Chapter 3

I turned over on my bunk and punched tha' pillow down flat. I din't get it. What tha' hell happened? One minute I was 'bout ta' score again 'n tha' next thing I know my ass is gettin' kicked out. Fuck sakes. I started thinkin' bout what I'd done, if I'd hurt her 'r somethin'. She din't holler. She din't yell. It wasn't 'til I was holdin' her arms down 'n tryin' ta'...fuck. I slapped my head wi' my hand. I was holdin' her down. If she's had a bad time wi' a guy, fuck. Idiot! What was I thinkin'? If some other guy'd roughed her up, hurt her? No wonder she freaked.

I thought about pullin' my pants back on 'n goin' right over there, but she was so upset. Maybe I just need to let her cool off, get it out a' her system. Yeah, she may not wanna' deal with it right now. I turned over ta' my other side 'n closed my eyes, 'n started thinkin' about her layin' there, naked. I ain't never met a girl like her. Around everybody else she acts kinda' shy 'n quiet. With me, it's like, I dunno. She still don't talk 'bout her past, she don't talk about feelin's much, but she seems different now. Lil' bit more relaxed. At least, she was 'till I fucked it up.

I caught myself thinkin' 'bout that mouth a' hers again. I loved tha' way it felt on my skin. That first time we did it, man, I about went wild. It was almost by accident, well, no. I was waitin' ta' get her alone. She'd gone into tha' storage cabin ta' get some supplies 'n I followed her in 'n shut tha' door behind me. When she turned around, she looked at me 'n put tha' canned goods down 'n said "Well, I guess later's finally here." I don't think I've ever moved as fast in my life as I did crossin' tha' floor a' that damned cabin. I'd been dyin' ta' get back ta' her ever since tha' day before, in tha' woods when she kinda' laid down tha' ground rules.

I had her up on a 20-pound bag a' rice on top a' some crates with her shirt off quicker 'n you can say "trojan" and damn if I didn't have one on me this time, too. Ain't leaving home without one no more, no way. Don't think either one a' us stopped for a second ta' even consider that anybody could'a come waltzin' in n' catch us mid-fuck, pants down, so ta' speak. I sure as' hell didn't care. All I wanted was ta' taste those lips 'n ta' feel that mouth on me.

I 'member what she was wearin' under that button-down green blouse. White lace bra, tha' kind ya' could see right through. It snapped in front 'n took all a' 'bout half a' second for me ta' get undone. It was hard ta' leave that mouth, though. My tongue was pretty busy 'n she was holdin' her own while she was tryin' ta' unbutton my shirt. She tasted so good, warm 'n sweet like honey on warm biscuits.

Faith wrapped her legs 'round my hips 'n lifted up as I pulled down her pants. She let go long enough to pull mine down 'n before I knew it, I was ready ta' be inside her. Man, that first push. Like a slow trip to heaven. Good God, it was amazin'. My arms were around her back, holdin' her up, holdin' her closer. She closed her eyes 'n arched her back as she locked her arms 'round my neck, holdin' on for dear life.

It didn't take long, I guess it'd been a while for both a' us. It was fast 'n hard 'n I don't think neither one a' us was quite expectin' it to be that...intense. At one point I looked at her 'n she was lookin' back at me, her eyes darker than they usually are, burning into me. I don't think we took our eyes off a' each other from that point on until we were done. She didn't make a sound either, 'cept for a whimper at the end, when she came she put her head against my chest and kinda' whined softly as she finished.

She unlatched her ankles 'n slid down, pulling her clothes on as quick as she could. "Damn, Dixon." she said quietly, smilin' as she was buttonin' her top. "Way to make a first impression."

I was tuckin' my shirt back in my pants 'n looked up. I know there was a grin on my face a mile wide. Faith smoothed her hair out 'n put it up in a loose bun. Weren't no hidin' what we'd just done, if that's what she was tryin' to do. Her skin was flushed a rosy pink 'n she was still breathin' a bit ragged. Plus, there was that look on her face. I smirked ta' myself, kinda' proud that I'd put that look on her face, thankyaverymuch.

"We done here?" she said, raising her eyebrows.

"Yeah. Guess." I said, shruggin' my shoulders. Must not be one for cuddlin', thank God.

"Ok. Thanks." she said, reaching up on her tippy-toes 'n kissin' me on the cheek. "Feel free to do that any time." she whispered n' picked up tha' case of cans, walking out tha' door, her boots hollow on tha' wooden floor of tha' cabin. I watched that ass move away from me 'n out tha' door 'n thought to myself, Daryl, ol' buddy, you may have just hit the jackpot. Woman who can screw like that, looks like that, 'n don't want nothin' more from ya'? My next move was a big ol' fist pump 'n a pretty loud "boo-yaaah."

