Author's Note: this is the sequel to Count To Ten. It's set three weeks after the events of Count To Ten. I still don't own anything.

Count On Me

Chapter 1

"It's emotional, and I told you so; but you had to know, so I told you…" – Look Around, The Red Hot Chili Peppers

10…seconds that feel like ages…

9…oh the suspense…

8…eyes closed, eyes closed…

7…missis-

6…

5…"full seconds, Rachel" she said…

4…easy for her…I'm the one who-

3…has a trauma from counting…

2…Ha! And now…

"One!", Rachel shouted.

"One?", Quinn asked, her arms crossed in front of her and a skeptical look on her face.

"Where's my surprise?", Rachel ignored her, trying to look behind the blonde and find the reason for her secretiveness. Wasn't there supposed to be a surprise? She'd been forbidden to enter the kitchen in her own house – do not enter under any circumstances, Quinn had said – and sure, that could be because she'd nearly set the stove on fire a few days ago; but she hadn't even been allowed to get something to drink for the last three hours. That meant a surprise for her was in the workings, right? There had been other signs, too: a charming smile, a nervous instruction to close her eyes and count to ten…Wait, why did Quinn grin at her like that?

"One?", Quinn asked again.

"Ten seconds, you said", Rachel defended herself.

"Count to ten, I said", Quinn countered.

"So I may have counted backwards", Rachel admitted. "One seems like a stop. Ten seems like infinity…Why is that funny?", she demanded, narrowing her eyes at the blonde who was now shaking with laughter. "Stop laughing at me right this instant, Quinn Fabray."

"I'm sorry, it's just…I know you're impatient. Ten seconds is a long time to make you wait", Quinn smiled. "It's just…infinity? What, were you afraid you'd count too far? I'm sure counting to ten is manageable for someone your age, Rachel. Especially someone as…focused…as you."

Crossing her arms over her chest, the brunette considered this. Maybe it was a little bit funny. She was focused. That was a miracle, though, with two fathers who were constantly distracted and…wait. Distracted?

"Santana told you!", she accused, remembering losing the chance of arranging a musical program to Kurt because of the Latina's stare.

"Santana told me what?", Quinn asked, confused about the subject change.

"That I counted to eleven because she distracted me with-" She cut herself off, noticing the curious look on Quinn's face. "Santana didn't tell you."

"No", Quinn said slowly. "But now I really want to know."

"It's nothing", Rachel waved off.

"It's not nothing", the blonde insisted. "When did you count to eleven? And what did Santana distract you with?"

"It's not important, Quinn", Rachel maintained.

"If you don't tell me, you won't get your surprise", Quinn threatened.

"But that would make me very sad", Rachel pouted.

"That pout is getting you nowhere", Quinn said, but her resolve waivered. Rachel's pout was too cute for words.

"Very, very sad", the diva drawled, trying to look past the blonde and into the kitchen.

"Tell me or no surprise", Quinn held her ground, shifting slightly and effectively blocking Rachel's view.

"Okay, I give up", the petite girl sighed.

"So you'll tell me?", Quinn asked, slightly surprised Rachel wasn't putting up more of a fight. She'd never won an argument with the diva this easily.

"No, I'm passing up the surprise", Rachel explained.

"Wow, you really don't want to tell me", Quinn said, astonishment evident in her voice.

"Maybe I just don't really care about the surprise – especially if it's tied to conditions", Rachel replied coolly.

"There weren't any conditions until you started being difficult!", Quinn exclaimed.

"So this is your way of punishing me?"

"What?"

"You heard me. I'm difficult so I don't deserve a surprise?"

"I never said that!"

"It sure sounded like it!"

"What's going on with you? You're making a scene over nothing!"

"And you're withholding my surprise!"

"I wasn't going to until you-"

"Started being difficult. Yes, you already said that. Got nothing new to add?"

"You're drama queen!"

"And you're insensitive!"

And then, at the same time:

"Insensitive? I made you mushroom and eggplant cakes!"

"Drama queen? Nice way to describe your girlfriend!"

For a while, it was dead silent. Rachel was the first to recover. "A vegan dish?"

Quinn was only a few seconds behind. "Girlfriend?"

"You really made me a vegan dish? You hate cooking. And you hate vegan stuff", Rachel whispered.

