On Staying Over for the Weekend
A/N: So I'm back with the new chapter! Thank you people for your love and support! Unbeta'd (probably because it's three in the freaking morning and I'm posting this just as soon as I finished typing). Kindly overlook minor or major tweaks. I'll be glad if someone could point them out too.
Once again people, please bear with the madness of the mind.
Also, can anyone tell me what's Kakashi's profession in this?
Warnings: Those same standard warnings. A lot of mind fuck and a lot of activities.
Naruto is coming over to stay for the weekend!
Yay!
Naruto is coming over to stay for the weekend!
Yeah, I got you.
NARUTO is coming over to stay for the weekend!
Would you rather have Neji instead?
Shut up! I'm just…ecstatic!
You know Sasuke, you've embarrassed me enough. Now please…
Naruto is coming over! Naruto is coming over!
Sasuke stop dancing this very instant or I might…!
Naruto is…Naruto is…
Sasuke you really don't know how to dance. Stop shaking so pathetically like that!
Naruto…Naruto…
Fine, I quit.
Thank you.
Your point?
I was just trying to grate your nerves and allow myself to win this one time.
What? Are you insane?
No. I'm just someone who hates to lose.
So do I.
But this time I won.
Dude you really must learn to grow up.
I don't want to.
And I don't want to fight right now. So, Naruto's coming over tomorrow.
Yeah!
Sasuke, could you please just stop squealing every time we talk about him?
I can't help it! I'm just so excited!
So am I!
Wow there is so much to be done! Things to purchase, rooms to clean, porn to stash away, pubes to shave and…
Woah! Calm down will you?
What should I start with…? Should I go to the convenience store first or clean my bathroom?
Calm down Sasuke!
I think I'll just vacuum my bedroom first and then proceed to…
Calm down Sasuke!
Should I buy fresh flowers too?
Are you even listening to me?
I think I'll also buy Naruto's favorite brand of ramen!
Sasuke?
Oh and I can rent a few DVDs!
Sasuke?
Oh and the new ninja game is out too! Guess I should buy that so that we can challenge each other!
Sasuke!
Wait, last time didn't I see that orange flavored lube? I think I'll buy that too!
SASUKE!
What?
Dude, calm the fuck down! This isn't the first time Naruto's coming over, remember?
But this is the first time as lovers!
So what?
Are you serious? Dude, I don't want to screw this up, okay?
You've screwed up like ten thousand times already! Once more wouldn't hurt!
But I want this to be perfect!
Perfectionist much?
Does that bother you?
Of course it does! It hurts my pride as an Uchiha to see you drooling like a puppy.
Sasuke, I love him. Is that so hard to understand?
Sasuke, I love him too but going around making plans like an excited 14 year old is not going to work.
Okay. You tell me what I should do.
First of all, make a list of all the chores you need to do.
Are you serious?
Of course! Why wouldn't I be?
A list?
Yeah! What's wrong with making a list?
Sasuke! Women make lists.
Are you less than one?
What the hell is that supposed to imply?
Nothing.
No tell me. What the fuck was that supposed to mean?
Let's not fight amongst ourselves Sasuke.
No you first tell me what the hell was that?
Do you really have time to start a fight when you know you have less than ten hours till Naruto gets here?
Fine! I'll let you off the hook once.
Thank god!
Screw you.
Anytime Sasuke, anytime…
…You just didn't mean that, right?
Ew, gross! Sasuke please, okay?
Huh. Fine.
Anyway, what do you think I should begin with?
How about bathroom cleaning?
How about bedroom first?
Bathroom
Bedroom
Bathroom
Bedroom
Convenience store!
Hey! That's cheating!
Haha! Take that!
Bedroom
Okay bedroom
Sasuke nodded and headed towards the bedroom.
What's that stench?
Ugh, when was the last time you washed your socks?
Don't remember.
I can't believe this is your room Sasuke!
I don't believe it too!
When did it get so dirty?
I see a set of soiled underpants.
I see it too.
Where in the world did your laundry hamper go?
Maybe you might find it if you search for it…
I know that too dumbass.
