Disclaimer: The usual!

Chapter 13

The former Dark Lord's third character was strange and he had to deal with weird things. One of such things made him trip every other attack. It was a tail and unlike the fancy ones that he could buy at the Cash Shop, this one was permanently attached to him. He could hide it, he knew but it could never be removed. So he was forced to deal with the extra muscles in his now altered body which would curl around his feet when he was excited or wag at other times. The result? Face-planting into the nearest enemy's sword, sending the attacks wide as his balance was thrown off –

Wait, what was he talking about? He didn't have his own attacks which brought him to his next dilemma. He had to rely on four wild animals to fight all his battles for him. This could be problematic if he forgot that he was using one animal and tried to use the attack of another. It was also troubling because the personalities of these four beasts were quite different. One treated him like a naughty, imbecilic child (though he supposed this particular character was), another thought he was the cutest thing since Angelic Buster, the strongest was as thick as Hogwart's walls, and the last…well Lai was pretty awesome.

Then there was the extra set of ears. Who in thought that was a good idea?! Did they realize that ears like that could hear nine times better than a human ear? And of course they forgot to remove the human ears because he could still wear his pirate earring in the proper location. Ugh, the migraines were never ending especially when Eka was screeching about not being a beast of burden. Really, what else would she be used for than to get him from point A to point B?

His trial possession of the Beast Tamer didn't last long. In fact, it didn't even last a day before he dispossessed the character and selected another, more suited to his prodigious ego and flair for dramatics; wait, that didn't come out right. He chose another awesome character to tank that regrettably wasn't a Kaiser because he liked testing new forms of power. That is how the former Dark Lord, became a two-handed sword wielding Warrior referred to by others only as Shh. Currently he was attacking Magnus with two others (a Dawn Warrior and a Demon Avenger) while a Beast Tamer, a Phantom, and a Bishop provided support.

So far, so good. He had to admit, Beast Tamer wasn't for him but it was pretty good as a support class. It was the Bishop who caught his attention though. Mainly because of his name. SevPotioneer. Shh was having a hard time focusing because he remembered a Potion's Master from another world; Severus Snape. How could he trust this Bishop when he had a name of the former Dark Lord's most favored and most traitorous follower? Usually this wasn't an issue for him as long as the Bishop was healing and he was. The problem then? SevPotioneer was asking to join Shh's guild and the three in the party who were also part of the guild wanted him. Something about good priests being so rare nowadays and Phantom/Kanna taking over.

Suffice it to say, the Phantom wasn't pleased by this declaration and stole the loot when Magnus finally dropped. That wasn't cool. He was quickly defamed before Shh's jr. master blasted him with a mega. Sometimes Shh appreciated the solidarity his guild showed. If only he had this in the Real World. Back to the matter at hand, the Dark Lord was convinced that the prime example of such lack of unity within his Death Eaters was before him.

"Aw, come on Shh! All bossing guilds need a bishop or ten!" his Jr. Master declared.

This made Shh wonder exactly why he was asked to do the invite instead of the JM doing it himself. Were they so opposed to independence? This thought was quickly dashed when he remembered that half his guild were inactive. They would have to be replaced. Permanently.

"What are your skills, Bishop?" Shh asked the dark robed character before him.

"I can bottle glory, brew fame, and even put a stopper to death," the Bishop intoned. He opened his mouth to continue what would've been an inspiring monologue that could only be produced by an egomaniac - the former Dark Lord knew all about that - but closed it again when he recognized his audience.

"Just as I thought. Snape. Severus Snape."

Severus's eyes grew round before a trickle of sweat dripped from the side of his head. Then he put on his game face. "SlytherinsHair. I should've guessed that it would be you, My Lord."

Shh huffed and turned his back to the Bishop. There were some things he enjoyed about the Maple World, one of them being he didn't have to worry about taking an AK to the back, so he could freely show his disdain. "Hardly your lord was I though, Severus? You were always Dumbledore's man. It was foolish of me to believe otherwise. Instead, I trusted you and you betrayed me." Shh a.k.a. SlytherinsHair took a deep calming breath before continuing. "Were we alive, you would pay most dearly. As it stands – "

"Wait! You're dead too! Potter killed you!" The successive expressions of shock and happiness faded from SevPotioneer's face as another thought entered his pixelated mind. "You mean the idiotic, carbon-copy of James Potter managed to do the impossible? I lost money on that!"

"You're not in a position to pay at any rate," Shh said starting to walk away. Maybe they could find another boss run. Not Hilla; that wouldn't be any fun. And Pianus was never in his cave…

"Unfortunately, I am. I bet 100 million mesos on it against Regulus Black."

"That's tough, man," the Dawn Warrior sympathized. "Yo, are we doing another run?"

"Yep, I guess. Don't know what though," Shh responded absently.

SevPotioneer just stared for a moment at the casual interaction knowing from experience that such an address would have meant time under the Cruciatus. Nothing to scoff at, Severus acknowledged. But here, here he was just another player in a quest to defeat the Black Mage. Or was he secretly the Black Mage?! Was he using this poor guild as his base of operations to look normal before he finally unleashed the fires of hell against this world?! He wouldn't let this happen. He had to keep an eye on this guild. What started out as loneliness became a matter of urgency.

"Regulus is alive?" The former Dark Lord was embarrassed for a second before continuing. "Of course, he's not. Where is the boy? How long has been here?"

"He doesn't know how long exactly but certainly pre-big bang."

The former Dark Lord's eyes widened. "How did he survive the Big Bang? That's preposterous and unlikely. The Big Bang started the world!"

"Not that Big Bang!" SevPotioneer stated just as the Demon Avenger turned to the Dawn Warrior and the Beast Tamer.

"Sometimes I forget what a noob Shh is."

AN: Obviously recognizable line from Sorcerer's/Philosopher's Stone but it's been rearranged a little.

I would also say sorry for the wait, but I really can't. Hope you guys have a good day.