XXXXX

I picked up the handful of bolts I'd been sharpenin' 'n stuffed them in tha' backpack next ta' me at tha' table. Carol looked at me n' shook her head. "You're going to be gone for how long?"

"Dunno." I said. "A while."

Faith looked away. She was openin' cans of vegetables, tryin' to pretend she wasn't listenin'.

"Why now? We're good on food. Do you really have to go?" Carol kept pressin' me.

"We need meat." I said quietly, checkin' tha' string of tha' Horton.

"Really? I think we're ok, what do you - "

I cut her off as fast as I could. "I'm goin'." I said, lookin' at Faith out of tha' corner of my eye. She turned her head towards me, here eyes wide. I looked straight at her 'n looked away slowly, standin' up 'n walkin' towards my tent ta' pick up an extra knife. She was standin' there, outside when I came out. She didn't say anythin', just looked at me, bitin' that lower lip.

"You got somethin' ta' say?" I hissed.

She looked down at her feet 'n then looked back up slow. "Be careful."

I brushed past her, not lookin' at her, slingin' tha' crossbow over my back an' walkin' towards tha' woods. No way was I gonna look back. No fuckin' way. I couldn't.

Tha' whole time I was out, nearly a week, I spent pissed off. Just plain pissed off. Caught a lot of game, but I spent more time thinkin' 'bout Faith. I'd gone from feelin' bad ta' bein' pissed off. Don't know if I was pissed off more at her 'r me. Damn it, I felt bad if I'd hurt her but shit, I didn't know. She shoulda' told me instead a' kickin' me out. Fuck, I had no idea what'd happened ta' her. She's gotta' cut me some slack.

When I got back ta' camp, I unloaded my shit 'n got cleaned up good. I didn't see her nowhere so I asked Dale 'n he said she'd been stickin' pretty close to her cabin for a couple days. I walked over 'n knocked on tha' door.

She was sittin' on the bed when I walked in. "You're back." she said, puttin' the book down on her lap. There wasn't any emotion in her voice, s' like she was just statin' a fact. I couldn't tell if she was glad ta' see me 'r wanted ta' slug me. "Anything eventful?"

I shook my head slow 'n just stood there, my arms crossed over my chest.

"You're still mad." she said quietly. I still didn't say anything. She licked her lower lip 'n cocked her head sideways. "I thought we said no strings attached."

"Yup."

"So what's the deal?"

"You freaked on me."

She signed. "I know," she said, looking down at her hands in her lap. "I'm sorry. I just..." I moved slowly 'n sat down on tha' foot of tha' bed. "I don't like bein' held down."

"I reckon."

"Can you promise not to do that again if I promise not to flip out on you?"

"Who?"

"You."

"No. Who hurt you?"

"We ain't goin' there." she shook her head. "Just two rules, ok? Don't hold me down. Don't ever hit me."

"Who." I repeated. She wasn't gonna' get off that easy.

"It doesn't matter." she said, studying tha' ceiling, pressing her lips together. "I'm sorry I did that, now can we just drop it?"

"No. Yer' givin' me rules now 'n I don't even know why." I hissed, turning my back ta' her.

"Don't you turn your back on me." she said in a low voice. "I said I don't want to talk about it, so get over it."

"Fuck you!" I got up and turned around. "I don't need this shit. I don't need you."

"Well, I sure as hell don't need you prying into my personal life, either, so fuck you too!" She narrowed her eyes at me 'n glowered, her fists balled-up. I just stood there, lookin' at her. This wasn't the way I wanted things ta' be. Christ, I hadn't seen her for' a week. "You got something you want to say to me?" she snarled.

"Not a fuckin' thing." I yelled. God damn it. I know good 'n well what she would'a told me anyway. What tha' hell was tha' big fuckin' secret? So her old man smacked her 'round. Happens all tha' time. Carol's did too. I know that's why they get along so good. What tha' hell's she gettin' so pissed at me for? Fuckin' women. Ya' just can't win.

I walked back ta' my cabin 'n sat down on tha' bed, undoin' tha' laces. I slid one of 'em off 'n chucked it, makin' a hard thud when it hit tha' door 'n another'n when it hit tha' floor. "Fuckin' bitch." I said quietly. I laid there until well after dinner, half-dozing, half tryin' ta' figure out whether 'r not I really wanted ta' be done wi' her for good. I heard the door open 'n close softly 'n when I rolled over, I could see Faith leanin' against tha' door, her eyes red and swollen. She'd been cryin', a fair bit, too, judgin' from how she looked.

