TITLE: Tent People

AUTHOR: Obi the Kid

RATING: G

SUMMARY: A Yappy Obi story. Obi-Wan wants to know what it's like to live in a tent in the Jedi Gardens.

DISCLAIMER: The characters and venue of Star Wars are copyrighted to Lucas Films Limited. I make no profit from the writing or distribution of this story.

NOTE: This isn't in any way a politically motivated story. But since I work in DC and my building overlooks one of the parks where the Occupy protestors have set up camp, seeing (and smelling) that every day for many months finally inspired this story! Naturally, it inspired a YO story.

Obi: Master, I want to be a tent person.

Qui: A what?

Obi: A tent person. Like those people who are camped out in the Jedi Gardens.

Qui: No, you need to bathe more often than that. You have a perfectly fine bedroom, why would you want to live in a tent in the Gardens?

Obi: To experience the outdoors!

Qui: The Gardens are inside the Temple.

Obi: To practice my art work?

Qui: So you can paint a giant blue sign that says, I'm 99% Troll?

Obi: Those signs don't say that. They are demonstrating their rights.

Qui: Their rights to live in a park voluntarily.

Obi: I can learn from them.

Qui: Yes, you can learn how to grow a scraggily beard, how to urinate in the bushes and how to harass the guards.

Obi: All necessary pieces of life. You have a scraggily beard. You harass the Council. And I'm sure you've peed on a bush at some time in your life, Master. Come on, just admit. When you were young and stupid like me, I bet you did.

Qui: I was never young and stupid. And no, I have never utilized a bush as a lavatory. And you will not either. If you want to set up a tent in your bedroom, have at it. If you want to make a sign and put it on your wall, by all means. But you are not living out there with a bunch of strangers in tents. It's unsanitary. The rat population alone has skyrocketed.

Obi: That's because Master Medusa won't let her snakes roam free anymore like she used to. They just hang out on her head all day, every day now. How boring is that? That's not a life a snake should lead.

Qui: Not our concern.

Obi: I still want to be a tent person. I need to do this. It'll prepare me for living in a hovel when I'm old and gray in desert-land and waiting for Farmer-Whiny-Boy to show up to save the galaxy. Please, Master? Just for a month.

Qui: No.

Obi: A week?

Qui: No.

Obi: A day?

Qui: No.

Obi: An hour?

Qui: No.

Obi: But how else can I demonstrate my political feelings towards those old cronies in the Council?

Qui: Please don't say that in public. The last time you called them names, we ended up on a three week mission to Hoth. There are no bushes there, by the way.

Obi: And you can't really pee on them anyway if there were. Talk about frozen…

Qui: Please don't say that either.

Obi: I need to stand up for my rights as a padawan. My rights as a musher.

Qui: Mushers have no rights. And padawans don't either. That's why you have me.

Obi: You just boss me around and make me do things I don't want to do.

Qui: Exactly.

Obi: As a tent person, you wouldn't be able to do that to me.

Qui: Just because you live in a tent, doesn't mean you don't have to abide by the rules and laws of the city and planet. And don't forget the Jedi code.

Obi: Code, smode. Even you don't give a crap about that thing.

Qui: I certainly do. Sort of. Sometimes.

Obi: Yeah, remember that when you try and claim Sith-Boy as your apprentice and leave me high and dry at the tender age of twenty-five.

Qui: Obi-Wan, once again, you will not still be a padawan at twenty-five. If you are, then I've failed miserably. No wonder I try and dump you for the next boy-wizard that comes along.

Obi: See? You admit it! You toss me out like yesterday's garbage then you latch onto jerk-face and make disgusting adult mush faces at his mother. You are one nasty man, Master.

Qui: Enough. I can't worry about you at twenty-five. I'm having enough trouble with you at thirteen. Aren't you late for your morning classes?

Obi: Yes.

Qui: You should go to them then, right?

Obi: Yes.

Qui: Now?

Obi: Yes.

Qui: And?