"You're my girlfriend now? I thought you wanted to go slow. I thought I was way ahead of you in the feelings department", Quinn whispered back.

"I guess we're both more invested in this relationship than we thought", Rachel said.

"Relationship…", Quinn said.

"Did I break you?", Rachel asked, taking a step closer. When Quinn didn't reply, she pulled the girl into a hug. "Yes, girlfriend. Yes, relationship. Are you okay with that?"

"More than okay", Quinn grinned. "Much more than okay. You make me so happy, Rachel." And then she kissed her girlfriend.

"This is the most romantic thing I've ever heard", Brittany sighed dreamily.

"It's also not true", Santana pointed out.

"Why? Because you don't think Quinn can be romantic?", Rachel asked.

"Oh, she can. Disgustingly so", Santana snorted. "But your story's still just that: a story. Written and directed by Rachel Berry, produced in fantasy land. I'm sure."

"Why, San?"

"Because Rachel's here and Quinn isn't, that's why", the Latina said, gesturing around her. Here was Brittany's room, a shrill and chaotic hiding place Rachel had, as far as she knew, never stepped foot in before.

"San, I don't think-"

"No, she's right", Rachel cut her off. "Well, not completely. It did happen the way I told you, except that after I called her insensitive, she stormed out. And when I called her to apologize, she told me to grow up, decide what I want and leave her alone until I do." Her voice was breaking when she said this, and tears started to fall.

"But it totally could have happened the way you told it", Brittany soothed. "I believed you."

It was a comforting thing to hear; despite the fact that it came from someone who also believed that Dr. Pepper was a real doctor.

"Maybe it could have happened that way", Rachel said, "if I hadn't been picking fights for a week now. I know I've been difficult. I just can't seem to help it. I don't know what's wrong with me."

"Grant's back at school", Santana offered. "And I heard you crossed paths with Stacey. How did that go, by the way?"

"It was uneventful", Rachel shrugged. "She didn't say anything, and I know better than to…" She trailed off, not really knowing how to continue.

"You know better than to what?", Santana asked, never one to leave sore points untouched. Tact was for people who were afraid of hurting others, and while she wasn't as heartless as she liked to pretend, she also believed some things were worth the hurt. Especially something as unpredictable as the truth.

"This is a conversation I should be having with Quinn", Rachel said, but it was more because she wanted the Latina to shut up and less because she actually planned to talk to Quinn about it.

"But she's not talking to you", Santana said, already expecting the slap on the arm she received from Brittany the second the words left her mouth. Giving her girlfriend a look that clearly said behave, the blonde turned to Rachel. "She doesn't really want you to leave her alone. She just wants to understand."

Fresh tears made their way down the diva's cheeks. "I'm not sure I understand it myself." That was a lie.

"Then figure it the hell out", Santana ordered.

"It's not that easy. Ever since our project-"

"Your project", the Latina cut her off.

"That you suggested", Rachel argued.

"It got you the girl", Santana shrugged.

"So you only take credit for the good part?", the petite brunette asked.

"Of course. Who else should get credit? I did all the work – you were only along for the ride", Santana said, throwing her arms up in the air. "God knows you two would still be having awkward hallway conversations if it hadn't been for me."

"That's…ridiculous." Rachel's mood quickly went from sad to angry. She guessed the Latina had that effect on a lot of people.

"Is it? For a girl who does everything in her power to get what she wants, you've been pretty apathetic about your relationship with Quinn."

Rachel groaned. She could already feel the headache building. "If you say one word about cat calendars, I might have to jump off a bridge." First Quinn, now Santana. When had her obsessive passion become something people desired? "You're being mean and I don't want to talk to you anymore."

"I'm just calling it as I see it."

"Yeah? I had planned to take Quinn star-gazing this weekend. What do you call that?"

"I'll be calling it self-defense, soon."

"What?" And there was the headache.

"She means she's going to beat you up and it will be your own fault", Brittany informed her. Then, she frowned. "But that's not nice. San, be nice!"

"Why would you beat me up for taking Quinn on a date?", Rachel asked, honestly confused at the turn their conversation had taken.

"Star-gazing? That's exactly what I was talking about!", Santana exclaimed. "Why aren't you planning anything absurd? Something other people would shake their head at? You haven't sung her an embarrassing love song. You haven't filled her locker with pictures of you. You haven't glued yourself to her. You're acting completely…normal."