She just stood here for tha' longest time.

"You got somethin' you wanna say now?" I said, more anger in my voice than I had intended. I know it came our harsh tha' minute I said it but by then I couldn't take it back.

"Donnie." she said, her voice cracking. I looked at her, my head turnin' sideways. She closed her eyes 'n swallowed big. "His name was Donnie."

"And?"

"And he tried to kill me. Several times."

"So why'd ya' stay?"

"Didn't think I could leave? He'd promise to stop? Maybe, I thought I could change him? I dunno Daryl, I guess when you hear that you're too stupid to live and you're so ugly no other man would have you often enough, you just start to believe it." she took a deep breath 'n kept her eyes down at the floor. "You start thinking you don't have any options."

"So..."

"So one day as I was getting some stitches out, a nurse sat me down and asked why I just didn't just kill myself now, rather than let him do it for me and it...it got to me. I left that day." She crossed tha' room slowly 'n sat down by tha' bed. "Took him over a year to find me."

"Ya' went back ta him?"

"No." she whispered as she closed her eyes. She bit her lower lip hard 'n I could see she was startin' ta' well up. She opened her eyes. "I did not go back to him." she said, her teeth clenched. She sat there for a while, starin' at my knees. Her eyes were kinda' glassy 'n unfocused, like she was rememberin' somethin'. She closed her eyes 'n started ta' shake her head slowly.

I leaned forward 'n grabbed her arms. "Faith." I said. "Faith." She opened her eyes wide 'n latched on ta' my elbows.

"I killed him." she whispered, her face going white.

"What?"

She kept shaking her head, here eyes were huge now, starin' at me, her fingers ice-cold on my elbows. "I did it. I killed him."

"Wait a minute. What?" I pulled her up ta' tha' bed 'n sat her down gently. "When? How?" She was starting ta' shake again.

"He found me. There were walkers. I made him go outside. I did it. He was going to kill me but he left his gun on the table. I killed him." She wasn't makin' no sense.

"Slow down." I said. "Start from tha' beginnin'."

"He showed up. I came home and he was in my house. I always thought he would find me sooner or later. He had a gun. I knew this time he was serious about killing me. It'd been over a year and he was soooo pissed. I grabbed his gun off the table."

"So ya' shot him."

"Yes...No..." she shook her head. "I did, but that didn't kill him."

"Ok, ya' grabbed his gun. Then what?"

"I shot him in the leg. Told him to get out. He kept coming so I shot him in the arm. He..." she drew in a shaky breath. "He figured out I was serious tis time and left. He...he went outside and they got him. There were walkers outside and...and...they smelled the blood and they jumped him and..."

"Holy fuck." I whispered.

"I killed him."

"No, ya' din't. Ya' protected yerself."

"I shot him. Twice. Maybe he could have gotten away..."

"Ta' come right back 'n finish tha' job? He had a gun 'n he was gonna' kill ya. Ya' had ta do what ya' did."

"That doesn't make it right."

"Ain't no right 'n wrong nowadays. Whole world's gone ta' shit." She was just lookin' at me, searchin' my face for somethin', like she wanted ta' believe what I was sayin'. I pulled her ta' me 'n held her tight for a second until she pulled away.

"You're not upset?"

"Fuck why?" I wasn't sure why she thought I'd be upset. She should a' done it a long time ago, from what I heard.

"It doesn't bother you?"

"Not unless you're gonna' get pissed off 'n shoot me." I grabbed her hands before she could hit me.

"How can you make a fucking joke about this?" she said, her shoulders droppin'. "I just told you I murdered somebody and you make a joke?" She was starting to tense up. "Wow. Thanks a lot, Dixon."

"Stop sayin' that. Ya' didn't murder anybody."

"He'd be alive today if it weren't for me. I shot him. Twice. And then I sent him out there with those things, knowing what would happen."

"He'd be alive 'n you wouldn't." I said quietly. At that point, she took in a deep breath 'n her shoulders dropped. "He deserved ta' die. Man just don't put his hands on a woman." I let go of her hands slowly. "Not like that." I shook my head. Faith closed her eyes 'n put her head down. I pulled her closer, tryin' to be as gentle as I could. "Lemme' show ya' how a Dixon does it." I said in her ear.