Title: LYLAS
Description: Because those girls text Penny every detail of their lives as it happens.
Fandom: The Big Bang Theory
Genre: Comedy
Characters: Amy and Penny
Word Count: 952
Author's Note: Missing scene fic. Spoilers for 5.16 "The Vacation Solution"
Disclaimer: The Big Bang Theory is an American sitcom created by Chuck Lorre and Bill Prady, and is produced by them along with Lee Aronsohn. It is a Warner Brothers production and airs on CBS. All characters, plots and creative elements derived from the source material belong exclusively to their respective owners. I, the author of the fan fiction, do not, in any way, profit monetarily from the story.
Rating: T

Amy: Good Morning Bestie!
Sent 8:42 AM

Amy: Good Morning Bestie!
Sent 9:01 AM

Amy: Bestie?
Sent 9:36 AM

Penny: GM, Amy

Amy: Where were you?

Penny: Um, asleep. And I tld u bout txtng me so early.

Amy: How are the hours of 8 and 9 early?

Penny: Since I didnt get home from work till mdnt n then watched reruns of Jersey Shore till 2am, theyre WAY 2 early 2 B txtg

Amy: Forgive me, but I was super excited. My boyfriend is going to be in the lab with me today!

Penny: :S

Amy: That is not the enthusiasm I anticipated.

Penny: I dunno. Its a lil risky 2 crap where u eat

Amy: Ah, yes. I understand, but when one works in a primatology lab, it is all but inevitable that one will occasionally have to consume a meal in uncomfortable proximity to monkeys defecating, masturbating and otherwise engaging in all sorts of other repulsive behavior. We will likely go out for lunch.

Penny: ?

Penny: Im tlkg bout Sheldon. BFs and work dont go 2gether.

Amy: Ah. I think I may catch your meaning. But, we are both scientists. I anticipate an engaging communion of minds and engaging work. It's going to be romantic.

Penny: I think we have diff ideas of romantic

Amy: He should be here any minute.

Penny: Kewl. Hv fun!
Sent at 10:04 AM

Amy: Uh oh…
Sent at 12:47 PM

Penny: On my way to work. Wassup?

Amy: I think you were, in your typically spectacular fashion, right.

Penny: Not going so good on the BF front?

Amy: He's scarcely been here three hours, and has done nothing but sulk, condescend to my research and, pardon my French, bitch about everything.

Penny: Y? What he do?

Amy: Firstly, I gave him the simple task of cleaning some beakers. You would have thought I asked him to clean out the monkey cages. He gave me a long complaint that included an allusion to the Incredible Hulk.

Penny: Yikes

Amy: Yikes is right. Next I asked him to sort the test tubes by their color coding. More griping. He's gone to the restroom, and it's the first time I've been able to breathe since he got here.

Penny: Good. Maybe a 5 minute break is wut u need.

Amy: He's been gone 45 minutes.

Penny: R U sure he went 2 the bthrm?

Amy: (1/2) Yes. Apparently, in his haste to catch the bus, he only had a package of string cheese for breakfast instead of his normal bran cereal. If I had to guess, I would attribute his long bathroom break to the fact that even one alteration to his diet

Amy: (2/2) throws his bowel movements off for the rest of the day.

Penny: TMI

Amy: My apologies.

Penny: Look. when he gets back just let him no that u just wanna work in silence and give him a book 2 read. he likes science books right?

Amy: You don't know Sheldon. He would much rather try to impress me with his "infinite" knowledge than to sit idle with busy-work. If his attitude doesn't improve, and soon, I don't know how I'm going to get through the next four hours.

Penny: Im work now sweetie. Ill txt u on my break.

Amy: You were texting me while you were driving?

Penny: Yeah… Y?

Amy: Never mind. Talk to you later.
Sent 12:59 PM

Penny: Hi Ames!

Sent 3:30 PM

Penny: Hurry I gotta go back on n 10 mins.

Amy: DX

Penny: ?

Amy: He fainted.

Penny: D:

Penny: Wut happend?

Amy: Can you believe that man told me I was giving him "menial tasks" because I thought he would show me up?

Penny: O no he didn't

Amy: He did. So (being fed up with his constant complaints and endless prattle) I invited him to cut the Locus Coeruleus out of a brain specimen I was dissecting.
Sent 3:36 PM

Amy: Penny?

Penny: Sorry. I was txtng Bndtt. Howrd found out bout the prenup.

Amy: That's curious. I didn't say anything.

Penny: ME NEITHER! Weird, right? So, neway, Y'd Shel faint?

Amy: After several minutes of peacocking, the only incision he made was on his own thumb and, upon seeing the blood, promptly fainted. I had to extract the smelling salts from the first-aid kit to awaken him and then bandage his finger.

Penny: Well that was a lil romantic right?

Amy: No

Penny: Yeah, I didnt think so either, but I gave it a shot. He's always been a wuss

Amy: Penny, oh how I admire and extol you for your ability to tolerate your boyfriend frequenting your place of employment so often

Penny: Trust me, if U knew what I did to his food, U wouldn't

Amy: Which reminds me, I'm hungry

Penny: What'd U do for lunch?

Amy: We ate egg-salad sandwiches out of the vending machine

Penny: Ew

Amy: He offered to go out, but frankly, I wasn't in the mood

Penny: I dont get off till 9. Stop by after work if u need a bite. I might b able to sneak u something from the kitchen

Amy: While your constancy and generosity are greatly appreciated, I'm afraid I'll be taking my work home tonight. Minding Sheldon has cut into my productivity

Penny: :C Well tomorrow will b better, right?

Amy: I'm afraid today will b his last day in the lab. If he desires to shadow a beautiful woman as she engages in her vocational activities, I'll refer him to the Cheesecake Factory.

Penny: Actually, dont

Amy: LOL

Penny: Gotta go.

Amy: Very well then. LYLAS.

Penny: LYLAS
Sent at 3:45 PM

THE END