I sat in my study. Pondering the mysteries of life, hoping to one day uncover vast truths about the world we live in. It's difficult to describe this line of work. Only the truly devoted ever understand it. It is a thankless task. One which I may never succeed at. But still I work. I apologize if this sounds depressing, but it is only because events continuously conspire to drag down the process. One day, I shall tell you about them. Until then, I have only one suggestion for you.

Beware the jowls of the four-headed leopard. I mean, one head is bad enough, but four heads?! That's almost 300% more biting action! I mean, that's just nuts!

-Xirema the Existentially Insecure

"I think we all understand what must happen," Haruhi siad quietly, speaking to Tamaki, Mai, and Yukko.

The three of them nodded simultaneously.

"It's taken us too long. The question of our purpose here, as heroes, may very well be called into question. As such, there can only be one suitable outcome."

The three nodded again. Then, Tamaki stood up.

"My dear, you are absolutely right. Then it is time. We shall find out, once and for all, why our underwear keep going missing!"

The four of them were gathered around a table in the lobby of a run-down hotel, near to the predicted location of the displaced Tokyo-III. As Tamaki made his proclamation, several patrons turned to look at them, while Haruhi's mouth hung open in disbelief.

"I... NO, THAT IS NOT WHAT WE'RE HERE TO DO!"

"Hey, now, wait a second!"

One of the other guests had approached them, a young man in a lab coat looking concerned.

"Are you saying you know something? I've lost my last pair of underwear this morning!"

Haruhi slapped her head to her forehead. "I'm surrounded by idiots. I've ALWAYS been surrounded by idiots!"

Tamaki raised his fist. "It's not just us anymore!" He pointed dramatically at the other two girls. "Girls! Haven't you too been the victim of the Underpants Gnomes?!"

Yukko grinned and shook her head. "Of course not! I still have my underwear!"

Tamaki raised his hand to above his brow. "... Are you certain of that?"

Yukko placed her hand against her chest. "Of course I'm...!" Her expression changed immediately, as she began to feel around her torso, her face glowing a luminescent pink. "I... I mean... I... What?!"

Mai casually lifted the front of of her collar to peer down into her shirt before raising an eyebrow in suspicion and replacing the fabric.

The man looked even more panicked. "Hey, I want to know what's going on!"

Tamaki smiled at the man. "Fear not, good sir! We, the Heroes of Destiny, shall find the cause of this wretched curse, and end it without fail! You have my word!"

Haruhi stood up. "Okay, this is getting rediculous! There's no grand conspiracy to steal underwear, there's no Underpants Gnomes, you guys are just irresponsible!"

Mai turned to Haruhi. "What's rediculous about this?"

I DON'T THINK YOU WANT THE ANSWER TO THAT QUESTION.

This was the moment Tamaki did it. His face turned pouty, and his eyes widened immensely. He turned to face Haruhi with his patented 'Puppy Dog Stare'. "How... How could you... My own wife won't believe me!"

Haruhi felt a shiver of horror run down her back. It was the stare. The stare she couldn't resist. In the past, her strategy had been to evade it with alacrity, but no such strategy would be possible here.

Tamaki approached her, his eyes glimmering with emotion, as Haruhi tried to grin, despite her heart breaking thousands of times inside. "Haruhi... You won't... Believe me?"

Haruhi's eyes watered up. Unable to take any other action, she hid his face by burying it in her shoulder. "Okay, look... Even if I believe that there is such a thing as Underpants Gnomes, what reason do I have to believe that we could even find them? And more importantly, how does finding them help us gather the Heroes and stop the Shadow Queen?"

Tamaki, snapping right back to his previous mood, stood up suddenly, dragging Haruhi along with him. "Aww, don't worry about that! I guarantee that we'll find the answer soon enough!"

Haruhi, suddenly having found herself slung around her husband's arm, tried to focus. "The way I see it, we should probably establish a link between your supposed thieves and our quest before we decisively turn our attention to them."

Yukko raised her hand. "Idea!"

Both Haruhi and Tamaki turned to face her. "Yeah?" they said simultaneously.

"Maybe we can investigate with the other Heroes!"

Haruhi stared at her. "Why would you-"

"BRILLIANT!"

She stared up at the beaming face of Tamaki. "What."

"In that case, we should immediately make for Tokyo-III! If we find Shinji Ikari, we can ask him whether he knows about the missing underwear!" He turned to the man who had approached them. "You need not worry, good sir! We've come even closer to finding the answer! And in shot time, we shall return to you with the truth, Mister... Uhh..."

The man grinned and placed his hand on the back of his shoulder. "Okabe. Rintaro Okabe. And you need not worry! Just knowing that someone is searching for the answer puts me at ease. You sir, good noble sir... I thank you!"

Tamaki tensed up. His eyes widened. "That's... Haruhi!"

Haruhi looked at Tamaki. "What?"

"Shade check!"

Her eyes widened. She recalled what Yuki had done and before he could react, she created a small sliver of light that slashed through Rintaro's fingertip.

Rintaro backed up, clutching his finger. "Hey, what did you...?"

"Are you bleeding?"

He stared at Haruhi before revealling the small amount of blood dripping from his finger. "Yeah, I..."

"Yukko. Bandage him. Sorry about that. We have to take precautions."

He appeared angry at first, but his expression changed when he saw the serious expression on their faces. He held out his hand for Yukko to bandage.

Haruhi slung her arm over Tamaki's shoulder. "Hey, who is he? Why did you have me do a check?"

Tamaki smirked. "Rintaro Okabe. the main character of a well regarded anime that came out some time ago. But he was acting suspicious."

Rintaro's eyes widened. "Suspicious?"

"I always thought you introduced yourself as the great Kyouma Hououin!"

He grinned. "Oh, yeah... Well... Ordinarily I would, but..."

Tamaki raised his eyebrow.

"She... Hits me when I use that name."

Tamaki nodded in understanding. "Ah, yes, I understand."

"Ah, speaking of which... I really need to get back."

Tamaki gave him a salute. "Godspeed."

Rintaro saluted him in return. "I'm counting on you. We're all counting on you!" And with that, he ran out of the lobby.

Haruhi stared listlessly forward. "This world is screwed."