Chapter Ten: Play Fighting

Carly and Sam returned to the classroom - Sam in a full-on sulk because she had been unable to get Carly on side, and Carly trying to be optimistic that they could all be friends (though doubting that very much).

Sikowitz had randomly swapped the groups around a little (except for Sam's, much to her irritation), and before they could do much more chatting, the teacher clapped his hands loudly. He'd placed a chair and a table on stage, and was looking very excitable.

"Alrighty, since we're all getting along so well, let's begin the next group challenge!" he enthused, with more than a note of sarcasm. "This will be entirely improvisational, which means you just get up and see where the prompt I give you takes you. No pressure."

"Unless you make a total fool of yourself," Jade pointed out.

"You will all make fools of yourself with this challenge," Sikowitz smiled broadly, a glint in his eye.

Jade frowned.

"Well, at least we're all in it together," Tori shrugged, smiling at Carly, who was already looking nervous.

"Me and my friends did this challenge all the time back in theatre school," the teacher explained. "Very traumatic. Good times."

"Enough of the build-up!" Rex snapped, trying to break Sikowitz out of his familiar wistful trance. "Get to the good stuff."

"Cool your jets, timber-brain. This challenge is known as 'Sit, Stand, Lie'," he announced, rubbing his hands with fiendish glee. "I'm gonna give each team a prompt, and you may perform it in any way you wish."

Cat immediately brightened. "Yay!"

"However!" Sikowitz raised a finger for dramatic pause. "During the scene, at all times, one character must be sitting, one must be standing, and one must be lying down. They are not allowed to keep the same position for too long, and they are not allowed to use the same position as another character. Only one character can be sitting, standing, or lying down. Got it?"

The class nodded, though they were all a little uneasy.

"Good! Team Alpha, you're up," the teacher pointed back to the stage as he took a seat, and Carly, Robbie and Andre complied. "The three of you are in a fancy pants restaurant - two of you are on a date, and the other is a waiter...or tress. Surprise us."

The three of them had started shifting awkwardly as he spoke, trying to decide where to go.

"So, who wants to be my date?" Robbie grinned.

Andre arched an eyebrow before putting an arm around Carly.

"Alrighty then..." Robbie sighed, dejected, as Andre pulled the table towards himself and Carly.

"Here you go, sweetheart," he smiled, politely motioning for her to sit down.

"Why thank you," Carly took his lead. "This is such a lovely place."

"Only the best for my girl. I'll get us some drinks. Yo, service!"

With Carly seated and Andre on his feet, Robbie had no other option. He lay on his back on the floor by the table. "Hello," he greeted brightly. "I will be your waiter this evening. How may I help you fine people."

Andre and Carly leaned over to look at him, puzzled.

"Um, why are you on the floor?" Andre asked.

Robbie's positive manner faded. "I was born without any feeling in my legs," he admitted.

"Aw, that's awful!" Carly said, standing up and letting Andre take her place. "So...what made you decide to be a waiter?"

Robbie sniffed and sat up. "It was my life's dream."

Carly noticed his position change and dramatically threw herself from her chair onto the floor. "Oh dear lord, I've fallen down!"

"Honey, what happened?" Andre hurriedly sat next to her. Robbie stood up.

"Sweet gravy, I can stand!" he exclaimed.

"It's a miracle!" Andre clapped.

"Hallelujah!" Carly added in a muffled voice, before standing up . She was really getting to enjoy this challenge - it was a lot closer to the sort of wackiness she got to do on iCarly.

Robbie fumbled as he hurriedly sat on the floor, as Andre lay on the table.

"I need a minute to sit down," the curly-haired boy explained. "After all, I have just defied science!"

"I'm coming down with hunger pains over here, man..." Andre groaned, rolling onto his back.

Carly cocked her head and played up the comedy. "You're coming down with 'hunger games'? So, what, you're gonna represent your district and hope the odds are ever in your favor?"

The audience laughed, with even Jade offering a snigger.

"PAINS!" Andre clarified, trying not to smile.

Robbie clicked his fingers. "Yo, can we get some pains over here, please?" he called, before murmuring, "that's French for bread, right?"

Carly sighed. "Can we just get the man some food? I think he's unconscious."

"Really? Then you should kiss him!" Robbie suggested.

"...Say what?"

"Well that's what they do in the movies, right?"

Andre's heart rate increased dramatically, and he prayed that nobody could hear it. He wanted to kill Robbie. At least he did until...

"Well, if it'll help," Carly shrugged. She leaned over a placed a quick kiss on Andre's cheek.

He sat up immediately, a little dazed, while Robbie was forced to collapse back onto the floor. "What a day!"

"And...scene!" Sikowitz called, breaking the three of them out of character. "Very enjoyable scene with some nice hilarity thrown in. Good work."

