even have sprinkles."

"Of course she doesn't have sprinkles!" Sebastian said immediately.

"Maybe a cup of overbearing," Blaine offered.

"A teaspoon of obsessive control freak."

"A pint of bossy show off."

"A gallon of death and despair."

Sebastian and Blaine burst out laughing and then high-fived.

"Maybe I'll call Kurt back and ask him to look for the all bodies she's been hiding. He can turn her in and he'll be granted key of the city."

Blaine chuckled. "What if we're next?"

"Wouldn't doubt it."

"Are all the doors locked?"

"Do you think a locked door would stop Quinn Fabray?"

Blaine suddenly pictured Quinn in a murderous rage, toppling through a window with a bloodied knife in her hand.

"It wouldn't," Blaine breathed, horrified.

Sebastian slapped his leg. "Let's play video games before we die then, shall we?"

As usual, Sebastian completely destroyed him every game they played. Blaine didn't really mind. These were Sebastian's games after all. Now if he had brought a few of his own games, that would have been a different story.

"Does Mario really have to go save Peach?" Sebastian asked as he stared at his box of Paper Mario, looking irritated.

"What do you mean?" Blaine mumbled sleepily. Losing at video games made him tired.

"I mean he goes and works his ass off fighting all these ugly, stupid monsters and shit just for… a girl. A dumb blonde, at that. You'd think he'd get bored and just let Bowser keep her eventually."

Blaine shook his head. "I don't know, he loves her or something."

Sebastian hastily shoved all his video games into his entertainment center.

"No, I think it's because he feels like he has to. Because it's the hero thing to do. Why can't he just… I don't know. Chill with Yoshi and Luigi. Dump that bitch, and just… be free."

"A video game where Mario sits at his house and eats Goomba Cheetos all day with his bros?" Blaine teased.

Sebastian shrugged. "I'd play it."

Blaine settled into his beanbag trying to ignore his drowsiness.

"Do you have a crush on anyone, Sebastian?" Blaine asked, stifling a yawn.

Sebastian stiffened. "No."

"There's no one you'd fight Bowser for in the world? No one at all?"

Sebastian's cheeks filled with pink, not looking at him.

"Do you have a crush on anyone?"

Blaine sighed.

"I don't know. I don't understand anything I feel anymore."

Sebastian stood up and made his way towards his bed. "Feelings are stupid anyways," he said dismissively.

Blaine felt something soft hit the back of his head. Pillow. "Hey!" he protested before another soft object hit him. Blanket.

"Go to sleep, Anderson," Sebastian teased as Blaine adjusted his pillow and blankets before lying down and finally letting sleep overcome him.

Soft, gentle hands moving the hair out of his face. A comforting press of lips against his cheek.

Blaine feels like he's soaring.

"You opened your eyes for me."

Blaine nods, feeling his heart thrum in his chest nervously. He's still not used to it but he feels so much better now that he accepts the truth.

A thumb sweeps across his lips. Gently. Back and forth. Little sparks of warmth tingling, burning. Spreading through him like a promise.

"I love you," Blaine says earnestly. "I think I've loved you since the day I met you."

As soon as he says it, he knows it's true. Blaine doesn't understand a whole lot of anything but he knows deep in his heart that the words are everything he's wanted to say for years.

Lips kiss their way across his collar bone, down his chest, and they stop, hovering over the rapid thud of his heart.

"I want to kiss you," Blaine says quietly.

Blue, familiar eyes search his own, a smile tugging at his lips.

"Then do it," he challenges, a playful glint in his eye that Blaine knows too well.

"You're beautiful," Blaine whispers before tugging Kurt forward to meet him a in sweet, aching kiss.

"Blaine."

Blaine groaned, heat coursing through his body as he struggled to keep the dream from fading away.

"Blaine."

Blaine's eyes snapped open.

Oh.

He was in Sebastian's room. Having a very intense, vaguely sexual dream. About Kurt.

Shit.

Sebastian was sitting up in his bed looking almost… livid?

"Do you normally say Kurt's name in your sleep?" Sebastian asked quietly. His hair was all ruffled and his face was red on the side where he was sleeping and he should have looked silly but the tone in Sebastian's voice was anything but comical.

"Not that I'm aware of," Blaine squeaked, feeling miserable.

Sebastian deflated a little. "You may have also molested my beanbag chair. I'm never sitting there again."

Blaine felt his cheeks burn. No.

"Something you want to share with the class there, Blaine?"

The words felt degrading and hurtful. Blaine couldn't even feel it in him to look at him.

"Promise you won't tell Kurt, Sebastian." Blaine's voice was small, pleading.

"Tell Kurt what exactly? That you had a wet dream while I was in the same room as you? That you… said his name… over and over? Or is there more?" Sebastian refused to look away from him, like if he stared hard enough he'd be able to pull every ounce of the truth straight from Blaine's very soul.

It was something Blaine always noticed about Sebastian. Every time he wanted something, he obsessed over it. He wouldn't stop until it was his. To win, to be the best, to get everything he wanted, was everything to Sebastian. And Sebastian wanted the truth.

Blaine felt like he had no choice but to give it to him.

Blaine felt tears prickle down his cheeks.

"I'm gay, Sebastian."

He'd finally said it out loud. He felt the words expand and fill the entire room so that it was crushing him. He fell forward and buried his face into the pillow, afraid to hear Sebastian respond.

"Wow."

Blaine looked up to see Sebastian finally looking away, appearing stunned.

"Wow? Is that it?" Blaine croaked, prepared for the worst.

"How do you know?"

Blaine shook his head. "I don't feel attracted to girls. I feel… I want to… The idea of kissing boys feels right. Or… one boy." Blaine tried to breathe as the words toppled out of his mouth, one small confession at a time.

"You like Kurt."

It wasn't a question. Not even a statement. An accusation.

Blaine squeezed his eyes shut and nodded.

"Please Sebastian. Please don't tell. I don't want him to hate me. I already hate me. I can still act normal around him, it's just a crush. Maybe… maybe it'll pass," He trailed off weakly, knowing it was a lie.

"I won't tell," Sebastian said finally.

Blaine wiped at his eyes, trying to force himself to stop crying.

"You promise?"

After a long stretch of silence, Sebastian lay back down.

"I promise."