Summary: Santana and Brittany travel back from the future to find their timemachine-joyriding daughter. "Yeah, I cant see what could possibly go wrong with this situation," Santana muttered.

This is for Lulu, mykindofparty, hufflepuffandpass and Lord Tubbington. Who may or may not all be the same person.

Before They Bulldozed Breadstix

Lima, Ohio. Breadstix parking lot. 0200 hours

In the deserted parking lot a discarded Dr. Pepper bottle rolled across the bays. An abandoned newspaper fluttered, becoming unfolded, the previous days news now spreading out across the concrete. If anyone had been hanging around Breadstix at 2am they may have noticed something odd. There was no wind.

The loose leafs of print flew violently up in the air then danced around each other as the air appeared to be sucked into a vortex four foot off the ground. The bottle rolled back and for repeatedly, disturbed by something unseen.

A screech of brakes and a high pitched scream of terror rent the air seconds after a crackle of electricity and a car appeared, rather astonishingly by anyone's standards, out of thin air in the middle of the lot. The newspaper plastered itself flat over the wind shield eliciting further screams as the car's occupants had not only landed in an unknown location but were now effectively blind.

Travelling at high speed, 88mph to be precise, the brakes squealed, with what would be pain if they were in any way alive, as they attempted to stop the vehicle as quickly as possible. 88 mph is however rather a fast speed to be going in a relatively small area and the car span around and slid over the smooth concrete until it came to a sudden stop into the side of a large metal dumpster by the back door to the restaurant.

The only way out of the car was via the passenger door, the drivers side being firmly embedded with the dumpster. The door opened upwards into the cool night air with a hiss and white smoke billowed out into the night. Two figures fell out of the car in a hurry, dressed in silver jumpsuits and helmets attached to what looked like scuba apparatus for self contained breathing. The shorter of the two pulled off the encasing helmet and threw it at the crashed car in a fit of temper.

"MOTHERFUCKER!" she shouted into the night sky. Her helmet bounced off the car and rolled to a stop at the feet of her partner. The second figure removed her own helmet with slightly more finesse and shook out her long blonde hair before admonishing her.

"Language, Santana!"

Lima, Ohio. Lopez residence. 0200 hours

In a darkened bedroom on the other side of Lima, light snoring could be heard as the bright red digital display on the bedside clock changed from 01:59 to 02:00.

18 year old Santana sat bolt upright in her bed staring straight ahead breathing heavily, a residual effect from the dream she had just had. Realising she was safely in her bed she looked around the dark room while catching her breath. Beside her the covers moved and a tousled head appeared to look up at her with sleepy concern.

"Wassup?" Brittany asked, her voice thick with sleep.

"I just had the weirdest dream."

"Awesome. That one's my favourite," Brittany murmured. She opened her eyes enough to take in Santana's mildly worried frown and scooted closer to rest her head in the other girl's lap and then wrapped an arm around her waist. "What happened?"

"I don't even know!" Santana sighed, her voice croaky, still in sleep mode.

Brittany's eyes closed and her head sank heavily on Santana's thighs.

"What do you think of Sugar?" Santana asked randomly before Brittany could doze off again.

Brittany squinted in confusion. "Huh?" She thought on the question for a moment. "I like her, she's cool. She'll get up and dance with me when no one else will."

"Don't you think she's a bit... odd?"

"All the best people are," Britt murmured, now definitely back on the way to nod. "Shhh, sleep now," she mumbled as she curled into Santana's side.

Santana stroked the hair back behind Brittany's ear then rubbed her own eyes and snuggled back onto the bed.

Breadstix parking lot. 0205 hours

"Well, that's the plan shot to hell."

Santana was talking to herself as she walked up and down the side of the wrecked car. She winced as bright green fluid leaked from somewhere under the car and trickled along the ground until it reached a drain and floated away into the Lima sewer system. Brittany stared at the toxic goo in fascination.

"I guess now we know how the giant alligator epidemic of 2013 got started," she whispered as though having a profound moment.

"We haven't been here for two minutes and already we're screwed. Great, just great."

"S, calm down."

"Calm? I am perfectly calm. What are we going to do now, huh? We going to have to go out in public and get the car fixed and I am wearing a silver jumpsuit!"

"They're cool."

"They're highly conspicuous and scream 2034." She paused and stared down at the numbers on the front right breast pocket as though seeing it for the first time. Puzzled she looked up at Brittany. "Why do they have 2034 written on them anyway?"

"So we don't get confused with when we're from."

"This was going to be a simple smash and grab. We were supposed to drive past the school then kidnap the most disobedient teenager in the world, drag her off the street and into the car without actually ever setting a foot on the dirt of this hell-hole of a town."

"We should go say hi to my Mom."

Santana stopped her pacing and stared in disbelief. "Britt, you promised to stick to the plan."

"But it's gone wrong so soon, we should see this as an opportunity. And take it."

"How many times do I have to go over this?"

"I want to see Lord Tubbington!"

"No, Britt! We cant risk you meeting yourself. Or myself."

"I miss him, I'd love to see him again. It's been fifteen years since he went on vacation to Europe and never came back. I just want to tell him its a bad idea to go and he should think about Florida or Vegas instead."

