Okay i updated this because guess what? YUPP! as usual, i have a shitload of ideas and multiply that by about 8 and youll get the homework quantity i have. Most likely no updates tomorrow, but ill try because i love you all! lol anyway im debating on doing a last chapter to wrap up the whole drama and everything or just leaving it like this and letting your minds come up with your own ending. If i get three reviews saying to add the last chapter then i will but otherwise its staying like this! Thansk fro reading and please enjoy and review

My entire body trembled as I did the one spin and my entire life crashed down. Bruises and gashes decorated the beautiful flat chest and legs. My vision blurred from the tears.

I couldn't formulate words, all I could do was watch as a hand reached down and grabbed a washcloth, then ran it underwater and cleared the rest of his face and every single sign of pain he's been through revealed itself.

"Oh my god Stan, what happened?" I asked as I walked forward and brushed my fingers along his biggest bruise right above his heart.

Yes, Stan, he was the best friend I had ever had, and my crush since, I don't even know when, forever. All I know is when he said he love me that one time everything changed.

"Stan?" I asked. There he was, right in front of me after we had stopped being friends. Stan stumbled over and have me a massive, overly friendly hug.

"Kyle!" He exclaimed, finally letting me go form the side and standing in front of me.

"Hey . . . Stan?" I was skeptical on why he was here.

"Dude I'm sorry, I've been a shitty friend and I miss my buddy!" his voice sounded weird, but I couldn't place it, couldn't remember who he reminded me of. "You were right, Adam Sandler is fucking hysterical."

He tottered away from me and I was beginning to get worried "Stan are you alright?"

"Yeah dude I totally get it now. I can see how lame I was, saying everything was . . . shit!" he stressed the last word.

Even though I was worried I was glad he realized what he had been doing "Really? Stan, that's great." I smiled

"Kyle," he whispered loudly "It's all shit! Forreals! Everything's shit because the aliens went AI and you and me are gonna fuck it all up come on!" He swung an arm above him, gesturing me to follow and began to stagger away.

Suddenly I realized who he looked like, his father "Dude, have you been drinking?" I asked, afraid of the answer.

He swung back around and ignored my question "You're not listening to me Kyle! Dude we just have to go and do this one thing" He pinched his fingers together and squeezed one eye shut, lurching to one side "And then everything can go back to normal!"

"It's too late for that," I missed Stan, but I missed MY Stan, and if he wasn't like he was before, he wasn't my Stan "Things just can't go back Stan," I hoped I was the only one hearing the sadness under the anger "I'm with Cartman Burger now"

Stan stared at me deadly, almost like I was the one annoying him "Dude, Cartman Burger seriously? How shitty is that shit?"

And that's what ruined us the first time. His shitty attitude! "See there you go again! Look at you dude, look at what you've become,"

Cartman walked over to my side, wiping his hands "Everything alright Kahl?" he asked.

"Yeah, its fine," I breathed.

"Well I'm going to need some more reminded patty's pretty soon," He explained.

"Yeah yeah, I'll be right there," I told him. He turned and left, leaving me and my drunken ex-best friend alone.

"Come on, Kyle, this is about you and me! Remember?" he made it sound like we were a couple who had just broken up.

"Dude, things around here have changed," I reminded him "Sometimes, the only way to keep going is to make a left turn,"

He stared into my eyes for a moment, then suddenly lifted his middle finger to me and snapped "Fuck you Kyle; you're a piece of shit!"

I sighed and began to walk away, trying to hide how much that hurt.

"Kyle, I love you," I turned right back around. Why did that make me so incredibly happy?

Just as I was getting close to him he flipped me off once again and said "Fuck you though you're a piece of shit," And I immediately turned back around, walking back towards Cartman Burger.

"I love you," He said after me. It took so much more strength than I thought I had to walk away and not look back, no matter how hard I wanted to.

Now my heart that had swollen for him so much was shattering as I saw the oain he's been through, and I had done nothing to help him.

"Dad"

I felt the ground under my feet lurch, but either way I grabbed him and hugged him tightly. "Please don't tell anyone" he sobbed into my hair.

I hesitated, not sure I wanted to say the words. This could mean life or death for him, but I knew if I didn't say the words, he'd leave me here alone, so I forced out the words "I promise."

And I kept it, no matter how much I wanted to tell.

That day we kissed in the bathroom was the best and worst day of my existence. We loved each other, but in secret. It was like a modern Romeo and Juliet, and I think we all know how that ended. I hoped the same wasn't for me.

The secret ruled my life now, it controlled my mind and just as I was able to think of something else, somehow I would be reminded of it and wouldn't be able to think of anything else.

Soon I felt it lower my mood and could hardly stand it anymore. It happened often, but Stan would usually sneak over and he'd kiss my lips and my mood would lighten.

But now I felt empty, like I needed to do something, anything, to get this off my mind.

"Kyle, would you go to the store and get me some Windex?" My mom asked.

"Sure," I agreed and left, barely hearing her say "Thanks bubbi," before getting out and running to Target.

I grabbed a basket and went to the cleaning aisle. I put a bottle of Windex in it and began to leave when I saw a pretty little package.

