Title : Trust Me, We'll Go Far Together

Fandom : The Losers

Characters : Cougar/Jensen

Rating : PG-13

Written for the prompt of The Losers. Cougar/ Jensen - Jensen is feeling insecure and Cougar has to reassure him that he isn't going anywhere.

This could also been seen as a timestamp for my fic"Where You Belong"

Disclaimer : All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.

Trust Me, We'll Go Far Together

They've been together long enough for Cougar to know that a lot of Jensen's rambles are often just cover, distraction from his insecurities. Cougar knows that they've both had their problems in the past, problems with loss and loneliness, isolation and misunderstanding. He tries to be careful, tries to be enough, but sometimes he gets it wrong. He hates that.

He knows that when they got together, it was a catalog of disasters before they finally stumbled over the finish line together but that even then there were still so many secrets, so many things that they didn't know how to tell each other. It wasn't that they didn't trust each other; that they didn't want the other to know those secrets or believed that the other would think any the less of them. They wanted to protect each other, not add to the burden they each carried.

Things came out slowly, bit by bit as circumstances warranted. The difficulties with McKee, the loss of Cougar's old team, the times when they just didn't fit with the people round them.

Cougar knows this, but it doesn't stop him making mistakes, getting it wrong and he'll never stop feeling guilty for every bit of unintentional hurt he adds to the weight Jensen already carries.

Memories and nightmares torment as the anniversary of his old team's deaths approaches. He finds himself avoiding sleep, avoiding company, not wanting to taint what he has now with the guilt he still carries for being the survivor of that time. It's not that Jensen or the rest of the team don't know about what happened now, it's just he doesn't talk about it and this, the anniversary, is private. He makes his arrangements, gets leave and packs a bag to go.

Jensen watches, unnaturally still, strangely silent, chewing on a lip, eyes filled with sadness. Cougar is so wrapped in his own thoughts, his own suffering that he barely registers Jensen's presence at all. He leaves, walking out the door without a word.

He's only gone two days, or at least that's how it seems in his head. He visits graves and pays his respects; he goes to places they used to hang out together. He talks to them, tells them about his new team, his new partner and he tells them how sorry he is that they aren't there with him. Somewhere in the time he's gone, something changes, a weight lifts as if his old team are giving him their blessing to be himself with his new team, telling him to leave his guilt behind and move on. Before he leaves, he promises never to forget them; that he'll always keep this anniversary in some way, here if he can but wherever he might be at the time. He picks up his bag and returns to his new life.

It's only when he's back that he realizes the mistake he's made – not in going for no one would begrudge him that but in leaving Jensen as he did. Jensen who he knows is used to feeling unwanted, Jensen who expects the worst when it comes to how people treat him, Jensen who holds his heart but clearly doesn't understand just what that means.

Jensen looks like he hasn't slept at all in the time Cougar's been gone; looks like he's lived on coffee and candy; Jensen who can't sit still but jumps at the least movement or sound from anyone else; Jensen who won't even look at him.

He's grateful that the rest of the team aren't blaming him for this, just counting on him to put it right. He finally gets Jensen alone in their room, sees the jittery agitation and knows he's got to show Jensen how he feels, because just talking alone isn't going to get through to him.

Jensen's tired enough that a quick sidestep on Cougar's part gives him enough momentum to knock Jensen over so he falls onto the bed and Cougar follows him down, wrapping him in a warm embrace and holding him close until Jensen takes a few deep but shaky breaths and begins to calm.

He starts with "I'm sorry," and goes on from there, telling Jensen of his burden and how he wanted, no, needed to pay his respects. He tells him of the weight lifted as he told his brothers in arms of his new team and of Jensen, promises him they gave their blessing.

He feels the tension slowly ebb from Jensen, the embrace returned, the apologies returned as Jensen tells him of people leaving without a word or backward glance, of not being wanted by anyone but his sister for so long until he found this team. He mutters apologies for his lack of faith, his lack of understanding and Cougar knows he can only reassure and hope that one day the evidence of how he stayed because Jensen was enough, more than enough, more than he thought he deserved, will be sufficient to heal the wounds that Jensen carries.

When Jensen falls asleep in his arms, Cougar counts his blessings, sends his thanks to God and his old team mates and asks that they protect Jensen, not just from danger but also from the hurt that he himself causes. He kisses Jensen's forehead one last time before he too falls asleep.