Hey what's that translucent thing sticking out from under the mattress?
Don't remember.
Oh my god! When did this happen?
Sasuke you actually had the audacity to jerk off with a condom?
Oh the feeling…!
Screw the feeling! How the hell did it get under your mattress?
Hell if I know!
Anyway, I think we need a trashcan before the laundry hamper.
I think so too!
Yuck! What the hell!
Fuck! There goes my lube!
Can't you see and walk?
Damn these clothes!
Why are there so many of them on the floor?
Why can't you do your laundry on time?
Ow! That hurt!
Oh no! Oh no! No! No! No! No! No!
My favorite Hatake Kakashi DVD!
Oh fuck! That one was really good!
Yeah…there goes my chance of watching it with Naruto…
How the hell did this DVD reach here?
Kakashi was such a star in this one with his seven inch –
Sasuke…focus!
Yeah, they had focused the camera on it so well!
Not that kind of focus Sasuke. Naruto's coming tomorrow!
Oh yeah. Spaced out there for a bit, sorry!
Now let's focus again!
Yeah, room cleaning!
Right. Room cleaning.
Hey I just remembered from room cleaning, should I get a maid's costume for tomorrow?
What?
You know the usual maid thing…
Do you think Naruto has kinks like those?
Who knows?
You are his best friend. You should know.
Dude we usually don't talk about stuff like that.
Yeah, all you do is kiss and fuck.
Got a problem with that?
No. So are you going to wear a maid's costume?
No idea. Will see later.
Dude, is that Mitarashi Anko?
What the fuck is this magazine doing here?
Please tell me that used condom under your mattress is not connected to this.
It can't be!
Thank god you thought of cleaning your room!
Yeah! Imagine Naruto's reaction if he would have seen it.
He would have been shocked is all. No need to get your panties in a twist.
Oh from panties, I just remembered, are you planning to wear those leopard print –
No
Okay.
What is this?
I can't believe it was here! I thought it was lost!
Yeah! Thank god for the cleaning, dude!
Stop jumping up and down with it Sasuke. It looks gross.
I found it! I found it! Naruto's replacement, I found you!
Dude did you just kiss it?
Oh how I've missed you!
Sasuke, do you realize it's a dildo?
So what? It's my friend in lonely times.
It's still a dildo.
You don't mind kissing it so much when you're all horny and moaning with your legs –
Let's not go there Sasuke.
But you are all excited when it enters you. How can you be such a hypocrite?
Are we really parts of the same brain?
Yeah, why?
Then why in the world are we so contradictory? Look dude let's cut the crap and think of Naruto, okay?
Okay.
Deal?
Fuck you. Deal.
Dude what's with that pair of jeans?
What the hell is it doing here?
Isn't it…
Oh fuck! Naruto will kill me if he sees these!
Yeah. Stealing someone's favorite pair of jeans is a bad, bad habit.
Do not start with the lecture again Sasuke.
Fine sissy boy!
Oh by the way, where did my black shirt go?
Which one?
The black one, which else?
Most of your shirts are black Sasuke. It's hard to figure out which one are you thinking about.
See the visual in our head dumbass!
Oh, isn't this the limited edition Icha Icha version?
Oh yeah, the one I got free for being the hundredth customer?
Oh what a day that was!
Remember, out of the blue Naruto had kissed me after that?
That shirt must have been my lucky shirt!
…Dude, you believe in all that crap?
What? Admit it! Without that shirt, Naruto and I would have probably never gotten together!
Sasuke don't kill me for saying this, but you're really turning into a woman.
And whose fault is that for making me like this?
I was never the one on insisting you watch TV dramas.
Oh no of course you weren't! Wasn't it me who began getting curious about the outcome of Gaara's romance?
What's with the sarcastic tone? Don't tell me you didn't enjoy it.
Okay and I did and fine I admit that I have a penchant for dramas. So now is the slate clean?
Yes. But only for now. Understand?
Yes sir.
Someone would really think we're two people living inside one brain.
There you started again…
Oh look, there's the TV remote! It must be time for a rerun of Yamato's cookery show!