I read closer and I realized they were the little blades you use to scrape off really hard stuff of counters.

I tore open the top of the first package and lifted one out. I took off the cardboard wrapping around it and there it was, a nice, thin blade, shiny and sharp.

VERY sharp.

I grabbed the next pack and paid for them, then hid the blades as I walked home. As soon as I gave my mom her cleaner, I ran upstairs and ripped open this package and tore off the cardboard, more eagerly. I placed it against my wrist, hating myself for not being able to help Stan. I hated my words before, I hated the very thought that I had actually told him I wouldn't help him.

I could have healed him, solved his problem.

I promise are the words from the devil himself.

Feeling the hate spike, I dug the blade into my wrist, not enough to do too much damage but enough to make a seam of blood instantly appear, and slid it up to the crease of my elbow.

Stan had me, I had no one.

I cut again, and again, and again, until I realized it still wasn't enough for me.

I realized what would work and I took my blood coated blade into the bathroom with me.

I took off my shirt and looked at my alabaster torso. I smiled and carved into it, different directions being sliced until I was satisfied with it. I looked in the mirror and the image was backwards but I understood what it said perfectly.

Suddenly I heard a gasp and I turned to see none other than Stan, with a fresh black eye and bloody nose. "K-Kyle?"

He walked over to me and dipped his finger in the blood that bubbled from the cuts and he immediately began to cry "Why Kyle? Why?"

I whispered "It's so much to handle," I looked in the mirror. My tears had dripped off my face and mixed with the blood, causing it to stream faster down my chest. It looked like something from a horror movie.

On my chest, was written in all capital, jagged letters "I PROMISE"

Stan kissed my lips "I love you, please don't hurt yourself like this,"

I spun on him, feeling my voice turn into a wail "You hurt yourself! You let your father beat you and don't let me do anything for you but clean up afterward! I can't take it too much longer Stan it's been almost a year, you and Wendy are at each other's throats every day, Cartman looks ready to fucking kill you and himself, You insist on letting your own dad kill you slowly, and I'm sitting here like the sick bastard I am cutting! Something has to be done!" I collapsed, sobbing into my blood covered hands and a red pool began to puddle around me, Stan knelt down and wiped my tears, not even caring about the blood stains formulating on his clothing.

"Kyle, I didn't know it bugged you so much," he murmured.

"The person I've been in love with since god knows when is getting abused and I can't do jack shit, hell yeah I'm upset, this is agonizing for me. I'm surprised I haven't done this sooner."

I pointed to my chest. Stan grabbed a big wad of toilet paper and dabbed at my wounds "I promise, someday, I'll be strong enough to take control of everything but not now. I'm so sorry Kyle, I wish I could rewind EVERYTHING" He shook as he wept and we cried together.

It was too much, but I didn't want to give up, I'd never want to. It wasn't my style to give up. I was a fighter and dammit I'd fight until my last breath for him.

I crashed my lips onto his and shoved my tongue against his, tasting him frantically. He pushed back with as much force and we wrestled, both of us trying to ignore out injuries but only after a very short time we had to pull away from the pain. We were both coated in my blood and we took off our clothes and got a shower, the water stinging my cuts but I managed to rinse off all the blood and I tended to his and my wounds. When I was done, we lay on my bathroom floor and just sat there, in just our towels "Will this ever be over?" I asked.

Stan looked at me "One day, everything will be happy. One day, this shitty cycle will be broken. Al our hearts and bodies and minds will be healed and all we will know is joy, but not now. If we don't go through all this suffering now, then we'll never understand how the future times are so great."

I looked at him in disbelief. "Don't give up hope. I will always love you, we need to fight together or else we'll fall apart. We need each other, like always,"

"You're damn right" and we laughed, until Stan's cell phone rang.

I stayed deathly silent as he answered "Hello?"

I could hear Wendy from the other line "STAN ARE WE GOING TO HANG OUT OR WHAT?"

Stan sighed exasperatedly "NO WENDY I'M BUSY!"

"DOING WHAT?" she screamed.

"STUFF THAT DOESN'T MATTER TO YOU!" He shouted right back.

They began to scream and I thought I even heard Cartman once and something about anorexia.

I couldn't stand it anymore, I was getting a major headache, so I snatched Stan's phone and hung up, then kissed Stan on the lips.

"One day, we'll stand up to them and everyone, but until then were stuck on this fucking endless cycle." I laced my fingers with his. My cut's still oozed some blood but it was nearly stopped and Stan squeezed my hand.

"One day," His eye looked painful and there was a trail of his blood leading from his nose to around his mouth. We looked like we just got mugged. We were extremely odd, and it worked, secretly.

I sighed. This damn dark night has been going on a year, I was looking forward to the dawn.

But Stan controlled the change, and until he was ready nothing would happen. I'd have to wait until he finally could find his strength.

And I'd wait forever from that, and for him.

SO YEAH! like i said earlier this will be the final ending unless im told otherwise that there should be a final wrap up chapter. so yeah review for that. I dont mean to be a review whore but i just like feedback adn absolutely love when i do get peopple who say they like my writing so thanks to everyone and especially to my reviewers, you rock :) so bye