Author: War. What a tragic waste of human resources, time, and lives. I always felt that conflict should be resolved without the use of violence and death. It always bothered me how hundreds of soldiers would die for the selifsh ambitions of corporate scumbags and petty politicians. Some wars seemed so pointless, heck why didn't they just resolve the damn issue over a game of cards... or even better a rap battle. I first got the idea of doing this when I watched episode 6 in Zero no Tsukaima F (the obligatory onsen episode) when Louise and Henrietta were duking it out against one another. And I thought: "Two best friends shouldn't be fighiting like that... especially not over a guy like Saito." Which is why I created this crap for you all to see.

Louise VS Henrietta: Zero No Tsukaima Season 4 Episode 6

Henrietta: Well Louise, it seems like there's only one way to settle this.

Louise: Agreed. May the best ryhmer win.

Henrietta: You already know the rules. The winner gets Saito.

Louise: And the loser must stay away from him forever.

Henrietta: Let the battle BEGIN!

Louise:

Hey! Queen! Bitch! How dare you try to take my man!

I'll blow you so hard you'll be flying to the Holy Lands!

o0o

I'm sure you'll fit in with all those dirty little heathens there.

While Saito and I'll be glad to get some fresh air!

o0o

You slut! You need to realize Saito's already mine.

So go try to drown your heartache in some wine.

o0o

What's wrong princess? Got you panties in a bunch?

With that kind of attitude I'll eat you for lunch!

o0o

You take pride in your chest but you have no brains.

Your shot at love will be shorter than Cromwell's reign.

o0o

When bards sing of our rap battle and tell their tales,

They'll say I won faster than your quickie with Prince Wales!

o0o

Henrietta:

You're going to regret those words, Louise Francoise.

I'll beat you so bad you'll go crying home to mama.

o0o

You'll be bloodied and maimed, shattered and slain.

I do what I want because I'm the queen of Tristain.

o0o

Don't try to stand there and act as if you've taken care of Saito.

You've shown him less love than a sack of potatoes.

o0o

It's time you realize Saito's a man, with real man needs.

Instead you think he's a dog and whip him until he bleeds.

o0o

Face it, between you and me there's no comparison.

I'm better than to the point where it's almost embarrassin.

o0o

You're a miniature water flea without even a chest.

I'm a gorgeous queen and I actually have breasts!

o0o

Louise:

You sniveling little princess with your purple ass cape,

You're the worst magical traitor since Dumbledore and Snape!

o0o

This battle will over before you can even put it into motion.

All I have to do is wave my wand and EXPLSOSION!

o0o

Henrietta:

I'll break your heart Louise, like you broke the fourth wall.

In the end Saito will be mine, once and for all.

o0o

How long do you think he'll stand for your abuse?

When he's got me waiting for him to choose?

Who won? Tell me in the Reviews!