"I'm exhausted..." Robbie admitted.

Carly nodded. "It's kind of a nightmare trying to figure out when and where to stand or lie down or whatever. Fun though!"

"Well I'm glad you enjoyed it, Miss Shay!" the teacher beamed. "Now let's see if team Beta can be as entertaining."

The two groups swapped places, with Andre a little wobbly getting to his seat.

Tori, Beck and Freddie took to the stage as Sikowitz relayed their prompt. "Your scene is this - the three of you are a team of treasure hunters, and you're in the middle of exploring an ancient tomb. But one of you has a terrible secret...GO!"

The teens took a moment to fully register the information, before it sunk in. In an instant Tori took a seat in the chair, Beck lay on his back on the table, and Freddie stood looking a little perplexed.

Beck cleared his throat, and they began. "This may well be the find of the century!" he announced, gesturing to the empty space around him.

"Indeed," Tori answered. "Definitely worth running the gauntlet of booby traps for. Though I must say, I am a little weary."

"As am I," Freddie took the others' lead, and adopted the faux-British accent he was used to using in the webshow. "Let us rest a while."

He sat down on the floor, and Tori hopped to her feet. "C'mon chaps, there's treasure to be carried! We should really get going soon before anyone else can get on our trail...ooh! What's that?" she lay on the floor on her stomach, pretending to inspect an object.

Freddie stood up to look over her shoulder, and Beck sat up on the table.

"What is it?" Beck inquired.

"It looks like some kind of ancient scripture of some sort...I can't quite read it in this light."

"Can I try?" Freddie asked, lying next to her. Tori sat up and Beck got to his feet again. He pretended to squint. "Well, if I didn't know any better, I'd bet my Aunt Edith's knickers that it says...'suckers'."

Tori and Freddie looked puzzled, while Beck took the risk - after all, one of them had to have a secret, and Freddie had kindly provided the perfect opportunity. "Well, Aunt Edith better buy some new bloomers," he said slyly, as he backed away from them and mimed opening a bag.

"What trickery is this?" Freddie demanded, getting to his feet. Tori lay down again and Beck crouched, continuing with his mime.

"Well, my poor idiot pals, I have just activated a bomb loaded with poison gas, and since I'm the only one of us with a gas mask, I guess I'm the only one leaving with the treasure," he explained flippantly, pretending to put on the gas mask. "Terribly sorry. The recession affects us all, y'know?"

"You, sir, are a cad and a bounder!" Freddie exclaimed, horrified.

"I must be going. I'll see you at your double funeral," Beck said, muffling his voice so that it would sound like he was speaking through the mask.

As he turned to exit, Tori slid forward across the floor. "I think not!" she said, grabbing his ankle and tugging it.

She and Beck had done enough stage-fighting by now to know how to execute a pretty decent stunt. Beck fell flat on his face dramatically (although safely), while Freddie stood up in shock – not entirely in character – and Tori sat up and pretended to wrestle the 'gas mask' from Beck

Eventually Freddie felt it was okay to carry on acting, so he covered his mouth with his sleeve, faux coughing as he went to help Tori.

"It's your bomb!" Tori said breathlessly, wrenching the invisible mask away and taking exaggerated breaths as she covered her face with it. "It's only fair that it should kill you!"

"Curse you!" Beck choked, writhing on the ground. "My only regret is that...I'm dying." He struck a dramatic pose with a pained expression, then went limp – earning giggles from the class.

Tori got up, and Freddie sat down, pretending to grow weaker as the make-believe poison filled the air. "Here," she said urgently, pushing the 'gas mask' onto Freddie's face and starting another coughing fit.

Freddie pushed it back to her and shook his head. "Only one of us can live," he whispered.

"Yes," Tori nodded, waiting a beat, before hurriedly miming putting the 'gas mask' on Freddie and then backing away. "And it has to be you."

"Scene!" Sikowitz bellowed. "Very nice. A little hammy, but...I don't know, it kind of worked," he smiled thoughtfully.

"Aw, I wanted to watch Tori die..." Jade complained, prompting a frown from Tori. "In the play, I mean," she added, with a smirk, once the teacher had given her a disapproving look.

"Dude, you really made that fall look brutal!" Freddie said as he helped Beck up.

"Just a stage dive," Beck smiled humbly. "You've gotta take the stage-fighting module if you get the chance. It's really a lot of fun."

"As long as you're not paired with Jade," Tori added in a low voice as they filed off the stage and took their seats.

Freddie laughed. "Hey, as long as I'm not in the same group as Sam, I think I'll be safe."

"Okay, last group. Up and at 'em," Sikowitz prompted. "Your scene will take place in a hospital. Jade, you will be the doctor, Cat's the nurse, and Sam is the patient."