Naruto is coming tomorrow.
It's okay! This won't even take fifteen minutes!
Sasuke you have shopping to do too.
Fifteen minutes I said.
Do you remember you have to buy hundreds of things?
Fifteen minutes, please?
You have to buy shampoo, toothbrush, cheese, lube and –
Oh he's making a tomato sashimi today!
Tomato sashimi you say?
Yeah.
Fuck shopping.
Now you're talking! Sometimes I think we can be good frie –
Dude where the fuck did you keep the pen and paper?
…
Three hours later
Oh fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!
Calm down Sasuke!
Man I haven't done a thing!
Calm down Sasuke!
How could they broadcast tomato special episodes now when Naruto is supposed to come over tomorrow?
Dude KBS doesn't work according to you.
Keep quite will you! You're the last person I want to talk to right now!
You have no choice.
Fine, tell me what should I do now?
First of all, the room…
Fuck this shit. I'm going to stash away my clothes in the cupboard, Naruto be damned!
Sasuke picked up the mounds of clothes and marched to his cupboard. He threw open the door with a flourish and dumped his clothes, paper, trash et al inside it and locked it. For good measure.
Well that's that and no harm done.
Well done Sasuke!
Thank you!
Now about the bathroom…
Let's get this over with…
Three hours, sixteen minutes and fifty – eight seconds later…
Ow my back hurts!
But look at the outcome your apartment sparkles as bright as new!
Oh things we do for people we love…
Now all that's left is…
Shopping.
You don't sound too excited.
It's because I'm not.
Why now?
Don't you know?
But we're doing this for Naruto man! Buck up!
Oh god, why couldn't I be the one to go to his house instead?
How about next week?
Yeah, that way we can have a payback!
Nice idea!
This calls for a high – five!
Sasuke clapped his hands in glee.
You rock bro!
So do you bro!
Okay, let's go shopping!
Fifteen minutes into the shopping…
Should I buy the red one or the blue one?
Blue
Red
Blue
Red
Dude it's just a toothbrush! Just pick any!
Since you have a red one, take the blue one.
I know it makes sense but…
Don't tell me you want him to use yours by mistake!
Are you crazy! No way!
Oh no! You're thinking about it, aren't you?
You know I am.
Do it!
But wouldn't that be like too much…intimacy?
After all that we've done you still think about too much intimacy?
But still…what if Naruto finds it weird?
You can always lie and say there was no other color available!
You're a genius! Now I'm sure I have the Uchiha blood in me!
Overreacting pig! Move it now before you change your mind.
Haha! Right.
So what next?
Shampoo
Which brand?
Pantene? Dove?
How about bird poop?
Don't you use Shiseido?
I do but I doubt Naruto does.
So which one does he use?
I don't remember.
Dude do you seriously love him?
Is remembering someone's brand of shampoo a part of being in love?
Of course it is!
What the hell are you talking about?
Dude haven't you seen Gaara?
What does drama have to do with buying a shampoo?
Look, don't you remember that episode in which Gaara prepares this special event of his and Shikamaru's hundredth day anniversary?
So?
Doesn't he buy all of Shikamaru's favorite things just to make it special?
Oh yeah the one in which he thinks Shikamaru's favorite condom brand is Durex when it's actually Kimono?
Yeah! So now don't screw up like Gaara or you might end up just like him.
You mean end up on the couch?
Yeah.
You can't be serious! Naruto wouldn't say no to sex even if the sky was fall –
You can't take chances with him Sasuke. He always explodes at the most unpredictable moment.
So what should I do?
You mean which shampoo?
Try to remember Sasuke…try to remember!
I'm sure it was a foreign brand!
Was it French?
No! No! American for sure!
Natural Essence?
Yes! That's it!
Wait! That orange bottle looks familiar!
Asience? Was that the shampoo?
Try to remember Sasuke!
I guess I will buy Shiseido only.
"If you're buying me a shampoo, then buy Shiseido," a voice behind Sasuke made him jump in fright. He quickly turned in shock but relaxed when he saw the person behind him and smiled instead.
"Dream on Itachi!"
