New Way To Bleed

Santana threw her phone onto her bed, relived when the lights automatically came on throughout the house. Her dad must have made some money today, she thought, and then she heard the crashing from downstairs. 'Shit.' She whispered, hurrying over to her door and fastening the make shift lock she had applied to it. It was a loop of wire that hooked around her door handle, fastened to the wall next to the door with screws. She looped it over the handle and pulled on it to make sure. 'Good.' She sighed, stepping back and running a hand though her hair, walking until her back hit the far wall. She heard crash after crash, her dad's favourite thing to do when he came in from a shitty day. He would sit on the couch and throw empty beer bottles at the wall, the mirror, anything really, but the noise drove Santana crazy. She was actually surprised that the neighbours hadn't filed a noise complaint with the police. She slid down the wall and held her hands to her ears, bringing back memories of the old days, squeezing her eyes closed and thinking about anything else. She didn't notice her phone lighting up from where she threw it on the bed.

Santana woke up the next morning in the same position as the night before. She must have fallen asleep at some point during the night, her back aching as she pushed herself up from the floor. She had a shower, a warm one, and then got ready for school before picking up her phone. Three missed calls and one message, all from Rachel. She opened the message;

Tried to call but you must be busy. Text me when you get this so I know your okay - R x

Santana couldn't help but smile, replying with the following message;

Calm down. I'm fine. See you at school - S

She closed her phone and slipped it into the pocket of her black combats, opening her bedroom door and cautiously walking along the hall. She looked into her dads room but he wasn't there. The bed was messy, like it had been slept in, but she knew her dad has never made a bed in his life so that didn't mean anything. She then walked quietly down the stairs and looked around her living room. There was smashed glass littered all around the coffee table and on the floor below the mirror, which Santana would not be cleaning up, and then she saw the unmistakeable figure of her father. He was down the hall in the kitchen, she guessed putting on a pot of coffee, but she didn't want to stick around to find out. She was about to pull open the front door and leave when his voice boomed from behind her. 'Santana.' He said, sending a chill up her spine.

'Yeah dad.' She said, turning around.

'Where were you the other night?' He asked, walking up to her.

'At a friends.' She informed him, the large man walking up to within inches of her. She could still smell the booze on him from last night, and it wouldn't surprise her if he was still drunk.

'Well, don't do it again.' He said, turning around an walking away from her.

'Whatever.' She whispered, but not quietly enough. Mr Lopez turned back around with anger in his eyes.

'What did you say?' He said viciously, stepping back up to her.

'N.. nothing dad, I…..' She stuttered, but stopped when her father grabbed the top of her arm painfully.

'Don't you ever talk back to me. Do you understand?' He shouted, Santana too focused on the pain in the top of her left arm to respond, so he squeezed harder. 'I said, DO YOU UNDERSTAND?'

'Yes, yes, I understand…. Dad stop…. You're hurting me…' Santana begged.

'Good.' Mr Lopez said, opening the front door and practically threw her out. She managed to stay on her feet, and began walking away without looking back. Instead she took her phone out of her pocket with shaking hands and dialled Rachel's number.

'Hello Santana.' Rachel said cheerfully, but her mood quickly changed when she heard Santana. 'Santana, what's wrong?' She asked.

'C….can.. Can you come and get me?' Santana said, trying to compose herself.

'Of course. Where are you?' Rachel said, running downstairs and grabbing her keys off the side.

'The end of my road, there's a shop, I'm sitting outside.'

'Alright, I'm on my way.' Rachel said, hanging up the phone and running to her car.

Rachel pulled up along the side of the road about fifteen minutes later, and getting out of the car she couldn't see anyone, let alone Santana. She locked her vehicle and walked around to the back. A few seconds later she hear the sound of Santana's voice. It was quiet and it was broken, Rachel peering around the side of a dumpster and finally seeing her. She was walking around and kicking various items, cans and bottles, her bag on the floor next to the wall of the building and her hands in her pockets. She was singing;

Save your twisted enemy,
So you may earn forgiveness ,
You know your whole world is waiting,
So why can't you speak.
I feel it coming over me,
I'm still a slave to these dreams,
Is this the end of everything?
Or just a new way to bleed?

Rachel watched as Santana sang quietly to herself, walking around behind the dirty one-stop all alone and feeling like no one will ever want her, and that she will never be good enough for anyone. Rachel place her hand over her mouth to stop herself crying and just listened. She felt that Santana needed this moment. She needed a moment to vent. Rachel didn't know what went on that morning, but she would soon enough, so for now she would let her friend be.