A smile slithered onto Jade's lips. "Perfect." She glanced at Sam, who tried to look unfazed as they walked to the head of the class.

Cat skipped ahead of them and considered sitting in the chair, before deciding that it would be much more fun to lie on the table.

Jade grabbed a clipboard and pen from the prop box, and slid gracefully into the chair as Sam wavered offstage.

"NURSE!" Jade barked in her man voice, making everyone in the room jump. "What are you doing, lying down on the job?"

"Uh, I was just checking that this bed was comfortable, doctor," Cat explained. "It is!"

"Well that is astounding news, but you need to get up now because we're gonna need that bed for a very sick individual."

Her choice of words wasn't lost on Sam. She rarely played it as subtle, but she could still tell when someone was disguising insults just enough so that they would still blend into the performance, yet land a direct hit.

Cat sat up, Jade got to her feet, and Sam crawled onto the stage screeching a cacophony of noises to sound her imagined agony.

"Oh my gosh, what's wrong with her?"

Jade shook her head sympathetically. "Where to start."

Well, if she wants to play...Sam's eyes widened as she looked up at the dark-haired girl standing over her. "Aaaah! What is that? It's the most horrible thing I've ever seen!" she cried, pointing at her.

Jade put her hands on her hips and narrowed her eyes, yet she returned Sam's thinly-veiled smirk. "Clearly she is experiencing a serious psychotic malfunction."

"So what do we do, doctor?"

Jade paused, then replied with a dramatic flourish - "We must operate immediately!"

"Operate!" Cat looked shock and pretended to faint back onto the table.

"...Operate?" Sam sat bolt upright, not liking the look in Jade's eye.

"That's right," Jade smiled unnervingly. "Get on the bed."

Sam hesitated a moment, trying to gage the situation. Jade sat back on the chair and Cat jumped to her feet, giving Sam a nudge towards the table. Feeling a little like she was walking to an execution, the blonde reluctantly lay down on her side facing the audience, muscles tensed.

"There's a good patient," Jade soothed as she strode over to the table, leaving Cat with no option but to scurry into the chair.

"Yeah, uh...y'know, I'm feeling a LOT better," Sam explained quickly, beginning to squirm and making a move to leave.

"Yeah? Well I have a PhD, so I'll be the judge of that, thank you," the dark haired girl replied before roughly shoving her back down. "Nurse, pass me my scalpel."

"Okey dokey!" Cat nodded, rooting around in the prop box beside her.

"I think I'd like some drugs first, please," Sam said hurriedly.

"No time."

"But I feel really sick, maybe I should-"

"-Nurse! Hurry it up, we're losing precious time!"

Cat frowned as she continued to find a prop that looked vaguely medical-looking. Panicking, she settled on whatever she had her hand on and threw it to Jade.

Jade caught it, then looked at her - a deadpan expression on her face and a plastic crocodile in her hand. Cat shrugged and then looked at her shoes, like a scolded child.

Jade rolled her eyes then turned back to Sam. "Alright, so basically what's going to happen is, I'm going to remove a piece of your brain and I-"

Sam interrupted her with a new burst of wailing and groaning, as she rolled around on the table clutching her stomach. "I think I'm gonna hurl!"

Before the dark-haired girl could speak, Sam pretended to throw up all over her – even going so far as to stealthily remove a burrito she had stored in her pocket at lunch, and squeezing it so that exploded all over Jade.

The class gasped. Cat's mouth opened wide in shock. Jade moved from stunned to furious in a matter of seconds. Sam smiled and placed her hands behind her head.

"I feel much better now," she said happily. "Thanks doc."

Sikowitz jumped up as he watched Jade's face redden and her fists clench. "Cut! Cut! CUT!" he cried.

"Oh I'll cut, alright," Jade hissed. "I'll cut her into SHREDS!" she screamed and lunged forwards, and Sam deftly rolled off the table out of harm's way.

"Hey, this is your game. I'm just following the rules," she explained, laughing. "I was going for realism."

"Oh, is that what you were doing?" the dark haired girl growled as the two of them circled the table, and Cat covered her ears. "Well, if that's the way you want it, how about I send you to the hospital FOR REAL?"

"Bring it on, Twilight."

"I HATE TWILIGHT!"

Robbie frowned and nudged Andre. "Is this still part of their scene? Because they're totally cheating."

A/N: Hey guys - long time no type! I'm currently laptop-less (don't laugh), so I've been begging people to let me borrow their's so I can upload. My laptop got taken over by Skynet or something. Sarah Connor still hasn't got back to me. So I'm sorry to have kept you waiting. Really. A thousand apologies.

If you want me to feel better about having to save up all my cash for the next three months for a new computer, then send me a review! Or a PM! Or a sandwich! Ball's in your court, really. Smell ya later!