"Now you're being rude little brother." Itachi straightened and took the bottle of shampoo from Sasuke's hands. "By the way, who are you buying the shampoo for?"
Sasuke laughed. "What makes you think I'm buying it for someone?"
"The fact that you've been contemplating since the past ten minutes?" Give it to Itachi to be observant. The man knew Sasuke like the back of his hand.
"Naruto." Itachi nodded understandingly. "So what brings you here?" Sasuke asked taking the bottle of Shiseido and placing it in his cart.
"Nothing. Just ran out of orange juice." Itachi said pointing at his cart which contained three tubes of lube. Orange-flavored lube.
"So who is it this time?" Sasuke asked pointing at the lube.
"A yoga instructor," Itachi spoke without missing a beat.
"Aren't you going a little overboard with so much of lube?" Sasuke asked.
"Yoga people have a lot of stamina Sasuke," Itachi explained as he pushed his thick black framed glasses up his nose and turned to wheel his cart away. "Oh and Nagato is huge," he added as an afterthought walking away.
That was way too much information.
Now thanks to him I will never look at orange juice with the same eyes again.
I know. But that moment when Itachi spoke behind you!
You know for a second I couldn't think of anything!
Anyway, I'm so glad it's not him!
Me too!
Okay now all that's left is…
Lube
Right…lube.
Good lord what in the world is he doing here?
And was that…is he with Naruto?
Dammit!
Sasuke are you crazy?
What I have to see and make sure they are not doing something they shouldn't!
You should have more faith in Naruto!
Why Naruto why are you heading towards the condom rack?
Sasuke stop peeping like that!
I have to make sure he is not trying to make a move on Naruto.
Still, if you get caught, this could turn humiliating.
Dude it's Sai with Naruto! Sai okay?
Aren't you overreacting?
Wait why is Naruto acting all shy all of a sudden?
Yeah, he rubbed his neck right now.
Why is Sai pulling out boxes of condoms and heaping them into their cart?
Does this mean?
No! No way!
There is no way Naruto could make plans of sleeping with Sai!
They were dating in the past.
HE JUST TRIED TO GROPE NARUTO!
STOP THAT YOU FUCKER! NARUTO IS MINE!
Sasuke calm down! Screaming in your head isn't going to solve this problem.
What? He tried to touch Naruto!
But didn't Naruto block his hand at the last moment?
Oh look Sai is going to the other side.
Should I go and talk to Naruto?
A direct confrontation isn't the best idea.
We could talk about this tomorrow. Just mention it casually while playing Ultimate Ninjas or something.
Yeah guess I will do that.
Hang on, what the fuck is Neji doing here?
Oh wait, Neji is with them too.
Perfect timing
Ew, Neji just groped Sai in public.
Remember when he used to do that to you too in convenience stores and family diners?
Yeah! That one time that lady almost ripped all my hair off!
Thank god we broke up!
Oh fuck! They are coming towards this side!
Hurry run!
What about lube?
Is that really so important?
Looks like Naruto picked up a tube.
We must get out of here, fast!
God bless you Naruto! May you and I have the best sex of our lives together!
This isn't the time to be waxing poetic about Naruto picking up some lube.
Oh right.
The billing counter is also free! Guess I'm lucky today!
You should get out of here before your luck runs dry.
I know okay, I know!
Fine!
Naruto rang the bell and waited for Sasuke to open the door.
Do I look good?
Of course you do! You're Uzumaki Naruto after all!
Hehe. True that.
You would have also looked cool if you just wore leaves around your ass.
Now you're boosting my ego.
No I'm not! Did you look at yourself today?
I looked hot, didn't I?
Very hot indeed.
Do you think this present is perfect?
Of course it is!
But buying this as a present for him isn't exactly appropriate…
Dude these are tomatoes! What does Sasuke love the most?
My dick and tomatoes!
Please next time don't put them in the same statement together.
That imagery was gross.
So much for being a mood killer
Anyway, straighten your shoulders and stand. How is it that you're always stooping?
Hey I guess Sasuke is coming.
That was so perverted.
Haha!