So go and tell your friends,
That I'm a failure underneath.
If it makes you feel like a bigger man,
But it's my, my heart, my life,
That you're calling a lie.
I've played this game before,
And I cant take it any more.

Rachel heard a sob echo through the Latina's words, the taller girl frustratingly kicking an empty can so hard that it bounced off of the shop wall, before continuing with her song.

I feel it coming over me,
I'm still a slave to these dreams,
Is this the end of everything?
Or just a new way to bleed?

By drifting far beyond the edge,
Freedom, freedom,
Can't you feel the ground caving in?
Freedom,
Give us a reason to believe again.

I'm still a slave to these dreams,
Is this the end of everything?
Or just a new way to bleed?

Santana stopped, breathing heavily and then sitting on the floor next to her bag. Rachel wondered what the appropriate amount of time to wait before waking over and announcing her presence, but Santana looked like she needed someone right away. Rachel got up and moved around the dumpster, Santana's blood shot eyes looking up at her. 'Hey Berry.' She whispered, wiping her nose on the cuff of her jacket.

'Hi Santana.' Rachel replied, moving to sit next to her. 'I'm going to put my arm over your shoulder and I'm going to hug you, okay?' Rachel asked, not wanting to scare her, or make her feel threatened.

'Yeah, okay.' Santana said, and it sounded like all the fight had finally been drained out of her. Santana set her head on Rachel's shoulder and leaned in, reaching around with her right arm and hugging Rachel tight, before crying as hard as she could.

Twenty minutes later and they had finally made their way back to Rachel's car, Santana sitting in the passengers seat quietly while Rachel started the engine. 'Were you on your way to school?' Rachel asked.

'Yeah.' Santana confirmed, the diva then looking at the car.

'But it's only seven thirty now.' Rachel said, wondering why she was leaving so early.

'Better there than here right.' Santana smiled sadly as she looked at Rachel.

'Okay, well I still need to get ready, so do you want to come back to mine and wait for me?'

'Please.' Santana said, her voice sounding like she could cry again.

'Okay.' Rachel smiled, squeezing Santana comfortingly on the knee before heading off. 'Do you want to tell me what happened?'

'Dad was drunk last night. That's why I didn't get your calls, I just couldn't move, I couldn't leave without pissing him off. I didn't know what to do.' Santana said, breathing in heavily to stop herself crying.

'It's okay Santana.'

'No, it's really not.' She said. 'He does this thing when he's drunk, he throws bottles at the wall and at anything that gets in his way.'

'Santana, did he throw something at you? Did he hurt you?' Rachel asked, panic rising in her voice.

'No, no not this time.' Santana said, and Rachel really wish that made her feel better but it didn't. 'He was still drunk this morning and I said something….. I was stupid and he got mad, and I forgot to grab my keys when he threw me out.'

'Santana, I'm so sorry.' Rachel said as they rounded the corner into her road.

'Yeah, and do you have an ice pack?' Santana queried.

'I have one. But Santana you told me he didn't hurt you.' Rachel said angrily, pulling up onto her drive and parking the car.

'It's just a bit sore okay, but whatever, I can live without an ice pack so forget I said anything.' Santana said, pushing open her door and walking up to Rachel's house with the diva close behind.

'No, come on.' Rachel said, taking Santana's hand and leading her up to the bathroom. 'Here.' She said, holding out an ice pack.

'Thanks.' Santana said, taking it and placing it on the sink before dumping her bag and coat on the floor. She then rolled up the sleeve of her left arm, Rachel's eyes widening at what she saw.

'Santana…'

'It's fine Berry.' She laughed. 'This is actually pretty tame for him.'

'That's not the point Santana.' Rachel said, looking at the dark purple hand print on the top of Santana's arm. She wondered how hard someone would have to squeeze to make that mark, the thought making her shudder.

'Didn't you say you had to get ready?' Santana reminded her.

'Oh, yeah I do.' Rachel said, her hair not done and her bag not packed. 'I'll be quick, but there's coffee downstairs if you want any.',

'Thanks.' Santana smiled, slightly wincing as she moved the ice pack around, watching as Rachel left the room. She sighed and lent backwards on the sink, lowering her head and resisting the urge to scream.

