A/N: So this is the final chapter to "Big Time Love Story"! It's very bittersweet for me, because I'm happy to finally finish this story and share it with all of you, but I also had so much fun writing it and will miss it dearly. I started this story way back in February, so it's been a long journey, but I've enjoyed every bit of it! Now the story can finally live in fanfic heaven lol. I hoped you all enjoyed reading it, and I want to thank you for all the lovely comments.

I decided to call this chapter "Spring" because I thought it was appropriate for several reasons. The story was supposed to showcase their relationship through the four seasons, with summer being the opening season and spring being the closing one. It also felt right, because spring symbolizes a rebirth and life after a harsh winter. This story is about Kendall and how he grieves after a tragic loss. So this chapter is essentially his growth through the tragedy.

This chapter was inspired by:

"Nothing In My Way" by Keane

"Through Your Eyes" by The Honey Trees

Please review and share your thoughts. And I'd love to know if you had a favorite chapter! And now without further ado, I give you "Spring".

That night I spent the night in James and Carlos' room. It would've felt like a step backwards to go back into my dungeon. I feared I wouldn't come out again for another few months if I went back in. Besides, it was comforting to have my friends by me. And they certainly helped distract me from thinking about him too much. They caught me up on their lives. I admit that I was only partially listening. For one, I didn't know half the names they'd mention. I assumed they were referring to new residents at the Palm Woods. And two, my weariness was winning out over me once more. The day had been emotionally taxing, so I listened politely for as long as I could before my eyelids admitted defeat and closed.

When I woke up, something in me had changed. I wasn't completely mended, but I could feel that I was slowly beginning to forge myself back together. After seeing my friends, mom and Katie, I knew I had to find the strength to put myself back, no matter how difficult it felt.

"Oh, morning, Kendall," Carlos greeted.

"We weren't sure if you wanted to sleep," James proclaimed. "We didn't want to wake you."

"No worries." I noticed they were already dressed. "You guys going somewhere?"

"Yeah, we were just going to go grab breakfast around the corner. Want to come with?" James invited.

"Nah, you guys go ahead."

They exchanged worried looks. I could sense that they felt obligated to watch me now. I frowned at the thought of being babysat, but smiled because I was lucky to have such caring friends.

"Don't worry, I'll be fine," I soothed. "Maybe I'll meet up with you guys later today?"

The truth was that I wasn't entirely sure if I was ready to face the outside world quite yet. But James and Carlos were nothing but supportive, so I owed them a glimmer of hope at the very least.

"Okay! That sounds good!" Carlos cheered.

"Alright, well, let us know if you need anything," James added.

I smiled and nodded. I rubbed my face and realized I still had a full beard. I decided it was time to shed all the grief both figuratively and literally.

I headed for the bathroom to groom myself when I noticed all my bed sheets had been stripped from my bed, and all the dirty clothes on the floor were gone. Mom wasted no time trying to clean—and probably disinfect—my filthy room.

But I noticed something still lying on the corner of the room. I went over and picked it up and saw that it was a photo of Logan. A sharp pain struck my heart, but I suppressed it, because I wasn't ready to erase his image from my mind. I wanted to study his face again; his contours, his features, his beauty… A tear fell on the cracked glass. It must have been damaged during my tirade.

"I know you miss him," a voice from the door said.

I spun around and looked at my mom's somber face, through my misty eyes.

"I really do…" I admitted, choking on my own words.

I went over to my stripped bed and sat down, still clutching the photo. Mom came over and sat beside me.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Mom asked tenderly as she stroked the back of my head.

I wanted to run away, hide and curl up in a ball again. But I knew I couldn't move backward, only forward. I needed to address the pain inside; I needed to open up for my sanity. So I forced myself to speak.

"With him, it all came so effortlessly. Without him, I can't even begin to try."

"Logan would want you to." Mom held my hands in a tight ball and forced me to look into her eyes. "Logan would want you to try."

"But how?" I asked with naïvete in my voice.

