A/N: I do not own Yugioh. I just like to make them feel extreme guilt.

"You've got sucker's luck.
Have you given up?
Does it feel like a trial?
Does it trouble your mind
The way you trouble mine?"

— The National, "Exile Vilify"

You were so bright, my hikari ... so bright ...

And I killed you.

"What have I done to you?" I whisper to myself constantly. I destroyed you, and I don't even have the courage to face this monstrous act I committed. All I can do is wonder in horror at it, for you are gone because of me.

I was so selfish. I hungered for life after being in the puzzle. I hungered for experiences and friendship and all the wonderful things that I knew through you. I thought I needed it, after our adventure ended. I needed to be out where the shadows were not. You were so light, they wouldn't strong enough to affect you! Believe me, it was the shadows that did this to us; they had grown stronger and jealous. I never would have hurt you aibou, but they crept over my heart, washing away lessons learnt. They deceived us. Yugi, it wasn't me!

... except that it was. This is all my fault! This is all my fault ...

The shadows aren't to blame. They are servants, much weaker than Bakura and Marik's darker sides. They fulfill my desires. But if I had known that I desired your life, I would have found a way to leave you. I didn't think aibou ... I didn't think ...

I convinced myself that you were safe and happy in the puzzle, playing games in your soul room, that you didn't really want to be out in the big, cruel world, even though I had spent so long trying to teach you to be strong. I convinced myself you were still weak and in need of protection. I thought that by locking you away in fantasies, you would be happiest and safest.

I was fooling myself all along. I saw the look in your eyes, the loneliness. I knew it well from your memories of before, that you longed for friends in a way you should've never had to again. Just because you said nothing, I made myself believe you really didn't care to be out, that I needed to live more than you did. I told you I could never do anything to hurt you, thought myself that my every decision for you was best.

But you lost the duel, and you said that was okay, you knew you were weak. You needed protecting was what I had thought, because you had lost. I should have remembered you have a different kind of strength. No one else had such heart as you, Yugi. No one else could have stood in darkness, and beyond even remaining uncorrupted, shine like you did. Our friends could remain good in my presence, but you allowed this monster life.

Maybe that was your mistake. Maybe you were too giving ...

How could I even dare to think to blame you! You were completely innocent. You deserved to live out your life in the presence of your friends, in peace and happiness. I am completely at fault. I hold all the blame, for I am the despicable being who would start to destroy you even as you had saved me.

For I realize now, you were dying all along, ever since the Ceremonial Duel. Maybe I finished it when I took off the puzzle, but you were a shell of your former self by the time I did. Every day I kept you in longer, and you grew paler and weaker. I thought you were sick. All the more reason to keep you safe, I had thought. How foolish I was! I was the monster killing you all along!

I was evil for locking you away, but my worst regret is taking off the puzzle and finishing it. I can't even remember now why I took the foul thing off. I think just forgot it, just forgot you, as painful as that is to admit. I cannot fathom the depth of that mistake, and I have no excuses. Even the worst friend wouldn't betray someone who has gone to the Shadow Realm and back for them, and yet that is exactly what I did.

How could I be so remarkably stupid? How could I be so callous? You were my savior, my shining light, but I locked you away for naught but a breath of air. Now I have this life, and it is worthless, because I'm the one living it. It is only filled with misery, because you aren't here. Every breath, every step, every sight, is a reminder that you should be the one alive, Yugi. You should be the one here.

Why didn't I remember the Orichalcos? How did I forget its lessons with such ease? I was empty then too, I should have known ... And yet, even that was better. At least then I was not entirely in control of myself. At least then, I had a hope of redeeming myself, by rescuing you.

Why didn't you say anything, aibou? Why didn't you speak up, as you did back the first time? Why did you allow yourself to fade away?

But I cannot blame you. It is I, who am the lowest scum. I am the back-stabber, who would be as heinous as to steal their best friend's life. From this pit, there is no path to redemption or merciful death.

I cannot kill myself, and waste what wasn't mine to take.

I cannot live your life, knowing what I have done.

And I cannot forgive myself, knowing that you aren't here, that you will never be here to forgive me.

"Stop right there. That's exactly where I lost it.
See that line. I never should have crossed it.
Stop right there. I never should have said that
It's the very moment that I wish that I could take back.

…'Cause who I am hates who I've been.
Who I am hates who I've been."

-Relient K

A/N: Atem's not exactly a reliable narrator; these are more his continuous thoughts on the subject, but right now there isn't really a conclusion in his mind even if I made it seem like there was one. He just keeps being sorry. It's actually really repetitive being in his head when he feels this bad …

Now unrelated to the story, have you ever had a sarcastic statement, but had no way to indicate it except by writing *sarcasm? Well, I found out there's an awesome thing called an irony mark, made exactly for the purpose of indicating sarcasm and irony. It's on Wikipedia, it looks like a backwards question mark, and is better than an exclamation mark in my opinion. Look it up.

Anyway, next up is Joey, who will still be guilty, but not nearly as wangsty as Yami, I think.