You may call this my way of 'working through it'. Zanessa fans, you know what I mean. But for many of you that I've 'talked' to over the past few years, you know there isn't a true way to do that! You know what they (you KNOW who I mean) have marked on our hearts and what will forever be there. So, here's another one of my 'you may not like this' kind of stories but I'm ready to put it out there.

I always, ALWAYS, appreciate your reviews, pm's, comments, facebook notes or however you choose to message me! Good, bad or indifferent, I enjoy hearing from everyone. For those who pm me, if I don't answer, slap me again - electronically of course! - and I will do my best to respond!

And, just so you ALL know, I am still KTZLF'ing - and I hope you are too! ;)
-adc

"I'm selling the house."

Zac's father looked at his 23 year old son sitting in their back yard picking at blades of grass. The young man didn't look up at his father but he could feel the paternal stress in his father's voice. David worked hard not to cross his arms and was obviously choosing his words carefully.

"When did you come to that decision?" David questioned with a slightly agitated voice.

Zac sighed and finally twisted his neck to squint up at the older man. "Before I came up here. I talked to a realtor last week. She's just waiting on my word to put it on the market."

David sat down in the lawn chair at the edge of the patio and nodded his head. The seat put him close to eye level with his son. This was the same son that had barely spoken to David or Starla when he appeared in the living room three nights prior. It was the same son who had taken a backpack and set out alone two days ago with a simple "I'll be back tomorrow." And it was the same son who had returned, showered and locked himself in his former bedroom until just an hour ago when he had escaped to the backyard that had offered him a respite during his childhood.

"Care to tell me why you want to sell it?" Zac's father did his best to let his curious tone of voice shine through.

The sandy-brown haired man returned to picking at the grass around his flip-flop covered toes. "I just need new space."

Again David nodded. "Where do you plan to move?"

Zac pulled a blade of grass and held it between his fingers as he began to tear it bit by bit. He shrugged his shoulders and looked out across the yard where he had grown up. He stared at the space where a swing-set used to sit. There was now a cozy, two person glider sitting in that space with a lovely flower garden planted opposite it.

Since his family returned from their vacation to Oregon it had been downhill. Hell, it had been downhill before they even went on the vacation. Zac had enjoyed the time with his family and some old friends. Just being away was exactly what he had needed. It was time to think, time that he could be alone and time that he could make some decisions without the entire weight of the world being on his shoulders.

"I don't know yet. I'm still trying to figure things out. There's a house in Malibu that's up for lease. I think I'm gonna put most of my stuff in storage and just stay there for a while till I can get everything together. I wasn't exactly sure which direction my life was going, but this…split…has just thrown everything into…well, it's kinda chaos in my head."

David watched as Zac pulled his knees up and leaned forward, wrapping his arms around his legs then placing his chin gingerly against the crease between his kneecaps. Zac's father had been on the lookout for this sign for more than a month now. The signal that perhaps his son was finally accepting what had happened between him and his longtime girlfriend, and the fact that Zac needed to find a way to move forward.

"Zac, are you ok?" David asked very simply as he leaned over and placed a hand in his son's hair.

Zac shook his head and tucked his tongue between his bottom lip and teeth. He shook his head without a word and stared straight forward.

"It's hard, Son. I…I know it's hard. Your Mom and I are still trying to wrap our heads around it, so we know it's not easy for you…" David let his voice drift off and pulled his hand away from his son.

"That's why I need to get rid of the house. I need a fresh start, need to clean things out and just get back to me," Zac answered, then swallowed the rough lump in his throat. "I'm not gonna let this break me."

"It's ok if it does," David filled the moment of silence. "Zac, you know, I'm not even sure what to say and I've been thinking about this for what, three months now? I think I'm almost as confused as you are…maybe even more. But I know one thing. I know it's turned your life upside down and your mom and I, we know you've gotta work things out on your own. Just know that we're here for you, ok? If you need to bounce things off of us or you just need to scream or cry or gripe or whatever, we are right here. We're not going anywhere."

Zac chuckled sarcastically for a second and lifted his chin to look at his father out of the corner of his eyes. "You know I've heard that line before."