They walked into school early, earlier than normal, and headed to the choir room to hang out before everyone else arrived. They were sitting on the seats at the back of the room when Rachel broke the silence. 'So Quinn stopped by my house last night.'

'Really,' Santana looked up at her. 'I bet that was fun.

'It was, interesting.' Rachel confirmed. 'And she knew about your mum?' Rachel questioned.

'Yeah, she and Brit were the only people I told. They were the only people who cared at the time.' Santana said.' But then I did what I always do, I pushed them away.'

'That's what Quinn said.' Rachel informed her, shifting in her seat. 'She doesn't know about your dad.'

'Good.' Santana said. 'That's how I want it to stay.'

'Santana come on, you need a support system here.' Rachel pleaded.

'I have you don't I?'

'Of course you do.' Rachel nodded.

'Well then, I have all the support I need.' Santana said. 'Wait, you didn't tell her anything did you?'

'No, no I wouldn't do that Santana, but I thought you could tell her yourself.'

'What!' Santana yelled, standing up from her seat. 'What did you do Berry?'

'I texted Quinn and told her we'd be here. She's meeting us in five minutes.'

'Rachel, how could you do that?' Santana looked at her with tears in her eyes. 'I thought.. I thought I could trust you…' She said, walking away and reaching the door. But right then she bumped into the blonde.

'Woah Santana, where do you think you're going?' Quinn said, putting both hands up to block the exit.

'I'm getting the fuck out of here.' She said, turning to use the other door when she felt a hand on her shoulder, her already hurting shoulder. 'Ahh, shit.' She winced, pulling away and sending herself backwards into the wall.'

'Santana, San, I'm sorry, are you okay?' Quinn asked, walking up to her and seeing the brunette clutching her shoulder. 'What happened?'

'Nothing.. I'm fine.' Santana said, wiping some new tears from her face.

'I don't believe you. Rachel..' She turned to the smaller girl. 'What happened?'

'Quinn, it's not my place to say.' Rachel said firmly, Santana moving back over to sit down because they clearly weren't going to let her leave.

'Santana please, I know we haven't been close lately, but I still care about you. Please let me in.' She begged, sitting in the chair in front of the Latina with Rachel at her side.

'Quinn…' Santana started, but tears took over her once more. 'I'm sorry.' She managed to sob out, the blonde moving up to her and trying to console her. 'No! no, please.' Santana shouted, scooting backwards in her chair.

'Okay, I'm sorry.' Quinn said, her hands raised in defence.

'Rach…' Santana said, looking down at the smaller girl who knew what she needed. She needed someone to explain for her.

'Quinn you may want to sit back down.' Rachel said, the blonde nodding and taking her seat. 'So, Santana hasn't told me everything I'm sure, but there's one major thing that she needs our help with.'

'Rachel just tell me.' Quinn said, dreading what it could be but having a feeling she knew.

'Santana's dad is violent towards her, he has been for some time now. He lost his job at the hospital and has taken up alcohol as his new hobby, his only hobby.' Rachel said, getting straight to the point.

'Oh my God, Santana….. I'm…' Quinn looked at her, about to speak but Santana cut her off.

'I know, you're sorry.' She said, Quinn nodding.

'What can I do?' She asked.

'Nothing, just..' Santana swallowed. 'Just don't tell anyone, and please don't leave me.' Santana begged.

'I wont I promise.' Quinn said. 'Everything will be better, okay Santana, you can stay at mine or at Rachel's and we can….'

'Protect me?' Santana said, almost laughing.

'Why are you laughing? We can protect you Santana.' Rachel said.

'No you can't.' She informed them. 'This morning, he asked me where I was yesterday night.' Santana looked up at them.

'You were with me.' Rachel said.

'I know, and I told him I stayed at a friends and he told me not to do it again.'

'But Santana, you can't keep going back there, if what happened this morning…..'

'Rachel, no matter how long I'm MIA for, a week, two weeks, I will still have to go back. If you thought this morning was bad..' She laughed. 'Believe me when I say, this was nothing.'

'Wait, what happened this morning? Is that why your shoulder hurts?'

'Yeah Q, just drop it.' Santana said, the bell for first period ringing through the room.

'Okay, but can we please meet back here at lunch, just to talk?'

'Sure.' Santana said, grabbing her bag and walking out of the room. Quinn and Rachel simply looked at each other for a moment before following.

so... this is kind of all i've written for this fic at the moment. i havent written anything in a few days so it might take a while to update.

Thanks for being patient and i'll try and update soon!

xx :)