"I don't know, sweetie," mom shrugged nonchalantly. "No one truly has those answers. And no one expects you to walk away from this unchanged, because the truth is, you are changed. But how you define that is entirely up to you. You can let something like this consume you until there's nothing left, or you can pull out of it and live life—live life the way Logan would want you to."

The last part demanded my full attention. I never really thought of it that way. Logan would never allow me to become so defeated. He would demand that I get out of bed, put on a better attitude and face the day. He would be ashamed of me if he saw me now. The thought alone made me feel like I had somehow let him down. I needed to make things right. I needed to honor Logan's memory; he deserved better.

"Thank you, mom."

"For what?" She looked genuinely puzzled.

"For never giving up on me, even when at times I gave up on myself," I clarified.

"I could never give up on you, honey. Ever."

I rested my head on her shoulder and she wrapped her arms around me and rested her face on the top of my head. Even though I towered over my petite mom, in that moment it felt like I was a small child again and it was comforting. There was a certain kind of calm in knowing I could be vulnerable again. It reminded me that I was still able to feel something…

SPRING

The sun beamed through my window and directly on my face. I opened an eye, but kept the other one tightly shut. I looked at the time; it was still early, too early for even the sun to be up. But then I reached for my phone and checked the date. It was spring… I lied back down and silently wondered where the months went. In many ways, I was thankful that winter had passed. It had been the darkest point in my life, but more significantly… I had survived it. I endured the pain and made it through, although at the time I convinced myself I wouldn't be able to.

If I could get through the darkness, I could surely find my way back into the light. Granted it hadn't been easy. And I took baby steps during the process. I had no longer exiled myself into my room, but I still hadn't faced the outside world yet. The thought alone terrified me. But, I decided that today was the day. There was no point in waiting for a "better day" because I would always find excuses; I would always be afraid until I conquered it. In probability, the longer I put it off, the more afraid I would be. So I decided that today, I would leave the apartment.

As I looked into my bathroom mirror, I actually looked at myself. I saw a healthier version of myself, at least healthier than how I had looked a few months prior. My skin no longer looked sickly, my hair's sheen was restored, my face looked full again, the color in my lips had returned; in fact, I got all my coloring back. In that moment, I could feel that I would be okay; everything would be okay. I didn't even realize that I was smiling until I saw it in my reflection.

With my hope restored, I got dressed in a simple t-shirt and faded jeans and left my room.

"What'cha got planned today, sweetie?" Mom asked from the kitchen.

I looked at her, smiled and let out a small exhale.

"I think I'm going to head to the park today," I replied.

I could tell she was refraining from smiling from ear to ear, but a portion of her happiness still managed to emerge.

"Well, have fun, sweetie," she said. As I headed out the door, she called out to me. "Kendall. I just want to let you know how proud I am of you, and that I love you so much."

"I love you too, mom," I smiled.

I received a few quick glances from the residents. I can only imagine what they were all thinking: the heartbroken boy had finally returned from his self-exile. But I paid no mind to who was staring or what they were thinking. I just wanted to take the next step to mending myself.

When I got to the park, I was surprised by how good it felt to be outdoors again. I had been imagining it to be something of the complete opposite; an ugly cruel world just because Logan no longer existed in it. But it wasn't. There I stood, basking in it all: the sunlight, the breeze, the noise, the life. The world didn't seem like a dark cynical betrayer that I had convinced myself it was all this time. The world seemed full of endless possibilities again.

All the senses I had forgotten or had simply chose to ignore were coming back, and this time I didn't want to run away from them. I stood in the center of the park, and felt the sun warm my skin. I looked up at the glorious, cloudless blue sky and smiled at the dazzling sun. I gently closed my eyes and welcomed the warmth and beauty. Logan would have loved a day like this. I took a deep inhale and then let out a long drawn exhale.

"Kendall?" I heard a familiar voice call out.

I opened my eyes and saw Camille watching me bask in the rays.

"Camille. It's been too long," was all I could think of to say.

She approached me. She hesitated briefly, before she crashed against me, hugging me tightly. I heard her snob and sniffle, but she buried her head into my chest so I wouldn't be able to see her tears.

