This is my first Merlin fic and slash fic. Just to let people know I am not hating on Arwen, I love both Arwen and Merthur! I just made a little angsty Merlin, who is jealous of Gwen. Thanks to my editor Jason who also came up with the title. Also I do not own Merlin.

I see you take her into your arms on the day of the tournament. You say she taught you to be a better person. I thought that was me. I see you kiss, the sun radiating off your tanned skin. Why couldn't it be me, while you kiss and caress my alabaster skin. Instead you pick the simple maid, not your trusted manservant.

I see the hurt in your eyes after Uther passes. It was my fault, and I couldn't save him. I would risk the balance between life and death for you. I wait for you that night, while you grieve, I grieved. Not for your father, but for the pain I caused you. I waited, she didn't. She slept while we wept. I stayed.

I walk passed her house late one night. Her lights are on, and I peer through the window. I see you kneeling, with a ring in your hand. Both of you had tears brimming in your eyes. She nodded, and you kiss. A strong passion, a passion that you never showed to me. You loved her for two years, I have been with you for four. I have yearned for such passion from you from the minute I saw you. Now I know I will never get it.

I watch as she betrays you. She kisses Lancelot with the same passion she gave you a day earlier. I see the hurt in your eyes and the tremble in your voice as you exile her. Your heart shattered into tiny pieces. I would never do that to you. I have always and will always be loyal. I will always be yours.

You grieve for days. Your heart still hurts. I was there for you. If I were exiled for my magic, I would still find a way to be with you. Even if it meant certain death.

I watch as you feel lost without her. You said she guided you; she was your light in the dark. I am the one that guides you. Since the day I came to Camelot, I have been the one to turn you right. I guided you with my invisible hand. People say she was destined to be with you. She is not. I am the other side to your coin. I am your light, your love. I'm your destiny. Why can't you see that? Why?

In the forest, you pick up her ring. Your eyes cast a blank stare, and you wouldn't respond. Even though she betrayed you, and you exiled her, you still wanted her. I see your longing look, you wanted her but didn't send anyone to find her. You sent out everyone to find me. So why don't you love me like you do her? You sent out knights for a mere peasant. You must love me.

We run to Ealdor. We take refuge in my home, she's there. She tends to your wound as you wake up. I watch from outside, as you reach up and kiss her. Passion relived from weeks earlier. I can't stand to watch. Are you trying to torment me? In my own home, you kiss the girl who betrayed you, instead of me.

I am there, in Camelot, the day you marry. I am in new attire, not to look presentable to Camelot, but for you. You are going to marry the woman who betrayed you. She walks down the aisle, stunning as always. I see as you put the ring upon her finger. You whisper "I do" and kiss. You put the crown upon her head. The crown I wish was on mine. The crowd begins to chant, I realized I will never be yours. I will always be the idiot, the servant, the no one. I will never receive your love. So I accept it. I put on a fake smile, all my hopes die the moment I chant "Long Live The Queen!"