Santana raised an unimpressed eyebrow. Brittany unzipped the top of her jumpsuit to show a dangerous amount of cleavage. "If you let me see Lord Tubbington, I'll take you to Breadstix."

Santana froze, took several deep breaths and began to mutter, all the while her eyes on Brittany's chest.

"I am an adult, and my common sense is tingling. I don't need Breadstix. I haven't tasted those heaven sent buttery sticks of carbolicious goodness for twenty-two years but I don't need them. I am a strong, rational woman with a time machine and a wayward daughter and- God-damn I knew this was the worst idea ever!"

"What if the alligators got him?" Brittany's lip began to tremble. "And we could have saved him but did nothing and it was all our fault?"

"No, no, no, B. I, oh God, I just mean.. " Santana sat on the crumpled bodywork next to where Brittany was perched and put her arm around the other woman's shoulder. "We can see Lord T. At least he doesn't speak so he cant tell anyone if he sees us."

Santana slammed her free hand down on the car in frustration. "Wait until I get my hands on her. That girl is grounded for the rest of her life."

"Don't be so hard on her."

"She picked the lock, B! Picked the lock on the locked door to the locked garage with a locked up..." She turned and looked around the deserted, darkened lot before whispering the rest. "Time machine. Which was locked. Grounding is too good for her. Maybe flogging."

"Santana!"

"Kidding. Lets just find your daughter and get outta here."

"She's your daughter, too. She's got your potty mouth."

"Can we focus on finding the most disobedient teenager the world has ever seen?" Santana peeled a page of newspaper off the wind shield and scanned it for information not refuting the previous statement. "2012. Why did she choose this time anyway?"

"Um, actually. I kinda had already set it."

"Why?"

"I wanted to take you here for our anniversary. To before they bulldozed Breadstix."

"Babe, what are you talking about?" Santana's eyes filled with water. "That day was one of the worst of my life. I didn't sleep for three days because of the grief."

"Back to when you declared your love for me in front of everyone when we were chained to the front door of Breadstix. You were screaming at everyone a bit hysterically and just blurted it out in front of the reporters and the TV crews and cameras and Glee club and our parents. It was the happiest day of my life. Apart from when we got married and the day our baby girl was born, of course."

Santana smiled goofily at the memories, her grin widening as her wife leaned over and kissed her passionately. Eventually coming up for air, Santana leaned back, licking her lips looking slightly dazed.

"Okay, lets do this."

Brittany grinned in triumph until the next words left Santana's mouth. "First stop, Breadstix!"

"Wait, what?" Brittany's victory was short lived.

"I'm hungry."

"But it's closed and we don't have any money."

"You said you'd take me to Breadstix." Santana huffed.

"I meant when its open."

"We're from the future, B, we can get away with anything. Just some 'stix. There'll be a box of them somewhere."

"No stealing."

"I'm pretty sure I can still remember my dad's credit card number, we can pay for it."

"No, Santana!"

"Fine," Santana scowled and scuffed her toes against the concrete in a sulk.

"More importantly," Brittany tried to focus. "We need disguises, and code names. This is going to be so much fun. Hey, we could stay in my tree-house."

Santana did a double take.

"Hell to the nizzy no, we's be going to a five star hotel."

"We don't have any money and are wearing silver jumpsuits from the future," Brittany pointed out reasonably.

"Fucknuts."

"You know, if we went and found teenage me, I would-"

"No."

"But-"

"No. There's only a few hours until dawn. We'll fix the car and snatch Sugar from outside of the school."

"Isn't that illegal?"

"Illegal schmeegal."

"I think you can get locked up for stealing kids."

"She's our kid!"

"We can just use the time machine already here. The one I built it over the summer. I never tried it cos I thought it wouldn't work but... here we are."

"Yeah, I cant see what could possibly go wrong with this situation," Santana muttered darkly as she caught a glimpse of an empty Breadstix box on the ground.

"It'll all work out fine," Brittany cooed in Santana's ear hugging her close. "Trust me."

Lopez Residence kitchen. 0700 hours

With avid concentration Brittany separated her bowlful of Lucky Charms, one side sugary-marshmallow mutation and one side whatever the fuck the rest of it was made of then proceeded to eat the sugary part then the rest after it. Santana had never understood this method, surely it all got mixed up in the end anyway.

Santana stirred her plain cornflakes around and around the bowl without once lifting the spoon to her lips. She stared into the depths of the bowl looking for answers, then asked.

"If you had a kid what would you call it? A girl kid, a daughter I mean... you know what I mean."

It wasn't often Brittany was lost for an answer but as she contemplated the question Santana had just asked she was totally lost for words.

"Umm..." Her brow creased with worry lines.

"No, forget it, it's stupid," said Santana shaking her head at the ridiculousness of it all.

"Hey, it's not stupid. Is this about the dream you had?"

Santana squirmed uncomfortably in her chair. "I... it was just, really vivid."

"Want to tell me about it?"

Santana let out a sigh in relief that Brittany was taking her weird dream seriously and began to explain.