David tilted his head matching his son's sarcasm with a simple look.

"It came out of the mouth of a beautiful brunette who is now my friend." Zac raised his hands to put the air quotes around his final word.

The two men sat for another few minutes before Zac stood and wiped the grass off the back of his pants. David looked up at him still wondering what was going through his son's mind. Zac put a hand on his father's shoulder and leaned against him.

"I need to go back home and start packing. But I will be leaning on you and Mom, and probably even Dylan. I know you guys aren't going anywhere."

David stood and sucked in a breath as he shared a hug with his oldest son. "We're right here Zac."

The two men pulled apart and David took the chance to rake his hand through Zac's short haircut. "I mean, what choice do we have? We're kinda stuck with you!"

The smile on his son's face meant the world to David in that moment. It was a genuine smile; one that had been few and far between since the day Zac and Vanessa decided to take a break from each other.

ZVZVZVZVZV

Three hours south of San Luis Obispo, California, the tone was much lighter with the brunette that Zac had mentioned to his father. She climbed off the back of the motorcycle and slung the backpack over her shoulder as the dark haired man slid the gloves off his hands.

"So what's next?" Josh called as he lowered the kickstand and let his bike rest on the street in front of Vanessa's house.

"Nothing." Vanessa let out a relieved sigh and then twisted her lips together in thought. "Well, unless you want to count grocery shopping."

Josh laughed. "Not an errand you can run on the bike, unless you're only talking a bag or two of food."

Vanessa pulled the scrunchie from her hair to let the ponytail fall free across her shoulders. "Nah. I'll just go later tonight. I'll make Mom or Stellz go with me." She grinned as her 18 year old co-star stepped closer to her.

"Does that mean there's nothing for lunch?" Josh wiped the smile from his face as the two started climbing the copious stairs to Vanessa's front door. He watched as Vanessa shook her head and rolled her eyes.

"Men," she huffed with a laugh. "You are all about filling your stomachs aren't you? Zac was always…" she hesitated on a step midway up the staircase and sucked in a breath as she replayed the words she had just said in her mind.

"I'm sorry." She smiled softly at Josh just a couple of steps ahead of her. "I said I was gonna stop that."

Josh looked back at her and held out his hand. He tilted his head and pressed his lips together. "It's ok, Van. I know it takes time. It's ok, really."

Vanessa looked toward her feet and nodded at his understanding. She hid the cringe, however, that ran through her when he used the nickname that Zac had given to her. I can't let him keep using Zac's nickname…for my sake, I can't.

The two made their way in the front door of Vanessa's house and headed toward the kitchen. "Sit." Vanessa pointed to one of the bar stools and gently ordered her guest to take a seat.

Josh laughed and climbed onto the seat while keeping a close eye on the 22 year old woman in front of him. "Van…" he started again only to see Vanessa turn hastily toward him with her hand in the air.

"Ok…" Vanessa started and then took a deep breath. She leaned her hip against the sink in an attempt to relax her stance. "That name…um…Van…" she swallowed slightly and then bit slightly on her bottom lip. "That's just…maybe you can call me something else?"

Josh creased his dark eyebrows together and then leaned his head back as he recalled hearing Zac talk to Vanessa during one of his visits to the movie set. "That's his name for you," the young man remembered verbally.

Vanessa nodded and smiled, still with a slight bit of tension showing in her neck and shoulders.

"I'm sorry. How about I just stick to Nessa, or Ness maybe?" Josh suggested.

"Yeah," Vanessa spoke somewhat quietly. "That's what my family uses. That'd be great, if you don't care."

Josh nodded and held out his hand. "Fair enough. You've got yourself a deal."

Vanessa giggled and pushed herself away from the sink so that she could take his hand and offer a firm shake. From there she began fixing sandwiches for both of them for lunch.

ZVZVZVZVZV

"If I don't have to look at another script for months I'd be a happy camper." Josh flopped onto the couch in Vanessa's den and looked around for the remote control.

Vanessa followed him by just a few steps after looking through her mail and opening a couple of packages that were obviously the very things that Josh didn't want to see. Still she settled herself on the other end of the sofa and began to look at the pages.

