A/N:

Ok so I probably owe you an explanation as to why I haven't updated in over a year. (A freaking year, I can't even believe it!) I honestly wish there was one good, simple, clear explanation but there is not; life was and still is hectic, my health is bad and family situation very messed up, but of course I still could've written. And I still have written, just not for this story, just not so much fan fiction in general. Other things have taken up my time lately, I've been more busy writing different stories, doing different things.

When I started this story I was very excited about the concept, but I didn't have any idea about how it was going to play out any further, and I still don't. I have some vague ideas, and some general ones up to a certain point, but there's no real plot and I don't know where the story should lead and/or end. Any ideas or suggestions from you guys are very appreciated! I know from experience that when I ask people for their opinions on my work (from art to writing to anything else) I tend to not really use their ideas, but their ideas do often inspire me into thinking of new ideas myself. And maybe someone might pitch in a great idea, we never know. So, if you have any, don't hesitate to let me know!

BLESSING IN DISGUISE

CHAPTER SEVEN

…

He wakes up early. There's light peeking through the curtains, but the apartment is cold and quiet – although that first one might be caused by the fact that he's laying on top of the covers instead of under them like Kate.

She is holding Liam in her arms, and Castle's arms are wrapped around her; sheltering her. His fingers are ever so slightly brushing the little boy's back, too. He can feel his belly moving up and down when he breathes.

He shivers; there is cold wind blowing onto his back, and as he turns his head a little he sees that the window is on the latch. He unconsciously tightens his grip on her to keep her warm, but he doesn't move or get up to close it.

He's just fine where he is right in that moment; and he doesn't want it to end.

…

She wakes up hours later; startled by a knock on the door. He's still in the same position as before; wide-awake but not moving, currently frozen in place as he realizes that they are not alone and that this moment will soon be over.

She groggily groans and lifts a hand to rub her eyes. Liam makes a soft mumbling sound in his sleep.

Before she even has time to acknowledge the foreign presence behind her, the door opens and her father's head peeks around the door.

''Morning Katie,'' he greets her, and then with a cocked brow and a smug look, ''and oh- hello Rick.''

But he doesn't look surprised at all.

She immediately shoots up; eyes wide, but it doesn't last long. Her hands fly to her chest.

''Ouch,'' she winces, realizing she shouldn't have made that movement. ''Dad what are you doing, go away,'' she groans apparently more annoyed than embarrassed.

It surprises Rick.

''I made you breakfast, thought you must've had a rough night alone with Liam, but I guess I was wrong,'' her father says as he approaches the bed and places a tray that's filled with food at the nightstand.

''There's two plates, you already knew I wasn't alone,'' she shoots back, ever the detective, ''-unless you counted on Liam drinking coffee.''

''I might have snuck a look when I realized Liam wasn't in his crib last night,'' he says in his typical calm voice, but with a slightly smug look on his face.

She looks down at her hands and the sheets and just slowly shakes her head.

''Right.''

Then he retreats and closes the door behind him, not without telling them he will be off for at least the rest of the morning.

She doesn't look up or move in anyway after the door falls into place with a click, and neither of them speak. The whole room in silent until, as if on command, Liam starts to wake up. He starts squirming against Kate's leg and murmuring uneasily; his little face all scrunched up.

''I'll just go change his diaper,'' she tells Rick as she shoves the tray aside a little bit. But she winces as she lifts Liam up and her sore body protests against the movements so early on in the morning.

''Let me do it,'' Castle offers. Then before she can protest: ''I know, I know, you want to do it yourself but you should really take your rest and you'll get to change a thousand of diapers after you're all healed, so just let me do this and eat your breakfast, okay?''

She tries to think of something to say but then he's already getting up and lifting up the baby from her lap, walking him to the nursery. And she trusts him.

…

''So, you wanna go out today?'' Castle asks her as he straightens out his shirt. He's put Liam in his crib after changing his diaper and giving him his bottle. Then they'd had breakfast; he'd had coffee and she'd officially had milk since she was still on a restricted diet, but had then stolen half of his coffee anyway. He hadn't protested, could never refuse her anything anyway.

''What?'' she asks, a little confused. It might just be for show, though.

''I mean like- going outside you know, do something, go somewhere… not in that way,'' he snickers. ''I don't know, maybe we can take Liam out for a stroll in the park? Or- or we could go shopping for him, I know you haven't really bought him anything yet except for the necessary stuff so…''

''Okay, sure.''

''Really? You'll come?'' he asks incredulously.

''Wow, don't act so surprised there, I haven't seen the sun in quite a while either, I'd like to go out. Might get tired really quick, though.''

''Yeah I know, I know, we'll just be very slow,'' he smiles widely grateful for yet another opportunity to spend time with her outside of the precinct. He downs the last of his coffee and starts loading their empty plates and cups on the tray, readying it to take it back to the kitchen.

…

They've been wandering through stores for about two hours when he notices her eyes getting hazy, her steps slower and her breathing faster. She's too stubborn to admit it to him, but she's tired.

He turns towards her and sends her a reassuring smile.

''Wanna go get something to eat? Sit down for a little while?'' he asks her. He knows asking her if she's tired will undoubtedly earn him the answer 'no'.

She nods, and he can see she's relieved.