"I think I'm lost", Rachel said helplessly.

"You're not normal", Santana stated.

Rachel was up and in front of the Latina in seconds. Her angry eyes were staring straight at Santana's. "That's not-"

"It was supposed to be a compliment, Rachel", Brittany explained from her position on the bed, where she lay with Lord Tubbington on her belly.

Rachel seriously doubted that, but she took a step back from the taller brunette.

"Finish your sentence", Santana said calmly.

The diva took a deep breath. The word headache didn't even cover it anymore. "That's not a-"

"No, not that", Santana interrupted again. "Before, when you talked about counting to ten. Finish that sentence."

But Rachel couldn't, and she had a feeling that Santana knew that. She had a feeling Santana knew exactly what was wrong with her. And that she found herself unable to voice what was going on in her head.

"You have a crush that you refuse to acknowledge. You start censoring yourself. Fate brings you together with the girl. You act like a toned-down version of yourself. An extremely toned down version. Your crush voices serious feelings for you. You're slapped. You're ridiculed. You become even more colorless. You start being deliberately difficult. Really, Rachel, you're not a puzzle. It's all there. And I'm not having a hard time piecing it together."

Please don't say it, Rachel prayed. This was already more than she could handle. She'd break if the Latina said it out loud. She knew. And dear god, if Santana knew, she really needed to talk to Quinn.

As she rushed out the door, she heard Santana say "That girl needs a therapist."

"I don't think I understand", Quinn said. Rachel's dads were out and wouldn't be back until late. They had the house to themselves. They could take their time. And Rachel's message of "we need to talk" had been promising. Quinn didn't like fighting with the girl, and this had been their first big fight since they…got together? Agreed on having feelings for each other but taking things slow? What were they to each other? And what was going on with Rachel? She had hoped to get answers, but now she wasn't sure. Except for a timid greeting at the door, the request to go up to her room and a question on her well-being, Rachel hadn't said anything. For a long time. Until the words "I'm not normal" left her lips and immediately her hands flew up to cover her mouth and her eyes were widened in shock.

Quinn got the impression that that was exactly what Rachel hadn't wanted to say. "I don't understand", she repeated.

The brunette sighed, taking Quinn's hand in her own. "I don't know how to explain."

"That you're not normal?", Quinn asked, narrowing her eyes.

"No. Well, yes. I'm not normal, but that can be a good thing."

Quinn raised an eyebrow. Rachel had always said that she was different and that she embraced that, but her choice of words right then…it didn't sound like her at all. In fact…"You've been talking to Santana and Brittany."

"They helped me realize some things. Well, Santana did."

The other eyebrow went up, too. "That's a scary thought."

Rachel nodded. "You can say that again."

"So…" Quinn trailed off, not knowing where they were going with this.

"The past few weeks with you have been…"

"I really hope you're going to finish that with something positive", Quinn joked nervously.

"It's been amazing", Rachel said, not a trace of doubt in her voice.

Quinn smiled relieved. "Amazing", she agreed.

"But I haven't really been myself. Not completely."

"I noticed", the blonde nodded.

"So when we say that it's been amazing…is it despite of or because of?"

What? "What?"

She really didn't want to ask this, but…"Has it been amazing despite that fact that I've held parts of myself back or because of it?"

Quinn stared at her. "I told you I didn't want you to hold anything back."

"Answer the question." Or don't. Not if the answer is because of. "Do you need some time to think about it?" Do I need time to brace myself?

Quinn didn't need to think. "I've liked you even before you started toning yourself down….so it's despite of. And if you haven't noticed, the toned down version of you is much more difficult than the Rachel I used to know. I've never known you to pick fights or be this bitchy."

The first part was overjoying her, but the second…it wasn't nice to hear, but it was true. And logical. Her mood had definitely suffered during the weeks she'd tried to be more normal. "I guess I was easier to put up with when I was just obnoxious, loud, diva-like and bulldozing over everyone."

"That's not what I was saying and you know that", Quinn said, pulling Rachel closer. "Why do you suddenly think that who you are is anything less than amazing? What has you doubting yourself?"

"The incidents with Grant and Stacey are not enough?"

"For anyone else, yes. For you? No. And before you even think of telling me that you're not as strong as I think you are, let me remind you that even before, you hid parts of the real Rachel. So it's not just those two dumbasses."

