Sorry for the updates, but it's been kind-of…hard lately. Emotionally, I mean. I've been a bit… not okay. But I digress. This chapter goes out to Andromeda, who said 'Can I have another chapter please?' and I immediately thought 'Okay' and started plotting it out. MORIARTY WILL APPEAR NEXT CHAPTER, SO IF YOU HAVE A PAIRING PREFERENCE FOR HIM, GET YOUR VOTES IN NOW. Also note that I have no plans to do more IrenexMolly, unless viewer response is OVERWHELMINGLY positive. If Irene even becomes a recurring character, I'm more likely to put her with Sally Donovan. But yeah. Anyway.

Reply to Sender

Chapter Three: Let's Not Talk About Anything Else (But Love)

From: I. Adler

To: Closeted Man-Slave

Time: 1:00 P.M.

You've been a very naughty boy, haven't you?

From: S. Holmes

To: Infernal Woman

Time: 1:00 P.M.

Huh? –SH

From: I. Adler

To: Closeted Man-Slave

Time: 1:01 P.M.

I thought we were dating. I thought you loved me alone. Oh, how my heart aches. I swoon.

From: S. Holmes

To: Infernal Woman

Time: 1:02 P.M.

And you and Molly Hooper were snogging in the locker room because you're so very committed to me? –SH

From: I. Adler

To: Closeted Man-Slave

Time: 1:02 P.M.

No, it was practice. I have to keep in top shape.

From: S. Holmes

To: Infernal Woman

Time: 1:03 P.M.

She's straight. –SH

From: I. Adler

To: Closeted Man-Slave

Time: 1:03 P.M.

Not anymore.

From: S. Holmes

To: Infernal Woman

Time: 1:03 P.M.

How very likeable you are. –SH

From: I. Adler

To: Closeted Man-Slave

Time: 1:05 P.M.

Oh, dear me. Sociopathic Sherlock Holmes the Desk-Stabber finds me morally reprehensible. I'm going to cry my mascara off.

From: S. Holmes

To: Infernal Woman

Time: 1:06 P.M.

How does gossip travel in this school? Do you really have nothing better to waste your few reserves of brain power on? –SH

From: I. Adler

To: Closeted Man-Slave

Time: 1:07 P.M.

Oh, hurtful, 'Lock the Bearded. And I thought I was your dear wench.

From: S. Holmes

To: Infernal Woman

Time: 1:07 P.M.

…Moriarty. –SH

From: I. Adler

To: Closeted Man-Slave

Time: 1:07 P.M.

What of him?

From: S. Holmes

To: Infernal Woman

Time: 1:10 P.M.

He somehow got ahold of Mycroft's smartphone, read his texts, and decided to focus on harassing me instead of changing his grades or blackmailing government officials. And of course he would get my own personal tormenter in on it. How quaint. –SH

From: I. Adler

To: Closeted Man-Slave

Time: 1:10 P.M.

Xoxo.

From: S. Holmes

To: Infernal Woman

Time: 1:11 P.M.

That isn't a word. –SH

From: I. Adler

To: Closeted Man-Slave

Time: 1:12 P.M.

…Clearly, sweetie. I'm in Honors classes, I think I can spell. They're hugs and kisses.

From: S. Holmes

To: Infernal Woman

Time: 1:13 P.M.

Take them back. I don't want them. –SH

From: I. Adler

To: Closeted Man-Slave

Time: 1:14 P.M.

How sad for you. How about I beat you with my riding crop instead.

From: S. Holmes

To: Infernal Woman

Time: 1:14 P.M.

Pass. I don't know where that's been. –SH

From: I. Adler

To: Closeted Man-Slave

Time: 1:15 P.M.

The Country Club. And up several arses.

From: S. Holmes

To: Infernal Woman

Time: 1:15 P.M.

More than I needed to know. –SH

From: I. Adler

To: Closeted Man-Slave

Time: 1:16 P.M.

Virgin.

From: S. Holmes

To: Infernal Woman

Time: 1:16 P.M.

Harpy. –SH

From: I. Adler

To: Closeted Man-Slave

Time: 1:16 P.M.

Cheater.