"Va…Ness, seriously?" Josh pointed at the sheets. "You're getting ready to start your promo tour. Take a break for a little bit."

"But I want to get an idea of what's out there. I need to know what I'm getting into next, once the Sucker Punch stuff is done," she answered his teasing comments.

"Why?" The young man scooted a little closer to her and relaxed his back against the cool leather.

"Because…" Vanessa offered and then began to think. Because that's what Zac taught me to do. The words automatically went through her mind.

Her eyes wandered around the room and settled on the video game console. "Because that's just what I'm used to doing. There's nothing wrong with staying one step ahead and knowing what's coming up next." Her voice took on a slightly defensive tone.

Josh nodded slowly. He had heard and read various interviews that Vanessa's ex-boyfriend had given, and some quotes that she had said herself. Their private life had included staying in, watching movies and reading scripts. No, there was nothing wrong with staying one step ahead…unless it was tying her to him.

"Change of subject." Josh leaned forward and reached into his back pocket to pull out a folded piece of computer paper. He held it up and scanned over the various lines typed on it.

Vanessa put the script in her lap and rested her elbow on the back of the sofa. She began twirling her index finger through her hair as she watched him with a semi-curious look. Finally she caved with a simple, "What's that?" coming out as a near mumble.

"Well, Blondie, if you must know…hey! That's it…I'm going to be completely different and call you by your current character's name!" He smiled toward Vanessa whose look told him she wasn't obviously pleased with that choice. "Oh, come on…give it a chance. It'll grow on you!" Josh pushed.

Vanessa rolled her eyes. "Fine, whatever. If I don't answer you'll know…"

"I'll know that I need to say it more and more and more until you get used to it!" He flashed a grin at her again and then leaned toward her placing a hand on her knee. Josh stealthily slid a couple of his fingers through the gaping hole in her jeans and caressed her knee causing Vanessa to jerk her leg slightly, unsure if she wanted that sort of touch or not from this teenage man who was basically the same age as Zac's younger brother.

She didn't push Josh to move his hand but her body language told him she was unsure. Josh let the tip of his index finger glide quickly over her kneecap and then moved his hand back to his own lap.

Vanessa sat up a bit straighter and looked toward the paper. "So are you gonna tell me what that is or not?"

Josh took a deep breath and held it for just a second. "Well, you know," he started slowly, "I mentioned that I've been thinking about moving." He stopped for a second and let his bottom teeth graze over his top lip.

Vanessa twisted her head away from his direction and nodded. Her eyes remained on the sheet of paper.

"Well, since we've been riding around here I just started thinking that maybe I might find something here in Studio City, or somewhere not too far from here."

He moved the paper to the coffee table in front of him and planted his gaze on the typing as he waited for Vanessa's reaction. He noticed the fidgeting of her naked toes first, and then saw that her arms were gradually beginning to cross across her stomach.

"I…I haven't found anything…I mean, I haven't even seriously started looking or anything…" Josh stumbled in his explanation.

Vanessa made a point to lean forward and then slowly push herself up off the couch. "Well, that's…I mean…it's your choice," she finally decided on saying. "You have to decide where you want to live and all. Sure there are a bunch of great houses around here, but … I mean… you have to decide." She began to walk out of the den and back toward the kitchen.

"Vanessa?" Josh called after her.

"I – I'm just gonna get some water. Do you want something to drink?" Her voice drifted back into the den making Josh get up to follow her.

He stopped in the living room beside the couch and looked again at the paper that he was carrying with him. He watched Vanessa pull a couple of glasses out of the cabinet and licked his lips before he continued.

"Well, the thing is, there's a house that may be going up for sale over on Woodrow Wilson." He took a deep breath as he saw Vanessa practically freeze in her spot. "Isn't that the road Zac lives on?" he dared to ask.

Vanessa met his eyes without a smile. "Yeah." Her mouth didn't move to form a smile, a frown or any other indicator of what she was thinking. She put the glasses down on the counter beside the refrigerator and stepped slowly toward Josh.

"What's the house number?" She asked and reached for the paper as she came just a few steps away from Josh.