Obi: Um…and…

Qui: And you are…?

Obi: I am um…uh…

Qui: You are…?

Obi: I am…I am…Obi-Wan?

Qui: No.

Obi: I'm not?

Qui: Yes, you are, but now that's now what you are.

Obi: Oh, I'm a Jedi. Like my father before me. No, that's not right. I think he was a bum.

Qui: No, that's not what you are.

Obi: I am…a pada…wan?

Qui: No…

Obi: I am…Master, what the hell am I?

Qui: Soap?

Obi: I am a soap?

Qui: Did you want your mouth washed out with soap?

Obi: Not really, no.

Qui: Then watch your language.

Obi: Okay, but can you help me along here? I didn't know there was going to be a quiz today about who I was.

Qui: I'm not talking about who you was…or are…or am…stop it! You are supposed to be in class. You need to go, now.

Obi: I know, but what does have to do with what I am?

Qui: Force, help me. Perhaps I should let you go live in a tent for a while.

Obi: Can I? Can I? Can I?

Qui: NO!

Obi: But you just said…

Qui: You are quite dense today, aren't you?

Obi: I didn't get my hug yesterday. I'm having a post-mushopausal breakdown.

Qui: Obi-Wan, if I didn't have to train you, I'd probably be first on the list to kill you.

Obi: It's a long list, isn't it, Master?

Qui: I suspect so.

Obi: I'm sorry.

Qui: No, you're not. Can you just got to class now? I have things to do.

Obi: I know, I know. You've got to go visit Mater Bren and drool on her face. It's okay. I just don't want to think about it.

Qui: I am not going to visit anyone, nor drool on anyone. I have meetings and research and things that you don't need to be a part of. Now, go. To. Class.

Obi: Can I go past the Gardens?

Qui: No.

Obi: But…

Qui: NO, damn it!

Obi: Soap?

Qui: Do not talk back to me, Padawan.

Obi: What? I want to offer them soap. To clean up. They stink.

Qui: Who does?

Obi: The tent people.

Qui: Let them stink. It's part of the experience.

Obi: Master…

Qui: What did I just say to you?

Obi: Let them stink.

Qui: No. I said go to class.

Obi: I'm already late. Can't I just play hooky today and hang out with you?

Qui: No.

Obi: I could help you meet and help you research.

Qui: No.

Obi: I bet the tent people wouldn't say no to me all the time.

Qui: They would probably strangle you with duct tape after an hour.

Obi: They have duct tape in their tents?

Qui: No, you are not going there to borrow duct tape.

Obi: But you need some. You're almost out. And you use it all the time.

Qui: One last chance to go to class.

Obi: Or what?

Qui: Obi-Wan…

Obi: Master, if you just let me go visit…

Qui: Okay, fine go. Go be one with the tent people. I don't care anymore. Just don't come home smelling like a pee-bush. Go. Go. Go.

Obi: Really? Okay. Bye!

Bren: Freeze, kid!

Obi: Master Bren!

Bren: No tent people for you. Go to class now. If you stop on the way, I will know and there will be repercussions.

Obi: No mush?

Bren: No mush.

Obi: Okay, I'm off to class. Bye, Master!

Qui: Please explain to me how you did that.

Bren: I'm good.

Qui: You are.

Bren: Now, you and I had some ah, meetings and research to do, didn't we?

Qui: I believe we did.

Bren: Let's go then.

Obi: (from a distance) I KNEW IT! MASTER YOU LIED TO ME! YOU CAN DROOL ALL ON HER IF YOU WANT, BUT I AM NEVER HUGGING YOU AGAIN! WAIT! I TAKE THAT BACK. OKAY, I'M GOING TO CLASS NOW. BYE!

Bren: You gotta love him, don't you?

Qui: For eight hours a day when he's sound asleep yes.

Bren: He's not a bad kid. Just nuts is all.

Qui: That's all.

Bren: Well, at least we get a couple hours to ourselves. Let's go, Sweet Knees!

The end.