From: S. Holmes

To: Infernal Woman

Time: 1:17 P.M.

You're one to talk. And John and I are… friends. We aren't dating. –SH

From: I. Adler

To: Closeted Man-Slave

Time: 1:17 P.M.

Ha.

From: S. Holmes

To: Infernal Woman

Time: 1:18 P.M.

We aren't. –SH

From: I. Adler

To: Closeted Man-Slave

Time: 1:19 P.M.

You're so cute when you're being daft.

From: S. Holmes

To: Infernal Woman

Time: 1:19 P.M.

We aren't DATING. –SH

From: I. Adler

To: Closeted Man-Slave

Time: 1:20 P.M.

You've known him for a week.

From: S. Holmes

To: Infernal Woman

Time: 1:20 P.M.

So? I've known you for a year. –SH

From: I. Adler

To: Closeted Man-Slave

Time: 1:21 P.M.

And how many times have you eaten lunch for me?

From: S. Holmes

To: Infernal Woman

Time: 1:21 P.M.

I ate lunch for you once. –SH

From: I. Adler

To: Closeted Man-Slave

Time: 1:24 P.M.

Because my mother had died, my dog was hit by a car, I had a pregnancy scare, and I was holding a cafeteria knife to the side of your neck. And even then you only ate because Mycroft said that he knew you wouldn't and that he'd won.

From: S. Holmes

To: Infernal Woman

Time: 1:25 P.M.

Well, what did you want me to do? I couldn't let him win. –SH

From: I. Adler

To: Closeted Man-Slave

Time: 1:25 P.M.

Not the point.

From: S. Holmes

To: Infernal Woman

Time: 1:26 P.M.

Then what is the point? –SH

From: I. Adler

To: Closeted Man-Slave

Time: 1:28 P.M.

The point is that John tips his head up at you, bats his baby blues, pouts his lips that way he does, and you fall all over yourself trying to eat a banana for him. Double-entendre intended.

From: S. Holmes

To: Infernal Woman

Time: 1:29 P.M.

John's eyes are not blue. They are hazel, like cinnamon and tea leaves. –SH

From: I. Adler

To: Closeted Man-Slave

Time: 1:30 P.M.

…Oh dear lord.

From: S. Holmes

To: Infernal Woman

Time: 1:30 P.M.

What? –SH

From: I. Adler

To: Closeted Man-Slave

Time: 1:32 P.M.

You have to be kidding me, because nobody is this oblivious on purpose. We're going to break this down for you, okay?

From: S. Holmes

To: Infernal Woman

Time: 1:33 P.M.

I don't need anything broken down for me. Don't treat me like a toddler. –SH

From: I. Adler

To: Closeted Man-Slave

Time: 1:34 P.M.

Of course not. Now, number one. Now remember, love, that's the one that looks like a big stick standing straight up.

From: S. Holmes

To: Infernal Woman

Time: 1:34 P.M.

I loathe you. –SH

From: I. Adler

To: Closeted Man-Slave

Time: 1:35 P.M.

You can do this. The number one. Just like a stick. Or a big penis. You can't miss it.

From: S. Holmes

To: Infernal Woman

Time: 1:35 P.M.

You don't even like those. –SH

From: I. Adler

To: Closeted Man-Slave

Time: 1:37 P.M.

Really? I thought the term 'Lesbian' meant Cock Addict. Hm. Guess I was wrong then. Number one: You know the color of his eyes.

From: S. Holmes

To: Infernal Woman

Time: 1:38 P.M.

That doesn't mean anything. –SH

From: I. Adler

To: Closeted Man-Slave

Time: 1:38 P.M.

Oh, really? What color are my eyes?

From: S. Holmes

To: Infernal Woman

Time: 1:39 P.M.

Statistically speaking, brown is most likely. –SH

From: I. Adler

To: Closeted Man-Slave

Time: 1:39 P.M.

They're blue, Sherlock.

From: S. Holmes

To: Infernal Woman

Time: 1:40 P.M.

Well, that's unlikely, as your mother had brown eyes. –SH

From: I. Adler

To: Closeted Man-Slave

Time: 1:40 P.M.

My mother had blue eyes, Sherlock.

