Taichou, do you remember your confrontation with Head-Captain Yamamoto? You were far more level-headed than I could have ever imagined. You decided in no time at all what would be best for the others, and you shunpoed away, with Ukitake-Taichou. I followed out of loyalty to you... To our squad... I wasn't sure if two captains could handle the Head-Captain alone. I was foolish for thinking a lowly lieutenant could make a difference; so foolish. He only stared at me, and every cell within my being was crushing; like my body was forcibly shrinking in on itself. I was a damn fool... But still, you blamed yourself. You stepped in Yamamoto's line of vision, took me in your arms, and flash-stepped as far away as you thought necessary. You saved me, Taichou... You saved me... This time I should've been the one trying to save you. Yet here I sit, by your side, where I should have been during the war...

I sat silently, reminiscing over the past, the present, and the ever-changing future. What in the hell am I going to do? He needed me. He shouldn't be in this condition. This is my fault. He deserves a better fukataichou… I was brought away from my inner turmoil as Kyoraku-Taichou stirred unconsciously. He had been for days… Weeks… I'd lost count.

"It's alright, Taichou. I'm here." I reached out to him, and as lightly as possible, brushed his hair from his face, which seemed to be the source of his discomfort. He immediately stopped moving, and I cursed myself mentally for leaving his beloved pinwheels in his quarters. He would love to wear them, even if he didn't know he was wearing them.

"Taichou, I'm so sorry I didn't come to your aid. I'm sorry that you're in this condition. You shouldn't be in here. You should be outside, under your favorite tree, drinking sake as I nag you until you decide to adamantly refuse or give in exasperatedly…" I felt my voice quiver as it had so many times before while I gave this speech to unhearing ears. I'd felt this many times, and it always signals the same thing… Sorrow. Not just any sorrow, oh no. Pain-staking, heart-wrenching, guilt-writhing sorrow. Tears always proceeded after my apologies. Probably my body's form of punishment since it knew I hated such weaknesses. When thought of it like that, I welcomed them, because I knew I deserved every consequence that was thrown at me. I don't deserve to serve him any longer, but I won't leave him now. I would die a thousand times before that happened.

I suppose I had removed my glasses and wiped my face without realizing it because both my glasses were gone and my face no longer felt like a dripping faucet. Then that smooth, silky, deep voice broke through my concentration…

"…Don't cry, Nanao-chan…" He took a shaky breath, "Your eyes are much too beautiful for such pain and sorrow." I immediately stared up at him, rubbing at my vehemently to make sure I was seeing things correctly, my sleeping hadn't been the best as of late. There he laid, resting my glasses on his chest, a weak smile lighting up those eternally joyous gray eyes.

"Taichou, I'm sorry… Please, sir, forgive me… I'll see to it that you get a new fuk-…" His voice, though low, came in very clearly for someone in such a condition as he was.

"Nanao-chan, don't apologize. You did nothing wrong, but if it'll ease your burden, I forgive you." He slowly reached his hand up to my face, trying to cup my cheek though his palm took up most of the room. I leaned closer so that he wouldn't need to strain as much, having no words except apologies that I knew he would render unnecessary.

"As a captain of the Soul Society, I swear on my honor, I'll never see this face cry again." On an impulse, I took his hand from my face and held it between my two, much smaller hands, not wanting to offend the man who had so easily forgiven my worst mistake.

"And as a vice captain, I swear on my honor, I will never see you in here, in this condition, as long as I live. I'm never leaving your side, Taichou. Never again," I let a soft sigh escape lips, trying to add some normalcy for him, "Except when I need to do your neglected piles of paperwork, of course." The grin that crossed his face in that moment made every single word, action, and emotion worth it.

"Nanao-chan…" He took a shallow breath, but continued grinning, giving a light squeeze to one of my hands, "I came home from war… Do I get kisses now?"