"It's good to see you, Kendall," she stated, straightening herself and wiping the excess tears from her eyes. "We missed you. Logan would be happy to see you out again," Camille said smiling before walking off.

Yes, I suppose he would, I thought to myself. I sat down on an empty bench and simply soaked in the beautiful day. I could feel myself mending already.

The day was revelatory for me. It was easy to be frozen in a moment of time—to be consumed by guilt and sorrow—but still, without choice and certainly not enough time to prepare, life inches us forward just like a stubborn, but righteous friend—a friend like Logan. It's not ready to give up on you, even when you have given up on yourself. It's unrelenting, it's even fucking annoying at times, but it's right… you simply must continue. Life was everywhere, and never more apparent than in spring, when the blossoms grew, the leaves on trees were restored, the animals that had been hibernating returned.

Life didn't stop just because I did. It still continues and you can decide whether you want to get on board or get left behind.

I decided I didn't want to get left behind.

EPILOGUE

It had been close to six months since Logan passed away. Every day was an internal struggle to heal myself, to learn that I could move on. I would be lying if I said the process was easy. Some days were better than other days. Some days I just wanted to close the blinds and curl up into a ball again, but I reminded myself I could no longer do that. I was lucky enough though, to be surrounded by loving and supportive family and friends. In fact, today I was meeting Carlos and James for lunch. It had been a few weeks since I'd seen the guys, so I was really excited.

"Kendall!" I heard Carlos call out. He and James were waiting at a table outside of a café. "We saved you a seat."

"Hey, Carlos," I greeted, before giving him a big hug. His hug was bigger. I had forgotten that his hugs were quite literally rib-crushing.

"Hey, man, how've you been?" James smiled.

"Good, good. You?" I asked as I hugged him, too.

"Busy! Recording the new album," James sighed, feigning stress. But we all knew he secretly enjoyed every minute of it. It was the reason he came out to Hollywood, after all.

"Oh man, Kendall, I was just telling James a funny story about what happened on set the other day!" Carlos gushed.

He went on to tell me his story, and I couldn't help but smile, thinking how far we'd all come. Those boys from Minnesota, completely naïve and clueless, and here we were now, shaping our own careers and molding our own lives.

After all the time I took to grieve, it was only natural—and fair—that the guys went off and tried their hand in Hollywood. With Logan gone, and the time it took me to get out of my depression, the prospect of a boy band with just Carlos and James didn't make a lot of sense to Griffin, so Big Time Rush was disbanded.

At the time I felt a surge of guilt, but James and Carlos reassured it wasn't anything I did wrong. I was once again reminded of how lucky I was to have their friendship.

But it turned out bittersweet, because James now has a great solo singing career (also under Gustavo's management) and Carlos—accompanied by his lucky helmet—is a sought-after stunt coordinator for Hollywood.

The three of us sat at the café corner for hours, sharing stories, reminiscing and laughing. It was nice to know that our friendship wasn't going anywhere just because our careers were. I checked my watch and told them I had to be somewhere. We all got up and hugged once more and waved good-bye, promising to meet up again in a few weeks.

I walked a few blocks down and entered a talent agency. I told the receptionist of my appointment and she led me directly into the office of a talent agent.

"You know, Mr. Knight—" he began.

"Please, call me Kendall," I requested.

"Alright. Well, Kendall, I got to admit, I was surprised you called this department. I figured you would've called the agents for singers/songwriters, given your success with Big Time Rush and all."

It was a bit strange to hear the group's name again. Neither James, Carlos or I ever really mentioned the name. It was just an unspoken thing between us.

"Well, maybe someday I'll get back into music. But for now… I really want to share this with you. It's something I've worked on for months and it's really important to me," I said. Then I opened up my bag and handed him a copy of my script.

"What's the premise of the screenplay?"

"Well… it's about a rather unconventional love story. But it's a beautiful, sweeping love story that although, it may seem tragic at first, it's not. It's about how that love will always be instilled in us, because it's that strong, that unbreakable."

He looked at me for a moment like he still wasn't convinced, but then spoke.