Naruto straightened and grinned up at Sasuke.
"Hi!"
That was so lame.
What else was I supposed to say then?
You could have said something flirty.
Yeah, right. Saying something like why are you even wearing clothes seems so right, right?
That's not what I mean.
Anyway, Sasuke looks good.
Yeah that lilac and black combo looks good on him.
Naruto, did you just notice the colors Sasuke's wearing?
What's wrong with noticing colors?
You know, you're right. Sasuke notices my clothes all the time.
"Naruto, orange isn't exactly a happening color…" blah! Blah! Blah! Remember that conversation?
You're right man.
What's wrong with wearing orange?
I mean orange is so hep and outgoing!
Hell even Sai used to say, "Naruto this color on you turns me on!"
But then again, everything about me turned Sai on.
Wonder why I even left him!
You're right. I should have stayed with a guy who loved me.
But then in all honesty, Sai only loved your dick.
You're right.
Sasuke, on the other hand, loves you for who you are.
Man, why are we even talking about Sai at this moment?
Because…
Well never mind. Let's get back to Sasuke.
Jesus Christ Sasuke! Desperate much?
But man that tongue…
That tongue…
Tongue…
Oh no Sasuke, your hands are going in the wrong direction.
Not so fast dude! I just entered!
Fuck I can't think straight when he does this to me!
Sasuke dude just stop locking your ankles around my waist and thrust –
Ah!
Ah! Ah! Ah!
Sasuke you horny pig!
Oh fuck! There you said it loud again!
Why do you have to think while making out?
Great now Sasuke looks embarrassed.
More like humiliated.
Awesome! Now you might as well pick up your overnight case and say goodbye to the sex.
Man, I'm so doomed…
Oh god! Oh God! This is so humiliating!
I can't believe I just jumped on him like a horny teenager!
I wanted to act a little mature for my age!
My life is over!
And my pants are killing me!
Damn it Naruto! Why did you have to stand at my door with such a cute expression on your face?
I want to die now!
I want to die, I want to die, I want to –
NARUTO!
That completely took me by surprise!
Dude you're ruining my favorite Rasengan shirt!
Not my pants you animal –
Oh yes…oh yes!
Naruto your hands are like magic as they rub me, your teeth a sweet ache as they bite…your lips like fine wine…
Oh oh…
Sasuke why can't you put a lock on your thoughts in moments like these?
Now Naruto has that cat-ate-the-cream expression.
I can't believe it!
Within twenty minutes you humiliated yourself twice!
Can this day get any worse?
But look Naruto isn't angry!
Matter of fact he's –
Hah…hah…ah!
Naru –
Go slo –
Okay don't stop! Don't ever stop.
Holy God in heaven who created porn and all its awesome moments -
What was his name again?
Jira?
Jiaiy?
Jirai?
Jiraiya?
Oh yeah, Jiraiya!
The man had a mouth like a suction pump! I swear –
Naruto!
Oh yes Naruto!
Just like that Naruto!
Oh…
Did you watch that DVD too Naruto?
Holy mother of stinking panties! Sasuke how could you?
Shit!
You really should stop thinking while someone blows you, you know?
What? It just slipped out okay?
Yeah, exactly how your dick is slipping out of Naruto's mou –
I know, okay! Tell me what to do?
You mean damage repair?
Of course fucker! What else would I ask for? Hair spray?
Erm, try to laugh it off?
Oh no no! That is too obvious. Something along the lines of –
No Naruto! How could you even think of something like that?
Why would I try to put off sex?
No Naruto I most certainly feel like getting a blow job!
See that down below?
Dammit! I think I will have to make the move now.
Operation Uzumaki Naruto Seduction – Start!
What should I do first?
How about taking his hands?
How about biting my ass and pissing my pants?
What is so wrong in holding hands?
We aren't a 12 year-old boy – girl couple Sasuke and this isn't our first date.
How about –
Oh crap! I'm so dead!
Why Sasuke why?
I don't why!
Why did you grab his butt like that?
I just couldn't resist!
I can understand.
Oh it feels good! So good!