They arrive at a small restaurant about fifteen minutes later. They choose to sit at a table on the terrace; close to the front and in the sun.

A handsome, exotic looking waiter with perfectly styled hair instantly approaches them; a small notepad and pen in his hands.

''Good afternoon,'' he greets them cheerfully with a wide smile. He hands them two menu-cards and then speaks up again. ''Can I get you something to drink?''

'Yes, we'd-'' Rick tries to answer.

''Oh my god! What a cute baby!'' he waiter exclaims as he spots Liam lying in the stroller. ''He's so young and tiny!'' he continues to gush. ''I mean, I assume it's a boy?''

''Yeah, his name is Liam,'' Kate smiles proudly.

It makes Castle's heart skip a beat every time he sees how proud his partner is of her son.

After a few minutes of chatting, the waiter eventually takes their order for drinks and leaves.

They're silent as they study the menus.

''Can I ask you something?'' he awkwardly asks without looking up from the card.

''You can always ask, I can't promise that I'll answer though,'' she chuckles. She's looking him directly into the eye, staring him down in a way that reminds him of 'the old Beckett'. Although it's slightly intimidating, it's comforting too, to know that she's still there.

''Why um- didn't you correct anyone today? When they referred to us as a couple, to me as Liam's father,'' he says in a quiet voice.

She bites her lower lip and flicks her eyes down to the table. He can't help but notice that even though her face is bare from makeup and her skin is pale; her eyes tired, still she looks beautiful as always.

''I don't know. I guess I just didn't want to explain,'' she answers with an apologetic smile. ''Sorry.'' Her voice is quiet, so unlike her.

''No, don't apologize. It's okay, I just- just thought it was a bit- you know…''

''I'll-''

The waiter interrupts her.

''Have the new parents made a choice yet?'' he asks them, still with a broad smile on his face. He could star in a dental commercial, Castle notes.

He isn't sure if he had even looked at the menu before, but he orders the first thing that looks appealing to him and Kate seemed to not care either, and then the waiter is gone again and they're both sitting in silence.

Her eyes are closed; he's not sure if that's because of the sun hitting her face form an angle, that fact that's she tired or her emotional state. He doesn't speak; afraid to break anything, even if it's just the silence.

''I'm sorry,'' she chuckles dryly. ''I did it again. I just- I don't want to correct people that don't even know us, you know? I don't want to make a big deal and have to explain the whole situation to them. It's none of their business. Let them be happy for us even if it's just pretend.''

''I get it.'' But he doesn't; not really, because how can she still want to be in contact with the man who got her shot? How can she want him around her son?

She nods quietly.

…

He brings her home after they've had lunch and puts Liam to bed for her. He doesn't want to leave her, but her dad is home so she won't be alone and he doesn't really have any reason to linger. So he tells her goodbye and see-you-soon and takes a cab back to his loft.

As soon as he's inside the cab his thoughts start to cloud his mind. The guilt over Beckett's shooting has been building up gradually but it's getting worse and worse. He can't understand how she can even bear to see him, but he can't cut ties with her either; he might just be too selfish for that. Too in love, too.

Liam will never have a normal childhood. Liam will never a normal family, or two parents that love each other. Alexis didn't have that luxury either and although he tried his very best to compensate for that by being the best dad that he possibly could, he knows he couldn't- can't. He doesn't want to see another child go through that again. Liam will also never have a normal story to later on tell his wife or husband or children. He will always be born from chaos and god- it's all his goddamn fault.

He swallows and shakes his head, trying to clear his mind and he watches the world flash by through the dirty window of the taxicab. He tells himself to push the issue, that they need to talk about this. He can't keep pretending he is fine around her; not when he feels the guilt eat him up completely every time Liam smiles at him.

…

When he steps through his front door he's greeted by the sight of his own daughter sitting on the couch in her sweatpants and a hoodie; her red hair up in a high ponytail. She's reading a book with her brow slightly furrowed and the tip of her tongue poking out form between her lips; she doesn't even notice him coming in.

The sight stops him in his tracks, makes him realize that through all this he's been neglecting her; his own beautiful, mature, amazing daughter.

''I know you're watching me, dad,'' she eventually just tells him without as much as looking up from her book. She turns the page.

He steps over the threshold and closes her door behind him, shaking his head. She's even smarter than he held her for.

She closes the book and lays it down next to her on the couch. She turns to him and watches as he makes his way to her and sits down on the opposite end of the couch, but not before he places a lingering kiss on her forehead.

''How was your day?'' he asks her as he picks up her book she's reading to check out the title.

His daughter smiles and proceeds to tell him how she's not done much yet; just gotten up but that she's planned on having a lazy day filled with reading and maybe baking and soon the background and his worries fade away. All he hears is her excited, happy voice that somehow manages to pull his exhausted brain into a conversation and making plans for the day and she has him forget all that he was sad about.

…

A/N: I am not going to promise quick updates, but I hope to at least not have to keep you guys waiting for so very long again.

One thing I do definitely want to have said is that I can not thank you enough for your continued support, even a year after my last update I still got quite recent requests to finish the story and that did definitely motive me to start writing for it again. So thank you so very very very much for that, I can't even believe you guys would take the time to write a review for my story, let alone find other ways to contact me to ask me to continue it! That just makes me so happy and feel appreciated and ahh I can't even believe it! Thank you!

…