From: S. Holmes

To: Infernal Woman

Time: 1:41 P.M.

...No she didn't. –SH

From: I. Adler

To: Closeted Man-Slave

Time: 1:41 P.M.

This is a great six-month anniversary present. You can't even remember my eye color.

From: S. Holmes

To: Infernal Woman

Time: 1:42 P.M.

It's our six-month anniversary? –SH

From: I. Adler

To: Closeted Man-Slave

Time: 1:42 P.M.

Yes. Happy anniversary.

From: S. Holmes

To: Infernal Woman

Time: 1:42 P.M.

Oh. …What did you get me? –SH

From: I. Adler

To: Closeted Man-Slave

Time: 1:43 P.M.

I got to second base with Molly Hooper on top of your private work table in the chemistry lab.

From: S. Holmes

To: Infernal Woman

Time: 1:44 P.M.

…That's not a very good present. –SH

From: I. Adler

To: Closeted Man-Slave

Time: 1:44 P.M.

I thought it was one. Number two: You actively seek him out.

From: S. Holmes

To: Infernal Woman

Time: 1:45 P.M.

What on earth does that mean? I seek out Anderson. –SH

From: I. Adler

To: Closeted Man-Slave

Time: 1:48 P.M.

Yes, but you seek out Anderson with a pair of sharp scissors when you want to violently cut the tag off the shirts he's wearing and whisper, 'Soon.' You don't seek out John Watson with scissors. You gave him your handkerchief once, for God's sake.

From: S. Holmes

To: Infernal Woman

Time: 1:48 P.M.

He has allergies. –SH

From: I. Adler

To: Closeted Man-Slave

Time: 1:51 P.M.

Sherlock, do you remember the time I beat up those girls whose boyfriends I had a four-way with? And the one with the frizzy split-ends stabbed me in the arm with her knife before I punched her unconscious? Remember what you said when I asked for something to hold over the cut to stop the bleeding?

From: S. Holmes

To: Infernal Woman

Time: 1:52 P.M.

Why would I want your blood on my handkerchief? Revolting. –SH

From: I. Adler

To: Closeted Man-Slave

Time: 1:52 P.M.

Yet you allowed John Watson to get mucus all over it?

From: S. Holmes

To: Infernal Woman

Time: 1:52 P.M.

It's different. –SH

From: I. Adler

To: Closeted Man-Slave

Time: 1:53 P.M.

How so?

From: S. Holmes

To: Infernal Woman

Time: 1:53 P.M.

It's… sort-of cute. –SH

From: I. Adler

To: Closeted Man-Slave

Time: 1:53 P.M.

…His snot.

From: S. Holmes

To: Infernal Woman

Time: 1:54 P.M.

Well, yes. But I was referring to how he blows his nose. –SH

From: I. Adler

To: Closeted Man-Slave

Time: 1:56 P.M.

Wow. I don't know what's more disturbing. The fact that you find his nose residue adorable or that you find his elephant-nose-blow charming.

From: S. Holmes

To: Infernal Woman

Time: 1:56 P.M.

I like elephants. –SH

From: I. Adler

To: Closeted Man-Slave

Time: 1:56 P.M.

No you don't. You hate elephants.

From: S. Holmes

To: Infernal Woman

Time: 1:56 P.M.

Since when? –SH

From: I. Adler

To: Closeted Man-Slave

Time: 1:58 P.M.

Since a month ago, when you refused to take my elderly grandmother to the zoo with me because you hated the elephants.

From: S. Holmes

To: Infernal Woman

Time: 1:58 P.M.

You just wanted to get into her will. –SH

From: I. Adler

To: Closeted Man-Slave

Time: 2:00 P.M.

And it would have been easier if you just came and let her feel you up a bit. She was basically a vegetable anyway, it's not like she could give you a blow job.

From: S. Holmes

To: Infernal Woman

Time: 2:01 P.M.

I fail to see the point in any of this. –SH

From: I. Adler

To: Closeted Man-Slave

Time: 2:02 P.M.

I know. Ready for the big reveal? Go read our texts. All of them. From the beginning of this conversation.

From: S. Holmes

To: Infernal Woman

Time: 2:07 P.M.