Naruto your smell…the feel of you r shirt against my nose…your silky blond hair against my chin…your hands against my butthole…
Oh wait! How the hell did his hands get inside my jeans?
Naruto stop pushing me you dumbass! I'll fall!
Ow! Ow! Ow!
Told you so
Oh great! Now just because he thinks he's on top, he can –
He just ripped my Rasengan shirt!
Naruto you don't just rip people's Rasengan shirts.
Now you're going to have to buy me a new pair.
By hook or by croo –
Naruto, you sure know how to get down to business!
God! Who taught you how to blow?
If it were Sai, I swear I'm going to kill –
Wait, what the hell is that under the sofa?
It looks like a –
Oh no way! No fucking way could a used condom be there.
But then it could be –
When was the last time you used the hand – to –dick technique?
Last month?
Oh no wait! Didn't you rent that Asuma's DVD last week?
Or was it last month?
Last week I think.
No wait! Didn't you rent that "Ninja love in Snowland" DVD after that?
But then after that it was "Lovers in Sharingan Paradise".
Oh that one was memorable…
Ack! You don't bite someone's dick Naruto! Hasn't Sai taught you anything?
Now get off my think before it swells like a fucking wart!
Sorry? You think after ruining that awesome entire suction machine pumping, you can bite my precious bits and expect me to say it's alright?
Anyway, stop shifting at the back.
Dude I said stop going back!
Fuck! His hand is right next to the condom.
No Naruto no. Don't put your hand deeper under the sofa.
Thank God he lifted his hands!
I thought he was going to –
Where are you going Uzumaki Naruto?
No dude! No fucking way!
First you turn your mouth into a sucking machine, then you bite me and now you think of leaving?
No way dude! I'm going to –
Shit! That hurt.
At least he didn't leave!
Ah it stings!
My nose – My nose – My beautiful Uchiha nose!
I can't see anymore!
Why did I have to trip on my pants?
Which reminds me, why did you have to forget to pull up your pants?
Naruto was leaving and I wanted to –
Darkness…oh you beautiful darkness…
Let me embrace you…
"He has a broken nose," Sakura looked up from Sasuke's unconscious face to Naruto with curiosity shining bright in her eyes. "Do I even want to know what happened?"
"Probably not." Naruto shot back and sat on the empty seat beside Sasuke.
"Figured as much." Sakura answered dryly. "Anyway, you can take him home once he regains consciousness."
Naruto nodded and gazed sadly at Sasuke's bandaged nose.
Well there goes my perfect weekend.
I know!
And to think of it, I even bought Sasuke's favorite lube and that ninja game he wanted so much and –
Dude, don't mention the fried shrimp.
I wasn't thinking about it.
That's better.
But that tomato soup I had finally perfected –
And those boxes of condoms Sai helped me pick –
And those scented candles Neji suggested –
And that pair of handcuffs I had that blue skinned guy buy me –
And that –
What was his name anyway?
He never told me did he?
Anyway, when Sasuke wakes up I guess I will make him some chicken soup when we get home.
Before that, I hope he doesn't get mad at me.
But seriously! The way he stood up when he thought I was leaving!
And the worst part is, I was only going to pick up some lube.
Guess I will tell him next time.
Don't you think I talk more in my head than I do with Sasuke?
But then again, men are not into talking much are they?
Nope. For them it's more…physical.
Sex?
Dude stop thinking from your precious bits sometimes, okay?
I mean action dude!
You want it, you do it.
But then talking is also the key…
That was so womanly Naruto!
Fuck you!
…
It hurts…
Every inch of it hurts.
My nose…
My perfect Uchiha nose!
And my perfect weekend…
Damn you Naruto, damn you!
But then if you see, it gives you a chance to get pampered.
As it is he has no choice but to stay over for the weekend!
Maybe I could even convince him to wear that maid costume –
You, Uchiha Sasuke, are a genius!
Of course I am!
A low chuckle escaped Sasuke's lips.
"What's wrong?" Naruto asked, gently placing his hand on top of Sasuke's.
"Want to wear a maid's costume Naruto?"
Reviews would be lovely!