Rachel scrunched up her nose, trying to figure out what exactly Quinn was talking about.

"Four weeks ago, right here in this room. I asked you why you didn't throw yourself into this relationship like you'd usually do."

Oh. "I remember", Rachel said. And really, it made perfect sense. It fit right into the picture Santana had painted and the realizations Rachel had come to about herself. Now she just needed to find a way to explain it to Quinn.

"Rachel, what do you feel for me?"

That was easy. "I like you. Really like you. More than just like you."

"Do you feel that way right now?"

"Yes."

"Okay. So do something with that feeling."

"I…I don't know…what…"

"This more than just like you thing? I love it. I love saying it and I love hearing you say it. It's our thing. But if it's all you ever get? It doesn't sound as good."

What was…? Was Quinn asking her to tell her that she lo- was this what a panic attack felt like?

"I'm not asking you to tell me you, you know...I'd never pressure you to do that. These weeks with you have been amazing, because you're still you, and you're just…you're sweet and wonderful and caring and talented and unique, even if you've become a little less hyper and a bit more touchy. I lo-like you just as much as before. All of you. No matter which sides you I get presented with next. I just want you to give me one thing other than that sentence that's you, the real Rachel Berry, that shows me this thing between us means something to you."

"I…" Oh god, oh god, oh god…

"Please", Quinn implored.

"I…I…" She couldn't take it anymore. And apparently, Quinn couldn't, either.

"I just don't get you. Why is this so hard? Write me a formal letter. Sing a show tune love song. Anything, Rachel. Make a stupid cat calendar, for heaven's sake!"

A cat calendar. Of course. At this rate, she was never going to get rid of her headache.

"We've talked about this. I think it's unbelievably endearing that you want me to go overboard like I usually do, but as I said, I'm not like that anymore."

"Since when? You're still like that, just not with me. Why can't you trust me? Why can't you let go when you're with me?"

There it was. The one million dollar question. Or, if she listened to Santana, the one hundred dollar per hour so I can pour my heart out to a professional question.

"I do trust you. And I do let go when I'm with you. I'm one hundred percent myself when I'm with you. Just with…boundaries."

"Lose the boundaries", Quinn said, having lost all her patience.

"I can't."

"Why not?"

"Because then I'd tell you that I love you. And I wouldn't search for a song to sing to you, I'd write one. And I wouldn't formally ask you to be my girlfriend – at least I don't think there's anything formal about the clothes I bought for our next secret sleep-over. And I probably would make you a stupid cat calendar. It would be big, because I would need space for our college plans."

"What? You…what?"

"I'd go overboard because that's how it's always been: my passion and my excitement is way ahead of my heart. I want to be with you. But Quinn, you can only fall in love so many times before you have to question the genuineness of your feelings."

"So you don't know if what you feel for me is real."

Laughing was an entirely inappropriate reaction and Rachel knew it, but there was really nothing she could do about it. "I do know. God, I know. And that's the scary part. Because you're right, it's not about anyone bullying me, telling me I'm a freak. It's not about Grant or Stacey. It's about you. It's about the fact that I'm so incredibly scared of losing you. And I do everything in my power to prevent that from happening. Now that I have you, Quinn, I don't ever want to let you go."

Quinn looked overwhelmed and Rachel couldn't blame her. This happened when she let loose.

"But I…you didn't…I told you…I liked you before…"

"My head knows that. My heart…needs time to catch up. You need to realize that I never thought this could happen. I never thought you could like me."

"I…, god, I…"

The speechlessness was cute, but also unnerving. Quinn seemed to realize that. "I love you."

Hadn't she wondered what a panic attack felt like only a few minutes before? Now she knew.

"I love you. You said your heart needs to catch up, so I'm helping the process. I love you. All of you. Your quirks and you insecurities and the fact that you confuse and frustrate me. I'm in love with you."

Was the room spinning?

"Look at me, Rachel. I love you."

And Rachel looked. And then she stopped thinking about panic attacks, stopped thinking altogether, and decided that, to hell with it all, she was just going to be. The widest grin took over her face.

"You're sleeping in my room tonight. Go find a movie to watch. I have a calendar to make."

A/N: I know this chapter doesn't say anything about people finding out about them at the end of CTT. Don't worry – the next chapter focuses on that.