…Oh god. –SH

From: I. Adler

To: Closeted Man-Slave

Time: 2:07 P.M.

Mmhm.

From: S. Holmes

To: Infernal Woman

Time: 2:07 P.M.

Oh my god. –SH

From: I. Adler

To: Closeted Man-Slave

Time: 2:07 P.M.

Mm-HM.

From: S. Holmes

To: Infernal Woman

Time: 2:08 P.M.

Stab it. –SH

From: I. Adler

To: Closeted Man-Slave

Time: 2:08 P.M.

Stab what?

From: S. Holmes

To: Infernal Woman

Time: 2:09 P.M.

My heart, my brain, my crotch, I don't know. Whichever one is making me feel this. –SH

From: I. Adler

To: Closeted Man-Slave

Time: 2:10 P.M.

Aaw, you're having a panic attack. How precious. I should tell your brother, so he can record it for posterity.

From: S. Holmes

To: Infernal Woman

Time: 2:11 P.M.

I don't—I can't be—infatuated with him. I don't do that. Infatuation is for childish idiots. Oh god… -SH

From: I. Adler

To: Closeted Man-Slave

Time: 2:11 P.M.

Handsome John Watson.

From: S. Holmes

To: Infernal Woman

Time: 2:11 P.M.

Stop. –SH

From: I. Adler

To: Closeted Man-Slave

Time: 2:12 P.M.

John Watson-Holmes.

From: S. Holmes

To: Infernal Woman

Time: 2:12 P.M.

Wh—Stop it! –SH

From: I. Adler

To: Closeted Man-Slave

Time: 2:12 P.M.

John H. Holmes.

From: S. Holmes

To: Infernal Woman

Time: 2:12 P.M.

Stop! –SH

From: I. Adler

To: Closeted Man-Slave

Time: 2:13 P.M.

Sherlock Watson.

From: S. Holmes

To: Infernal Woman

Time: 2:13 P.M.

IRENE! –SH

From: I. Adler

To: Closeted Man-Slave

Time: 2:13 P.M.

Mr. and Mr. John Holmes.

From: S. Holmes

To: Infernal Woman

Time: 2:14 P.M.

WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO? –SH

From: I. Adler

To: Closeted Man-Slave

Time: 2:14 P.M.

Do?

From: S. Holmes

To: Infernal Woman

Time: 2:14 P.M.

ABOUT THIS? –SH

From: I. Adler

To: Closeted Man-Slave

Time: 2:14 P.M.

About what?

From: S. Holmes

To: Infernal Woman

Time: 2:15 P.M.

John! About… me! Feelings! This! –SH

From: I. Adler

To: Closeted Man-Slave

Time: 2:16 P.M.

Take him on Mycroft's desk and have your filthy way with him. Oh, he'd struggle at first, but soon…

From: S. Holmes

To: Infernal Woman

Time: 2:18 P.M.

…Oh god. –SH

From: I. Adler

To: Closeted Man-Slave

Time: 2:18 P.M.

What now?

From: S. Holmes

To: Infernal Woman

Time: 2:18 P.M.

I have a… –SH

From: I. Adler

To: Closeted Man-Slave

Time: 2:18 P.M.

…You can't be serious.

From: S. Holmes

To: Infernal Woman

Time: 2:19 P.M.

I... –SH

From: I. Adler

To: Closeted Man-Slave

Time: 2:19 P.M.

Where are you right now?

From: S. Holmes

To: Infernal Woman

Time: 2:20 P.M.

P.E. –SH

From: I. Adler

To: Closeted Man-Slave

Time: 2:20 P.M.

…So you're in gym shorts.

From: S. Holmes

To: Infernal Woman

Time: 2:20 P.M.

Yes. –SH

From: I. Adler

To: Closeted Man-Slave

Time: 2:21 P.M.

With a massive hard-on.

From: S. Holmes

To: Infernal Woman

Time: 2:21 P.M.

Y-yes. –SH

From: I. Adler

To: Closeted Man-Slave

Time: 2:22 P.M.

…HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

From: S. Holmes

To: Infernal Woman

Time: 2:23 P.M.

…Consider yourself single. –SH