He held the paper out and watched as she took it from him and perused the information. He already knew what to expect in her eyes as she reached the line containing the address. Josh saw the tell-tale lip biting before her eyes looked up at him with a nearly blank glaze.

"That's his house?" Josh asked quietly.

Vanessa handed the paper back to Josh and turned her back with determination as he heard her suck in a deep breath. "Yep. That's his." She spoke and then moved back to the glasses on the counter and proceeded to pour two glasses of water.

Josh moved behind her into the kitchen and took the glass that she pushed into his hands. She sipped and wandered aimlessly around the large tiled area before dumping half the glass of ice and water down the drain and nearly breaking the glass as she placed it in the sink.

"Nessa…" Josh purposefully stayed several steps away from her as he realized more and more that his real estate discovery was a complete surprise to this woman, whom he really wanted to call his girlfriend.

She leaned against the sink and looked back at him with a lost look in her eyes. "Um…what other houses have you found?" she asked absently. "Believe me, you wouldn't even want to look at Zac's house. It's a nice place but he's had all sorts of problems with the pool…and he hasn't done a lot with it. I mean, he left the first floor completely bare concrete so he could skateboard. How crazy is that?"

Josh placed his hands against the edge of the island and leaned against it. He shook his head while she was watching him. "Oh…I wouldn't…that's not…I wouldn't want Zac's house. I mean there's too much…"

The 18 year old quickly shook his head at himself for digging such a hole so quickly. He sighed with frustration knowing he might as well just say what was on his mind. "Nessa, I wouldn't want Zac's house because IF you and I…if there's any chance of us dating…I'm not stupid. I couldn't take you back to a place that you already know better than I do. It'd never be my house…it'll always be his."

Vanessa listened to what he was saying. She took a moment to let the meaning of his words sink in. Then she took another moment to think of the house. Josh was right, she had spent a lot of time in that house. And at that very moment in time she couldn't imagine why Zac would want to sell it.

Josh watched as the emotions rolled across her face. He hung his head down and folded up the paper to put back in his pocket. "I should probably go," he commented slowly.

Vanessa's eyes looked up at him making her tilt her head sadly. "I'm sorry. I'm really overreacting to this."

"No…" he answered gently and dared to step toward her. "I kinda threw that at you…all of it actually, and I should apologize. I really didn't think…I guess I thought you probably knew that he was thinking about selling it. It kinda caught me off guard too, but I thought you knew already," he rambled.

Vanessa looked up at him and offered a quiet smile. "It's fine, really. No big deal, ok? You don't need to apologize at all. I'm glad you told me."

Josh opened his arms and pressed his lips together waiting to see if she would accept his hug offering. She cautiously stepped toward him and let him wrap his arms around her. She wrapped her own around his chest squeezing only slightly.

Vanessa felt his lips place a soft kiss in her hair before his hold released and he stepped away from her.

"So, I'm gonna go. Are you sure you're ok?" He asked almost shyly.

Vanessa nodded and put on her face of reassurance. As much as she didn't want to be alone, she wasn't sure that Josh was the one that she wanted to be with her at this very time.

"Go, I'm fine. Really." She moved with him toward the front door and placed a hand on his back.

She leaned against the door as he stepped down the first step. "Hey, Josh?" She waited till he turned toward her then smiled again. "Blondie is fine. If that's really what you want to call me…it's fine." She forced her smile to grow a little wider as he grinned back at her.

"It's either that or Ass-Kickin' Brunette." He let his grin shift to a sideways smile along his left cheek.

"Blondie's good then," she said with a shake of her head.

She watched as he made his way down the curved concrete steps and kept the door open until he was on the motorcycle and looking back at her.

"I'll call you later, ok?" Josh yelled from the street.

Vanessa nodded her agreement and then pushed the door until it latched. She continued watching until he had his helmet and gloves on and rolled down the road.

Once the dark haired man was out of sight her mind turned back to the dirty-blond haired one…the one who was apparently getting ready to sell his house that sat less than ten minutes away from hers…the one who hadn't mentioned to her that he wanted to sell his house. And for some reason the thought of him being farther away suddenly gripped her heart and caused the tears to flow.

WhatWeWant-Chapter1-WhatWeWant