"Kendall, I have to be honest. It will be a tough sell," he frowned. "Hollywood wants big budget action flicks now. There's a very small market for romance. And you are a first time screenwriter, which makes it harder to pitch to studios… But, I have a feeling about this, and more importantly, a feeling about you, so… why the hell not?" I sighed from relieve and smiled. "Have you decided on a title yet?"

"Yes," I answered confidently.

"What is it?"

"The Promise."

He smiled. And somehow, I knew he would.

We discussed a few more things before I shook his hand and left his office. I went home feeling great.

"Hey, big brother," Katie greeted. "How did the meeting go?"

"Fan-tastic, little sister!" I beamed, playfully messing her hair.

"That's terrific, sweetie!" Mom congratulated from the kitchen.

"I know, right? Hey, mom, do you think I could borrow the car for a couple of hours?"

I could tell by her expression that she had reservations in me getting back into a car after what happened. But after she deliberated for a moment she smiled and nodded.

"Will you back before dinner?" was all she asked.

"Yes, definitely. Don't worry; I just need to make one last stop," When I said this, Mom understood.

She knew where I was going, and that it was important to me. She nodded and handed me her car keys.

When I got into the car, I momentarily froze. I sat still until my body decided to resist remaining still; that's when I began trembling—first my hands, then the rest of me. I looked over at the passenger seat and thought for a millisecond about Logan; I felt a stab in my chest. I tried to close my eyes and erase the terrible images, but it only brought more awful images to the surface. I kept on being reminded of broken glass, snow and blood. I could feel my emotions getting the best of me. I couldn't let them break me down again.

I only rode in cars; I hadn't driven one yet since the accident. I knew this would happen. I also knew this was another fear I had to overcome. I took a deep inhale and then exhaled slowly. I held the keys and tried to steady my hands and put it the ignition. I took another breath and put the car in drive.

I drove to the edge of town and parked when I made it to my destination. The cloudless sky had disappeared, and was replaced by an overcast of light grey clouds, forewarning rain.

I walked on the lush, green spring grass and stopped in front of Logan's headstone.

This had been another thing I had avoided. It was absolutely the scariest thing; the thing I feared most of all. I thought if I saw his grave, then it meant I really had to put him to rest, that I would have to finally let go. This was why I couldn't go to the funeral.

Initially I thought I was being haunted by the memory of Logan, that somehow I was cursed with perpetual guilt. But now I understood that he was embedded in me. He would always be a part of me regardless, perhaps not in a physical embodiment, but maybe something even greater, in an almost inexplicably spiritual way.

I could feel tears begin to spill out of eyes, when I realized that I had to say farewell to Logan again. I now understood what he meant when he told me in my dream that I had to let him go. He wanted me to begin healing. And for that, I was thankful.

I felt sad, yes; indisputably sad. But I also felt free as the rain began to pour, washing over my guilt and sorrow. I allowed the cool spring rain to hit my face, invigorating me, imbuing me with much needed strength. I was renewed.

I looked down at the ring on my finger and smiled knowing he was wearing his, too. This would be the symbol of our everlasting love. I reached into my pocket and pulled out a piece of paper. The edges were frayed and now the paper was getting wet from the rain. It was the eulogy that I was supposed to read at the funeral; the funeral I didn't attend. It wasn't a long or particularly impressive eulogy, but it was honest. It was how I felt, how I still feel and how I will forever feel about Logan. This was my redemption and this was my way of righting a wrong to Logan.

I cleared my throat, but I could feel the emotions boiling to the surface. It was getting harder to fight back the tears, but I suppressed as much as I could, because I needed to do this for the both of us.

I held out the paper and read it to Logan's headstone.

"There's this place in me where your fragile hands still rest, your tender kisses still linger, and your gentle whispers softly echo. It's the place where a part of you will forever be a part of me. And I know that no amount of words, prayers, or tears could ever bring you back into my arms. But I just want to let you know that I will keep my promise to you, Logan Mitchell… I'll never stop loving you."

"Love is the emblem of eternity;

It confounds all notion of time;

Effaces all memory of a beginning,

All fear of an end."

Germaine de Stael